Secrets, Lies, & Family Ties
by IdPattThat
Summary: He walked away from his true love for his career. Now, five years later, one phone call changes Edward Cullen's life in a way he never expected. AU/AH. Rated M for language.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. **

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Secrets, Lies, & Family Ties

Prologue

**I followed the sound through the dark hallway. Doors, there were so many doors. I didn't know which one led me to what I was so desperate for. I could hear it, the sound that was leading me through the maze of dark hallways with door after door of absolutely nothing. The fear gripped my chest as I opened each one of them searching for whoever was calling to me. The voice cut through me like a knife, searing my skin like fire all the way into my bones. It was frightened. Sad. Pitiful. I flung open the final door and found what I was searching for. A boy sat lone in the corner of the empty room, his face buried in his hands. As I approached him his head lifted slowly I came face to face with… myself?**

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A/N: Keep going :)  
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	2. Remember to Breathe

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns it all.**

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Chapter One - Remember to Breathe

_"Remember to breathe… and everything will be okay"_

_-Dashboard Confessional_

February 2009

I woke up, startled by the poor, pathetic voice and face of my dream. Scrubbing my face with the heels of my hands, I groaned when I saw the alarm clock: there were a good two hours before I actually had to get out of bed, so I tossed and turned for a while before giving it up as a bad job. I threw off the covers, earning a low mewl from Elton John, my long-haired Siamese cat, and shuffled toward the kitchen to make coffee. EJ followed, nipping at my heels and crying.

"Too early for breakfast, bud," I told him, and he stretched Slinky-like before he jumped onto the counter. I shook my head but left him there as I threw some coffee on to percolate. EJ jumped from the counter to the island in the middle of the kitchen; I leaned against it and scratched him behind the ears. He purred louder than the coffee maker, then collapsed in a heap on the marble, tilting his head up so I could scratch under his chin. I had to admit that I hadn't been too happy when my sister Alice insisted I get a pet one day, and found her at my door with the huge furball the next. She spent the first part of her visit telling me how incredibly lonely I must be and the last making sure that EJ (she named him, not me) would be the most incredibly spoiled housecat on the continent of Australia.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and dragged my papers from my briefcase. Five years ago, during my senior year at Washington State University, I was awarded a very prestigious internship at Morgan & Morgan Architecture and Design, after which they decided to hire me on full-time. I was still working my way up the corporate ladder, so to speak, so I didn't always get my pick of the projects. Recently I had been working on a children's wing for a prominent hospital in Sydney. Needless to say, it was kicking my ass. It was ironic that they'd thrown the children's-wing project at me, given that I was a single twenty-seven-year-old dude whose overweight, spoiled housecat was the closest I'd come to a kid.

I stared at my sketches for about twenty minutes before changing my mind about working and deciding on taking a shower. I couldn't concentrate on anything anyways. The face from my dream haunted me, still. I'd been dreaming about him for about two weeks now, almost every night. He called to me and I searched, but I always woke up once I found him, not getting to learn more. His face was sad but… familiar. His eyes and hair were exact matches to mine, but his skin tone and the shape of his face were so like _hers…_

I showered quickly and dressed, only to realize it was still only 7AM and I had another hour to kill before I even had to leave for work. I perused the room for something to do besides work and noticed the red light on my answering machine blinking. I pushed the button and turned to freshen up my coffee, but stopped short when _her_ voice came through the tiny speaker.

"Edward, hi," her voice was nervous, timid even. "It's Bella," she cleared her throat and spoke a little louder. "I'm sorry to be calling so early or late… Um, anyway, it's about 1 o'clock on Sunday in Forks and I was just wondering if you could give me a call back. I need to speak with you about something. Thanks a lot." She went on to list her number, then hung up.

I didn't notice I had dropped my cup until the lukewarm coffee began to seep through my socks. It didn't matter though. I couldn't move. I hadn't heard her voice in over five years and the shock it brought upon me was like none I had felt before. I couldn't even bring myself to question why she was calling. I didn't care. I was almost giddy at the fact that she actually had called, all these years later, even after what I did. The love-struck boy in me wanted to call her back, that very second, but the somewhat smarter, more logical man told me to wait and not do anything rash. He also suggested that I should call my sister—after I wiped up the puddle of coffee on the floor.

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I rambled a hasty voicemail to Alice on my way to work, begging her to call me, forgetting that it was eight hours earlier in France and that she was most likely sleeping. The excitement from hearing Bella's voice was long gone and in its place was a deep, burning ball of fear. _Why is she calling me?_ I couldn't help but think that something horrible had happened.

Maybe Charlie or Emmett had been injured in the line of duty. Maybe someone was sick. Or maybe she had finally moved on and wanted to let me know. Not that I had any right to know any of those things. I left five years ago without so much as a backwards glance, no letters or emails, and no phone calls. I gave absolutely nothing to the person I had loved nearly all my life or her family, my second family. I didn't deserve to know what was going on because I hadn't tried to keep in contact with them, and I'd asked my family to do the same. I was too wounded by her refusal to come with me, too infuriated by her stubbornness, and too disappointed in her lack of support in my following my dreams. I could still remember that day like it just happened…

I drifted through the day remembering things on and off; I don't remember what I had for lunch, or who I talked to, for that matter, until the buzzing of my phone in my pocket broke me out of my reverie around two in the afternoon. I opened my phone to a text message from Alice.

_-WTH, Pinky? Get your time zones straight!_

I snorted at the nickname and wrote her back quickly.

_Sry, Brain. I was having a meltdown. Forgive me?_

_-Of course. Now, what's got your panties in a twist?_

_Bella called._

No sooner than I hit send did the phone at my desk ring.

"Edward Cullen," I answered and was greeted by silence. "Hello?"

"What do you mean, 'Bella called'?" My sister's high-pitched whisper came through the receiver.

"Well, Ali… there aren't many ways that can be defined," I sighed and ran a hand through my hopeless hair.

"Oh Edward," she said softly. "What did she say?"

"She just asked me to call her," I scratched my chin with the eraser of a pencil, trying to act like my insides weren't dancing the conga.

"Did you?"

"No, I called you and you didn't answer!" I said, a little too loudly; the guy across the partition from me stuck his head over and raised an eyebrow. I didn't care.

"Edward, it was one in the morning!"

"I know," I nearly growled, trying to remember that I was talking to my baby sister. "I just… I didn't know what to do. I don't know why she would call after all this time."

"It's okay." Her voice soothing, I closed my eyes and listened. "You'll just have to call her, Edward. It's as simple as that, otherwise you'll never know. You should do it sooner rather than later, too."

"I have an idea. Why don't you call her?" I mumbled, and she laughed loudly.

"I don't think so, big brother. This is your mess, not mine. Or did you forget that you all but forbade me to talk to her?" she asked, her tone teasing, but I knew better.

"I know, Ali. I'm sorry," I said, my guilt getting the best of me. They had been best friends. "I was just grasping at straws here."

"Don't worry so much. It's been five years, maybe she just wants to see how you are. You owe it to both of you to call her back. Hell, Edward, you owe it to all of us."

"I know," I said again.

"Let me know how it goes," her voice worried.

"I will. I love you Brain," I told her.

"I love you, too, Pinky. Oh, but Edward… mind the time, okay?" she said, and I laughed.

"I'll try," I promised, and hung up, feeling minutely better but not at all prepared to call Bella. Work didn't prove to be much of a distraction the rest of the day. I stared at blueprints and sketches, but nothing helped. Even the new intern's attention wasn't enough to get Bella's face out of my head. Over and over I saw her, always the same scene…

_Christmas Day, December 2003_

_We wandered the short trail in the woods, the Swan house still visible. Just a mere 12 hours ago I was planning to propose to her, but then I got the call offering me an internship at a prestigious firm in Australia. I was going to ask her to come with me instead of proposing. I couldn't pass up this opportunity; I hadn't really expected to get the internship when I applied for it, and so I hadn't told anyone about it. She was shocked, hurt, that I had done something without telling her. I pleaded with her to forgive me, but she was stubborn and pissed off, not a good combination for her. It was selfish of me to ask her to come with me, to leave everything behind: school, Emmett, Charlie, all her friends from school. But I needed her like I needed the air I was breathing. With each 'no' she spoke it became a little harder to breathe. She was set in her decision, expecting me to break and agree with her, like I usually did. But I didn't budge either, because this was my dream. She should've understood that. But she didn't, and that's when I broke. I was angry that she wasn't going to support me so I spoke six words that I never thought I would ever say to her, words that shattered everything we had in ways I didn't even know it could be broken. It astonished me the way our four-year relationship fell apart right before my eyes, because the words I spoke were a complete and utter lie. "Fine." I stood, looking down at her; she was sitting on a fallen tree trunk with her arms wrapped around her knees, her face set and her eyes dry. "I don't want you to come," I stated, with no emotion in my voice. It was dead; I could imagine the matching look on my face. I felt nothing at the moment, because I knew everything I'd been living for was slipping away as I spoke the lie that broke us both beyond repair. _

_She stood up, her face and voice showing no signs of emotion either. "You don't want me?" she asked in a hollow voice._

"_No. I don't." I set my jaw and she stepped forward slowly, her tiny fist clenched at her side. Her face was just inches from mine; I could feel her breath caressing my neck as I stared over her head, seeing nothing. _

"_Then go," she whispered, and I could hear her voice shake. I looked down into her deep, brown, fathomless eyes. Tears were starting to sparkle in them and my own eyes started to sting. I reached up hesitantly to brush away one that had fallen from her cheek. She closed her eyes and held my palm to her face briefly. When she opened her eyes again, they were dead. I had never seen this look in her eyes, and it frightened me. "Goodbye, Edward," she whispered and then turned abruptly, leaving me alone in the forest among the snow and barely living plants. I knew how they felt; part of me was dead, too._

I didn't call Bella that night. Hearing her voice again stirred something deep in me that I hadn't felt or even wanted to feel in a very long time. The memories of the love and the need, the friendships I was missing out on… it had all been buried so deeply. I wasn't quite sure I was ready for it to re-emerge just yet.

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**A/N: Thanks to Becca Graymoor for being my fuckawesome beta and Messynachos for being my life-twin and reading it all :)**

**Thoughts?  
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	3. On Call

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. SMeyer owns it all.**

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Chapter Two - On Call

"_I'm on call, to be there.  
One and all, to be there.  
And when I fall, to pieces,  
Lord you know… I'll be there waiting"_

_-Kings of Leon_

The week after Bella's call passed slowly. I didn't call on Monday. I considered doing it every day of the week, but didn't manage to any of those days either. Alice texted me at least three times a day. The messages started out encouragingly enough. By Friday, however, they were less encouraging and more vulgar, most of them calling me a demeaning name for part of a woman's body. I disregarded the messages for the most part… though they were true.

It was difficult for me to take that leap and call Bella back. The circumstances under which I left hadn't been good, and I hadn't seen or spoken to her since she left me in the woods that day. After our argument I had gone back to my apartment that was just outside WSU. I packed my essentials, left a note telling my roommates someone would pick the rest up, and was on a plane before Christmas Day was over. It would be a couple of weeks until I had to be in Sydney so I decided to stay in London for the remaining time. My parents had recently moved there since Alice and I were both out of the house. My father, Carlisle, was choosing to take a break from practicing medicine and had been offered a position teaching at Oxford. Meanwhile my mother, Esme, ever the interior designer, had been working with a few of the more prominent families in the city, redecorating their lavish homes.

Bella's voice triggered emotions and memories in me that I hadn't experienced or even wanted to, in a long time. Her voice made me miss things I had long forgotten. There was playing football with my best friend, Bella's brother Emmett, or fishing with Charlie, their father. I could almost smell the trees Alice and I camped under when we were kids Most painful were the memories of her, of Bella… every 'first time' we experienced together; the look on her face every time I said 'I love you', like she would burst from happiness…

It was those memories, the ones of Bella that pushed me over the edge on Friday. So far, in fact, that I shouted at the intern for making my coffee wrong (when in reality it was perfect) and reduced her to tears. I also yelled at "Larry-across-the-partition" when he asked to borrow a pencil and almost punched the janitor because the men's room was out of paper towels. After I nearly killed a pregnant colleague (accidentally, with a very heavy door) I retired home early with one thing in mind. Booze. Lots of it.

I turned off my phone, put on the most ridiculously emo music I could find, and settled on the couch, quite content with being miserable. It wasn't until after my fifth gin and tonic did I realize just how pathetic I was. I had stumbled into the kitchen to make another drink, the 'last one, I promise' I told myself. The ice maker, on the other hand, had alternative plans, such as throwing ice all over the floor.

"Fuck," I muttered and knelt down to pick up the stray cubes. I tossed a handful in the sink and when I turned to try again I came face to face with Elton John.

"Hello, Fucker." I tipped my imaginary hat to him.

He just stared.

I fixed my drink and faced him once more.

"I'll play your game." I sipped my gin then set it down, preparing. Slowly, I lifted both my hands to the edge of the counter where he was sitting. I crouched down so I was eye level with him, our noses almost touching.

He didn't flinch.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, each of us taunting the other silently, trying to urge the blinking with no avail. My nose twitched of its own accord and my limbs froze. Then, a noisy sneeze echoed through the tiled kitchen, and _he still didn't flinch_. I narrowed my eyes as I wiped my nose on my sleeve and turned away from him, not wanting to watch him gloat.

"Smug bastard." I sipped my gin and seethed silently. That was the last staring contest I had with the cat.

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Saturday morning dawned with me sitting straight up on the couch, chin resting on my chest, drool stain on my shirt, buzz saw going through my head. EJ sat on the coffee table, his fluffy head cocked to one side.

"Go away," I mumbled as I moved to lie down and bury my face in a pillow. He leapt from the table to the couch beside, pressing his nose into the back of my head. I rolled over and made eye contact with him, laughing at the memory of our contest. _That's why you don't drink such large amounts of alcohol,_ I thought just before I fell back asleep. Three hours later I woke up sprawled on my back with EJ curled into a furry ball on my chest. It was just after eleven in the morning so I mentally calculated the time in Forks and decided that it was now or never for my call to Bella.

I dialed.

It rang.

Once.

Twice.

"Hello?" she answered. _Mother of fuck, she answered. _

I panicked. And then I hung up.

"Ah, you stupid son-of-a-bitch," I muttered to myself as I dialed the number again.

"Hello?" she answered again, sounding a little annoyed.

"Uh – Bella? Hi. It – it's Edward," I stumbled over my words and tried to clear my throat.

"Edward," she breathed my name and I felt my heart stop then start again so fast I could hardly catch my breath, "Thank you for calling me back."

"You're welcome!" I said, a little too loud and bright. I closed my eyes and attempted to decelerate my breathing. _Hold it together. _ "I mean… I'm sorry it took so long, things have been a little busy."

"It's okay," she reassured me, "I'm just glad you did."

"Really?" I asked and I could hear her chuckle softly.

"Yes. I um… I need to speak with you about something." She cleared her throat and her friendly tone changed. She was all business. "I need to speak to you in person. I'm sorry, but I can't do it over the phone."

I didn't know what to say. Part of me was ecstatic that she wanted to see me but the larger part was more nervous than the first time we had sex. Well… maybe not _that_ nervous. What did she need to tell me that she couldn't do over the phone? She was terrible at keeping secrets and even worse at lying, her face always giving her away…

"Okay. That's okay. When? Where?" my words came out in a rush.

"Whenever you can. I know you have a job and a life there… I'm sorry. I just – I need to see you," she sighed and I swallowed convulsively. _She needed to see me._

"Don't worry about it. I'll figure something out… I'll call you in a few days?"

"Thank you, Edward," she said softly.

"I'll talk to you soon," I hung up, not waiting for a reply, God only knows what stupid thing I would have promised had I stayed on the line.

_My heart?_

_My soul?_

_The world?_

_Take it. _

_It's been yours for years._

_

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_**A/N: Again, thanks to my beta Becca Graymoor and Messynachos - what would I do without you two?**


	4. Breakeven

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**A/N: Thanks to Becca Graymoor and MessyNachos as always for being so incredibly wonderful to me.  
**

** Also, I am overwhelmed with the love you guys are already giving. It makes me so happy :)  
**

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Chapter Three - Breakeven

"_I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing_

_Just praying to a god that I don't believe in,_

_Cause I got time while she got freedom, _

_Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even."_

_-The Script_

Being completely hungover on Sunday did not help make Monday any better. Lucky for me, since my behavior on Friday, everyone had decided to stay away from my general area. I was quite content sitting alone at my desk staring at my sketches and pretending to work.

"Hey, handsome," I heard a voice behind me. I took a deep breath through my nose and closed my eyes briefly.

"Hi, Kate," I sighed as the blond perched her perky ass on the edge of my desk.

"How's the new wing for the hospital coming?" She tapped her perfectly manicured nails on my desk. I grabbed her hand to stop the noise. "Careful," she whispered, "wouldn't want anyone to see, would we?" She smiled ruefully and I shook my head.

"That was two years ago, Kate… how is your fiancée by the way?" At that she yanked her hand from mine and stood up.

"Just fine, thank you," she huffed as she stalked off. I chuckled under my breath and went back to my thinking. Alice always called it my "Broody Moody" and it seemed I had been doing a lot of that lately. My mind went back to Kate and the two months we had been together; if you could call what we were being "together". Kate was the boss's daughter, which meant she was supposedly strictly off limits, but I'll be damned if she wasn't one hot piece. We'd been working on a project together one night a couple of years ago when one thing led to another and well… I don't look at the table in the break room the same way anymore. But Kate had been a fling, just like the rest of them. The secretary on the ninth floor of the office building, the only intern that lasted two weeks, three different coffee girls, and a couple of cashiers at the Gap. Needless to say my reputation at the office preceded me and I was fine with that. I'd rather people think I was an asshole than know the truth. I mean, if I was being honest I _was_ totally an asshole. But I was also lonely and miserable. I didn't care for any of the girls I slept with; they were just there to fill the emptiness, only it never worked. There was an aching hole in my heart that would never be filled by anyone other than Bella.

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I had three cups of coffee before I could even motivate myself to sharpen a pencil. Once I did, I still couldn't keep my mind focused. I couldn't imagine what Bella would want to talk to me about. Well, I could imagine a lot of things, though none of them eased my nerves. I had known the Swan family for nearly all my life so it was hard to even contemplate something horrible happening to any of them. Charlie Swan was probably the most honorable man I'd every met. He was real, true to his core with a lion's heart. I was proud to say he was like family to me. I always felt the same about Emmett, even though he tried to kill me the first time he found out about my and Bella's relationship. He was my best friend, the brother I never had. Emmett had joined the police department shortly after we graduated. Charlie had higher hopes, but it was Em's dream to be just like his dad. The only thoughts that ran through my mind were the many awful things that could have happened to the two of them on the job; I knew that crime in Forks wasn't high, but I couldn't keep my mind from working double time and thinking the worst. Emmett was like my brother, Charlie my father; I'm not sure what I would do if something were to happen to them. That was the only reason I could fathom that Bella would call me. Well, that and perhaps she had beat me to the moving on. Maybe she was getting married, having kids – I don't know, doing something without me that she needed me to know about. Maybe she thought I was still hanging on, or hoped, like I always have.

The thought of Bella with someone else (one that had consumed me so many, many times over the past five years) combined with my premonitions or Charlie or Emmett being harmed finally, finally pushed me over the edge.

"I have to go!" I yelled as I stood up from my desk. Larry gave me the stink-eye and I mentally flipped him off (I didn't want to get into any more trouble) before running off to Mr. Morgan's office. I burst in without knocking.

"Sir! I need two weeks off!" I said loudly. He raised an eyebrow at me and gave a pointed look across his desk. My head turned slowly and I saw a group of clients staring expectantly at me. I grinned sheepishly and backed out of the office. "Sorry," I whispered and he nodded his head.

"Just fill out a leave request, Cullen," he shook his head and went back to his meeting. I shut the door quietly behind me and went back to my desk to print out a leave request and fill it out. I used the current date as the starting time and gave myself two weeks. Two weeks to find out what Bella needed to tell me and to figure out how I was going to handle it. When I was finished I dropped it in the box outside of Mr. Morgan's office and sprinted to the elevator. I bounced on my heels as I waited for it to come to a stop. When it finally did I all but ran inside it. It was empty except for one person… Lindsey, the secretary from the ninth floor. Two weeks, great sex… was she the one I told I was joining the Peace Corps? _Fuck me… I couldn't remember! _She smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Well, I haven't seen you smile like that in quite a while." She cocked an eyebrow at me and it made me uncomfortable. Did she know me that well? Was it more than two weeks? I should really pay more attention.

"Yeah?" I shrugged. "I don't know… excited, I guess," I flashed her a grin again and she rolled her eyes.

"So… they change your deployment date?" she asked and I tried to stop the surprised look that crossed my face.

"Right! Deployment! Exactly," I smiled and nodded, hoping she wouldn't see through the façade. She stared. It was creepy. I looked at the number and saw that were on the 5th floor now. _Really? From the seventh to the fifth? _It really felt like forever with this chick staring at me the whole time. We were silent the rest of the way. I wasn't about to try and explain my deployment to her… _again._ I jumped out of the elevator on the second floor, hoping to take the stairs to the garage and go home and pack. I burst through the door and was halfway down the first flight when I realized someone was following me. I turned abruptly and came face to face with Lindsey, who had apparently followed me out of the elevator.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I backed down the stairs.

"Well, I figured, if you aren't leaving yet, maybe you'd like to grab some dinner or a movie or some casual-no-strings-attached-sex while you were waiting?" she shrugged, following me down. I stopped and stared over her head thoughtfully.

"You have that little dog, right?" I said carefully, guarded.

"Yes!" she cried, her eyes lighting up. "He's just the cute-"

"I'm allergic!" I yelled and ran down the last flight of stairs, out the door, and to my car. I didn't look back. I had to pack. I was going to Washington.

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**So, there's a little more insight to our Edward. I hope you're enjoying so far! I threw in a little nod to How I Met Your Mother. I can't help it... I love Barney Stinson.  
**

**PS - If you want to read randomness from my not-so-exciting life you can follow me on Twitter: smashley613  
**


	5. New York to California

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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Chapter 4 – New York to California

"_No mountains to high, no stone is too small  
I'll build a bridge through the fire, for you I would crawl  
From New York to California"_

_-Matt Kearney_

As soon as I got home I began throwing clothes around, trying to decide what to take with me. I was nearly halfway through stuffing my entire wardrobe into a Louis Vuitton duffel bag (thank you, Alice) when it hit me.

"FUCK!" I cried loudly, causing EJ to bolt out of the room. He had been sitting wide-eyed on the dresser watching me, no doubt wondering what the hell was going on. I groaned. EJ. Not only had I forgotten who was going to take care of my only child, I also didn't have a plane ticket. I'd gotten so wrapped up in what I thought might be happening that as soon as I got home, I started throwing shit into bags without a thought about how I would actually be _getting_ there.

I sat on the bed and rubbed my hands through my hair, and my reflection made me laugh. The whole situation made me laugh. I couldn't help it: what started as a small chuckle turned quickly to hysterics, complete with tears streaming down my face. Anyone who saw would've thought I was fucking insane… they wouldn't have been too far off. Bella had always made me crazy, even when we were kids. I lay back on my bed and smiled at the thought…

"_You'll never catch me!" she cried, her brown eyes shining as she darted between trees. Our parents had taken us camping one summer. It wasa few months after Renee left; I was eight and she was nearly seven. I lost sight of her between two big trunks then heard a light 'thud' following by her sniffling. When I came around the corner of the trunk she was sitting up, hugging her knees to her chest, fresh tears rolling down her face. _

"_Izzy?" I rushed to her and sat down. "You okay?"_

"_Stupid tree," she whispered and buried her face in her knees. I laughed softly and she raised her head, glaring at me. _

"_It just came out of nowhere, huh?" I teased trying to make her laugh. She stood up, hands on her hips, and stared down at me. _

"_You're not funny, Edward Cullen," she looked away pointedly and I rolled my eyes. _

"_Whatever, Iz, you loved that joke I told earlier." I poked the top of her sneakers and she giggled at the memory._

"_Fine!" She stamped her foot, trying to look angry, the small grin still playing on her lips. "But… you still can't catch me!" Without a backward glance, she was gone. And I chased her. I always chased her. _

I lay there for a while longer before deciding to actually call the airlines and book my flight. Needless to say, I almost died when I scheduled my payment.

"Alright Mr. Cullen, I just need to get your card number and we'll get you all set up," the service rep's perky voice came through the receiver. I rambled off my card number and she repeated it back to me. "Okay, so I'm just going to confirm that a total of $7,071.91 will be charged to your Mastercard. Do you accept these charges?" It was at this point I choked on the air I was breathing and almost keeled over. "Mr. Cullen?"

"Fine," I managed to gasp before falling in a heap onto the sofa. _Thanks for the trust fund, Daddy._ I grimaced as I thought about the huge amount of money that had just gone flying out of my bank account. I ran my hand over my face, knowing that the only reason it really bothered me was because I still had no idea why I was going back to Washington in the first place. Well… besides the fact that I would crawl to the ends of the earth to make things right with Bella.

~*~

The next dawned bright, a contrast the Forks, Washington weather I would soon be experiencing. I had called Bella the day before to let her know when I would be leaving and to set up a meeting place. Getting ready to leave, I set my bags by the door and went to search for EJ. I had been on short business trips before, always leaving him with enough food to last him a couple of days. I had to think harder about it this time, however. Two weeks was a long time and I couldn't even imagine the trouble he would get into being alone. I had briefly considered having Lindsey come over and check on him, but that kind of got me thinking… I mean, did I really want her to know where I lived? Or to have her in my house and shit? No. Plus, I had the feeling that if I actually did ask her to take care of my cat she would junk-punch me. So instead, I settled for the little old lady down the hall.

"I really appreciate this, Mrs. Kelsoe. He'll be good," I said almost an hour later after I finally found EJ hiding under the bed. He squirmed in my arms until he finally jumped down and ran inside her apartment.

When I finally made it to the airport I had over an hour before my plane took off and I was nervous as hell. I sat down at a small restaurant and bar in the airport, but apparently it was too early to serve hard liquor.

"Short stack and a mimosa then," I decided, and handed the menu back to my waitress. I checked my watch five mimosas later and decided to set out to my boarding gate. After throwing some cash on the table I made my way there. I checked my ticket and settled into one of the chairs and let my mind wander again.

"_Flight 715 to Seattle is now boarding," _a voice overhead said.

_Now or never,_ I thought.

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**A/N: Thanks again for your love... hang in there, it's coming ;)**

**And thanks to Becca Graymoor for being an awesome beta and for MessyNachos for just being awesome... I think it's in your DNA.  
**


	6. Changes

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all. Not me. Boo.**

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Chapter Five – Changes

"_Strange fascination, fascinating me  
Changes are taking the pace I'm going through"_

_-David Bowie_

My flight was a peaceful one; of course, the five mimosas allowed me a nice nap somewhere over the Pacific. After a brief layover in LA I was finally in Washington, the time just an hour different from when I took off, 23 hours ago. I felt like Marty McFly. I took a rental car from Seattle to Port Angeles and called Bella somewhere in between to let her know where I was.

"Hello?" she answered breathlessly. _Sweet mother of fuck..._

"It's Edward," I said softly. I didn't know why people answerd the phone with sexy, breathless voices unless they were in the middle of… I shook the thought from my head and resisted the urge to vomit. I couldn't, no, I _wouldn't_ think of her with anyone else until I knew for sure.

"Edward!" she cried, I heard giggling and a muffled, "Stop it!" before she came back on the line. "Sorry about that," she apologized.

"No problem," I answered quietly. "Listen, I'm about an hour from Port Angeles, but I'm beat. Did you want to get together tonight?"

"Tonight would be best for me," she sighed and I could imagine her twirling a strand of her curly brown hair around her finger. _Was it still long? Had she cut it since I'd left? _ I loved running my fingers through the silky strands…

"Okay… Just give me a little while to clean up? I'll call you when I get settled?"

"Sounds perfect," I swear I could hear a smile in her voice. "Talk to you soon, then."

"Soon," I moved the phone from my ear to end the call but not before I heard her cry out again.

"Dammit, Emmett!! Put the water gun away!"

I laughed, relieved at the cause of her exertion and thoroughly wished that I would get a chance to see my best friend while I was around.

~*~

A shower and change of clothes made me feel less like a hobo, though I could've done with a good night's sleep before meeting with Bella. She had agreed to meet me at the edge of the pier, a private joke that had begun when we first started dating. We had tried to keep our relationship a secret, knowing that Emmett would most likely try to kill me with his bare hands if he'd found out. We would often sneak away from our families and meet in Port Angeles. It was somewhere we could just sit and talk, hold hands, steal kisses, and all those innocent things that would have given Emmett an aneurysm had he seen them. Our relationship was eventually outed and Emmett dealt with it rather well. After he punched me, of course. I rubbed my jaw at the memory and smiled to myself, but I stopped short of laughing.

I reached the small opening of shops just before the beginning of the pier when I saw her. She was sitting on one of the benches, staring out into the ocean and absently twirling a piece of her chocolate hair around her finger. Her hair was long, halfway down her back and cascading in curls around her pale face and the dark green of her cable-knit sweater. I could tell that her face was more round than it was five years ago, but she was still beautiful. Her head turned towards me, as if she could feel me watching, with a look of surprise on her face. The surprise was quickly replaced by a smile so glorious that caused my heart to all but stop beating. It was not the reaction I had been expecting, since the way we parted was neither cordial nor happy. The smile seemed nothing in comparison to what happened in the next ten seconds when she crossed the few yards between us and threw her arms around my neck. I couldn't do anything but hold her back just as tightly because I had dreamed of a day when I would see her again and nothing in the world would matter but the two of us.

"Edward," she said my name softly and I smiled into her hair. "I missed you."

BPOV

_I missed you? Seriously, Bella. Why did you even put pants on this morning?_ I pulled away from Edward, trying to regain my composure. Feeling his arms around me, smelling his Edwardy-smell… I didn't know what had gotten into me. Oh, wait. Maybe it was the perfectly cut jeans and white t-shirt? Or the tan leather jacket and Docs? If I were being truthful I would say it was his gorgeous green eyes, unkempt bronze hair, and the way one side of his perfect mouth pulled up when he smiled. I sighed. It was all of the above.

The fucking smile was there on his perfect face and I nearly forgot the reason we were really there. Five years. Five long, lonely years it had been since I'd seen that pretty smile or heard his melodic voice. I pulled all the way out of his arms and turned back to the bench I was sitting on. I picked up my jacket and two cups of coffee that were sitting there. I fixed my face into a calm mask, though I felt nothing like it, before I turned back to him. He smiled when I extended one of the cups towards him.

"Black. Four sugars," I explained and he nodded.

"And you still fill your cup halfway with milk and add eight sugar packets?" He nudged my shoulder with his softly. I smiled up at him as we started to walk. I took a familiar trail to a small park just down from the pier, where you could still see the peaceful bay.

"Some things never change," I said softly. I got lost in his gaze and stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk. He grabbed my elbow to steady me, laughing as he did.

"You're very right," he relinquished his hold and I sighed, again. "So… How's everyone?" I risked another glance at him and saw just what I expected. Sadness.

"Good. Great, actually. Charlie retired two years ago," I explained and he laughed loudly.

"You're kidding me?!" He cried and I just shook my head and laughed.  
"Nope. He and Sue are living out by the river… close to your parent's old place," I told him. "He fishes almost everyday."

"Good for him. What about Em?"

"Chief of Police," I stated, making Edward stop in his tracks.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. You know how he is. He always gave Dad a hard time, but Emmett always looked up to him. They're both really happy. Em's getting married," I added the last part softly and watched Edward's face carefully. His eyes searched mine for a long time before he ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the bench closest to us.

"I've missed a lot, huh?" He stared across the small park and I bit my lip to keep the hysterical laughing from my mouth. _You have no idea._

"Yeah," I whispered.

"I'm sorry, Iz," he brushed a wayward lock of hair away from my face and I shivered. "I shouldn't have left. I should've stayed with you, with all of you, I – "

"Please don't do this Edward," I choked out through the lump that had formed in my throat at his apology.

"I need to. Just let me – "

"No!" I cut him off again, louder than before.

"Why not?" He looked at me, hurt.

"Because I don't deserve it," I managed to say. I could feel my eyes stinging with tears and I blinked them back, furious at myself. This was important. I had to get it all out and I had to be strong about it.

"What do you mean?" His eyes were deep green pools of confusion. "I _left_ you. I abandoned a lifelong friendship and our relationship… of course you deserve an apology!" He tried to argue with me but I just shook my head.

I took a deep breath and reached into my purse, pulling something small out of it. His face was even more confused as I thrust the object quickly into his hands. He looked down, but I kept my eyes on his face, watching his reaction, seeing the understanding…

EPOV

I watched, bewildered as she dug through her bag. The deep breath she took before she all but threw the piece of paper in my hand was somewhat unsettling. I felt her eyes on my face as I looked down at the object she had placed in my awaiting palms. A picture. I didn't know what to think for approximately three seconds. Then, it hit me. Like a motherfucking lightning bolt. Green eyes. Red hair. Pale heart-shaped face. Freckles smattered across a perfect nose. I could hardly describe the different emotions that ran through my body and mind in those three seconds. Joy. Pain. Anger. Hate. Love. Anger. Betrayal. Happiness. Fucking anger… they gripped my chest, making it hard to breathe. I struggled to pull in air as the different feelings took me over. I was glad I was sitting down, but I would have surely fainted. Something wet hit the picture in my hand and I reached up, feeling tears on my face. I wiped them away quickly and when my eyes finally lifted to meet her anxious ones… I didn't need to hear her ridiculously insignificant words to validate what I already knew.

"He's yours."

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***crickets chirping***

**I hope you're still with me. Thanks to Becca Graymoor for being a fuckawesome beta... and to Messy for making me post this.  
**

**I appreciate all of your reviews. Thank you so much for your love, it makes me all warm and fuzzy on the inside :)**

**Just forewarning, not all chapters will be up this fast. These were just already done and I was trying to space them out, but I got too excited. **

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	7. SOS

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own a New Moon soundtrack :)**

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Chapter 6 – SOS

"_Is anybody listening?  
Can they hear me when I call?  
I'm shooting signals in the air  
'Cause I need somebody's help  
I can't make it on my own  
So I'm giving up myself  
Is anybody listening...listening?"_

"_He's yours."_

The words reverberated in my head, though I didn't even need to have them voiced. I knew he was my son the moment I saw the picture. Our hair and eyes were the same color, but it was so much more. He stood in what looked like the Swans' old backyard, hands in the pockets of his khakis, the bright red polo clashing wildly with his bronze hair, an adorable lopsided grin on his face. I could feel my own lips moving into a smile as my thumb traced his face.

"How old is he?" I heard my voice say. It was foreign to me, soft and low, not at all as angry or hurt as I felt. It was curious, nothing else.

"Five in August," Bella whispered. "His name is – "

"- Masen," I finished for her. I could see her nod out of the corner of my eye but chose not to look at her. I couldn't look away from his face. It was true; he was the spitting image of me, but with subtle hints of Bella, too. He was a perfect mixture of the two of us. I don't know how long I sat there and ignored her, I didn't care. All I cared about was this little boy, who I had never even met, and who already owned me, heart and soul. He was _mine._ And she didn't tell me. Why in the fuck didn't she tell me?

"Why didn't you tell me?" I finally looked up from the picture and met her eyes. They were cautious, scared even.

"I don't know," she whispered.

"You don't know?" I asked softly. "You don't know why you waited five fucking years to tell me I had a son?"

"I'm sorry." Her hands moved to take the picture from me. Her fingers tried to gently pull it from my grip but I snatched it away, quickly shoving it into my jacket pocket.

"Sorry?" I shook my head, disgusted. I stood up, needing to relieve the tension or maybe just to get away from her, I wasn't sure.

**BPOV**

He shoved himself off the bench we had been sitting on and walked several paces away, his back to me. I didn't expect this to go well. If I were being honest with myself I didn't know what to expect. I knew what I'd done was wrong, but there was no way to take it back. When Edward left I fell apart… Masen was what kept me together. Truthfully, I didn't have an exact reason for keeping my pregnancy from Edward. I didn't discover I was pregnant until nearly a month after he had left. By the time I did find out I had convinced myself that we were better off apart. I was nearly finished with my English degree and planning on my Master's and I knew, _I knew_, Edward would flourish far better without being tied down by a wife and child.

I sighed as I stood and slowly walked to him, placing a hand gingerly on his shoulder. He jerked out from my grip and spun around, glaring.

"Edward, please…" my voice came out in a whisper. "Let me explain," I pleaded. He shook his head and turned away from me again.

"I can't talk to you, Bella. I can't even look at you right now," I heard him say. Though his voice was quiet I could still detect the anger there. "I need some time."

"But –"I started to say. He held up a hand, though I could only see the back of his head I could imagine the look on his face; eyes closed, nostrils flared, lips pursed into a fine line. I nodded, forgetting he couldn't hear me. "Okay," I mumbled. His shoulders fell and he didn't look back as he walked away, just as I hadn't when I left him in the woods that day. I sat back on the bench, defeated. I did what I needed to do; now… all I had to do was wait.

**EPOV**

I drifted back to my hotel, completely dazed. They only thing I was aware of was the picture of Masen, burning white-hot in my jacket pocket. I collapsed on the queen bed in my small hotel room, not bothering to take off my jacket or shoes. While one hand pulled the picture of my son out of my pocket the other acted of its own accord, dialing the number of someone who had always been one of my greatest sources of comfort.

"Hello?" The soft voice immediately soothed me.

"Hi, Mom," I whispered.

"My beautiful boy," I could hear her smiling through the phone. "I've missed your voice."

"And I yours," I laughed.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her voice tinged with worry.

"Everything," I answered. I proceeded tell my mother everything that had happened in the past week, from Bella's phone call to our meeting mere hours before. I told her about Masen. Well, what he looked like and how old he was since I knew absolutely nothing else. She listened with rapt attention, like she was watching a good movie, and when I finished I could hear her sniffling softly.

"I'm so sorry, baby," she said softly. "I don't know how she could do this to you…"

"Me either," I sighed. I heard a door slam on her end and my father's voice echoing down the halls of their home.

"Your father's home, would you like to talk to him?"

"Not right now," I sat up and ran a hand through my hair. "I'll give you a call later."

"Okay, sweetheart. I love you, please keep me posted," I could feel the lump rising in my throat again.

"I will, Mom. I love you," and I hung up. I shrugged out of my jacket and slipped off my shoes, exhausted by the day's activities and desperately needing sleep. As much as I wanted to sleep I couldn't get my mind to shut down. My conversation with Bella, the huge bombshell she had just dropped on me, and the scenarios that played through just wouldn't stop. There were so many things I had missed already, things I should've been a part of, but I wasn't. Five years were just… gone.

It was strange; the thought of children had not crossed my mind in the five years I had been in Australia. Why would it? I had no one I wanted to be with for that long… but with Bella? We talked about it all the time. I knew his name was Masen because we had had the conversation so many times. The truth was something that many people did not know. My biological parents had been killed in a car accident when I was just over a year old. My mother and father, Edward and Elizabeth Masen, were prominent in the small town of Forks. Esme had even helped them to redecorate their house. The night they had their accident Carlisle was working the ER in Forks' General. My mother recognized him immediately and pleaded with him to be sure I was safe. Carlisle was, and still is, one of the most compassionate people I've ever met. As I had no other relatives, they took me in as a foster child just after Alice was born. A year later, they adopted me. My last name was changed to Cullen, but when Bella and I talked about children I knew that I wanted to have something to remind me of my biological parents. I may not have remembered them, but I wanted my children to carry on something from my past. We always knew when the time came our first son would be named Masen.

It was strange that, in the week or so that had passed since Bella's call, I hadn't dreamt of the corridor or following the voice. When I finally fell asleep, exhausted after traveling for 24 hours and the events that followed, the dreams returned. Only this time I knew who I was looking for.

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**A/N: Thanks to mah fab beta Becca Graymoor and my life-twin Messynachos who talked me out of offing myself like, three times this week.**

**You're reviews are awesome... **

**HEY! Who wants a teaser for the next chapter?! Then hit the button :D  
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**As always you can follow me on Twitter: smashley613  
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	8. Spinning

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, just so you know.**

**I posted early because I was so darn excited about all those Rob pics in VF... OMG.**

**See you guys at the bottom!  
**

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Chapter 7 – Spinning

"_I can't remember when the earth turned slowly  
So I just waited with the lights turned out again  
I lost my place but I can't stop this story  
I've found my way, but until then  
I'm only… spinning"_

_-Jack's Mannequin _

I awoke some hours later, completely disoriented. Masen's face wove in and out of my dreams, combining my reality and dream worlds in a bizarre way. After checking the clock and discovering that it was still early morning I also realized I was still extremely exhausted. I slipped out of my jeans and t-shirt and crawled under the covers of the uncharacteristically comfortable bed, asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow again.

The incessant beeping of my phone finally woke me up for the final time sometime late morning. I groaned at the sight of my missed call log. Six calls were from Alice with two from work and my mother. The only voicemail was from my sister however:

"_Edward Anthony, if you don't call me back in thirty minutes, I am getting on a plane and coming to Washington."_

I couldn't help but laugh at her. Alice was relentless. God, I loved her. I threw on a sweater and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms I'd packed and stepped onto the small lanai, phone in hand to call her.

"What the hell, Edward?!" she cried in greeting. I sighed and sat down in the lone lounge chair, the view of the bay visible from my seat.

"Hello, Alice." I ran a hand over my face.

"Edward. Please tell me Mother had a little too much gin in her tonic and what she told me is a figment of her over-the-child-bearing-age imagination." Her voice came out in a rush, and I laughed again. "Why are you laughing?"

"I'm not – I promise," I chuckled. "It's just… everything is so weird. I feel like I'm living in the fucking Twilight Zone or something."

"So… Mom wasn't drunk?" she questioned, and I smiled.

"No, Ali. Mom was telling the truth," I explained.

"Son of a bitch," she muttered. "That lying whore. I can't believe her. I'd fucking kill her, but I don't think children should live without mothers."

"Alice!" I cried.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry. That was a little much," she said thoughtfully.

"A _little."_ I shook my head.

"Do you want me to come out there?" Her voice was serious, no longer teasing, genuinely worried about me.

"No, Ali… I need to do this by myself," I said softly and she sighed.

"You don't always have to be the hero, Edward," she chastised lightly.

"I'm not. It – it's not like that. He's my _son_, Ali. I have a son. I just… I need some time for it to sink in. Fuck, I need to _meet_ him before anything else happens," I tried to explain.

"I understand. Trust me, I do. How do you… how _are_ you?" It sounded like she was questioning her question, perhaps not sure how to put her thoughts into words. I comprehended quite clearly, however.

"I don't know," I groaned. "I want to be angry with her. I _am_ angry at her… but I'm angrier with myself, I guess."

"How did you manage that one?" she laughed softly.

"If I wouldn't have left… I would've been there," I mumbled, and heard her sigh.

"You didn't know, Edward. You couldn't have," she said, her voice soothing.

"I don't know… Listen Ali, I've got to get dressed. I need to talk to her." I shoved myself out of the lounge chair and went back inside my room.

"I love you, Edward," she told me and I smiled.

"I know. It will be fine. I'll let you know what happens," I reassured her.

After we hung up I took a shower, our conversation lingering in my mind. What I said was true. What would have happened had I stayed an extra two weeks instead of visiting my parents in London? Would Bella and I have made amends? Surely we would have. We would probably be married now, raising our son together.

I grabbed some lunch and took a walk after my shower, needing a little more time to collect myself before I called Bella again. The bay was quiet and calm, a strange contrast to the turmoil my life had become in the past week. But, if I were being completely honest with myself, it was all brought on me. As much as I wanted to be angry with Bella, I couldn't be. I was the one who'd left, who'd abandoned our life together and asked my family to cut off contact. If the tables were turned and I had been in Bella's position I would have probably done the same thing. Part of me knew that I deserved it, but another part of me, bigger and louder than its counterpart, was hurt and disappointed.

It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that I was a _father_. There was a little person out there who looked like me and shared my DNA. I couldn't help but wonder what he was like. I wanted to hear his voice and laugh, to see his smile in reality and not in a picture. Was he like me? Or more like Bella? Did he like draw and create things or read and wonder? I needed to know. So I called her.

~*~

Bella agreed to meet me at a small bar we would frequent when we were in Forks for holiday breaks. She was already there when I arrived, sitting in a booth in the back corner of the room. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, stray tendrils brushing her face as she bent over a stack of papers on the table. She capped the pen in her hand and took a sip of her beer before glancing toward the entrance of the bar where I stood. A small smile crept over her face when she saw me and I could feel my face moving of its own accord in a similar manner. I strode quickly to the booth and took the seat across from her.

"Hey," she said softly and I burst out laughing when I saw what the stack of papers was. "What?" she asked, alarmed.

"Grading papers? In a bar?" I chuckled, and she grinned.

"I take whatever free time I can get," she explained, brushing a stray hair behind her ear. I nodded as if I understood, when in actuality I didn't. I had nothing but free time, although it was hard to work on building plans with EJ laying all over everything. I ordered a beer when the waitress came over and we sat in awkward silence while I waited for her to return.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," I said softly, meeting her warm brown eyes. They were tired and maybe even a little sad. "I shouldn't have left like that."

"I didn't really expect you to stay and talk, Edward," she replied in an effort to make me feel better.

"No. I should have stayed. I should have stayed and asked you all the questions that were running through my mind," I said, my words coming out in a rush. "There were just… so many."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, looking down at her hands. I resisted the urge to reach over and tilt her face up with my finger.

"I know that we have so many issues to work out here, but really I – I just want to know about him," I told her and she nodded then reached into her back and pulled out a small blue photo album.

"I was hoping you would say that," she slid the book towards me and I took it with shaking hands. Her eyes watched me carefully as I opened it. I was strangely nervous. I felt a weird tightening in my chest I as looked through the book. The time frame of the pictures spanned from the day Masen was born to what looked like a recent school photo from his preschool. I laughed loudly when I came across a picture from Halloween; he was apparently dressed up as Ron Weasley and Emmett stood beside him in full Hagrid gear.

"Em was all about Potter-themed costumes but Masen thought he should be Goyle since he's a big guy… and Em refused to be a Slytherin," she took another sip of her beer, a smile on her face. I laughed; typical Emmett being nerdier than he would ever let anyone believe he really is.

As I flipped to the final page, my expressions changed however. Tucked in the last sleeve was a small blue rectangle. On it, in black ink were Masen's tiny ink footprints and his birth date. Underneath that:

_Masen Charles Swan_

"He – he doesn't have my last name," I more stated than questioned. I was not mistaken; the paper did not say _Cullen. _

"No." She reached over and closed the book, taking it from my hands.

"So… do I have any sort of rights to him? As his _fucking father_?" I could feel the anger starting to build again. Especially since I just flew half way around the fucking world only to find out I had no fucking claim over a son I just discovered I had.

"Edward, please!" she pleaded. "It's just a last name. Of course you have rights; your name is on his birth certificate… I just… I didn't know what to do. You weren't around and I didn't want him to grow up with the whole fucking town talking about him."

I relaxed a little into the booth, calmed, but not completely. He didn't have my last name, so did he know about me at all?

"Did you tell him about me?" I asked softly and she looked up from the little photo album and sighed.

"Bits and pieces." She opened the album again, to the first picture, and gently traced his face with her finger. "He knows you were important to me and that we… cared about each other."

I watched her as she spoke, listening to the past tense words she used as she described our relationship. I took a deep breath and leaned on the table towards her. My hand covered hers, the one that was gently following the lines of Masen's newborn face, and squeezed it softly. Yes, _we_ were past tense. But _he_ was the present, and hopefully the future.

"I need to meet him."

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**A/N: Thanks to my beta Becca Graymoor for getting this shizit done!**

**Also, messynachos... I love your face.**

**There has been much speculation as to what "Edwardy Smell" would actually smell like. And by "much speculation" I mean that messy and I had a thirty minute chat session on it. I said Trojans and Twizzlers, she said Cupcakes and Condoms. We're weird. Anywho, what's he smell like to you? :D**

**I have another chapter ready and I'm thinking... if we break 50 reviews I'll post it Wednesday *winkwinknudgenudge* **

**It's up to you :)  
**


	9. Back to the Future

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight... except my new Special Edition People :) I also don't own Back to the Future, jsyk.  
**

**You're review were awesome guys, srsly. They made me smile. **

**Don't be too hard on E, y'all. He's trying :)  
**

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Chapter 8 – Back to the Future

BPOV

I drove home from Port Angeles that night feeling… relieved. I knew Edward well enough to know that he was angry. I mean, hell, who wouldn't be? But he also seemed happy and genuinely excited about Masen, meeting him and getting to know him. For that I was grateful. Though I was relieved, I was also nervous. I hadn't told Edward about our son for many reasons. Some were selfish, that I would admit. I was furious at him for leaving, for saying the words he did in the forest on Christmas Day five years ago. But more than that, I knew how much talent he had and I wanted him to live his dreams. And even more than that… I loved my son.

Having Masen turned my life in a complete 180. Before I had him I was focused on so many different things: finishing school, my dad and brother, and Edward. Everything changed when I found out I was pregnant. I finished my last semester at school and walked across the stage to get my college diploma six months along. After graduation I moved back to Forks and into my childhood home with my brother.

My Dad and stepmother, Sue, had just purchased a home by the river and Dad's retirement was fast approaching. Emmett, Dad, and Sue amazed me with their devotion and support with Masen. Dad and Sue were even in the delivery room with me, though Emmett thoroughly refused to be "within fifty feet of afterbirth". Masen came out screaming on August 13th, 2004, three weeks early. He weighed just over six pounds and had a mess of auburn hair. My dad cried for an hour after he was born.

I smiled at the memory as I walked up the steps to my house; the faint blue light coming from the living room telling me Emmett was still awake.

"Hey," I called quietly as I hung up my jacket and bag.

"How'd it go?" he asked as I joined him on the couch. He was already in his pajamas, ready for bed. I glanced at the clock, it was nearly 11 o'clock.

"Okay," I grabbed the afghan from the back of the couch and wrapped it around me. "He's um… he's coming over Friday." I told him, my voice small.

"Good," my brother replied and shoved himself off the couch.

"You don't think it's a bad idea?" I asked, maybe hoping for him to say it was. To say that Masen was better off, that we were all better off.

"No, Iz. It's the right thing to do," he kissed my forehead and headed for the stairs. "I told the weasel I'd take him to school in my car tomorrow," he said as he shrugged into his jacket.

"You'll be late for work, Em," I protested but he waved his hand dismissively at me.

"I promised the kid. Besides, I'm the Chief," he smiled and I sighed.

I listened to him walk up the stairs and get ready for bed as I settled deeper into the couch, turning on and old black and white movie, not caring that I had to be up early to face my class of 15- and 16-year-old Honors English students. I paid little attention to the movie, my mind more focused on the conversation Edward and I had at the bar and the reaction he had to pictures I'd shown him. It was nearly and hour later when soft footprints on the stairs startled me out of my own head.

"Mama?" Masen's sleepy voice came from the bottom stairs.

"Hey baby," I smiled when he entered the living, then groaned inwardly seeing him in only a pair of SpongeBob boxers. He insisted on doing everything Emmett did, including dressing like him.

"Where were you?" he asked through a yawn as he crawled onto the couch and into my lap. I wrapped the afghan around him as he snuggled closer to me.

"I had to talk to an old friend," I kissed the top of his head and held him tightly.

"I missed you," he muttered and I smiled into his messy hair.

"I missed you more," I whispered.

"I missed you most!" He giggled and looked up at me, his green eyes shining.

"You win." I grinned and he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck.

"I love you, Mama," he whispered.

"I love you too, baby," I told him, "more than anything." And I did.

~*~

EPOV

I looked at myself in the mirror for what felt like the millionth time on Friday afternoon. My hair, though it was shorter than it had ever been, was hopeless, my shirt all wrong, everything was fucking wrong. Wrong, wrong, _wrong_. I groaned and fell backwards onto the bed. What did it matter what I looked like? It's not like I was going out on a date, I was meeting my son for the first time.

_My son_. The words did weird things to my insides, made me feel topsy-turvy and giddy at the same time. I jumped off the bed and grabbed a jacket. I was tired of wasting time.

I half-ran to my rental car and jumped in. _Fucking Volvo. _It was the exact make and model of the one Alice and I shared in high school, same color, too. Alice always hated the fact that Dad wouldn't buy her the Porsche she wanted. But he insisted it wasn't practical and after she gave him the silent treatment for two weeks he let her pick our family summer vacation spot. Fucking Disney World. I still gave her crap for that.

The drive was quiet; there were not many cars on the highway for a Friday afternoon. I used to fly down the road coming to or going from Forks, comforted by the fact that the Chief of Police was a family friend, a second father. I don't know how many deputies I had passed in my life and waved myself out of a speeding ticket.

So I was nothing if not surprised when I heard the sirens and saw the blue lights flashing behind me. I pulled over and put the car in park, reaching for the registration from the glove compartment. There was a sharp tap on the glass and I jumped, before I could turn to roll the window down my door was being opened and I was being hauled out of the driver's seat. I somehow managed to unbuckle my seatbelt as I was being dragged out and then slammed against the side of the car.

"What the fuck?!" I cried when I finally glimpsed my assailant. Standing a good four inches taller than me was a very scary looking Chief of Police. "Emmett?!"

"Listen, Cullen," he shoved me roughly. "My sister and that kid… they don't need you to come fucking up their lives, you understand me?"

"Isn't this police brutality?" I rolled my eyes and he pushed me again.

"Don't fuck with me, Edward," he growled, his voice low, his face close to mine, "or them. I mean it."

"I don't plan on it, Chief," I replied, perhaps a little bitchier than I intended, but his forearm to my throat was a bit uncomfortable. He shoved away from me and looked at me for a long moment.

"Fine." He spat the word. "But I'm watching every fucking move you make. Got it?"

"Got it." I rubbed my neck and glared at him. He turned and stomped back to his car, but stopped halfway there. When he turned back around, his face was torn between anger and sadness. He strode towards me quickly and I flinched back against the car, hoping he wasn't going to hit me. Instead of hitting me his huge arms wrapped me in a tight, bone-crushing hug. He let me go and walked back to the car without a backwards glance. I watched, astounded, as he pulled his car onto the highway and drove out of sight. I got back into the car and drove in the same direction as he did, hoping we weren't going to the same place.

A strange feeling of nostalgia crept over me as I drove the streets of Forks. I passed my old home, still pristine, no doubt due to the caretakers my parents paid for upkeep. I smiled seeing Charlie's old pickup truck just a few houses down from my own. The high school and football field still looked the same, as did Newton's store and the small diner we always hung out at. It was like I was on auto-pilot as I drove down Bella's street and my nerves kicked in. I pulled into the familiar gravel drive way behind her Volkswagen SUV and tried not to hyperventilate.

I tried to calm myself as I stepped slowly up the stairs to the front door. I knocked lightly and stepped back, shoving my hands in my pockets as my heart rate accelerated and my palms started to sweat. She opened the door with a timid smile and moved to let me in. I turned to her as the door closed and noticed she was wearing an apron around her waist and had an oven mitt in her hand. I raised an eyebrow.

"Banana bread," she said, smiling, and I finally noticed the smell that filled the house. It was warm and familiar, it was like home. She was always _my_ home. "Um… Seth is bringing Masen home from school. That's their little bonding thing—Uncle Seth picks him up on Fridays and takes him for ice cream; they should be back soon," she said as she turned and went back into the kitchen.

I followed her, taking note of the differences in the house since the last time I had been inside of it. The kitchen had been remodeled, Charlie's old yellow cabinets replaced, granite countertops and new appliances installed, but it still felt the same. It was all too real. But maybe, maybe real wasn't the right word. More like _surreal_, unreal and every other word that was the opposite of real. I watched her work in the kitchen but a yellowing piece of paper caught my eye. I gently lifted it from the counter. It was a simple sheet of notebook paper with a recipe for banana bread written on it, the handwriting so very familiar.

"You kept this?" I held the paper up and she glanced at the paper in my hand.

"Of course." She nodded casually, though I felt anything but. "Everyone knows Esme makes the best banana bread in town."

Bella turned away from me then, so I stared at the photos on the refrigerator while she busied herself around the oven, smiling at the assortment of photos. There was one of who I assumed was her childhood friend Jacob Black's daughter. He was a year younger than Bella, but surprised everyone when he and his high-school sweetheart eloped just after graduation. Although it wasn't really a surprise when they announced her pregnancy and the elopement suddenly made perfect sense. I frowned looking at the picture of the little girl. I couldn't help but imagine how things would've been different if Bella and I had just taken the leap and gotten married instead of waiting.

The fridge was littered with pictures of Masen, Charlie, Sue and Emmett; also her stepsiblings, Leah and Seth, Sue's kids. There was, however, one picture that stood out to me.

"How is Renee?" I asked, touching the picture and her and her husband Phil, and she froze in the middle of pulling a pan of bread from the oven. Her face fell and her eyes refused to meet mine.

"Oh," she straightened and put the pan on the counter to cool, her face still downcast. "We, um… we don't really talk much."

"I'm sorry, Iz." I instinctively reached out to comfort her, but stopped short. "I didn't know," I mumbled, embarrassed.

"No…" She, like I had, seemed to reach out to me, "It's fine. It's just that she didn't really agree with my decision about… about Masen."

"What do you mean?" I asked softly, her eyes finally meeting mine.

"Well, she didn't really agree with the whole pregnancy altogether. She suggested many other 'options'--" she made air quotes with her fingers though one hand was hidden in an oven mitt-- "but I didn't choose any of them, obviously."

I watched her face for a long moment, and then she shrugged.

"Our relationship was strained anyway. I hadn't seen her since Al and I graduated high school, so it's not really like anything she says matters." She shrugged again before placing another loaf of bread in the oven. "Sue's been more of a mother than she ever will be. And there was never a doubt in my mind that I made the right choice with my baby." She snapped the oven shut and turned to me with a small smile. "Now, tell me about Alice!" I chuckled at her uncanny ability to change the subject and happily obliged, telling her all about my sister's conquest of the fashion industry for the next thirty minutes.

A car door slamming brought us out of our conversation about Alice and the voices in the yard got louder as the came closer to the house. Bella strode quickly to the door and I stood, too nervous to follow her.

"I don't believe you!" a voice yelled, and I heard small footsteps on the hardwood floor. "You're a liar!" Then the door slammed and a mess of red hair went flying past the kitchen and up the stairs.

"What the hell, Seth?" Bella opened the door once more and I heard him muttering his apologies. I felt my whole body tighten as their footsteps approached the kitchen. Seth was 12 when I left but he always looked up to Emmett and me. I felt the guilt curdle in my stomach, my past coming back to haunt me, knowing how many people I left and hurt. Seth was still apologizing as they entered the room when I stood, motionless, prepared for whatever was coming.

Seth looked at me then back at Bella, then at me again. It would've almost been comical if I weren't so fucking scared. Though he was only 17, Seth was roughly the size of Emmett. The 'Forks High School Spartans' shirt he wore was tight around his biceps and I was almost positive that he could crush me with his bare hands. So it surprised me when he, like Emmett, rushed towards me and hugged me tightly. I squeezed him back just as tight and he grinned as he pulled away.

"About fucking time, Cullen," he said, and punched me in the shoulder in what I assumed was supposed to be a light friendly gesture. But the kid was fucking huge. "Hey, I gotta get to school, game tonight. Listen, tell the weasel I'm sorry and I didn't mean it," he went on, backing out of the kitchen, his eyes on me. "See you around, Edward," he turned his back with a small smile and left us alone.

"I'll be right back." Bella turned toward the stairs, but before she could make it up them, Masen appeared at the top. He walked slowly down the stairs, his eyes on me the whole time. My body was frozen, my eyes on his face, gauging his expression. When he got to the bottom of the stairs he looked expectantly at Bella, but her eyes were focused on me. I fell to my knees, my body acting of its own accord, and he stood directly in front of me.

"Who are you?" he asked, his voice like a beautiful melody, my favorite song. I could listen to it on repeat all day.

"My name is Edward," I managed to choke out. I tried to clear my throat, but the lump wouldn't go away.

"You're Mama's friend?" I looked up at Bella and saw her face lit with a small smile and a silent tear trailing down her cheek. I nodded and he smiled. I couldn't take my eyes off his face. The resemblance between us was eerie and there was a kind of electricity flowing between us that was impossible to ignore. His face fell into a small frown, as if he were trying to figure something out. He looked briefly up at Bella them back at me. "Do you want to see my hermit crab?" I laughed and stood up.

"Sure," I replied and he held out his hand to me. I took it, grinning, and he led me up to what used to be Emmett's bedroom. The walls were painted a bright blue with a plaid comforter to match, underneath however looked like what were Emmett's vintage Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sheets. There was a Mariners poster on one wall and a Harry Potter one on the opposite, fucking Emmett… The floor was littered with stray toys and on a small table in the corner was a tiny aquarium. He reached into the aquarium and took out a tiny shell and held it out to me.

"He'll get bigger but then he'll have to move to another shell," Masen explained to me. I just smiled and nodded, relishing the sound of his voice.

"What's his name?" I asked and he grinned.

"Jake," he replied and I groaned. "I named him after my Uncle Jake. He's one of Mama's friends."

"Oh," I shrugged trying to rid my head of the evil thoughts I was feeling towards the very married Jacob Black. "Do you… do you have a lot of uncles?"

"No," he placed Jake on the table and knelt down in front of the table, his eyes trained on his pet. "Just Uncle Emmett and Uncle Seth and Uncle Jake… oh, and James."

"James?" I asked, my heart rate accelerating, _who the fuck?_

"Yeah. He's not my uncle, though," he explained, his eyes never leaving Jake.

"So… who is he?" I asked again.

"Hmm?" Masen finally turned to look at me. "Oh. James is Mama's boyfriend."

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**A/N: Thank you, as always, to Becca Graymoor for making me not sound STOOPID. And to messynachos for being and awesome life-twin :)**

**You guys broke 50 reviews, woohoo! Can you do it again?? This is the longest chapter EVAR!  
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	10. Under A Spell

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just like to have tea parties with Edward.**

**This chapter and all it's awesomeness is dedicated to my lifetwin and best friend messynachos. **

**It's just a bit 'o fun, so I hope you enjoy!  
**

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Chapter 9 - Under A Spell

"_James is Mama's boyfriend."_

_Sweet mother of fuck_. Did the kid just say what I think he said? I could feel the bile rising in my throat, pushing its way up. My head danced with images of Bella wrapped in another man's arms, sweaty, naked… I fought the gagging and turned back to Masen, who was staring at me, an expectant look on his face.

"Well?" he asked, exasperated. I blinked furiously hoping it would rid my brain of the images.

"Uh… sorry, buddy, what was the question?" I said and he sighed and rolled his eyes. _Attitude? Does he know Alice?_

"Uncle Seth said that the Tooth Fairy comes into your room with pliers and rips out all your teeth and then only gives you two pennies." He threw his hands up in the air and then let them fall onto his messy hair. "Is that true?"

"No, that's not what the Tooth Fairy does," I assured him, and bit my lip to hold back my laugh.

"Are you _sure_?" He eyed me warily and dropped his hands to his pockets.

"Promise," I reassured him.

"Okay," he smiled and placed Jake back in his aquarium. The door slammed downstairs and we both looked up. His face lit up when Emmett's booming voice traveled up the stairs. I glanced at my watch, guessing he worked an early shift and got off at four. "Come meet my Uncle Emmett!" He took off into the hallway and down the stairs and I groaned. Emmett again. When I reached the bottom of the stairs all I heard was Emmett's muffled voice and Masen's laughter. Stepping into the foyer I saw Emmett laying on the floor with Masen kneeling on his back, Emmett's arm twisted behind him.

"You're killing me!" Emmett cried and Masen laughed harder.

"Mase," Bella chided, stepping out from the kitchen and looking down at the mess of limbs by her feet, "if you kill Uncle Emmett who is going to take you to the arcade tomorrow?" Masen looked up at her then back down at Emmett and shrugged.

"Fine," he muttered, and flicked Emmett in the back of the head, releasing his arm before getting up and turning his eyes on me. "Can you come with us to the arcade tomorrow?"

I felt both Bella and Emmett watching me as Masen stood, patiently waiting my answer. I looked at his hopeful face and my will crumbled. I tore myself away from my son's face and turned to Emmett, who was glaring at me.

"If it's okay with Emmett." I tried my best not to look him in the eye, but it didn't work. His death glare was like a fucking magnet. And then I witnessed the power that the little boy standing next to me had.

"Please?" Masen said quietly as he stared up at Emmett with sad green eyes. The look on Emmett's face went from anger to concern in no time flat. He groaned quietly and nodded. "Awesome!" Masen yelled. He jumped towards Emmett in what I thought was an attempt to hug him but instead he punched Emmett in the groin and ran off cackling.

"Mother of fuck," Emmett groaned, doubled over in pain, and I held back a laugh. I could not, however, keep the grin off my face, something my former best friend definitely noticed. "He's obviously your fucking spawn, especially with that cheap shot," he said through gritted teeth. I shook my head and started to say something, but stopped. I realized firstly, that I had nothing smart to retaliate with, and secondly, that I deserved anything he had to say. I stepped around him and went into the kitchen, rejoining Bella. I stood in the doorway, watching her wash dishes for a moment before speaking.

"Thanks for letting me come out today," I said softly and she turned around slowly. "I uh… I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah… You can come around 11. I – I have plans, so it will just be you boys," she said nervously as she washed the same spoon again.

"Oh," I looked down at the tiled floor, a million things running through my mind. "It's probably better that way. I could use some time with Em." I looked back up at her and she nodded. "I'll see you later," I told her as I walked out the door, Emmett still standing in the foyer, trying to regain his composure and Masen reveling in his victory somewhere.

I drove back to the hotel thoroughly excited about the next day's events. The fact that I was going to spend alone time with my son…well, with him and his overbearing, overprotective, and rude uncle, was nerve-wracking and scary and absolutely amazing. Back at the hotel I pulled out my plans for the children's hospital but my hands had other things to draw. I was by no means an artist, but I'd always loved to draw. I created different things when I was younger, abstracts and landscapes, mainly mountain ranges or shorelines, but never people. I'd never had the urge to sketch a person, not even Bella. I was always afraid that I wouldn't be able to capture their essence. But tonight… something was different. Now that my dreams of a distant little boy had become a reality all I wanted to do was draw him, over and over, just to see his face again. I pulled an old sketchpad from my bag and grabbed a sweater before taking a seat on the lanai. The sounds of the ocean soothed me as I drew his face over and over. His facial expressions astounded me, frowns, smiles, worry… he was a pro at all of them. I guess he was like Bella in that way, his face always giving him away.

As absorbed as I was in my sketching my mind couldn't help but think about Bella. Who was this James guy? Obviously they were serious if he had met Masen. I mean, he called him her 'boyfriend'. But what the fuck is a boyfriend these days? Fuck-buddy? Free dinner? I hadn't been anyone's boyfriend in a long time, so I wasn't quite sure. When the pictures of Masen started to look less and less like him I gave up and went to sleep, looking forward to the next day.

~*~

When I pulled into Bella's driveway the next morning Masen was waiting on the front porch. I stepped out of the car and flinched when he ran towards me, afraid of the same junk-punch he bestowed on his uncle yesterday. But instead he threw his arms around my waist and hugged me tightly. If I was a chick I was sure my ovaries would have just exploded, and as it was… I did tear up a little. I did what I felt was natural and picked him up, settling him against my side and he grinned.

"What's up?" I asked him casually and his face turned into a slight frown.

"Mama and Uncle Emmett are having a grownup talk," he rolled his eyes, "whatever that is."

"They are very, very boring," I reassured him, "I'm sure you aren't missing anything." He seemed satisfied with my answer and nearly jumped out of my arms when we entered the house.

"EDWARD'S HERE!" he yelled, running through the kitchen where Bella and Emmett seemed to have been in a heated discussion. Emmett gave her a meaningful look before turning to me.

"We're almost ready," he said as he walked past me and up the stairs, I turned to Bella wondering what in the holy fuck was going on, but she was staring out the window, lost in her thoughts.

"Hanging out with the stars again?" I asked and her head snapped in my direction. Maybe it was the sound of the phrase she used to describe me so many times in the past that caused the wistful expression on her face, I wasn't sure. She smiled slightly.

"Sorry… I was just thinking." She bit her lip and looked away again.

"Bella, what's up? You can tell me," I promised, and took a step closer, her wariness making me uneasy.

"I have a date today." Her words came out rushed. "Emmett wanted me to tell you. He didn't want you to get your hopes up about the two of us. Typical. I'm his fucking sister and he's worried about your feelings…" She trailed off, her eyes finally meeting mine. I kept my face calm as I replied.

"With James?"

"How did you know?" she said softly.

"Masen," I answered and a knowing look crossed her face.

"Big mouth," she smiled.

"It's fine you know. I'm not… I don't mean to hurt your feeling, but I'm not here about us anymore," I explained to her.

"I know."

"Ready?" Emmett appeared in the doorway with Masen clinging to his back. Bella went to them and took Masen's face between her hands, pretending to smush it and he grinned.

"I love you, weasel," she said, and kissed his forehead.

"I love you, too, Mama," he answered, his voice muffled through his smashed face. She locked eyes with Emmett for a moment, conversing silently, and then she kissed his cheek. "Be good," she said and Emmett rolled his eyes. "All of you," she turned to me, unsure what to do so settling for an awkward punch in the shoulder.

We piled into Emmett's massive Jeep, Masen strapped in a booster-seat in the back. I turned to Emmett as soon as we got out of the driveway.

"So… tell me about James," I pleaded and he snorted.

"I thought it wasn't about you and Iz," he mocked me and I fought the urge to hit him, knowing it would only hurt me in the long run.

"It's not… but you know, I mean… come on! Just tell me!" I cried. Instead of answering me he looked in the rearview mirror at Masen.

"Weasel, what do you think of James?" He asked and I turned to see Masen's reaction. His brow furrowed like he was thinking really hard. "Weasel? You can answer however you want," Emmett assured him and his expression softened a bit.

"Oh well… he's a douchebag," Masen said matter-of-factly. I wasn't sure what to do, but beside me Emmett was shaking with laughter.

"Thanks, buddy," he wiped his tears on his sleeve and Masen smiled. I turned back to Emmett and he shrugged. "They work together. He teaches Humanities and has the personality of, well… a Humanities teacher," he turned to me and I nodded knowingly, remembering our own teacher and how socially inept he was. "She likes him though, so… what do you do?" he asked, more to himself than me. We were silent the rest of the way to the arcade, a new addition to town, I assumed. Masen pretty much dragged Emmett to the door, a feat in its own right.

As soon as we bought tickets Masen ran off to the skeeball games, and my heart did an unnecessary _flip-flop_ realizing that we had the same favorite arcade game. At this point I was pretty sure I'd grown ovaries. We followed him and I noticed a few heads turn in my direction, most likely wondering who the fuck I was, or knowing who I was. We sat a table close by while Masen played consecutive games of skeeball, the tickets pouring out.

"It's his favorite game," Emmett explained with a small smile, finally breaking the silence after a few moments.

"He's good," I laughed and Emmett nodded. We were quiet as we watched Masen play. We laughed at his seriousness and his excitement over his tickets. A waitress came by and we ordered a pizza and a couple of drinks, and then were silent again. Emmett took a long sip from his soda and turned to me, his face serious.

"Why did you go?" he asked me, flat out. His question startled me and I wasn't quite sure we were in the right place to have the conversation.

"I don't think that now's a good time, Em…" I trailed off, looking around.

"Perfect time. Bella's not here to make your brain go to mush, the kid's busy… Tell me." He sat back in his chair, cop face on, and folded his arms, staring expectantly.

"I just… I don't know," I said to my drink.

"You've got to have some kind of reason," he countered.

"I got the internship. I asked her to come with me. She refused. I left," I told him, my voice impassive. I wasn't ready for this conversation. I wasn't ready to face my demons right now. I was too engulfed in the emotions of meeting my son to relive the past just yet.

"And you didn't think about talking about it? Waiting? Saying goodbye to your best friend?" Ah. So that's what it was about.

"Em… I'm sorry. It just happened," I said softly. I turned to where Masen was, with what I'm sure was a regretful look on my face. "If I would've known…"

"Yeah, well… you're still a dick." He pushed himself away from the table and went to join Masen. I sat alone, watching them. He was right and I was never going to deny that, but things were different now. And I was going to try.

~*~

We left the arcade a few hours later laden with prizes and leftover pizza. Masen rambled in the backseat about his birthday party (Harry Potter-themed of course), though it was only February.

"I'll be Harry and you can be Hagrid again, Uncle Em…" he thought for a moment. "Oh! Mama can be Hermione and Rose can be that scary lady… what's her name?"

"Bellatrix?" I asked and Emmett nearly swerved off the road. He turned to me, his eyes wide. "What? I saw the movie."

"Yeah, her. And I asked James to be Ron but he told me no." Masen sighed at the last part.

"Maybe he can be Malfoy?" Emmett joked from the front seat, but Masen wasn't listening, he was staring at me.

"You could be Ron, Edward!" he cried, and I laughed. "You have red hair… well, kind of."

"That sounds like fun, buddy." I turned to see a huge grin on his face.

"I don't think Edward's going to be here for your birthday, Mase," Emmett said softly and I turned my eyes towards him. His face was set forward, refusing to look at me.

"Where will you go?" Masen asked me, worry written on his face.

"Ah… I live in Australia," I told him.

"Is that far away?"

"Yeah… it's far away." I turned back around in my seat, realizing that I only had a few more days of vacation time left, and not completely sure I wanted to go back. We rode silently the rest of the way home then unpacked the car in the same attitude. Inside was a different story, however. Masen ran up to his room and then back down quickly, carrying something in his hands.

"Emmett!" he cried and Emmett came rushing out of the kitchen, looking worried.

"What the hell?!" he cried.

"First, I'm telling Mama you said a bad word. Second, can we play 'Wizard Wars'?" he asked with a smile.

"As long as you don't tell on me." Emmett crossed his arms and stared. Masen didn't flinch, just stood there, thoughtful.

"Deal," he shrugged, tossing Emmett one of the things that were behind his back. Emmett twirled the object between his fingers and I laughed when I saw what it was.

"A wand?" I asked.

"Here!" Masen thrust one into my hand, too. "Now. I'll be Harry, Uncle Em can be Viktor Krum and you can be that Cedric guy, you kinda look like him."

"Oh… Goblet of Fire tonight, huh?" Emmett grinned.

"Yeah, but I don't think Cedric should die. We should all go together to defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," Masen explained and Emmett nodded in agreement.

"Sounds good, three is better than two," he agreed, and took off his jacket and tossed his wand up in the air.

"Hold up," I held up my hands, the fake wand between my fingers. "You can't do that."

"Why not?" Masen stood with his hands on his hips, staring. I looked down and sighed, not really excited about what was about to happen.

"Because. Cedric Diggory's death in Goblet of Fire is an important plot point in the series. The death of a child was what turned the books into something more than just children's stories," I said to my feet. When I looked up they were both staring at me, mouths open.

"You… LIAR," Emmett said through his teeth, fighting a grin.

"Listen, dude… You talked about it for so long, that I just caved. Then one day Alice sent me the whole damn series and all the movies," I shrugged and his massive shoulders shook with laughter. "And by the way… I am much better looking than that Cedric guy." I grabbed Masen and picked him up, tickling him. He laughed loudly and tried to fight me.

"Okay!" he cried breathlessly. "You're much… prettier," he giggled again and I went to grab him again but Emmett stopped me.

"Wizard War! You can only use your wands!" he yelled, so I _Stupefied_ both of them and ran to hide in the kitchen. Then the war began.

BPOV

"_Whose car?" James asked as he opened my door for me. _

"_Car?" I played dumb and he gave me a pointed look. "Oh, just a friend of Em's. They're hanging out with Masen today…" I trailed off when I saw his hurt expression. _

"_You never let me hang out with him," he said as he started the car. _

"_Honey," I squeezed his hand lightly. "You would hate hanging out with Emmett. He's just a big kid."_

"_But how am I supposed to get to know your son if you don't let me around him?" he asked and I sighed. _

"_You do know him. He just needs some time," I soothed him. _

"_It's been an effing year already," he grumbled. I gave it up as a bad job and rolled my eyes at his use of 'effing' instead of just saying 'fuck'. _

My date with James had been fairly uneventful. He always insisted on visiting museums and art galleries. While I appreciated his intelligence I wished we could do something a little less boring once in a while. Edward was the only boyfriend I really had to compare him to, and while Edward always seemed calm and refined, he was really just a big kid. We spent our free time at the beach, riding tandem bikes (which he did most of the work on), hiking (even though he usually had to carry me back), movies, mini-golfing, or even just curling up on the couch with each other reading. I guess that was the main difference between the two of them. Edward just liked to be with me, whereas James always felt the need to impress me.

I sucked in my breath as we turned down my street, the stupid Volvo still in the driveway. As soon as the car stopped I kissed James quickly on the cheek and jumped out.

"Call you later!" I cried but he called after me.

"Wait!" He climbed out of the car and caught my elbow. "Who the hell is that? Why won't you let me come in?" My eyes darted from the house to his face, drenched with worry. I rubbed my temple and decided, against my better judgment, to let him come in. I walked slowly to the door, James on my heels. I was somewhat prepared for his reaction to Edward but I was not, however, prepared for what I walked in on.

I could hear the laughter and cries down the hall and came face to face with a literal war zone. Makeshift tents covered my living room, the coffee table turned on its side, and my son was being lifted in the air by his father, matching grins on both their faces. I briefly forgot about the man standing behind me as I reveled in the sight in front of me. _My boys_. And then it hit me. There was no denying the resemblance between the two of them and no way James and his Giant Brain wouldn't put the pieces together. I turned to face him, trying to mask the joy I was feeling at seeing Edward and Masen together. But when I saw the pain etched on his face I knew my emotions were visible and undeniable.

James opened his mouth to speak his concern but before he could Masen's voice rang out through the room,

"Avada Kedavra!"

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**A/N: Thanks to Becca Graymoor for making my words more better :)**

**Thanks so much for all your reviews. I try to respond to all of them, I hope I got everyone! The next chapter is in the works! I wish I could promise a teaser for the next chapter... but I try not to make promises. You can always take a chance though, reviews only make me work faster!**

**PS - _THIS _is the longest chapter!**

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	11. Cowboys and Chihuahuas

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the new Kris Allen CD.  
**

**OMG. Your reviews for last chapter were A-MAZE-ING! You guys are so awesome :)**

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Chapter 10 - Cowboys and Chihuahuas

EPOV

"_Avada Kedavra!"_

As I lifted Masen into the air I caught sight of Bella and a blonde man who had to be James. A shocked look crossed his face and Bella lifted a hand to cover her smile. Masen laughed loudly at his own joke and I could literally feel the floor shaking with Emmett's. I was glad I had a little boy in my hands and his body was hiding my grin, because I was almost positive that insulting my ex's boyfriend by laughing hysterically at what a four-year-old had just screamed at him would not be cool on my part. Fucking _Avada Kedavra_. Masen was beyond awesome. The fact that he'd just "killed" his mother's boyfriend was the best thing that had happened all day.

"Emmett." Bella's voice was calmed and collected. I set Masen down and he frowned up at me, then sniggered when Emmett popped up from behind the couch, still wearing his cloak.

"Sup?" Emmett shrugged out of his cloak and she cast a pointed glare at him.

"Can you get Masen in the tub for me?" she asked and he nodded. Masen wrapped his arms briefly around my leg and then ran up the stairs, Emmett following closely behind.

I stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room, sheets surrounding me, fake wand in my hand. I dropped the wand and pulled a hand through my hair then stepped toward the couple at the door. Bella watched me with wary eyes as I approached James, mentally assessing his appearance. He was bigger than me, body-wise, but I was taller. He was nice looking, I supposed, with his blue eyes, buzzcut, and a long sleeved oxford tucked into his Gap jeans.

The way he eyed me made me uneasy, like I was encroaching on his territory. Though technically, to him I was. He and Bella were together, he was part of Masen's life. In this scenario, I was the outsider. I took a deep breath and stuck out my hand in an effort to be cordial.

"I'm Edward Cullen," I smiled but he simply stared at my hand with a raised eyebrow. A few uncomfortable seconds passed before I realized he wasn't going to shake it and I let my hand fall idly at my side.

"James, Edward just got in a couple days ago and-" Bella wrapped an arm around his waist in an attempt to ease his anger.

"A couple days? This jerk has been in town a couple of days and what? You forgot to tell me?" James said through his teeth. She dropped her arm and stepped away from him slightly, obviously shocked at his less-than-stellar behavior. I on the other hand, was not.

"Listen, buddy –" I started in an effort to ease the tension, in no way trying to be condescending.

"Don't buddy me, asshole," he snapped and I cast a glance at Bella who was watching him, a disbelieving look on his face. "I can't believe you kept this from me," James turned his piercing glare to Bella. She closed her eyes and massaged her forehead softly.

"Sweetie, I didn't keep anything from you," she said in a placating tone. "I just… Can we talk about this later? I need to get Masen ready for bed." She dropped her hands from her face and sighed. He stared for a long moment then nodded.

"Later, then." He tore his gaze from her and glared at me again. I didn't back down from his stare until he rolled his eyes. "I'll call you," he muttered, kissing her chastely, and I pointedly looked away. It wasn't until the door closed that I looked up. She was leaning against the door, arms folded across her chest, eyes closed again.

"Sorry. I'm sure that's not how you wanted this to go," I mumbled and she smiled slightly.

"No. James is very dramatic, I was hoping to ease him into this... situation," she sighed. "I mentioned once that I wanted to speak with you about Mase… and he lost his shit," she chuckled. "If it weren't so awkward it would be hilarious."

"Why did you?" I asked quietly.

"What?"

"Why did you call? I mean… you could've married James and been a happy little family and never have to worry about me." My voice was muted, the emotions subdued. I watched her face carefully while she thought of her answer.

"You want a beer?" she finally said, and stepped into the kitchen, leaving me alone in the foyer. I found her leaning against the counter with a beer turned up. She swallowed and handed me an ice-cold bottle. I twisted the cap off with the hem of my shirt and tossed it into the trashcan before taking a long swig.

"James asked me to marry him," she blurted out. I tried to gulp down the beer in my mouth, but it had another plans. Half of it spewed out in front of me while I choked the rest down. I put my hand over my chest as I coughed, trying to swallow the remainder of the ice cold liquid and the information she just threw at me. Why the hell did she just tell me that? What the fuck was going on in this alternate dimension I'd arrived in? I had a son and the only girl I'd ever loved was marrying some prick? How did those astronauts get out of that one alternate-dimension episode of the Twilight Zone? Oh wait, they all died. _Crap_.

"Uhh…" I obviously didn't know what to say.

"Shit," she muttered, biting her lip, and wiped up the spilled beer from the floor. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it like that."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised," I sighed as she handed me the rag and I dabbed at what had spilled onto my t-shirt.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she said again. I shook my head and fought back a smile at the fact that she still apologized for everything. It was good to know that some things hadn't changed. She threw the dirty cloth into the sink and fell into one of the kitchen chairs.

"Why do you do that?" I asked as I sat across from her.

"What?" she replied, her voice weary.

"Apologize for everything, all the time," I said softly and she chuckled quietly.

"Edward Cullen - " she rolled her eyes "-you've known me nearly my entire life."

"And?" I countered.

"And why in the hell are you wondering that now?" Now it was my turn to laugh.

"I guess you're right." I took a sip of my beer that had managed to stay inside the bottle. "We've got ourselves into a pretty fucked-up situation, huh?" I peeled the label idly, feeling her eyes on me.

"Yeah… we sure have," she muttered.

"There's more to the story, right? It's not that he asked you that you want to tell me is it?" I finally looked up at her and she nodded.

"He wants to adopt Masen," she answered, her voice barely audible.

I gripped the bottle in my hand so tightly I was afraid it would shatter. I fought the urge to yell my protests at the thought of another man being a father to my son. The idea had crossed my mind too many times during my time with Masen. I just couldn't fathom a future in which James was the father figure and I was a distant memory. I didn't want him to have someone else's last name, to have someone else tuck him in and read him stories. I knew I had only known Masen a few days in comparison to James, but still. The way we interacted, how well we complimented each other, our personalities? There was no doubt in my mind that I had to be a part of his life as much as I could.

My mind was already working overtime trying to figure out vacation time and holiday breaks he would have off from school. I wondered if Bella would let him come to Australia with me, or if she would make me spend our time together in Washington. To be honest it didn't matter, as long as I got to see him.

I took a deep breath and look up from my shredded Bud Light label. She was sitting with her chin in her hands, still watching me. My voice didn't shake as I said the single word that would hopefully seal my fate with my son.

"No."

She swallowed and nodded, but didn't speak. I tried to read her face, to figure out how she felt about my answer. It had always been so easy to tell what she was thinking, but I couldn't figure her out at the moment. I watched her for a long moment, spinning the beer bottle in her hand and tracing the condensation with her finger. When her eyes finally met mine I could see the understanding in them. It was obvious she knew why I'd said 'no', but I could tell there was a part of her that wanted me to say 'yes' and to leave them behind.

"That's not what you wanted to hear?" I asked softly, and she let out a breath I'm sure she'd been holding since we sat down.

"Honestly?" she asked and I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure."

"Like I said, things would be easier if you wouldn't have called… "

"That's not what I wanted," she protested, and shook her head fervently. "I would love for James to be a part of Masen's life, to be a father figure to him… but you, Edward, _are_ his father."

"But I don't understand, Bella!" I slammed a fist down on the table, startling both of us. "Why? Why wouldn't you just marry him and forget about me?"

"It's impossible to forget you," she said softly. "I see you in him everyday… and I didn't want him to grow up like you, never knowing who he really was." Her answer stunned me into silence. I had expected her guilt to be the major factor in her decision to contact me, but I should have known it would be something like this. She was protecting Masen from having questions like I did, never really knowing my biological parents. We were quiet for a while until Masen's voice broke through our thoughts.

"Mama?" he asked from the doorway of the kitchen.

"Hey baby," she said, smiling and opened her arms. He ran to her quickly, climbing into her lap and wrapping his arms around her neck.

"Can Edward read me a story?" He looked up at her with sleepy eyes and she turned to me, her expression pleading. She didn't want to continue our conversation with her emotions running so high, and I couldn't blame her. I could probably use some time to chew over her explanation too.

"Sure thing, buddy," I replied. He kissed Bella's cheek sloppily and she laughed.

"Good night, Mama," he called as he ran up the stairs ahead of me. I followed into his room where he had already jumped under the covers, pulling the comforter up to his chin. "I have some books you can pick," he said, and stuck a tiny hand out to point to a small stack on his nightstand. I perused the choices and settled on one about a Chihuahua.

"Is this about a dog?" I held the book up so he could see.

"No!" He fell back against the pillows laughing. "Skippyjon Jones is really a Siamese cat who _thinks_ he's a dog," he explained while he rolled his eyes at me. I was really going to have to introduce him to Alice. After he instructed me on the correct way to read the story (with a Spanish accent and you _had_ to sing the song and clap) I proceeded to read my very first bedtime story to my son: cue the dancing ovaries. I read the story three times before he finally drifted off, his hands folded under his perfect pale cheek. As I closed the book and set it back on his nightstand I noticed the corner of another sticking out from under his pillow. Very gently, I pulled the book out. It was a small photo album; much like the one Bella had shown me at the bar, only the pictures were much, much different.

The first one was a familiar one of four young children, arms linked around each other's shoulders, identical gap-toothed grins plastered on their faces. My own eight-year-old face smiled up at me between Alice and Emmett's, Bella on the other side of Alice. The book was full of pictures similar to the first, mostly the four of us together through the years. Every few pages there would be one of Bella and me or of her and Emmett and Alice. The last picture was from the two of us after the girls' high school graduation. Her mortarboard was nearly falling off her head, a huge smile on her face, and my lips pressed firmly to her cheek. I traced our faces in the pictures, wondering, not why she let him have a book filled with pictures of me, but if Masen knew more than he was letting on.

"Hey," Emmett said quietly. I quickly put the album back where it was and turned to him standing in the door. "He out?" he asked and I nodded. Emmett stepped out into the hallway and motioned for me to follow him. I brushed Masen's hair off his forehead and kissed him softly before meeting Emmett. He reached behind and closed Masen's door halfway so a sliver of light still entering the room.

"You want to grab a drink?" My hulking figure of a former best friend looked at his feet as he asked me.

"Uh… yeah," I shrugged nonchalantly, while my insides were dancing the conga.

"Okay," he smiled when he finally looked at me, "I'll follow you to Port Angeles?"

"Sure," I nodded, "I'll just tell Bella goodbye…" I trailed off as I went down the stairs, trying to figure out what his motives were. Bella was still in the same position in the kitchen that I'd left her in, though there were two more empty beer bottles in front of her. The sound of my footsteps caused her to look up.

"Is he asleep?" Bella asked and I nodded. She cleared the table, throwing the bottles in the trash and then came to stand in front of me. "Thank you for today," she said softly. I nodded again though I felt that I should have been thanking her for getting to spend time with Masen. A small smiled crossed her face as she reached up to softly tuck a wild lock of hair behind my ear, then kissed my cheek softly. She let her hand drop and stepped around me without a backward glance. I stood in the doorway, shocked at her physical contact until Emmett clapped me on the shoulder.

"Ready?" His voice startled me.

"Um, yeah," I shook my head, trying to clear the fog that had just been brought upon by Bella's kiss. He handed me my coat and called his goodbye before closing the door and grinning at me. I couldn't help but smile back, hoping that this would be a good night.

~*~

Emmett followed me to my hotel, then drove to a little dive bar on the outskirts of Port Angeles called Puzzles. We took a high-top table and ordered beers, and I couldn't help but feel awkward the whole time. The last time Emmett and I had drinks together was… I couldn't even remember. He took a long pull from his beer and looked at me.

"Today was fun. I think the kid likes you," he said, a hint of a smile on his face. I just nodded, ecstatic at the thought of Masen 'liking' me. "Of course… that will all be shot to hell when you leave again."

"I know," I sighed.

"So… you will leave?"

"I have to. My job, my home… everything is there," I tried to explain, though it only made him angry.

"No, asshole. Everything is _here,"_ he said, shaking his head.

"You know what I meant, Em," I said sadly. "I can't just quit my job and move back. Besides, it's not like Bella even wants me to come back. She wants to marry James and have her perfect little family." Now I was angry, remembering the conversation she and I had just had.

"Fuck them," Emmett spat, surprising me, "it's not about them. It's about the kid. James is not the father he needs and… and you deserve to be in his life."

"You really don't like James, do you?" I asked, trying to hold back my grin. He rolled his eyes. "I don't like anyone who's fucking my sister," he retorted and I cringed. "You of all people should know _that._" Then it was my turn to roll my eyes. "But no, I don't like him. He's shady. He asked her to marry him and didn't even give her an engagement ring."

"No ring?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Nope. Doesn't believe in 'em." Emmett took another long swig of his beer. "But like I said before… she seems happy, so I don't say anything. Masen doesn't like him, that's obvious."

"Yeah, I got that when he killed him this afternoon," I grinned and he laughed.

"She just wants someone to love him, so if you stick around…" He trailed off, his brown eyes, so like hers, burning into mine.

"I don't know what to do," I said and took a long drink, the alcohol already putting me at ease. "I've worked really hard to get where I am at my firm… but at the same I want to be around him all the time."

"Then move back, dude!" Emmett cried.

"And what?" I asked, incredulous. "Watch her marry someone else and see the kid on the weekends? I'd rather stay in Australia and see him during the summer or holidays than have to suffer through seeing her and – " I cut myself off, suddenly aware that I had said too much concerning Bella. And he knew.

"You love her. You totally _still fucking love her,_" he accused me and I couldn't make my mouth form a response. Thankfully, my savior came just in time, in the form of a tall blond in a button-up plaid shirt, tucked into his jeans, a pair of gray snakeskin cowboy boots, and a large belt buckle with a 'W' engraved on it.

"I think this can reunion can only be celebrated properly with a shot of whiskey," the blond drawled in a deep Texan accent, placing three glasses on our table. Emmett laughed and I just stared at the man who had just released all the tension from between the two of us with a glass of amber liquid.

"Edward this is Jasper Whitlock, one of my deputies," Emmett explained and I stared between the two of them. "I asked him to come out tonight, in case it turned dirty," he said and I shrugged and gestured to the empty stool between us.

"Drink up, bitches," Jasper pushed the shots toward us and held out his own. We clinked our glasses together and downed the shots simultaneously.

"Keep these coming, would you, darlin'?" Jasper waved his glass to a waitress passing by. She flashed him a smile and nodded before walking away. "So," he turned to me, "you're Bella's soulmate, huh? Wicked. She's a cool girl." He took a swig from Emmett's beer and I stared.

"What?" I was thoroughly confused as to why he just called me that and even more so as to why he knew anything about me at all.

"What?" He echoed my question then understanding dawned on his unrealistically good looking face. "Oh, Emmett tells me everything. Yeah, I know all about everything. Don't worry though, friend, I'm unbiased," he assured me, and grabbed Emmett's beer again, but Emmett wrapped a large hand around his wrist.

"Chill, Whitlock. And get your own damn beer," he groused, and Jasper rolled his eyes and motioned for the waitress to bring us another round of beers, which she delivered with three more shots.

"I just tell it like it is, Papa Bear," Jasper said as he drank his shot and chased it with his beer.

"That's the problem," Emmett chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh. Having Jasper around proved to be refreshing after riding an emotional rollercoaster the past few days.

It was weird hanging out with 'just the guys' too. The only "guy" I had in Australia was EJ. Every once in a while I would go out with some of the guys in my department, but it wasn't very often that happened. And I had never found anyone I could talk to like Emmett, but I guess you can't replace a best friend you'd had since you were two.

Jasper turned out to be extremely sociable, having nearly all the waitresses in the bar checking on us every few minutes and giving us free shots and beers. Needless to say, I was pretty drunk when, on a trip to the bathroom, I finally noticed that there was a mechanical bull in the back corner of the bar.

"Hey cowboy," I said over the redheaded waitress who had both of her arms wrapped around Jasper's slim body. "You gonna ride that bull?" I asked and he laughed and shook his head.

"That's all you, buddy," he explained.

"Sorry, dude. I don't have on the right shoes," I looked down from my Docs to his boots and he smirked.

"I guess you don't," he replied. I don't remember anything that happened after that.

~*~

I don't know who decided construction at such an early hour was a great idea but I wanted to fucking punch them. That is, until I realized that the drilling and pounding was happening inside my own head, not from outside my hotel room. I tried to open my eyes, but I was pretty sure someone had glued them shut. Sweet Jeebus, it was cold! Where the fuck was I? When I finally did get around to opening my eyes most of my questions were answered.

I groaned loudly as I extracted myself from the bathtub in my hotel room, wishing someone had at least given me a towel to cover up with and wondering where the fuck my clothes were (or how I ended up in just my boxers). I was a little surprised to see Emmett sitting on one of the beds in my room, flipping through my old, battered copy of _The Count of Monte Cristo._

"This is pretty interesting," he waved the book while his eyes raked up and down my body. "Nice boots, by the way," he chuckled and went back to the book. I look, bewildered, down at my feet and saw that I was wearing Jasper's snakeskin boots. I ran my hand through my hair and then collapsed on the other bed, pulling the comforter from the side of the bed and throwing it over me, not bothering to take off the boots. Besides, I kind of liked them.

"It's a classic tale of betrayal," I answered, though my voice was muffled by the pillow.

"Hmm…" I heard him say. I drifted in and out, listening to the pages turning softly until the door banged open and Jasper's voice filled the room.

"Breakfast, anyone?" he called. I didn't lift my head, too content in my warm cocoon of blanket and pillow to be bothered with food. Also, I was pretty sure I'd puke.

"Ed? Coffee?" he asked and I managed to extract one hand to flip him off. He chuckled and I sat up, throwing the blanket off me. "So that's where my shoes went," he murmured, nodding towards my feet, and I looked down at his, which were shod in my Docs. "They look good, we'll switch later. Whoa! You can read, Chief?" he exclaimed in mock-surprise at the book in Emmett's hand. I stood up in an effort to put actual pants on, but found it hard to get out of bed.

"What the hell?!" I cried. "Why does my whole fucking body hurt?" I looked from the two of them, but they simply stared at me, wide-eyed.

"Do you not remember?" Jasper asked, a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Not really," I replied with a shake of my head. _Ow_. Emmett laughed loudly and I buried my face back into the pillow. "What happened?" I asked, turning my face to the side so I could see them.

"Well," Jasper began, "there was this mechanical bull…"

* * *

**A/N: Thanks as always to my loverly beta Becca Graymoor for making these words so much better, and of course to my life-twin Messynachos. Who's going to a midnight show tomorrow?? We are!! Hope everyone has a great time, can't wait to hear from you!**

**Follow me on Twitter? It's random, boring stuff about my life, but it can be entertaining: smashley613  
**


	12. My Bloody Valentine

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I did own some beers, but I drank them.**

* * *

Jasper's story was put on hold while I showered, trying to scour the whiskey and cigarette smoke off my skin. After I was dressed, I resumed my position on one of the queen beds; Emmett took the other and Jasper took the arm chair, bare feet propped up on the table. Then they recounted the night for me: after my trip to the bathroom the cute redheaded waitress dropped off another round of shots and promised a free pitcher of beer if one of us rode the bull. So I did. And got thrown off. Seven times.

"Please tell me you got pictures!" Emmett gasped, clutching at his sides, and Jasper grinned.

"And video," he said triumphantly, whipping out his iPhone and tossing it to Emmett.

"What the fuck did I drink?" I asked and they simply laughed.

"That's a normal Saturday night for me," Jasper shrugged taking his iPhone back and staring intently at the screen.

"You watching porn over there?" Emmett asked him and Jasper shook his head.

"Nah… I'm uploading this on YouTube." Another grin spread across his stupid face and I had the sudden urge to make him less pretty. He must've noticed because he put his phone back in his pocket and cleared his throat quietly. "Just kidding," he mumbled as Emmett's phone buzzed on the nightstand.

"You ladies want to meet Rose for lunch?" he said after reading his text. Jasper shrugged in agreement while I tried not to vomit at the thought of food.

"Sorry… I have some work stuff that I'm behind in and phone calls to make," I half-lied in hopes that he wouldn't mind if I skipped out.

"Sure," he nodded, "can I borrow this?" he asked, picking up _The Count of Monte Cristo_ from the nightstand. It took all I had not to leap at him and pry it from his cold, dead fingers.

"No," I barked, and swallowed convulsively as he stared, eyebrows raised.

"O…kay," he soothed, backing off with hands raised, and headed for the door with Jasper at his heels. I watched as both of them climbed into their vehicles and drove off before going inside. Back in the room, I picked up my cell phone to check my messages. A text from Alice gave me a heads-up on what the date actually was, seeing as I had basically forgotten and was measuring the days by the amount of time I got to spend with Masen.

_- Happy Valentine's Day!_

I replied to her quickly, then picked my book up from where had Emmett tossed it, smoothing the bent pages and closing it properly. I stared at the faded cover before opening slowly to my favorite words of the entire book, like I did every time I read it.

_February 14__th__,1999_

_E,_

_To the first of many Valentine's Days together._

_I Love You. _

_-B_

I flipped absently through the pages trying to find a passage I would enjoy reading but, like always, I ended up thinking about the day she gave me the book. Our first Valentine's Day together, ten years ago. Bella and I had been seeing each other in secret for several months and were doing a fine job keeping it to ourselves, until Emmett found out and punched me. After everyone calmed down, things were a little better. Though Charlie had known me all my life, he became very protective when we went public. However, on Valentine's Day the Chief extended Bella's curfew and allowed us to travel to a movie and dinner in Port Angeles rather than suffering another greasy meal at Forks' diner.

I'll never forget the look on his face when Bella came down the stairs that night. Alice insisted that Bella wear pink, which she agreed to as long as she got to pair it with jeans. My sister had applied just the slightest bit of mascara and lip-gloss and curled Bella's hair so that it fell in soft waves around her face and onto her shoulders. She'd smiled shyly at me when I handed her a pink rose and kissed my cheek softly.

We spent our time in Port Angeles wisely. Movie, dinner, and making out on the pier. While I enjoyed the night I kept putting off what I really wanted to say to her. What I had wanted to say for months, but wasn't sure if I was ready. If we were ready.

_February 14__th__, 1999_

_I glanced at our entwined hands and then at the clock on the dash of my Volvo that sat idling in the Swans' driveway. We had until eleven o'clock, another fifteen minutes to whisper, touch, and kiss. I wrapped one of her chocolate curls around my finger and kissed her under her ear, making her shiver. Smiling against her skin, I chuckled softly. _

"_That's nice," I said and she groaned. _

"_You're such a tease, Cullen," she whispered, and pushed me away, smiling. _

"_I -" I started to say what I wanted but stopped, still unsure. _

"_What?"she asked quietly, slipping her hand through my hair and resting it on the back of my neck, absently playing with the unruly hair there. _

"_Nothing baby." I kissed the crook of her elbow and removed her arm from around me. "You should probably get inside. I'm sure Chief's been watching through the blinds for twenty minutes," I said and she giggled. _

"_Probably," she sighed. "Thank you for tonight. Everything was… perfect," she breathed, running her hand through my hair again and pulled my face to hers. Our lips met softly as my hand traveled to the back of her neck, holding her to me. We finally pulled away, breathless, foreheads pressed together. _

"_I'll walk you up." My voice was barely a whisper, my emotions running too high. She held my hand and leaned into me as we walked up the drive. The porch light flicked on and I knew someone was waiting on the other side of the door. When we finally reached the door she reached into her purse and handed me a small package wrapped in tissue paper. _

"_Open it when you get home," she said as she pressed it into my hands. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me quickly, then disappeared inside. _

_I barely made it home before I ripped the paper off the package. Inside was the book, which had always been one of my favorites. It felt like my heart leapt out of my chest when I read the inscription. The words that I had been trying to say all night were right there, staring right at me. She had been the brave one to say it first. _

_It took me all of two seconds to have the car turned on and almost out of the driveway. The drive back to Bella's house didn't take nearly as long as usual, though when I got there all the lights were off. I parked a few houses down and sprinted back to where she was, the girl who had my heart. I quickly climbed the tree outside her window, like I had been doing for so many nights in the past few months. _

"_What the hell are you doing?" Bella whispered after she finally answered my incessant knocking. I couldn't answer her, for she stood before me in nothing but a tank top and a pair of boy short underwear, hair disheveled and looking fucking beautiful. I crossed the room in less than three steps and pulled her into my arms, crushing her mouth with my own and lifting her off her feet. She pulled away, her chest heaving against mine and grinned up at me. _

"_What was that for?" she asked as she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my chin. _

"_Because… I love you, too."_

_~*~_

BPOV

I heard the front door slam and looked up from the essays on _Romeo and Juliet_ I was grading. Emmett strolled in, still wearing the clothes he had on the night before and reeking of cigarettes and sluts. He tossed his keys on the table and fell in the chair across from me, staring.

"What?" I asked; he was being fucking creepy.

"Nothing," he shrugged and smiled. "I just love my baby sister," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"Sure, sure," I muttered and shook my head. "How was your boys' night?" I asked nonchalantly, really only caring what Edward had to say and where he was now.

"Fine," he shrugged again and reached over to take a sip of the coffee that was sitting in front of me. "We had lunch with Rose afterwards…"

"How did she and Edward get along?" I chuckled at the thought, imagining a war of the gods when the two of then got together.

"Oh he didn't come… he was still pretty messed up from last night," my brother grinned at his own memories. "I forgot how much fun that asshole could be," he mused quietly.

"Hm," was all I said. I wasn't sure what I was upset about. The fact that he had a chance to meet someone extremely important to Emmett and chose not to, or that he went out and got wasted. Or was it the fact that my brother was treating Edward like the Prodigal Son? That could've been it.

"So… big plans tonight?" He attempted to pull me out of my mood.

"Nope," I said sourly. "Dad is sick and Sue doesn't think it would be good for Masen to be around him. Seth has a date, you're going out… so I have no babysitter," I sighed and he looked at me as if I'd grown three heads.

"You have a more than willing babysitter hanging out in a hotel room in Port Angeles, don't forget that," he got up and kissed my head softly. "He really wants to try, Iz," Emmett said softly as he left me sitting at the kitchen table with my essays and thoughts. Stupid older all-knowing brother.

~*~

EPOV

I was a little surprised when Bella called, asking if I wanted to hang out with Masen while she and James went out. And perhaps a little peeved that she wanted me to come over so she could have a romantic evening with her douchebag boyfriend. I tried to push the second emotion away and replace it with the sheer joy of getting to spend time alone with my son. Of course, once I pulled my rental into their driveway and saw James' Prius (yes, a fucking Prius) already there, the annoyance was back.

I was grumbling to myself as I walked up the steps when the door flung open and Masen threw himself at me like he had done the day before. His enthusiasm and happiness was contagious. It was nearly impossible to be anything but giddy when I was in his presence. He took my hand, leading me in the house and I closed the door behind us. I could hear Bella's voice coming from the stairs and we rounded the corner from the kitchen.

"He's his father, James! He has every right to be here." Bella's voice was a rather loud whisper, getting louder the more agitated she got.

"That's not the point, Bella!" James voice was low and angry. "We've been together over a freaking _year_ and you have yet to let me spend the day with him, but this guy is here all of what, five days? And you practically throw the kid at him!"

"It's not like that and you know it," she hissed, and I could imagine the look of cold fury on her face.

"Then explain it to me! I want to be a father to your son, Bella. But you won't let me! I'm trying here –" he was interrupted by Masen pulling me into view of the couple. They were standing in the middle of the stairs, Bella on a step just above James so their eyes were level.

"Edward's here!" my son cried and I smiled sheepishly, wondering how this could possibly be any more awkward.

"Great…" James muttered, descending the stairs and avoiding eye contact with me. "I'll be in the car," he called.

"Sorry," Bella said softly and I shrugged.

"I'm sure this isn't easy for him," I said looking down at Masen, whose hand was still tightly wound with mine.

"I'm just going to grab a jacket," she said as she turned to go up the stairs and I finally noticed what she was wearing. It was a fitted dark blue dress that clung to her perfectly and came just above the knee. It was sleeveless and the v-neck was low enough to be sexy, but classy. It was the knee-high black boots that set me off, however. We waited and she smiled as she came down the stairs, just a hint of make-up on, her long locks pulled into a twist at the back of her neck. I fought the urge to pull out whatever was holding it up and watch it cascade down her shoulders, feeling that it may be inappropriate to full-on molest someone else's fiancée.

Masen and I walked her to the door and she bent down and kissed his forehead, then his nose, which he wrinkled adorably before smiling a toothy grin up at his mother.

"I love you, Mama," he said, still clinging to my hand.

"I love you," she whispered, kissing him again. "Thank you," she said as she turned to me, smoothing the buttons on my polo, staring at my shirt and refusing to meet my eyes.

"Have a good night," I said softly. She nodded and left without another word. Masen and I stood by the door for a moment before he turned to me, a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Wanna play hide-n-seek? You're it!" He grinned before running off.

~*~

"Masen!" I called twenty minutes later. We were on our fourth round of hide-n-seek and I'll be damned if he wasn't _really _good. But, it was getting late and we still hadn't had dinner. "Masen, if you want dinner you'll come out!"

"I'm right here," he laughed, crawling out from behind the loveseat. I picked him up then threw him over my shoulder, carrying him to the kitchen, where we made grilled cheese sandwiches and tall glasses of milk.

"What's your favorite color?" he asked thoughtfully.

"Blue," I answered.

"Cartoon?"

"Pinky and the Brain," I smiled thinking of Alice.

"Uncle Emmett told me about that one," he laughed. "What's your job?"

"I'm an architect," I answered.

"So… you build stuff?" he asked, intrigued. It was amazing how intellectual he was.

"Well, kind of. I make the plans and other people build things. But I get to watch and help out sometimes, that's the best part."

"I like to build stuff," he said, smiling a milk-mustache smile at me.

"Very cool," I said, reaching for his empty plate. "Let's get ready for bed," I told him and he nodded and ran upstairs. When I reached him he was pulling a pajama shirt over his head, only the top of his messy hair sticking out. I chuckled as I helped him pull it down and smoothed his hair. He smiled and threw his arms around my neck briefly before climbing into his bed. I sat on the side of the bed and he handed me a story to read to him, but I pulled out the small photo album that was under his pillow. He looked at me wide-eyed, confused as to why I knew where and what it was.

"Do you know who they are?" I pointed to the first picture of the four kids and he grinned.

"Mama, Alice, Uncle Emmett, and you." He pointed to each face as he said our names.

"Alice is my –" I started but he interrupted.

"She's your sister. And she was Mama's best friend?" He looked up at me for validation.

"Right," I smiled.

"Do you know why your Mama gave you these pictures?" I asked softly and he nodded.

"She said she wanted me to know about the people she loved," he explained. I watched his face intently, part of me wondering if he knew _exactly_ who I was. I cleared the lump from my throat quietly and tore myself away from his gaze. It felt like I was looking into a mirror that showed me my past self.

"You should get to sleep." I pulled the comforter up and reached for a story, not sure if we should be having this conversation without Bella's permission. I opened the book and started to read but he interrupted me.

"I know you're my daddy," he said softly. My whole body froze, hands outstretched and empty because the book had fallen to the floor. I could feel my heart stutter and I couldn't force my mouth to say anything so he continued. "Mama told me. She said that… that you had to do something really important and that I shouldn't be mad at you."

"Are you?" I asked softly and he shook his head.

"No," he answered simply. "Will you read me Skippyjon Jones again? I like how you sang the song."

"Of course," I whispered, overcome, before I took his face in my hands and kissed his forehead. I only had to read the story once before he was out cold. After I cleaned up the kitchen and our mess from the consecutive games of hide-n-seek I settled on the couch. I must've dozed off because the next thing I knew a tiny hand was tapping my face.

"Edward," I heard Masen's voice calling me softly.

"What's up, buddy?" I looked around at the clock. It was after eleven and some late night talk show was on the TV. Bella still wasn't home.

"I had a bad dream," he said so pitifully that I had to pull him into my arms. He settled himself against my side, his head resting on my shoulder and his arm over my chest; he was asleep within minutes. I pulled the afghan from the back of the couch and wrapped it around him. His little hand fisted in my shirt and I wrapped my own around it, stretching out his tiny fingers, reveling in the softness of his skin. I pressed my cheek to his hair as my arm tightened around him, finding it hard to believe that he was _mine. _

BPOV

It was nearly midnight when I finally arrived home from my date with James. We enjoyed a nice, quiet dinner and an extremely boring play that made me wish I were at home watching Spongebob with the kid. He walked me to the door, no doubt hoping I would ask him to stay, especially because Edward was there. But my rules had not changed. If my son was in the house, there were absolutely no sleepovers. James took the dismissal stoically, though I could tell he was angry that he was going to leave me alone with Edward.

"I love you," he said and kissed my cheek. I smiled and smoothed the lapel of his jacket.

"You too," I whispered, kissing him softly. I did love him. But it was hard to say it. It was hard to admit that I could feel that way about someone other than Edward, no matter how many years it had been.

"Goodnight." He kissed me again and I watched his figure retreat to his car. When he was out of the driveway I went inside. I took off my coat and boots by the door and noticed the faint blue light coming from the TV in the living room. I hoped Edward was awake so we could talk about how his night with Masen went, but when my eyes fell on their figures cuddled on the couch, I knew I didn't have to ask. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes at the sight of them, so I took a deep breath and steadied myself. I gently pulled the afghan from Masen and tried to extract him from under Edward's arm without stirring them but I failed miserably.

"Hey," Edward said, his voice thick with sleep. He used the hand not wrapped around our son to rub his eyes.

"I was just going to put him in bed," I whispered.

"I got it," he replied, shifting his weight from under Masen and lifting him expertly in his arms. I followed him up the stairs, watching the way Masen's arms wound around his father's neck and imagining doing this, watching them together, every night. My heart warmed unexpectedly at the visual. I shook the thoughts out of my head as we approached Masen's room and watched as Edward placed him in his bed and pulled his covers around him. I didn't realize I was standing so close until Edward straightened himself up and turned around, his body mere inches from mine.

He took a step closer, raising his hand as he did. He placed it, first, on my shoulder squeezing it softly, then let his fingers trail up and around to the back of my neck. His adept fingers found the small clip that had been holding my hair together at the base of my neck and pulled it gently out, causing the curls I'd worked so hard on to fall down my back. I stared up at him quizzically.

"That's been bothering me since you left," he said softly and I blushed into the darkness. I should've known. His fixation with my hair was almost as bad as the one I had with his unruly locks.

"James likes it up…" I explained and his hand, which had been resting on the back of my neck dropped, fingers grazing my arm softly. Edward took a step towards me and gently pressed his lips to my temple.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Bella," he whispered into my hair. I nodded as he walked out of the room. After I made sure Masen was comfortable and kissed his head softly, I nearly sprinted to the front door to stop Edward from walking out of it.

"Stay," I said, a small amount of conviction in my voice.

"What?" he asked and I could see the shock under the mask of sleepiness.

"It's late. You shouldn't drive. Em's not coming home, you can sleep in his room," I explained and to my surprise he didn't argue. He tossed his keys down, removed his shoes and jacket and trudged upstairs to the room across from Masen's, my old room. I hesitated, wondering if I should follow him up, help him out. _Help him out of what, his clothes?_ I almost laughed out loud at myself as I took the stairs two at a time.

The door to Emmett's room was ajar and I was just going to peek in to see if he needed anything. At least that's what I'd promised myself. But when I did peek in I couldn't help but be mesmerized by the sight before me. I had seen Edward shirtless many times. I'd witnessed his pudgy baby fat, his scrawny and awkward prepubescent body, and of course the gloriousness that was the body of a high school football receiver. But this, this _man_ that was standing, back to me in my brother's bedroom was… beautiful. I watched as he pulled the blankets from the head of the bed, the way the muscles in his back moved and rippled across his body. My eyes got caught on the dimples that were just above his boxers, exposed over the top of his jeans. I could've stood there for hours watching him… but I decided against being a perv and made my presence known.

"Do you need anything?" I asked and he turned to me slowly. I should've known that the front view would've been just as compelling as the back. I tried to keep my eyes on his face instead of his body and to save myself from feeling like I was completely objectifying him. But then I noticed that something was off. His skin was a darker shade than I had ever seen it, tanner obviously. A perk from not living in a state of constant cloudiness, I assumed. But I was disturbed by what looked like a bright white scar that had been burned onto the left side of his chest, just over his heart. My eyes were drawn to it and I took a step closer to see. Edward must've noticed my gaze because he turned to a small pile where his shirt lay and extracted a white undershirt. He pulled it over his head quickly before turning back to me.

"I don't need anything," he said, "thanks for letting me stay."

"Is that a scar?" I asked; my eyes still trained on the spot now hidden beneath his tee.

"Something like that," he said softly. I tore my eyes away from his chest and met his emerald gaze.

"Um… thanks for watching him tonight," I mumbled as I walked backwards out of the room, utterly dazed.

"Anytime," he said as one corner of his beautiful mouth turned up. All I could do was nod in my attempt to excuse myself. "Goodnight, Bella."

"Night," I said from the hallway. I turned abruptly and headed to my room, closing the door and leaning against it.

_That man will be the death of me_, I thought to myself, before taking a long, cold shower.

* * *

**A/N: **

***waves***

**Thanks to my beta Becca Graymoor for making these words make sense. **

**Next, I just wanted you to know I am being monitored by the Awesome-est of the Awesome - Messynachos. We're fucking listening to the Spice Girls right now and I'm a little drunk. Messy says I'm a liar because, in fact, I'm quite drunk. Whatevs. We (I) drank rum and made cakes for Slapsgiving. It's the best holiday of the year. **

**Messynachos: Don't put me on the spot.**

**Me: Tell our readers something about yourself.**

**MN: Stop staring at me you fucker.**

**Me: Wha?**

**MN: Tell people what?**

**Me: *facepalm***

**MN: The "scar" was totally my idea because IdPattThat is a fucking looooooooser.**

**Me: *facepunch***

**THE END.**

***Don't forget to review because you may or may not receive a teaser. I haven't decided yet. HAPPY SLAPSGIVING! Can we break 100??*  
**


	13. Visitation Rights

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephenie owns it all.**

**A/N: So... thanks to Becca Graymoor for reminding me I shouldn't write while I drink and Messynachos for reading everything I send to her :)**

**Also, hey new readers *waves*! Thanks for all of you who are adding to favorites and alerts. How 'bout some reviews? I'm not against begging, fo' realz. **

**See you at the bottom?  
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* * *

Chapter 12 – Visitation Rights

BPOV

Sleeping in the same house as Edward was more difficult that I thought it would be. Part of me-- a smaller (very small, I promised myself), weaker part-- wished that I would hear his footsteps coming down the hall and see him push open the door, at which point he would rip off my clothes and ravage me until I couldn't walk. I wished we could stay in bed all day together like we used to, or cuddle up on the couch with our son between us, watching silly movies and simply loving each other.

_That's not happening_, I thought as I groaned and sat up in bed, running my hands through my tangled web of hair. My hormones were confusing the hell out of me as of late when it came to Edward. I couldn't help but think about it as I showered, the way my moods had been out of balance since his return. It had always been that way between the two of us. He was always making me absolutely fucking crazy or causing me to fall in love with him over and over again. Lately… it was the latter. Seeing him with Masen opened up a whole new can of worms-- or emotions, in my case. It had been just over a week since he had returned, but on some days he was absolutely forgiven, whereas others, I hated him more than I could possibly imagine hating someone.

I didn't know if what I was experiencing was real anymore, so I ignored everything that I was feeling and focused on getting ready for the day. I dressed for work, fixing my hair and makeup quickly, then went to wake up Masen. For a brief second, I panicked, noticing he wasn't in his room. Then I saw the bed was made, and that left me confused. It was also odd, considering he had to be told six times to pick up a damn Hot Wheels car after Emmett nearly broke his neck on it. I saw that the bed Edward had slept in was made also and silently thanked Esme for raising such a good housekeeper.

As I sauntered downstairs I heard voices in the kitchen and smelled some sort of breakfast being prepared. I couldn't help but smile at the domestic scene in the room. Edward was sitting at my small kitchen table, a cup of coffee in one hand and the newspaper in the other. Masen was watching his Uncle Emmett, clad in my paisley apron, cook them French toast.

"Hey Mama," Masen smiled when he saw me, then jumped out of his chair and ran to me. I lifted him into my arms and kissed his face over and over, until he was clinging to me and giggling. "I missed you," he said, burying his face into my neck, and I held him tighter.

"I missed you, too," I whispered, setting him down so he could eat the breakfast that Emmett was now serving. As I sat down at the table, Edward stood up to fill his coffee cup and surprised me by handing one of my own. "Thanks," I said softly and he smiled. I could feel the heat creep up my face remembering seeing his half-naked body in my brother's bedroom last night.

"Ewarf's 'oing 'oo 'ake meh 'oo sool," Masen said through a mouth of French toast.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," I scolded him, sipping my coffee. He swallowed and watched me until I turned to him.

"Edward's going to take me to school," he said with a grin that was not impeded by soggy bread. I watched Masen smile up at his father, who returned his perfect smile without hesitation and felt my chest tighten. I had imagined the two of them together for so many years that it was almost too real. It was funny, because my imagination had not been far off, a plus of knowing Edward nearly my entire life, I supposed. I always knew he would make a wonderful father and the past few days of seeing him interact with our son only made validated my active imagination.

"Are you sure?" I turned to Edward, who merely shrugged, then snorted when Emmett removed my apron and sat down with us. "Really, Emmett? What did I tell you about that stupid shirt?!" I hissed under my breath, hoping Masen wouldn't hear. Edward covered his face with the newspaper, but I could see his shoulders shaking with laughter at my idiot brother wearing a t-shirt with the words "The Man", an arrow pointing at him, "The Legend" with the arrow to his crotch.

"What? It's hilarious," he groused good-naturedly, and shoved a forkful in his mouth and grinned like the Cheshire cat.

"Mama?" Masen tugged at my sleeve his green eyes inquisitive. "What does that mean?" He pointed a tiny hand in Emmett's direction.

"Eat your breakfast," I stated, returning my attention to my plate.

"Edward?" he asked, turning to his father.

"Hmm?" Edward pretended to be too engrossed in the newspaper to answer.

"What does Uncle Emmett's shirt mean? What is the arrow pointing to?" he asked.

"His shoes," Edward answered and turned the page idly, sipping his coffee to occupy his mouth while Emmett chuckled softly.

"Are you sure?" Masen questioned again, and when Edward didn't answer he turned to his uncle. "Uncle Emmett, why do you have an arrow pointing to your shoes? It looks like it's pointing to your belt. Are you trying to show people your underwear? Do you want them to see? Can I have a shirt like that, Mama?"

"Go brush your teeth," I ordered, and patted him absently on the head. I could see him scowl out of the corner of my eye and had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. He slid off his chair and stomped out of the room. "I'm going to burn that fucking shirt," I whispered menacingly.

EPOV

I borrowed Masen's booster seat from Emmett and strapped it into the Volvo while he collected his things. Just as I went inside to get him, James pulled up. He followed me silently up the porch and into the house. Bella looked up, shocked, from tying Masen's shoe and stood up quickly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him. I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head, most likely trying to set it on fire with his gaze.

"Is it not Monday?" he asked rudely. She stared at him, a confused look on her face, until understanding dawned on it and she smiled sheepishly. "Do we not drive to work together every single Monday?"

"Sorry… I forgot," she blushed as she put Masen's backpack on him and turned him to me. "Have a good day, baby," she murmured, kissing the top of his head. He smiled back at her, grabbed my hand, and ignored James on the way out. I watched Masen's face as we walked to the car, the same smile he had given his mother still glued on it. It was amazing, the love and devotion that you could clearly see between the two of them, and how he could put it all into one smile. I felt as though I could watch the two of them together for hours. The way they fed off each other's energy and personalities and how they knew each other's facial expressions and gestures made me jealous but warmed my heart at the same time. Fatherhood was weird.

"What the fuck is he doing here still?" I heard James say just before the door shut. Masen looked at me with wide emerald eyes.

"He said a bad word," my son said quietly and I nodded, trying not to laugh.

"Let's not worry about him, huh?" I said as he climbed into the car and I strapped him into the seat.

"'Kay," he answered. "Maybe Mama will wash his mouth out with soap. That's what she always says to Uncle Emmett." I laughed at that and started the car, eager to see his school and meet his friends.

As I pulled into the parking lot of the small preschool, I was suddenly nervous. My palms were sweaty and I could feel the contents of my stomach threatening to come up again. I knew I was being stupid-- I mean, they were kids, right? But as we got out of the car, I realized that, no, it wasn't just kids. Kids had moms. And moms gossiped. A lot.

Masen took my hand as we walked up the steps to his school and waved to a little black-haired boy and his mother. The mother looked up from tying her son's shoe to smile at Masen. Her eyes widened when she saw me, then she looked away quickly. Masen kept waving to people as we walked the hall to his classroom. I walked in with him, helped him hang his backpack, and he dragged me by the hand to his teacher.

"Miss Jessica!" He tapped a small brown-headed woman on the hip. She turned and smiled at him, ruffling his hair. "This is Edward," he announced, grinning proudly, and patted my stomach. I stuck my hand out to introduce myself, but stopped short when I realized I already knew her.

"Edward Cullen?" she asked, a knowing look on her face.

"Jessica Stanley," I stated, more than asked. I hadn't seen her since she and Bella graduated high school, but it wasn't as if she'd changed any in the past 9 or so years.

"Newton, actually," she smiled, flashing her left hand clad with a shiny wedding band.

"I thought I heard that," I nodded, "Congratulations? Belated, of course."

"Just a few years," she laughed, and her eyes slid between Masen and I. "I guess I don't really have to ask why you're here, do I?" she asked softly.

"No, I guess not." I mussed Masen's hair again and he attempted to glare at me, though it only made him more adorable.

"Masen, why don't you show Edward where you sit?" she asked and he pulled me over to a small table. He proceeded to show me his nametag, cubby, the class pet (a very fat guinea pig), some of his artwork that had been hung up, and the bathroom that the kids were allowed to use with a miniature-sized toilet.

"We're going to get started," Jessica said, and tapped my shoulder softly as I stood marveling at a painting Masen had made. It wasn't anything spectacular, nonsense shapes and colors, but it could've been a freaking Picasso for all I cared. "You're welcome to stay," she added, following my gaze to where Masen was sitting, writing his name over and over.

"No," I smiled, "I have some things to do."

"Are you sure?" she asked, her eyebrows arched.

"Yeah. People to see and all that," I joked lamely. I excused myself from her and went to tell Masen goodbye.

"Do you have to leave?" he asked with sad eyes.

"Yeah, I've got to go visit some old friends," I explained, and he was thoughtful for a moment.

"Can you ask Mama if you can pick me up?" he asked, his voice hopeful.

"Of course." I kissed his head and he went back to writing his name. I waved to Jessica and could feel the eyes of the parents on me as I made my way to the parking lot. I couldn't help but smirk to myself and wonder just how the small town gossips would feel about this one.

It wasn't much later that I pulled into the driveway of the house I'd been dreading visiting, but knew that I had to. Even if it was just to ease my own guilt. I knocked on the door and waited impatiently, my heart pounding in my ears. I heard footsteps on the other side of the door and fought the urge to vomit when the door finally opened. Sue Swan stood on the other side of the door, a look of shock on her face. I smiled tentatively as she attempted to compose herself.

"I was wondering when we would be seeing you! Seth's been talking about you for days," she said as she walked through the cluttered foyer and into the living room. "Come in, son. And close the door, it's chilly outside."

I smiled to myself as I stepped in the house, closing the door behind me. The home was cozy, a bit bigger than the one Bella and Emmett had grown up in, the walls and tables scattered with pictures of Masen, Emmett and Bella, and Seth and Leah. I found Sue in the kitchen where she handed me a newspaper and two cups of coffee, then motioned for me to follow her. She held the door opened and gestured to the back porch.

"He's out there," she said with a small smile on her lips. "Good luck." I walked down a short path behind the house and found Charlie sitting by the river. Years ago he would've been lounging in an old camp chair stuck in the river bank, but the newly refined Charlie was sitting on a wooden deck built over the bank in a wicker chair. A wicker chair that was part of an outdoor furniture set. A roll of fishing line was sitting next to him on the table, and he was working diligently on the reel in his hands. I set the coffee and newspaper down, sipping at my own cup.

"Thanks, honey," Charlie said without looking up. "Can you hand me those pliers?" He held out his hand.

"Sure thing, Chief," I said, startling him. He dropped his reel and it bounced dangerously close to the end of the deck. I picked it up quickly and he glared at me. "Sorry," I mumbled. He took the reel from my hand and gestured to the empty seat. I sat down quickly, waiting for him to speak.

"So… I see Emmett and Seth have left you alive. I can only assume the killin' part is up to me," he muttered, and went back to working on his reel. My body went rigid in the fancy wicker chair, the coffee no longer warming me but turning to ice with everything else in my body.

"Uh…" was all I managed to say.

He chuckled darkly. "I'm kidding, boy," he said gruffly, setting down what he had been working on and picking up his coffee. "I wouldn't do that to my girl…or to that little monster," he laughed again.

"He's something else," I mused. I could feel Charlie's eyes on me as I watched the water ripple in the light breeze.

"He got you too, huh?" I turned to Charlie and the side of his mustache was twitching into a smile. I couldn't help but return his smile and nod in agreement.

"It wasn't that hard." I looked down at my coffee cup and could see him nod out of the corner of my eye.

"Very true," he stated. "So… what are your plans, kid?"

"My plane leaves Thursday night," I answered almost inaudibly. I could hear his sharp intake of breath. He set his cup down and turned his gaze to me. It took all the courage I had left in me to return his gaze, finding it hard to when his eyes were so like Bella's.

"You'd do that to her again? To _them_ again?" he asked. Though his voice was quiet there was no denying the anger there.

"I never – if I would've known - " I rambled, trying and failing desperately to defend myself.

"I know, kid. I know." Charlie leaned back in his chair and shifted his gaze to something I couldn't see. "We tried to convince her… but she was pretty stuck on not telling you. So damn stubborn all the time."

"That she is," I murmured and he barked a laugh.

"Seriously though, kid. Emmett, Sue, and I… we tried real hard, even after all that happened. She didn't want to hold you back though, whatever that means," he shrugged.

"I would've come back," I said in an effort to convince him. He turned to me slowly, a knowing look on his face.

"I know," he nodded. "We all know."

"I'd do anything, _anything_, for my son," I stated.

"Well… make sure you do it, then. That boy deserves better," Charlie said as he heaved himself out of the chair and looked toward the house. I couldn't help but ponder the meaning behind his words as we walked up to the house. I didn't understand what, or who, he meant by 'deserves better'. Maybe Emmett wasn't the only one who disapproved of James… "Come inside, I'm sure Sue is dying to show you all the pictures we've got."

Charlie was right: his wife had albums and scrapbooks filled with pictures of Masen. They had cute anecdotal stories they shared with me as well as drawings, paintings, and gifts he had made or given them. The joy they shared spending their lives as grandparents to Masen was quite apparent.

"Potty training was the worst," Charlie reminisced, chuckling at the thought, and Sue shook her head. "Poor Seth."

"What happened?" I inquired.

"It was around Bella's birthday, Masen had just turned two. But we'd all decided that we were going to help her with the potty training and decided to start early," Charlie started.

"I was in the middle of making Bella's birthday cake when I noticed we were out of eggs, so all I did was send Seth to the store," Sue interjected and I had to smile at the way they were finishing each other's sentences. I had seen Charlie alone for so long that it was refreshing to watch him with someone he truly loved.

"Masen had to go with his uncle, they were practically inseparable. And I'll be damned if that kid didn't realize that he had to go while they were in the supermarket." Charlie laughed and I could sense something horrible was about to happen in the story.

"Seth came home, mortified." Sue shook her head at the memory of her son's story. "Masen had wet himself, then stripped down all his clothes in the middle of the store in a matter of minutes. He of course didn't think anything of it, but I didn't get my eggs."

I laughed, feeling slightly sad that I hadn't been there to witness the stories and wondering how I was going to be able to leave when I had already fallen so deep for this kid. The back of my mind was past thinking out holidays and vacations and had moved on to new jobs and houses I could buy.

I was nearly giddy when I left them to go talk to Bella. I wasn't sure if she would have her phone on her so I decided to go directly to the high school and speak with her.

I pulled into the familiar parking lot of Fork's High School, shut off the car, and traipsed to the front office. It was to my great surprise that Mrs. Cope was sitting behind the desk. Her eyes widened with surprise when she saw me, and her wrinkled cheeks flushed pink.

"Edward Cullen," she clucked her tongue and I smiled.

"Mrs. Cope." I inclined my head towards her.

"What can I do for you?" she asked, batting her old-lady eyelashes at me.

"I'm here to see Miss Swan." I leaned against the counter and peered down at her.

"Of course you are," she mumbled under her breath. She handed me a map of the school (as if I needed it) and directed me to Bella's classroom. My fingers trailed along the lockers as I made my way through the empty hallways to the English building. My mind flooded with the memories of my years here.

_October 1998_

"_You keep staring at Newton like that and he's gonna ask you to prom," Emmett teased, smacking my shoulder, and I turned my glare to him. _

"_What?" I asked, startled. Had I been staring at Mike Newton? I mean, he was nice looking, but definitely not my type. I preferred the brunette that he was currently fawning over. However, it would be a cold day in hell when I told Emmett Swan that I was cursing Newton to the fiery depths of hell because I had secretly made out with his baby sister in a dark corner of the gym that very morning._

"_Dude, what's with you?" Emmett asked as my eyes traveled back to Mike and Bella._

"_Sorry… didn't sleep much. Newton's trying for my position, and it's pissing me off," I said, noticing the double meaning behind my own words. _

"_Don't worry, I'll make sure he can't catch anything I throw," Emmett grinned and I tried to return his smile. Quarterback and receiver, lifelong best friends. How would he feel about me if he knew how I felt about her?_

"_I know you will." I punched him in the shoulder, hurting my hand in the process. _

"_I've gotta get to Chem. You gonna be alright? Don't go raping Newton while I'm gone," he admonished, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, and I rolled my eyes. I watched my best friend walk away and turned back to creeping on Bella and Mike, almost losing my shit when he reached out and twirled a piece of her long chocolate hair around his finger. Fuck, no. I thought. She's _mine_. It took me all of three seconds to get from one end of the hallway to the other. I grabbed Bella's elbow, pulling her away from a bewildered Mike Newton and into the closest empty room I could find. She followed me silently, confused. When the door to the classroom closed behind us, I pushed her up against the wall and looked briefly into her wide brown eyes before covering her mouth with my own. She tried to push me away at first, but her pushes became pulls and soon we were both gasping for air. _

"_I hate Mike Newton," I said through clenched teeth, before opening the door and throwing myself into the throng of people, leaving Bella in the empty classroom. _

I smiled at that particular memory and realized that I had made it to Bella's classroom. Peering in the window, I could see her at the front of the room with a male student at her side. She was talking and gesturing to him, and as she turned her back to the door, I quietly slipped in and took a seat in the back row. I watched as she interacted with her students, acting out the final scene of Romeo and Juliet.

"So," she said, taking a seat on her desk and gesturing for the boy to take a seat. "Romeo's just walked in to find his love presumably dead. You're Romeo. What do you do?" She clasped her hands in her lap and looked out at the class. They looked around at each other before hands started to rise. "Alison?" She called on a girl in the front row.

"Well… it's a tough choice, right? We all know what Romeo did, but I mean… I've never loved anyone except Justin Timberlake," the girl said and blushed as the glass erupted in giggles, "so, I guess I would leave? That's scary."

"Love is scary, Alison; it's about sacrifice and dedication. I doubt what you feel for JT is as strong as what Romeo and Juliet felt," Bella smiled and the girl nodded, giggling to herself.

"What about Mr. Nichols? Is that how you feel about him?" A brown-haired girl two seats away from me asked. Bella blushed and the class 'ooo-ed'.

"Ah, but that's not what we're learning about, is it Kelly?" Bella tapped her head and avoided the question. "Again, you're Romeo. What do you do? Die with your love? Or move on?"

"You die," I spoke up, loud and clear. All heads turned in my direction, eyes wide.

"Why?" she asked, masking her surprise at seeing me in the back of her class.

"What's the point of living when the only love you've ever know no longer exists?" I leaned forward, resting my chin in my hand, awaiting her response.

"So you don't believe that either one of them could move on? Find another mate?"

"No, not a perfect match," I shrugged. "Unless you don't believe in that kind of stuff." I could feel the corner of my mouth turning into a smile.

She bit her lip and looked at her feet in the attempt to clear her thoughts. "Class dismissed. I want a one page, only one page," she emphasized, "essay on what you would do if you were Romeo. By Friday!" she called over collective groaning as the students filed out.

I stayed in my seat, feeling the eyes of the students on me as they filed out.

"Is he?" I heard one girl ask another.

"He's gotta be, they look just alike," her friend whispered. Bella cleared her throat loudly and the girls scurried past.

"Are you trying to cause a teenage ovary explosion?" she said, hands on her hips.

"What?" I spluttered, laughing.

"Ugh." She sat down at her desk and stared at me through small slits of brown. "You can be so dense."

"You of all people should know that, Iz." I got up from the back row and took a seat in a desk directly in front of hers. "This feels like a really bad porno," I chuckled and she rolled her eyes.

"Or a really good one," she vamped, and waggled her eyebrows.

"So… where's your boyfriend's room?" I asked, thoroughly ruining the joking atmosphere.

"Next building," she sighed. "What are you doing here, anyways?" she asked as she twirled in her roller chair.

"Masen wanted me to pick him up from school, but I wasn't sure if I could call while you were in class," I shrugged, leaning back in my seat.

"Sure," she nodded then looked down, picking at a piece of her desk calendar. "How much longer?"

"Thursday night," I whispered. "I have to go. I have responsibilities."

"I know," she smiled, bringing her face back to mine. "He's going to miss you," she said softly and I laughed.

"I'm going to miss him. That's what I wanted to talk to you about…" I watched her face for any sign of protest while I spoke about weekly phone calls, emails, and possible visits. I gave her my ideas about holidays and vacations while all I really wanted to tell her was that I was going to stay. That I was going to quit my job-- to hell with my dreams; they'd already been fulfilled by my son's glorious presence. But I didn't. Instead, I promised her we'd work out a schedule, something that worked for all of us, to ensure that I would be a part of his life.

"It sounds reasonable, Edward," she said, and got up from her desk and stood at the edge of where I sat. "Thank you… for wanting him," she murmured, and touched the top of my head softly before walking out and leaving me alone in the room.

I left shortly afterward, not bothering to look for her and not wanting to run into James in the process. Things were difficult enough as it was. I could feel the glances and hear the whispers as I walked through the now crowded halls. I hadn't noticed that I'd spent so much time with Charlie and Sue or lurking around the halls of Forks' High. It was time to pick up Masen from school.

~*~

I stood outside the preschool amongst the crowd hearing, for the second time today, whispers about me. I must've been wearing my "Please talk about me loud and inconspicuously because I'm deaf" shirt. I didn't have to suffer long because Masen was the first one out the door. He ran to me, grinning as I swung him up in my arms. I felt a pang of sadness in my heart knowing that I wouldn't be able to do this every day.

"Did you have a good day?" I asked as we walked past the gossipers to the car. He climbed in the back and buckled himself in expertly.

"Yep. We painted our families," he said, and held out a piece of paper from the backseat. I took it, again marveling at the messy shapes and colors, barely making out the eight figures he painted. He'd put himself between the likeness of myself and Bella; Charlie, Sue, Emmett, Seth, and Leah completed the picture. "You can keep it."

I looked in the rearview mirror to see him smiling broadly at me. "Thanks, buddy," I smiled back at him. I sent Bella a quick text letting her know I'd picked him up and that I was taking him for ice cream before pulling out of the parking lot. Sure, I was new to this "father" thing, but I was fairly certain that ice cream helped when you were breaking bad news to a child. Of course, when I thought about it, it was probably the reason I didn't like ice cream that much. I mentally cursed my father for breaking the news of my childhood dog's death over a cone of Rocky Road. Hopefully, Masen wouldn't resent me, or ice cream, for the rest of his life.

"Can you take me to a movie this weekend?" Masen asked after he swallowed a mouthful of Superhero ice cream.

"Um… Actually Mase… I'm not going to be here this weekend," I said as he lifted another spoonful to his mouth.

He set his spoon down and frowned at me. "Where are you going?" he asked quietly.

"I have to go back to Australia," I explained, though it broke my heart to do it. Though he was young, I felt it best to be completely honest with him. "My job is there…" I said in a weak attempt to make him understand.

"Don't you want to spend time with me?" he inquired, his lower lip trembling. Oh, fuck. Tears. I had not anticipated him crying, nor did I have any idea what to do with a crying child besides hand them off to a parent. Parent. Shit, that was _me_.

"I do… there are just some things I have to do there," I said as I pulled him off the cracked vinyl seat and into my lap. He buried his sticky face into my oxford, a gesture that would have made my sister cringe. I rested my chin on his head and rubbed his back in soothing circles.

When he looked up at me, his eyelashes were wet with tears. "Will you call me?"

"Every day… if you want," I told him and he smiled minutely. "And I can come and visit or you can come see me."

"Australia is far. Mama showed me on the 'lobe." He picked at the button on my shirt, quiet and thoughtful.

"I know," I sighed and wondered just how in the hell we were going to survive this.

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	14. Quality Time

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns it all.**

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Chapter 13 – Quality Time

Masen was quiet on the way home from Scoops, the local ice cream shop we visited. He didn't say anything as we walked up the front steps, or when Bella greeted him at the door. He silently hung up his jacket, removed his shoes and trudged up to his room, slamming the door behind him.

"I told him I was leaving. I just wanted to be honest with him," I sighed sadly, leaning against the front door. Bella looked angry for a split second, but took a deep breath to steady herself, hopefully thinking I'd had enough people being pissed off at me today.

"It's okay," she reassured me, squeezing my arm. "You did the right thing… he'll be fine. I'll have him call you later, alright?"

I nodded and bid her goodbye, then got in the Volvo and went back to Port Angeles, distraught but inspired. I had seriously been slacking on my recent project and I had a huge presentation coming up when I returned to work. At first it had seemed like an impossible job, a single man designing a children's wing of a hospital. I supposed the past week or so had put things into perspective for me.

When I got back to the hotel I pored over my plans, making changes and additions to things that were lacking. I sketched the outside of the building and expanded common rooms for kids, making everything accessible for little ones rather than adults. I worked for hours, hunched over the tiny table in my room until the buzzing of my phone interrupted me.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi." Masen's voice came through the speaker.

"Hey buddy," I smiled.

"I'm sorry I was angry," he said softly.

"It's okay to be angry," I reassured him.

"I just don't want you to go," was his reply. I rubbed my face with the heel of my hand in an effort to calm myself. This was going to be hard.

"I know, Mase. I don't want to go either," I told him.

"Then why are you?"

"It's complicated. I have responsibilities," I explained.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that grown-ups have jobs and houses and things to take care of. I wish I could stay but there are a lot of things in Australia that I have to do," I said, my heart breaking.

"Well… If you get rid of all that stuff you can come back. You can live with me and Mama," he said quite matter-of-factly, and I had to laugh.

"I don't think James would like it if I lived with you and your Mama," I chuckled, and he laughed, too.

"So? He's not the boss!" he cried.

"Very true," I agreed. It seemed as if he'd forgiven me for the time being, and we talked for a good twenty minutes. He told me about a girl at school who chased him, a new book Bella had bought him, and a movie Emmett promised to take him to.

"Time for bed!" I heard Bella's voice, then a small thud and muffled footsteps. I was quiet for a moment, listening until I heard giggling and the phone picked up again. "Say goodnight, Masen," I heard Bella's voice again.

"Goodnight, Masen," my son parroted, and laughed loudly into the phone. I heard Bella groan and I grinned.

"Goodnight, Edward," Bella said.

"Goodnight," I laughed and ended our call.

After I hung up I thought about calling my mother or sister, but decided to wait until it was a reasonable hour, as neither one of them were what you call 'morning people'. Instead I settled for calling my project manager to discuss the changes I was making. He listened quietly while I explained my visions for the wing and gave enough feedback for me to know he approved, but refused to approve anything until he actually saw the plans. It was after eleven o'clock in Port Angeles when I got off the phone, six o'clock in Sydney, and I decided that it was a fine enough time to call my sister. To my surprise, she answered on the first ring.

"Alice Cullen," her voice chirped.

"Morning sunshine," I smiled as I settled against the pillows of my hotel room bed.

"Well, well," my sister sniffed indignantly. "It's so nice of you to call," she said, her voice was laced with sarcasm, but I knew better.

"I'm sorry, Brain," I said softly and I could nearly picture her rolling her eyes at me.

"Fine," she sighed and I smiled again knowing I was forgiven. She was quiet for a moment as I awaited the onslaught of questions I knew where roaming around her brain. "Tell me everything," she breathed. I chuckled lightly before reliving all the things that had happened in the last few days. I mainly talked about Masen, thinking that hearing about Bella would make her angry or sad. I was, however, quite wrong.

"He sounds wonderful, Edward." I could hear the grin in her voice as she spoke. I could also hear banging around in the background and vaguely wondered what the hell she was doing. "How… how is she?" my sister asked softly.

"Good," I stated simply. "She's good."

"I'm going to need a bit more than that, Pinky," she laughed softly.

"She's great, actually." I ran my hand through my hair and glanced at the clock. It was after midnight for me and nine in the morning in Paris. I was exhausted, but excited to speak with my sister. Our conversations over the past five years had come so few and far between and that was something I took full responsibility for. I knew how hard it was for me to leave Bella and when I'd asked my family not to contact the Swan family I didn't think to take my sister's feelings into consideration. It was something that pained me every time we spoke and she talked about her "friends" because I knew, deep down, that Alice would never have a friend like Bella.

"She's um… she's engaged," I forced myself to say. The words stung as they came out, as I made myself say them out loud and finally believe them. It was if I was admitting to myself that this really wasn't about Bella and me, and that this was simply about our son and my relationship with him.

"I'm sorry," my sister mumbled, clearly, and astonishingly out of character for her, at a loss for words.

"It's okay. I'm okay. I mean, I would really have no right to be upset so… I'm not," I said in a lame attempt to explain myself.

Alice chuckled softly. "No, I guess you're right," she replied. There was a short uncomfortable silence and I took a deep breath before filling it with something I should have said so many years before.

"I'm sorry, Ali," I said softly.

"For what, Edward?" she questioned, confused.

"For… everything I guess." I rolled to my stomach and tucked a pillow under myself, preparing for a long conversation.

"I don't… understand," Alice said, and I buried my face in the pillow to muffle a groan. She was really going to make me say it. Fuck, I deserved it.

"I'm sorry that I made you stop talking to Bella. I shouldn't have asked that from you. You two were like family and I – I fucked that up for you. I know it doesn't make any difference now… but I'm sorry. For everything," I nearly whispered, hoping it would suffice.

"I know you are," she said after a quiet moment. "It was hard but… you're my brother, Edward. I'd do anything for you."

"That's the point, Ali, I shouldn't have asked you to do that. Any of you. I was selfish and stupid and -"

"And it's over, Edward!" Alice cried. "It happened, it was awful. Edward, you can't apologize for something that we can't change. There is so much to focus on right now… I spent years being angry at you anyways. I don't want to relive that," she finished with a soft sigh.

"Years?" I asked quietly.

"Yes, Pinky. Years."

"Why didn't you tell me, Alice?" I tugged at my hair and rested my chin on the pillow. "I would have tried to fix it."

"Because… because you were hurting, too." Her small voice made my heart ache for an easier time. A time when I was seventeen and my biggest worry was getting Bella home before curfew or choosing what movie Emmett and I were going to see. But times had changed and Alice was right: there were far more important things to worry about. We were quiet for a while until Alice daintily cleared her throat.

"Big brother, I would love to sit here and listen to you breathe, but I have a brunch meeting to get to," she said and I chuckled softly.

"I'm sorry. It's been a long day," I sighed.

"Get some rest. I love you, big brother," she said, a smile in her voice.

"I love you," I told her thinking that, though I was over a year older than her, she should have been the older sibling. "Oh!" I said, suddenly remembering something.

"Yes?"

"What in the hell were you banging at?" I asked.

"Fucking spider…" she sniffed.

"Goodbye, Alice," I laughed softly.

"Call me soon," was her reply. We hung up and I finally crawled into bed, exhausted.

~*~

The next day dawned too quickly for my liking. It was cloudy and cold, as per usual for Washington. I spent most of the morning drinking the instant coffee from my hotel room accommodations and putting some final touches on my building sketches. Bella texted me around lunch time informing me she had a meeting after school and asked if I wanted to pick Masen up for her. I obliged of course and found myself once again under the scrutiny of the town women.

I could feel their eyes on me as I stood outside Masen's preschool waiting for him to come out. After several minutes of the stares and whispers I finally plucked up the courage to go over to them.

"Afternoon, ladies," I smiled at them. There were three of them, no older than I was. In fact, we had probably gone to high school together.

"Hello," one of them, a small brunette, smiled shyly at me while the others simply gaped.

"I'm Edward Cullen," I said as I held out my hand to them. They each shook it, looking slightly less stunned and introduced themselves. "I'm Masen's father."

"Well, that's quite obvious," the lanky blond smiled. "You two look just alike."

"Of course, we haven't seen you around…" the first one said and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"Uh, yeah… I live in Australia actually." I shuffled my feet.

"Really? And you just let Bella raise your son all alone?" the third one, a pudgy redhead asked.

"Long story, I guess. I moved away before she knew she was pregnant," I shrugged, knowing that these women didn't really care what I said or what the truth was. They were the town gossips and my words would be twisted to make the story better. I smiled at the thought and wondered what I could do to help them out.

"So you just left? It was that easy?" the blonde asked.

"Oh no," I said softly, playing it up. I glanced to the school and saw that kids were starting to pile out. Masen's copper hair stood out amongst the rest of the children so I took a chance and said what I needed to say. "I mean… it just wasn't fair to stay with Bella anymore. I was too in love with Emmett," I finished and watched their mouths drop open, then turned back to the school just in time for Masen to wrap his arms around my legs. I picked him up and carried him to the car. I could still feel the eyes of the ladies following me and smiled to myself. I bet that would keep the town busy for a while.

Masen and I spent some time at a small park around the corner from Bella's house. I sat on one of the swings while watching Masen, bundled in his jacket and scarf, play on the different equipment. My mind wandered as I sat there watching him, different scenes playing in my mind, over and over.

I imagined what it would have been like holding him moments after he was born, kissing Bella and telling her how happy she made me. I saw him taking his first steps, saying his first word, and watching him open presents on birthdays and Christmas. The absolute joy that would light his face every time he saw me tugged at my heart and made it hard to breathe. Before I knew it he was standing in front of me, a worried look on his face. His small hands reached up and touched my cheek and I realized I had been crying. _Fucking crying… again._ I really had to stop acting like such a woman.

Thankfully, my phone buzzed in my pocket before I had to explain to my son why I was crying like a little bitch. Bella called asking us to return home so she could figure out what was for dinner. I picked Masen up and placed him on my shoulders, and he laughed and wrapped his arms around my head as we made our way back to the car. We were at the house in less than five minutes.

"Hey guys," she greeted us at the door, favoring us with a warm smile. Masen deposited his backpack on the floor and ran to his room. "Masen Charles!" she called after him. Masen appeared on the bottom step a few seconds later. Bella gave him a pointed look and sighed; he picked his bag up off the floor, then drug it up the stairs. She rolled her eyes and turned to me.

I smiled. "Really? Just a look and he does what you want?" I asked and she raised an eyebrow and giggled softly.

"Just like you," she said quietly before turning away from me. I followed her into the kitchen where she was opening and closing cabinets with a frown. She opened the refrigerator and stood in front of it, staring intently. I watched, fascinated because I had seen her do this so many times before. I knew exactly what was coming next.

"You want to go out?" we said simultaneously.

She stared, shocked, then laughed softly. "Want some greasy diner food?" Bella leaned against the counter beside the fridge and I shrugged.

"Where's James… if you don't mind me asking?" I said cautiously, not wanting to step on her toes.

"He teaches a class in Port Angeles on Tuesdays… won't be back until at least 10," she looked at her hands, picking at her nails.

"And Emmett?"

"He's with Rose," she said and rolled her eyes, annoyed at my questions. "Edward, we can go to dinner together without it meaning anything or anyone caring," she said and I nodded. Masen came into the kitchen at that moment and wrapped his arms around Bella's waist, burying his face in her stomach. I couldn't help but stare as I watched them together, awed once again by their interaction and the devotion you could see in the small amount of contact they made. They way Masen looked at his mother was overwhelming. It was impossible not to see the adoration in his eyes.

"I'm hungry," he said pointedly, and looked at his mother and me.

I sighed, knowing I was outvoted. "Greasy diner food it is," I gave in, throwing my hands up, and they both clapped.

We climbed into Bella's Touareg and drove to Forks' Diner. The diner was small with Formica table tops and red leather seats that had been the same since at least the late 70s. We took our seats at a booth in the corner and gave the waitress our drink order. She was surprisingly unfamiliar to me and didn't seem to recognize me either. Not that I was being cocky, I just really wasn't in the mood for any more gossip mongers. Masen perused the kids' menu expertly and I glanced at Bella, confused.

"Can he read?" I asked quietly. She looked over at Masen and snorted then pulled the menu out of his hands. He glared at her until she put in back in his grasp, only this time it was actually right side up.

"The kids' menu has pictures," she said and he smiled up at her. "But to answer your question, yes, he can actually read some basic words and knows all of his letter sounds. He's fairly advanced and definitely ready for kindergarten in the fall, despite his late birthday," she explained as the waitress brought our drinks and took our order. It was obvious that he was intelligent, anyone could tell just by having a conversation with him. Though his articulation was sometimes off, his vocabulary was quite advanced, which was no doubt a response to have an English teacher for a mother.

We talked mostly about Masen throughout dinner; different things he liked and disliked and how Emmett's influence was sometimes a blessing and a curse. Masen listened intently as we spoke about him, sometimes throwing in his own ideas or attempting to tell us jokes and make us laugh, a trait he no doubt picked up from his Uncle Emmett. More than two hours had passed since we'd entered the diner, our plates cleaned and cups emptied. Masen's head rested against Bella's arm, his eyes drooping sleepily. I paid the waitress before Bella could argue with me and then pulled Masen off the bench seat and into my arms.

The drive back was quiet. I carried Masen upstairs and watched as Bella expertly changed him into his pajamas while he dozed in and out of sleep. She tucked him in again, kissing his head and whispering her love to him. Once again I couldn't help the tug on my heart that I felt watching them together. There was the overwhelming hope that one day my son and I would have the same sort of relationship, and of course jealousy that she had it and I didn't. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice her standing in front of me. I could just make out a frown on her face in the light from the hall and it took me a minute before I realized that her face mirrored my own. She reached up and smoothed the lines on my forehead, her touch causing my entire body to relax.

"It will be fine," she said softly, as if she could read my mind.

"I don't want him to hate me," I responded.

"I won't let that happen, I promise," she said, her voice quiet but fierce. I nodded, trying my damndest to believe her.

"I should get going." I ran a hand through her hair, letting it rest on the back of her neck. I pulled her to me gently and kissed her forehead before heading down the stairs without a backwards glance.

~*~

Wednesday appeared the same as Tuesday, too quickly, cold and gray. I worked during the morning and picked Masen up from school again, this time spending our afternoon at Charlie and Sue's home instead of outside. Watching Masen with Charlie was almost as moving as seeing him with Bella. Charlie had always been a second father to me, kind and caring despite his rough demeanor, so it was no surprise that Masen practically worshipped his grandfather, or his 'Pop', as he called him.

The funny thing was the effect Masen had on Charlie; he was putty in his grandson's capable hands. I watched that afternoon as they read books and played several games of Go Fish, Charlie helping him with words he didn't know or letting him win consecutive card games. It was the same with Sue and Seth-- their attitudes towards my son were amazing and I was grateful that he had such amazing people to love and surround him.

It wasn't until Bella and Emmett arrived at the house did I realize that we were having a full on family dinner. I was suddenly very nervous.

"Is Rosalie coming?" Sue asked Emmett as she and Bella busied themselves in the kitchen.

"Yes, ma'am," he answered as he pulled three beers out of the refrigerator and handed one to me and Charlie, passing by a disappointed-looking Seth.

"Nana," Masen tugged on the side of Sue's apron. She gave him a smile as she gazed down at him.

"Yes, baby?" she asked.

"Where's my surprise?" he asked. She set the pot she was carrying down in the sink and glanced out the window.

"Well, sugarbean, I do believe it's in the front yard," she said, ruffling his hair, and he ran to the front door, swinging it open. I heard a car door slam and Masen's loud giggling, then the front door close a moment later. Masen entered the kitchen dragging a young girl – or rather, woman – behind him. I recognized Leah Clearwater immediately; she hadn't changed very much in the five years since I'd seen her. Her hair was shorter than I remembered, cropped to her chin with short bangs framing her fierce black eyes.

"This is my Aunt LeeLee," Masen smiled brightly as he dragged her in front of me.

"We've met, Mase," Leah ruffled his hair and smiled at me. "How's it going, Ed?" she asked casually. I shrugged in a noncommittal way and she nodded. Most people thought Leah was bitchy. But in reality she was intelligent and soft spoken, choosing to express her thoughts on her own time and to those she deemed worthy. Leah was an excellent judge of character, she read people better than someone her age (when I was around her more) should be able to. She was a talented photographer, choosing it as her area of study at Washington State. I was, nevertheless, surprised to see her in front of me.

"Mom told me you were in town. I figured I needed to see if for myself," she smiled, stealing Emmett's beer and kissing Charlie's cheek before slipping on an apron and sidling up to Bella, who was standing at the sink. Bella wrapped a soapy arm around her stepsister and the two were immediately lost in conversation, oblivious to the rest of us.

It was amazing how natural the atmosphere in the Swan-Clearwater home felt. The love that they felt for each other was apparent and contagious. We talked and laughed, somehow skirting around the fact that I would be gone in less than twenty-four hours, and simply enjoyed each other's company.

Until Rosalie arrived, of course.

She was exactly what I expected for Emmett, stunningly beautiful with long blonde hair and ice blue eyes. She glared at me from the moment she walked in the door, refusing to speak to me. In fact, Rosalie spoke to everyone except me. Several times. Not while we were setting the dining table, not when I asked her to pass the mashed potatoes, and most certainly not while we were clearing the dishes.

"I don't like you," she finally said to me as I scraped a plate into the garbage can and placed it in the sink. I kept my face calm as I turned to her.

"You don't even know me," I said softly and she snorted. It sounded weird coming from someone as unnaturally beautiful as her. From what I'd heard Bella and the family say about her, I knew that Rosalie was a prosecuting attorney. Supposedly the best in town, which meant she was vicious. She could probably tear me apart in less than ten seconds, verbally and physically.

"I know enough." She turned on the sink and started scrubbing the dishes that were soaking. A strange noise came from the back of my throat, something between a scoff and a growl. I had no idea what she knew of me, nor did I care. It wasn't her I was trying to win over. She eyed me disdainfully and turned back to her dishes. I didn't have time to make a retort (nor could I think of one) because Emmett and Seth entered the kitchen and sat at the table, Masen not far behind them.

"What are we playing for, cash?" Seth asked as Masen climbed into his lap with a deck of cards.

"Candy, duh," Masen rolled his eyes and his uncles laughed. Rosalie smiled in their direction then glared at me before drying her hands and leaving us alone again. I sat down at the table with the guys, Masen grinned at me.

"What are we playing?" I asked.

~*~

I left the intense game of Go Fish to find where Bella had snuck off to. As I walked through the living room Sue jerked her head toward the door and I smiled in thanks. Bella was sitting across the hanging wooden swing, her legs wrapped up in a flannel blanket, a cup of hot tea warming her hands. She gave me a small smile when she saw me and I tugged on one of the chains holding the swing.

"It's fairly sturdy… but Charlie did put it together," she grinned as she sipped her tea.

"I think I'll chance it." I returned her grin and lifted her feet so I could sit down. I placed her feet on the other side of my legs, one hand resting on her ankles, the other on the back of the swing. She didn't protest our position; instead, she set down her mug and took my hand from its resting place. Her fingers lightly traced the creases in my hands, and her skin was warm against mine, but a shiver ran through me anyways.

"Was it hard? With the people in town?" I asked softly. It had been bothering me since I had come in contact with so many different people I'd known growing up and the knowing look they all gave me. It was like they'd always expected me to turn up.

"No…" she said, lacing her fingers through mine. "I stayed busy with school. I heard the whispers but… I guess I just didn't care, you know? Besides, mostly they were talking about you," she said, a smile playing on her beautiful mouth.

"Me?" I asked, confused.

"Oh yeah," she laughed softly, "'How could he leave her pregnant?' 'Maybe it's not his and he got mad!' 'He's too smart for that anyways!'" She recounted what people had said and I frowned.

"That's not funny," I said and she nodded, her smile disappearing.

"I know." Her voice was small. She let go of my hand and ran her fingers through her thick brown locks. "It was okay, though. You were where you were supposed to be."

"Bella, I should have been here." I took her hand back in mine and squeezed it tightly. She turned her gaze to the kitchen where Sue and Masen had just entered. Sue poured him a glass of milk and scooped him up and kissed him before handing him his glass and leading him out. "I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make any difference now, but I am."

"Edward…" She shook her head and met my gaze. "Please don't."

"I need to!" I cried, my grip on her ankle tightening. She winced and I let go quickly, resting my hand on her knees. As I watched her face turn thoughtful I decided not to force her to accept my apology. She would forgive me when she was ready. Me, on the other hand… "I'm not angry with you," I said and watched her eyes widen.

"What?" she said, in barely a whisper.

"I can't be. I wish to God I could, but I see him and I just… don't care," I shrugged and felt a smile cross my face, like it always did when I thought of Masen. She sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her head on them and facing me. Her face was inches from mine and I fought the sudden urge to take it in my hands and kiss her until I couldn't breathe.

"For what it's worth… I am sorry. I shouldn't have waited so long. I just – wanted you to succeed. I didn't want anything to hold you back," she explained.

"I know," I told her, brushing a hand through her hair until it came to a rest at the small of her back and the small sliver of skin exposed between her sweater and jeans. Her body reacted with a shiver, just as I'd expected it would, and I fought a grin that threatened my lips. Her eyes met mine again with a dangerous expression I hadn't seen in five years and to be honest, it scared the living fuck out of me.

"Mama?" The front door opened and Masen stepped outside, a cell phone in his hand.

"Hey, baby." Bella tore her eyes from mine and rested her gaze on our son.

"James is on the phone," he informed us, glancing from me to his mother, and held out the phone without another word. Bella turned her body so she her thigh was flush against mine and her feet were on the ground. She turned to me, her eyebrows furrowed and a small frown on her face. Swiftly, she put a hand on the back of my head, tugging my face to hers. She kissed me softly on the temple and released me, leaving the flannel blanket and taking the phone from Masen's hand. Masen watched her shut the door then turned to me, confused. I beckoned for him to join me and wrapped the blanket tightly around us when he did.

"Girls are weird," he said, resting his head against my chest.

"Yeah, they are," I chuckled in agreement, wrapping my arms tightly around him, enjoying the few hours I had left with him.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks, as always, to Becca Graymoor for being my beta. Keep warm out there, bb. I miss you.**

**Sorry it took so long. Holidays = FAIL.  
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**It is officially Christmas Day in the Sunshine State so,**

** MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

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	15. All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns it all. Except Mase... he's mine.**

**A/N: Huge THANK YOUs as always to Becca Graymoor for being super speedy beta today and Messynachos for the support.**

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**Here we go...  
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* * *

Chapter 14 – All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye

"_Why you wanna break my heart again?_

_Why am I gonna let you try when – _

_All we ever do is say goodbye."_

_-John Mayer_

Saying goodbye to the Swan family was more difficult than I thought it would be. Sue hugged me tightly, making me promise that I would visit soon. Seth and I exchanged email addresses before he wrapped me in another bone crushing embrace. Leah stayed quiet, preferring a small wave, and Rosalie simply glared as she walked out the door, Emmett following to walk her to her car. Charlie walked us to the front porch, shuffling his feet when we reached the steps.

"'Night, Dad." Bella kissed his cheek and Charlie picked up Masen to hug him.

"Goodnight, Pop." Masen wrapped his arms around his grandfather's neck. Charlie squeezed him back tightly, his eyes locked on mine over Masen's head. He set my son down and stepped towards me, his hand outstretched. I grasped it tightly in my own.

"Hang in there, kid," he said gruffly. I nodded and looked down at Masen, who smiled sleepily at me.

"Yeah," I said before pulling Masen into my arms. "See you around, Chief."

I carried Masen to Bella's car and followed her back to her house. She helped him change into his pajamas and climb into bed before leaving us alone. It was bittersweet, being there with him and getting to read him one last bedtime story before I had to leave. We didn't mention that I was leaving or say the word goodbye. He simply chose a book and we climbed into his bed. I leaned against the headboard and he snuggled close to my side, his hair hanging in his sleepy eyes. He watched and listened while I read until his eyes finally closed, his head resting against my side. I gently smoothed his hair back and watched him as he slept, once again marveling at him. It was so easy to be caught up in him when he was awake, his quirks and intelligence. It surprised me that I could get lost in him as he slept too, as if I were reading my favorite book or watching a great movie… I couldn't tear myself away. Maybe it was because this was so new to me, because I had already lost so much time. I wondered briefly if Bella felt this way, if she ever sat here and watched him sleep, or was ever simply in awe at the little miracle we created.

I don't know how long I sat and watched him sleep. It could have been hours, days, weeks, and I wouldn't have noticed. Only the fact that Emmett appeared in the doorway broke me from my trance. I gently got up from Masen's bed, pulled his covers tight around him, and kissed him softly, knowing that if I were to stay any longer I wouldn't be able to pry myself away. Emmett pulled the door closed behind us, then thrust two pieces of paper in my hand.

"That's my email, phone number, all that good stuff," he said pointedly to his feet, which he was shuffling nervously. I looked over the sheet with all his information and nodded, then pulled the second, thicker paper out from under the first. "I wasn't sure if you would want to – I mean I'd… we'd… Rose and I would really love to have you there…" he trailed off while I realized that the thing I was holding was asking me to join the families of _Mr. Emmett McCarty Swan _and_ Miss Rosalie Lillian Hale _to witness their union of marriage on May 30th, 2009. A wedding invitation.

"Thanks," I mumbled. His eyes met mine and we simultaneously stepped forward, embracing each other in as manly a way as possible. "I'm sorry I'm a dick," I said softly and I could feel him nod.

"Just… fix it," was his reply as he disappeared into his bedroom.

I gave one last look at Masen's bedroom door before heading downstairs to find Bella. It was going to be hard, saying goodbye to her. I could hear Bella talking softly in the living room so I made my way to the kitchen, in search of writing utensils. I didn't like that Masen had fallen asleep before I got to tell him goodbye, though I'm not sure a goodbye would have been appropriate to say to him. I didn't want to upset him in any way … well, any more than I already had.

I found pen and paper and quickly wrote what I needed. It was very to the point and I hoped that Bella would read it to him, or at least read it for herself.

"Hey." Her voice came just as a copy of _Of Mice and Men _landed on the table. I picked it up, leafing through it as she retreated to the fridge for a bottle of water. "Getting ready to go?" she asked, her voice nonchalant as she leaned against the counter. I set the book down and nodded, then stood up and stretched. "Why do we always end up saying goodbye?" Her voice was soft and sad. It took me by surprise.

"I'm sorry," I said to the floor.

"And you always apologize," she chuckled, though when I met her eyes I could see the wetness there.

"Nah… that's usually you," I grinned. "It's what we do… I guess," I shrugged.

"It sucks," she whispered. I crossed the few feet between us and pulled her to me. She kept her arms crossed but tucked her head under my chin and let me wrap my arms around her.

"Just… tell him I love him," I said into her hair. She nodded against me and untangled her arms so she could wrap them around my waist. "I do. I love him."

"I know," she sniffled, pulling away and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "You'll call us? When you get there? No matter what time," she said, and I nodded in agreement. "Thank you. Again. I know this wasn't the easiest thing for you to do… but you… surprised me?" She made her statement a question and I laughed quietly.

"I surprised myself, Bella," I said softly. "He's awesome. You've done… he's amazing," I told her, unsure of what I was supposed to say. _Great job raising my kid on your own because I fucking walked out on you _just didn't seem right to say.

"Thank you," she smiled slightly.

"I should go," I whispered and her eyes met mine again. The look on her face was a cross between sadness and relief. "I fly out at noon and I haven't packed or anything…" I trailed off and turned to the door.

"Edward?" she asked, just a few steps behind me.

"Yes?" I turned to her quickly.

"You will call him, won't you?"

"Of course. I promised," I said, hurt that she would doubt me.

"I just… don't want him to be disappointed." She bit her lip and, _fuck I love that,_ I resisted the sudden urge to cover her mouth with my own.

"I won't do that. I can't," I defended myself. She glanced toward the stairs then back at me, her face a smooth mask, unreadable.

"You're right," she said, handing me my jacket. "Please drive carefully… and thank you… again."

"Anything," I leaned down and kissed her cheek swiftly, "anytime."

I left after that, leaving her standing in the doorway watching me. She waved as I drove away and I let my mind wander on the ride back. Something she'd said triggered my memories, the ones that I'd stored away for a rainy day. Some of the ones that made my chest ache as if a giant whole had been punched through it.

"_How much longer?" she murmured into my neck. I shivered at the feeling of her lips on my skin._

"_Emmett will be here at three o'clock," I said as I trailed my fingers up and down her bare back. "It's just after 10 now." _

_We were curled together in the small bed in my bedroom of the townhouse my parents owned, just off campus from WSU. It was one of those rare weekends where Charlie gave her permission to come and visit me. I think he had finally realized that Bella and I truly loved each other and were responsible, of-age adults (she turned 18 a few months before), who were going to do adult things. He may not have liked it, but he accepted it, and I no doubt owed some of that credit to the then Sue Clearwater. _

"_What can we do?" she asked, leaning up on her elbow and staring down at me, her brown eyes shining with excitement. I twirled a lock of her hair around my finger as I watched her, thinking of my answer. _

"_We can put clothes on. Underwear, socks, and all that… and go to the little used book store down on 3__rd__ Street, or-" my statement was interrupted by her lips crashing against mine. "We – could – go – to – a – movie," I said between kisses. She sighed impatiently and finally moved to straddle me, the sheets falling off her, exposing her naked body above me._

"_Or, we could stay here… and say goodbye," I said, my voice low. She bit her lip and nodded in agreement before bringing her lips back to mine. _

My thoughts were interrupted when I realized I was back at my hotel. _Damn. Why don't we say goodbye like that anymore? _ I shook the now vivid images out of my head as I got out of the car. It was late and I was lying when I'd told Bella I had packing to do. Usually my housekeeping was meticulous thanks to my mother, who was Donna Reed incarnate (she could make June Cleaver look like Rosanne Conner). There was something about staying in a hotel room that made me forget my cleanliness and leave everything I touched or wore on the floor.

I spent an hour locating my clothes that had been scattered across the small room, laughing when I found a matchbook from Puzzles under the table. Jasper's face flitted briefly into my mind and it made me sad knowing that, though we only hung out once, I would probably never see him again. Even worse than that was having spent time with Emmett, alone or with others. Emmett had been my best friend since I was a toddler, Bella as well. The thought of leaving them, both of them, all of them, ripped my heart out and left it bleeding on the asphalt to be run over repeatedly.

But… I knew what had to be done.

BPOV

"Masen!" I called up the stairs, grabbing my battered copy of _Of Mice and Men_ off the table and throwing it into my bag. We were late, which wasn't unusual, but I wanted things to feel normal for Masen today. Well, as normal as possible since his world had been turned completely upside down by the arrival of Edward, which of course I took full blame for. "MASEN!" I yelled again and finally heard his footsteps on the stairs. When he finally made it to the bottom I smiled sadly at him. He had climbed into my bed last night, which did not help with his restlessness. He tossed and turned all night, keeping me awake in the process and in turn making us late.

"Come here," I beckoned with my free hand and helped him slip on his jacket, my chest aching at his zombie-like state. I bent down and tried to kiss his nose but he moved his head away and I frowned. "What's that for?"

"I don't want a kiss," he shrugged, his little lips puckered in a face you only saw when he was _very _unhappy.

"Alright," I sighed and opened the door, letting him go first. The face was still there while we buckled into the car. It didn't leave as we drove to school. And when I helped him out of the car he took off toward the doors of his school without a word or his backpack. I caught up with his just as the door to his room was about to close. "Sorry," I muttered to Jessica. She took his backpack from me and turned her gaze to him for a moment then looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Edward's leaving today," I said softly and her expression went from skeptical to warm and understanding quickly.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, rubbing my shoulder gently, and I nodded.

"I'm going to talk to him outside for a minute… I'll send him right back," I walked away as tears pricked in the corner of my eyes. "Mase, you want to come and talk to Mama?" I asked softly.

He nodded, not looking up from his picture. I held my hand out in front of him and he took it then led me through the maze of small tables and out the door of his classroom. He leaned against the wall, his hair hanging in his face. I knelt in front of him and took his hands in mine.

"Talk to me, baby," I pleaded, squeezing his little hands gently. He responded by yanking his hands from my grasp and throwing his arms around my neck, his face buried in my hair. He mumbled something quietly, but I couldn't understand him. "What's the matter?" I asked.

"I didn't get to say goodbye!" he cried, pulling away from me and throwing himself against the wall again. I grabbed his arms and pulled him to me again, crushing him against my chest, my own tears threatening to flow again.

"I know baby, I know," I smoothed his hair and kissed him softly. "But you'll talk to him soon, right?" I reminded him and he nodded sadly and pulled back from my embrace.

"But… what if he's mad that I didn't tell him goodbye?" he asked as tears escaped from his emerald eyes.

"Is that what you think?" I asked quietly and he nodded again. "Silly weasel. Edward loves you. He could never be mad at you, especially for something like that."

He thought about what I said and eyed me speculatively for a few seconds.

"You're sure?" he asked.

"Of course," I ruffled his hair.

"Can we call him after school?" I frowned at his question, knowing Edward would still be in the air long after school got out.

"We can try. And if he doesn't answer you can leave him a message, okay?" I asked, hoping it would suffice.

"Deal," he smiled and hugged me again. "I love you, Mama." He kissed my cheek and disappeared into his classroom, leaving me kneeling on the ground wondering how I had gotten so lucky with such a wonderful son.

~*~

I glanced quickly at the clock as my sophomore students took their seats and then closed the door as the bell rang. It was nearly eleven o'clock. Edward's plane would be leaving in little over an hour and my little boy was distraught because he didn't get to say goodbye to his father. I thought about having him call him when I dropped him off, but again, I didn't want to make things harder… for either of them. I called the class to attention and picked up my book, ready for our read-aloud and discussion when a small piece of paper slipped out of the book and fluttered to the ground.

"Here, Miss Swan." A boy in the front row handed it to me.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I opened the paper. My hand flew to my throat when I notice the elegant script on the sheet of notebook paper in my hand and tears filled my eyes as I read his words.

_Masen,_

_ I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you goodbye, but it is so very hard to leave you. You are everything I could have ever wished for and more. I am so grateful to your Mama for letting me meet you. I love you so very, very much._

_-Edward_

_(Bella – I'm unsure as to how to refer to myself, help me out?)_

I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest and the eyes of my students trained on me. I quickly folded the paper up and stuck it in my back pocket. As I retreated to my desk to grab my bag I called to one of my more responsible students.

"Alison? Can you go grab Mrs. Cheney?" I asked and she nodded and left the room. She returned quickly with a worried looking Angela.

"Ang, can you look after my class?" I asked as I breathlessly tried to get my stuff together.

"Sure, everything okay?" She replied, worried.

"I've got… somewhere to be," I said, hoping she would understand what I meant and I wouldn't have to explain. She nodded, already knowing what had been happening between Edward, Masen, and I and ushered me out of the room. I made a phone call to the principal as I drove to Masen's school, explaining my absence, then quickly signed out my son. He looked at me, bewildered as I helped him into the backseat.

"Where're we going, Mama?" he inquired, his green eyes wide.

"To the airport." I glanced at him in the rearview mirror and his face lit up. "So you can say goodbye to your dad."

EPOV

I flipped my boarding pass over absently in my hands as I watched the other passengers descend the stairs to the small plane waiting for us on the runway. I don't know if I really expected Bella and Masen to show up. Perhaps I was just letting my imagination get away from me-- wishful thinking and all that, who the fuck knew? I just wanted to be able to see their faces again.

I sighed and leaned against the hard plastic chair and closed my eyes; the back of the chair jabbed me just above the shoulders, but it didn't hurt. I was feeling no pain in any of my extremities… the pain in my chest was too great. Not saying goodbye made me feel awful. I should have known by now that simply leaving was not the answer.

"Sir?" One of the flight attendants was standing in front of me.

"Yes?" I sat up and glanced at her, then at my shoes.

"Sir, we're finished boarding… you're the only one left," she said apologetically. I sighed quietly and stood up, grabbing my laptop and carryon, dejected.

Then… I heard him.

I turned quickly at the sound of Masen's voice and felt my heart swell at least twice its size. I couldn't stop the smile cross my face when my eyes finally found him, his arms waving as he ran toward me. My bags slipped from my hands just as he threw himself at me. I lifted him and his arms and legs wrapped around my neck and torso, viselike. I didn't notice the tears that were stinging my eyes until they were falling down my cheeks and onto my son's t-shirt.

He pulled his face, which had been buried in my neck, to look at me, the grin that had been there faltering when he saw my tears.

"Why are you crying?" he asked as he touched my cheek softly.

"I'm just so happy to see you." I hugged him to me again. Over his head I saw Bella jogging to catch up with him. "Thank you," I mouthed, and she nodded curtly, then sighed, and I saw her relax minutely.

"Will you come back?" Masen patted my face, demanding my attention.

"Of course. And you can call me anytime you want. And I'll call you. And we can email, whatever you want," I reassured him.

"I'm going to miss you," he said sadly. I forced the lump in my throat back down, determined to be strong for him.

"Me too, buddy. More than you know." I kissed his head and set him down. He clung to my hand and looked at his mother.

"Is that okay, Mama?" he asked and she nodded and smiled, as her eyes filled with tears.

"Yeah, baby." She ran a hand through his hair then turned her gaze to me. "We'll do that." Bella's chocolate eyes penetrated mine for a moment before she surprised me (and herself, I supposed) and stepped forward and tentatively wrapped her arms around my neck. I let my free arm enfold her and press her to the side of my body, my cheek resting against her forehead.

To any stranger passing by we would've looked like a normal family parting ways for a brief business trip. Only our hearts knew things were different.

I felt Bella's hand cup the back of my neck and she kissed my jaw softly, moisture from her own tears staining my face where our skin connected.

She tried to pull away, but my arm held her flush against me. The look on her face was puzzled as my eyes searched it, looking for something, anything; any kind of promise that I had something to come back to. _ If I came back. _ No, when I came back. I should've waited for a sign, for something that told me she wanted me to. However, as I stood there staring at the mother of my child, the girl I'd loved all my life… all I wanted to do was kiss her.

But she beat me to it.

I was so surprised when she pressed her lips to mine that I nearly wrenched myself out of her arms. Once I regained control of my senses I felt myself drop Masen's hand and swept my free hand through her hair, letting it rest on the back of her neck. She pulled me closer, her mouth parted slightly, and I completely forgot that there was anything or anyone else around.

Bella pulled away too soon, her face flushed. She rested her forehead against my chin and her fingers played absently with the buttons on my shirt. Then she sighed softly and looked down, an ashamed look crossed her face. I followed her gaze and chuckled softly when I saw Masen standing there, smiling up at us. I gave Bella one last squeeze then knelt down in front of my son.

"I love you," I said softly, taking his face in my hands. He nodded and threw his arms around my neck. I tried to put everything in I felt into my embrace, but I knew it fell short. "Be good," I whispered and felt his head bob in agreement. "Take care of Uncle Emmett," I said as he pulled back, his bright green eyes shining with tears.

"I will," he said solemnly. I could've sat there and stared at my son's face for eternity, but the flight attendant who had spoken to me cleared her throat loudly from behind the desk. I stood up and faced Bella once more. I could see the composed façade slipping from her grasp as she, like me, remembered the last time we parted ways. Touching her shoulder softly, I kissed her forehead.

"I'll call when I get there," I said and she nodded meekly, not meeting my eyes. Masen wrapped his arms around Bella's waist and I ruffled his hair one last time and attempted a smile for both of them. Then I turned and walked through the door. I didn't turn around until I read the last step and could barely make out their faces. I gave a small wave before ascending the stairs to the small plane, the first leg of my journey away from the two most important things in my life.

BPOV

I held my son's hand as we watched Edward walk out of sight. I gripped his tightly, maybe too tightly, but it felt as if holding on to him would keep me from falling apart. We stood silently for a long moment after the door to the plane finally closed before Masen's sniffling broke me from my trance. I looked down to see tears streaming down his beautiful face and felt my heart break into a million pieces. Pulling my son into my arms, I fell into the nearest chair and cradled him to my chest. His body shook with small sobs and it took all I had not to break down and bawl with him.

"Shh…" I soothed, smoothing his hair and rocking him gently. "Hush, baby, you'll see him soon."

"I – don't – want – him – to – go," he said between gasps of air.

"I know," I said, my own tears falling into his copper hair. "Me either. Me either, baby."

I held onto him knowing, deep down, that we would get through this. Because I had done it before, and it had been under much worse circumstances.

After all, this wasn't the first time I'd clung to Masen to keep myself from falling apart.

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**So... thoughts? **


	16. There's No Place Like Home

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I own a brand new scarf killerlashes made me.**

**A/N: Thanks to killerlashes, my love beta (the beta formerly known as BG).  
**

**Thanks so much for your lovely reviews for last chapter. They make me smile so much.**

**A special thanks to The Little-Known Ficster for rec'ing SLFT on their site (and for killerlashes for sending it in).**

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**Okay, I'm done. Srsly.  
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Chapter 15 – There's No Place Like Home

Regret.

It was a simple enough word. People used it all the time, every day even.

They used it in meaningless sentences_._

"_**I regret that piece of cake I had for lunch."**_

"_**I regret to inform you that your credit was not approved."**_

I regret that it took me five years to tell you that you had a son.

How long did I regret it? From the moment I decided not to tell you.

Why do I regret it? Because you love him. He loves you.

Now you're gone and he's miserable.

And it is entirely my fault. Or is it your fault? The lines have been blurred into oblivion. I don't know who to blame anymore.

The honking of a horn behind me startled me back to the present, out of my thoughts and back behind the wheel of my car. Back to where my son slept in the backseat, his tears cried out, his body exhausted from the many emotions he had felt. I glanced at him in the rearview mirror before pressing the accelerator, eager to be home.

At the airport, I didn't know how long we sat there, holding each other like the world was crumbling around us. Edward's plane took off. I watched it while Masen buried his face in my neck, his tears falling freely onto my skin. He clung to me tightly, his little body shaking with sobs, and I let him cry, my own eyes finally dry. It wasn't until more people starting milling around us did he pull away, eyes dry and red-rimmed, and look at me very solemnly.

"I want to go home," he said softly. I could only nod. He crawled out of my lap and held his hand out to me. I took it with a sad smile and we left the airport.

Masen had fallen asleep before we had even left the parking lot. I hated to wake him as we pulled into the drive, but the ground was wet and I was clumsy.

"We're home, baby." I rubbed the back of my hand against his cheek and his eyes blinked sleepily.

"'Kay," he said, and closed his eyes and turned his face away from mine. I resisted the urge to laugh and unbuckled him.

"Come on, Mase. Mama can't carry you." I tugged his arms and he groaned but obliged and trudged up the driveway, waiting patiently at the door for me to unlock it. Once we'd removed our jackets and shoes, we curled up on the sofa together and spent the rest of the afternoon watching senseless cartoons and enjoying each other.

When Emmett came home he was surprised to see us lounging lazily in the living room. It was so different from our normal routine of grading papers, reading books, or even cooking dinner that he was worried.

"What's going on?" he asked as he joined us on the couch. He grabbed Masen's bare foot from under my afghan and tickled him, but Masen didn't flinch. My brother raised an eyebrow skeptically at me and I just shrugged. He looked at Masen, forlorn and snuggled up to my side and sighed quietly before untangling my son from me and pulling him into his lap. Masen rested his head against his uncle's broad chest and looked up at him with big, sad eyes.

"Do you miss Edward as much as me and Mama?" my little boy asked quietly. Emmett frowned as they gazed intently at each other, their eyes like moss and oak meeting silently.

"Yeah," he admitted. "I do."

"Then you can watch cartoons with us." Masen turned his attention back to the TV and my brother frowned again.

"How about we make some dinner?" Emmett suggested and Masen shrugged. "Come on, Weasel. Aunt Rose is coming over and I told her we would have a fun night. Don't be a party pooper."

"I'm not a pooper," Masen mumbled, and then laughed quietly. I rolled my eyes. _Boys._

"Well, let's go then!" Emmett cried as he stood up and threw Masen over his shoulder.

I smiled as I watched them, eternally grateful for my brother. I listened to them in the kitchen preparing dinner and couldn't help but think of the day Emmett found out I was pregnant. The events were all too clear in my head.

_During my last semester at I school, I had taken a week off to visit Charlie and Emmett. It had been five weeks since Edward had left. Five of the longest weeks I'd ever lived. Graduation was coming up and I was thinking about moving back home, unsure if I wanted to stay at school and alone in a town that reminded me so much of him._

_"Morning," Emmett grumbled as he passed me in the hallway. I had been on my way to the kitchen but a wave of nausea hit me so hard I pushed my Hagrid-sized brother out of the way with the strength of a female body builder._

_He knocked on the door and called to me. "Iz? You okay?"_

_I splashed cold water on my face and brushed my teeth. His face was worried as I opened the door and passed by, not meeting his eyes. "What do you want for breakfast?" I called up the stairs._

_"I don't want anything if you're going to puke all over it," he mumbled, taking a seat at our small kitchen table._

_I rubbed my stomach gingerly and made a face before pulling a carton of eggs out of the refrigerator._

_"I'll be fine," I said as I started cracking eggs and mixing them up to scramble._

_"Maybe you should go to the doctor," Emmett said, reaching into the cabinet for a glass. He opened the fridge and poured himself some orange juice. "I heard the flu was going around."_

_"I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant." I poured the eggs into the frying pan, and my brother spewed juice all over the kitchen._

_"What the fuck?!" he cried, turning his light brown eyes on me._

_I pushed the eggs around in the pan and bit my lip._

_"I dunno… I feel… weird?" I turned to him; his mouth was wide open and he was staring at me._

_"It's the flu, Iz. I'm telling you. I think one of the deputies had it…" He trailed off as he wiped up the orange juice he had just spit all over the floor. I scooped his eggs onto a plate and started a pot of coffee, his stubborn denial annoying me. But then again, everything was annoying me lately. "Should I call Dr. Miller? I'm sure he can get you in. Maybe get some meds or fluids in ya?"_

_"No, Emmett. I don't have the flu." I rolled my eyes and sat down across from him with my own plate. I took a bite of the eggs and chewed; the texture made me instantly sick. I ran upstairs and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. After I finished hurling up whatever was left in my stomach, I took a shower and got dressed, my jeans tighter than normal._

_When I got downstairs Emmett was waiting for me, the kitchen cleaned, no remnants of scrambled eggs anywhere, for which I was grateful._

_"Can you go to the store for me?" I asked and he nodded. "I honestly don't know how you and Dad survive…"_

_"Hey, we get along just fine," he said, skimming the list I handed him. "Izzy!" he yelled when he reached the final item._

_"Emmett. I told you how I feel. I need to know." I shrugged._

_"I can't do that," he muttered, running a hand through his short brown hair._

_"Please, Em." I wrapped my arms around his waist and he sighed, resting a hand on the top of my head._

_"I'll be back in an hour," he said, kissing the top of my head and grabbing his keys._

_I waited impatiently for his return, washing dishes that had already been washed, sweeping the floor, and refolding laundry. I nearly pounced on him when he finally walked through the door._

_"A little help?" he grumbled as he nearly dropped the bags in his hands. I grabbed a few, though I forgot what I'd even asked him for, and started searching the bags for what I needed. "Here." He thrust small brown paper bag at me. I took it and ran upstairs, stopping at the bathroom door._

_"Well, are you coming?" I called down the stairs._

_"Iz, you haven't need help in the bathroom since you were two," he called back and I rolled my eyes._

_"Please, Emmett?" I stood patiently outside the bathroom door until he came stomping up the stairs, frown already in place. He gave me a thumbs-up as I closed the bathroom door. When I was finished I placed the pregnancy test on the counter by the sink and stepped out of the bathroom._

_"So?" he asked as he wrung his hands nervously._

_"You have to wait three minutes." I sighed and leaned against the wall._

_"Shall I count?" He stood next to me and nudged me with his elbow. I leaned against his shoulder and linked my arm through his. "1 hippopotamus…2 hippopotamus…3…4…5…" Smiling at his childlike method of counting, I let the monotone of his voice soothe me._

_"Time's up," he said softly and I fought the urge to throw up again._

_"I can't do it." I hid my face in his arm._

_He reached around and smoothed my hair._

_"You have to," he said softly._

_"You do it," I mumbled._

_"Ew, you peed on that!" he said and I laughed weakly._

_"Please?" I met his eyes and he sighed and unwound his arm from mine and stepped into the bathroom. I waited, barely breathing for him to tell me the results, though deep down I already knew._

_"So…" he said as he stood in front of me, hands in his pockets and eyes on the floor. "Congratulations?" he asked softly._

_I choked back a sob and threw my arms around him. He held me tightly as I cried tears of joy or sadness, I wasn't sure. We stood there for a long while, my poor brother not knowing how to react to my news or my emotions._

_"I'm sorry," I mumbled, pulling away and wiping my eyes. "I'm a mess."_

_"So…" Emmett said again. "Whose is – I mean – is it his?"_

_"Edward's the only guy I've ever been with." I rolled my eyes as my brother shuddered._

_"I shouldn't have asked." He made a face. "Million-dollar question…"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Who's telling Dad?"_

The smell of fried chicken brought me back to my senses and I joined the boys in the kitchen to help with dinner. When Rosalie arrived, I poured us each a glass of wine, and we sat at the kitchen table chatting. It was nice having Rose and Emmett there to help keep our minds off the day's events; Masen had fun trying to mash potatoes and Rose's talk of wedding plans kept me occupied. It wasn't until Rose and I started cleaning the kitchen that the subject of Edward came up.

"How was last night? Did Edward cry? He seems like a crier," she smirked as she handed me a dish.

"Rose," I sighed. "I don't know why you don't like him…" I rinsed the plate she handed me and placed it in the drainer.

Rose flipped her platinum hair over her shoulder and turned to me.

"Bella Swan," she started, placing her hands on her hips, and stared me down. "You look at that little boy in there and then ask me why I have no warm fuzzies for that man-child!"

"You're a good friend." I tweaked her nose with a soapy finger and she swatted at my hand. "But… he's Masen's father. He's a good guy," I shrugged, and she rolled her eyes.

"Who's a good guy?" Emmett came into the kitchen, Masen trailing behind him.

"Edward," Rose and I said at the same time, though Rose spit his name like an expletive.

"I miss him already," Masen said, wrapping his arms around my waist. I smiled down at him and mussed his hair. Rosalie's harsh expression softened as she looked at Masen.

"Fine," she mumbled. "It doesn't mean _I _have to like him," she said and was silent as we finished washing the dishes together.

"Mama likes him," Masen said a few moments later from the table where he and Emmett were sitting, watching and not helping.

"Well, I know _that_." Rose made a face at him and he reciprocated. She laughed and sat down, pulling him into her lap. "Otherwise you wouldn't be here, silly." She kissed his cheek and smiled at me over his head.

"No!" He giggled at her kiss. "I mean I know Mama likes him 'cause she kissed him today," Masen said grinning innocently up at me. I could feel my face heat up and Emmett and Rosalie's eyes trained on me. .

"I – well – uh -" I stuttered stupidly. I had been trying _not_ to think about the kiss. Not because it wasn't pleasant. I mean, if I were being honest with myself it was probably the best kiss I'd had in the past five years. I had been so incredibly drawn to Edward as I watched him say goodbye to Masen that all I wanted to do was feel him close to me. It'd lasted less than a minute, but even that had ignited a fire that started on my skin and burned deep into my soul.

"It was a goodbye kiss!" I cried as my brother and his fiancée laughed quietly. Masen grinned as if he just told the very best secret ever and I scowled at him.

"Time for bed, you little weasel," I mock-growled and reached for him, and he squealed with laughter and ran up the stairs. Emmett and Rosalie continued to watch me, eyebrows raised. I glanced up the stairs, making sure Masen was out of earshot. "Fuck off," I said, and then headed upstairs to put my son to bed.

I tucked Masen in and headed back downstairs, discovering Emmett was in the shower in the process. Rosalie was perched on the couch, an old edition of _Fisherman's Weekly_ in her hand.

"Goodbye kiss, huh?" she asked as she idly turned the page. I picked at a loose thread on the afghan draped over the couch.

"I don't know," I sighed and rested my head on the back of the couch. She set the magazine down and gazed at me, a frown marring her lovely face.

"Did you like… like it?" She made a face and I could feel the heat rising in my face. "Oh God, you did, didn't you?!"

"Rose! I was with the guy for six years and I only fantasized about him from the time I hit puberty until he finally noticed me! So… yeah, I liked it. A lot. More than I should have."

"I just wanted a yes or no, but thanks for making me want to puke," she replied and I gave her my best stink-eye.

"Ugh." I pulled the afghan over my face. "I fucking hate you, Rosalie."

"I love you too, Iz," she chuckled softly, and I rolled my eyes at her under the blanket. "I'm just worried about you. I don't want you to get your hopes up or anything," Rosalie said quietly.

I uncovered my face and frowned at her.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"I mean – you guys have a ton of history! And now he knows about Masen and I – I just don't want you to think that this is your happily ever after and get your heart ripped out again."

"I know," I tried to smile. She reached over and patted my hand and I squeezed hers tightly. "I'm not looking for that with Edward. It's not like that anymore. I love James. This is about Masen."

"Okay." She squeezed my hand back and smiled warmly at me. Rose might've been a hard-ass lawyer, but underneath her concrete exterior she was made of marshmallow. My brother was a lucky son-of-a-bitch.

EPOV

**The following Saturday afternoon (Friday night in Forks).**

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

The only noises in my apartment were the sound of my feet on the hardwood floor and the dull 'thud' as I set my bags down. I closed the door and it echoed throughout the room. I set my keys on the table by the door and it sounded like shattering glass. I took a deep breath and the shuddering in my chest filled my entire body as I stumbled backwards against the door. As if grateful for the relief, my legs slid out from under me and I was startled to find myself on the floor. My knees came up to my chest and I rested my forehead on them, giving in to the silence, the pain and regret. My tears fell hot and fast and I made no attempt to wipe them away. After all there was no one here to see.

Not even EJ.

I don't know how long I sat there. My phone buzzed impatiently in my pocket and Bella's name flashed across the screen of my Blackberry, but I didn't answer. Instead, I let the phone drop out of my hand and clatter onto the floor next to me.

That only made me feel a million times worse. I promised I would call and then I didn't answer. Just add another point in the "douchebag" column for me. I couldn't help it. I wouldn't be able to hear either one of their voices and be able to function properly, not that I deserved any different.

After I finally hoisted myself off the floor and unpacked my bags I checked the clock and decided to call Bella back. However, I noticed a voicemail when I finally picked up the phone again. I couldn't help but smile against the suddenly renewed tears as I listened to it.

"_Hi, Edward, this is Masen. Masen Charles Swan. Please call us, me, I mean me back. Is that good, Mama?" _

I could hear Bella chuckle and hang up the phone and immediately the regret was back, boiling in my chest before it rose up my throat. I should've answered the fucking phone. I should've realized that it wasn't just about me anymore, or that it never was.

I dialed the number swiftly, feeling like there were bats flapping around in my stomach. _Why was I so fucking nervous?_

"Hello?" Bella's voice said, and I sighed in a way that should've been illegal. It was… happy.

"Hey," I said simply, stupidly.

"Edward, hi. I'm glad you called. You made it alright, then?"

"Yeah… yeah, I just walked in. Sorry I missed you. Is he? Can I -" my words came out in a rush and she sighed. I could almost see the frown on her face, the little lines forming on her forehead.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "He just fell asleep."

"Oh. Oh, okay," I mumbled. "I should've called earlier."

"I'll just have him call when he wakes up, is that alright?"

"Sure. That sounds great," I all but whispered.

"Are you alright Edward?" she asked, and again her voice did strange things to my insides. She _cared._

"I'm just… exhausted." I ran my hand over my face and fell onto the bed.

"Get some sleep. We're not going anywhere," she laughed, and I was comforted by her words.

"You sure?" I asked.

"Yes!" She laughed again.

"Tell him I miss him," I mumbled.

"I will," she promised.

"Bye," I said hitting 'end' before she said anything else.

Her words played over in my head:

"_We're not going anywhere."_

I tried to make sense of them, tried to figure out what she meant and if there was some type of double meaning behind the words. My brain felt like it was working double-time. All it could remember was the feel of her lips on mine and how her body felt pressed up against me. I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face. I was tired and confused and thinking about Bella only made me think about Masen. And God, did I miss him. It was hard to _not _think about Bella but… like I had told her (and myself) it wasn't just about us anymore. It couldn't be.

Somewhere between arguing with myself about what Bella's kiss meant and thinking about doing laundry, I passed the fuck out. I was only able to sleep for a few hours, for I was awakened by a loud banging and yelling outside my door.

"Mr. Cullen?" A woman's voice came through the door. "Are you there?" I shuffled through the hall to the door and wrenched it open, thoroughly annoyed and still tired as hell.

"Oh!" I cried when I discovered a disheveled Mrs. Kelsoe standing at the door, clutching a squirming EJ in her arms. I chuckled and reached out to take him, but he jumped from her arms and ran into my apartment, his back feet flying out from under him as he rounded the corner into the hallway. "Uh… thanks. I'll pay you tomorrow, if that's alright?"

"Whatever, dear, I'm just glad to be rid of the little fucker," she muttered as she shuffled back to her home. I laughed and shook my head as I closed the door, then I set off to find EJ. I found him under my bed and spent a good fifteen minutes trying to coax him out from under there. I finally gave it up as a bad job when he rolled onto his back and stared accusingly at me from upside-down eyes.

"Fine," I sighed. "Stay there." I resumed my spot on the bed and drifted back into a restless sleep. My heart and mind were both a thousand miles away. In Forks, Washington to be exact.

* * *

**Love? Hate? *flamethrower*s? **

**I read them all.**


	17. Pictures of You

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. **

**Thanks, as always to killerlashes and messynachos. I love you sluts.**

**Your reviews are love. Thank you.  
**

* * *

Chapter 16 – Pictures of You

_"Pictures of you, pictures of me,_

_Hung upon your walls for the world to see._

_Pictures of you, pictures of me, _

_Remind us all of what we could have been."_

_-The Last Goodnight_

I couldn't breathe. The weight on my chest was too great; it was suffocating me.

I struggled to open my eyes and groaned when I finally did. Two huge blue eyes were staring expectantly at me. I shoved EJ off my chest and rolled over, burying my face in the pillow. Just as I drifted back to sleep I felt his nose poking its way up my forearm until he finally shoved his face against my cheek.

"Fine!" I cried, throwing the comforter off me and shoving myself off the bed. He mewed at my heels and circled my feet as I filled his water and food dishes. He didn't wait for me to place it on the floor, but instead chose to jump on the counter and have his breakfast there. I glanced quickly at the clock on the oven to determine that it was, in fact, still breakfast time before I started a pot of coffee. It was ten-thirty but I was still fucking tired. I scratched EJ behind the ears as he snarfed his food and laughed out loud after a moment. He stared up at me, ears flattened on his head and I laughed harder. He looked like Skippyjon Jones. Of course, he was slightly fatter and not a drawing from a child's book, but still.

I gave EJ one last good scratch before rushing back to my bedroom. My phone was sitting on the nightstand, still connected to its charger. I brought it back with me to the kitchen and dialed Bella's number as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

"Hello?" My son's voice filled my head after two rings.

"Hey, buddy!" I cried, my throat thick with emotion.

"Edward!" he yelled and I laughed.

"How's it going?" I asked.

"Mama! It's Edward!" I heard him say distantly. His voice returned, loud and excited in my ear a moment later. "I've been waiting for you to call!"

"I know… I'm sorry," I sighed.

"It's okay," he replied and I hear the smile in his voice. I could imagine him sitting at the little kitchen table, phone in hand, feet swinging just above the floor. "What are you doing?"

"I'm making some coffee and hanging out with my cat," I explained, taking a sip and letting the liquid warm me.

"You have a cat?!" Masen cried and I laughed softly.

"Yep. And you'll never guess what kind," I challenged.

"A _Siamese_ cat?!" His voice rose an octave.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"I just did," he giggled and I felt a grin spread across my face. I could listen to him laugh all day. It meant he was happy. And that made _me_ ecstatic. "What's his name?"

"I call him EJ," I answered, and EJ's ears perked up at the sound of his name. "But my sister named him Elton John, after a famous singer."

"Well, I've never heard of him," he stated simply.

"Ask Grandpa," I told him.

"Okay," he vowed. "We are going to get ice cream, can I call you later?"

"Of course," I told him, sad he was hanging up.

"Okay… can you send me a picture of your cat?" he asked seriously and I laughed. "I just want to know what he looks like."

"Sure thing."

"Awesome!" he cried, then I heard Bella's voice calling to him. "I hafta go," he mumbled.

"It's fine, Mase. Go get your ice cream," I said softly.

"Okay… bye."

"Bye," I hung up and turned to EJ, still seated on the counter, licking his lips. I took a picture and sent it to Bella's number before trying to scavenge breakfast for myself.

I quickly gave up food as a bad job and decided I should probably make a trip to the grocery store. My day was spent shopping and cleaning, finishing my two weeks' worth of laundry and getting everything situated at home. Masen called again, somewhere between my trip to the grocery store and my mountain of laundry, to tell me goodnight. It was a quick conversation, but I couldn't help but wonder if I would get to do it every day.

After everything was in order (curse my mother for my obsessive-compulsive cleaning genes!) I laid my plans out on my work station. I was meeting with my project manager the next day, traveling to the hospital site, and hopefully starting preparations for the building I'd been working on. It was a big deal, and I needed to know my shit backward and forward.

I spent the remainder of the day poring over my plans, tweaking things here and there and making sure everything was refined for my meeting. It was common for most interns to leave the firm after their graduation, but I felt the fact that I'd stayed on board meant a lot to the partners.

Of course, after the past couple of weeks… I couldn't decide if the job still meant anything to me. When I'd left Washington, I was determined to immerse myself in my work and not worry about anything or anyone else. It was selfish, but it did help me get through five years without Bella. When I had every detail as I wanted it, I took myself to bed, anxious for my first day back at work since meeting Masen.

~*~

I got to work early the next day, spread everything out at my work area, and perused it again for good measure. I'd only been standing there a few minutes when I felt someone watching me. When I looked up I saw Larry, who I shared the work space with, staring at me a little too intently. I raised an eyebrow and he looked down, embarrassed.

"You okay over there?" I asked.

He cleared his throat and nodded. "Cullen? I thought you were dead," he whispered, a shocked look crossing his face.

"What?" I stifled the laugh threatening to come out.

"Yeah. I mean, you just _disappeared_. It was fucking weird." Larry shook his head and I didn't fight the laugh this time.

"Sorry," I chuckled and went back to my work.

"So, where'd you go?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Um… Washington. I had some… unfinished business there," was my reply. I didn't look up from my desk.

"Get them all worked out?" he asked, and I nodded silently. "Good. Ready for this meeting?"

"I think so." I finally looked up at him. Larry was a bit older and had been with M&M for a few years longer than I had. He reminded me of Charlie. Maybe that's why I'd found it so hard to talk to him in the five years I'd known him. "I mean, yeah. I am. It's going to be great," I said with more enthusiasm, and he grinned at me.

"That's the spirit, kid," he winked as he sat down. "Knock 'em dead."

I felt a bit more confident after our brief conversation. Of course, that all flew out the window of my project manager's fancy car as soon as we got into it. His name was David and he was extremely close to becoming partner, as soon as one of the Morgan brothers retired. Needless to say, he scared the shit out of me. Whenever I was around him I felt completely inadequate, like I hadn't studied, lived, and breathed architecture for the latter part of my life. The man was a legend.

He made small talk as we drove to the hospital, our building site. A hospital representative met us at the front lobby and took us on a quick tour before we ended up in the existing children's wing. It was small and cramped, tiny rooms that only allowed for one bed and chair, and one small common play area where the kids could seek respite from the knowledge that they were in the hospital. The playroom had tall glass windows and you could see right into it, for observation, I assumed. There was only one little girl in the room, sitting on the floor with a ragged-looking book in her hand.

I slipped away from the talking men and stepped into the playroom. She didn't look up as I entered or even when I took a seat next to her.

"What are you reading?" I asked softly.

"_Charlotte's Web,_" she replied, turning a page.

"Is it any good?"

She looked up at me, her blue eyes wide. "You've never read it?" she asked incredulously. I laughed.

"I have. I just wanted to know if you liked it," I said, and she smiled.

"It's my favorite," she whispered, her eyes glowing.

"Samantha?" A nurse appeared at the door and the little girl looked up, her smile disappearing. "Time for your meds, sweetie."

Samantha made a face behind her curtain of hair and slowly got up from the floor. I stood up with her.

"What's your name?" she looked up at me curiously.

"Edward," I replied.

"It was nice to meet you, Edward." She held out a hand and I shook it gently.

"It was nice to meet you, Samantha," I replied as she turned to the door. She walked past the nurse and turned the corner, heading to a room I couldn't see. The nurse turned to me, an odd look on her face. Fuck, I was tired of people looking at me like I was an idiot.

"Can I help you, sir?" Oh great, she probably thought I was a freaking pedophile.

"Huh? Oh – um, sorry. I'm one of the architects working on the expansion." I stepped toward the door. "I just saw her sitting here alone… I was curious. I'm sorry," I mumbled, no quite sure what I was apologizing for. To my surprise the nurse smiled.

"Samantha has leukemia. She spends a lot of time here," she said sadly. I was shocked—she'd looked so _healthy. _

"Oh. Are there very many…?"

"We have quite a few regulars, different illnesses though," she shrugged. "It will be good to get the new building. Though some of them won't see it." With that statement she shook her head and took the same path that Samantha had.

I stood there a moment, a strange aching in my chest. The little girl I'd just met was at least eight years old. I couldn't imagine what her parents were going through. Or, rather, I could imagine… now. The thought of anything like that happening to Masen was not something my mind could fathom, and I'd only known him a total of two weeks.

I regained my composure and joined the conversation again. We went over a few more details regarding when we would break ground, then left. I was eager to be surrounded by the solace of my little work space. As we drove, my phone buzzed impatiently in my pocket. It was a picture mail message from Bella. It said:

_Good morning!_

But underneath the message was a picture of my beautiful son, still sleeping in his SpongeBob pajamas, his hair wild and mouth hanging open, surely taken that very morning before she woke him up for school. I laughed out loud. David glanced at me and then at the phone in my hand.

"I didn't know you had kids," he mused and I didn't have to ask how he knew the child in the picture was mine.

"Me either," I said quietly. He chuckled and I looked over at him. A bemused expression crossed his face as he turned back to me.

"Care to explain?" he asked.

"It's a long story," I sighed.

~*~

I gave David the Cliff Notes' version of my situation as we drove back to the office. We hadn't ever talked about anything but work before, so it surprised me that he took such an interest. He wanted to know what plans I had made to keep in contact with Masen and how often I would be visiting him. At first I thought it was because he didn't want me missing work when we were getting our building up and running, but it wasn't.

"I've got three boys, did you know that?" David asked as we got into the elevator, finally back at work.

"No sir, I didn't," I replied.

"Yep. Oldest just turned thirty… and my first grandchild is on the way." His face lit up when he mentioned a baby.

"Congratulations," I told him.

"Thank you, thank you," he said, and waved his hand dismissively. "I wasn't always around to be the 'good dad' though", he said as a frown crossed his aged face.

"Uh…" I opened my mouth but closed it quickly, not knowing what to say.

"Here's the deal, kid. You gotta think about what's really important to you. Sure, you've worked your ass off at this job. I know you have; I've been watching you for years. But the kicker is that a building isn't going to keep you warm at night. I mean, unless it's got good heating." He grinned and I chuckled softly; he glanced up and noticed we were nearing our floor. "Point is, you need that boy just as much as he needs you. And it's hard to do it from way the hell over here."

The elevator opened as he finished and we both stepped out, silent.

"Thank you," I said quietly. He nodded.

"Anytime, kid." And he walked away. I stood there for a moment wondering if David had really just told me to quit my job after all the time I'd put in with the company and the project. Shaking myself out of a daze, I slowly found the way back to my desk.

"You all right over there?" Larry asked as I sat down. I turned to him slowly and nodded. "Want to grab some lunch?" I eyed him for a moment before agreeing.

"Sure." I stood up again, knocking a sketchpad and pencil cup off the desk as I did. Larry bent down to help me pick everything up. He grabbed my sketchpad, which had opened to one of the pictures I'd drawn of Masen.

"Wow… these are good," he said, flipping briefly through a few pages. I gently removed the pad from his hands and closed it, resting my hand on top of it for good measure.

"Thanks," I mumbled. "Ready?"

Larry nodded and we made our way to a small diner around the corner from our office. We talked, mainly about work, while we waited for our orders to arrive. Just as our food arrived my phone rang. I could feel my face acting of its own accord, breaking into a smile when Bella's name showed up on the screen. I excused myself and stepped outside to answer it. My conversation with my son was brief: he was helping Emmett make spaghetti for dinner, a girl tried to kiss him at the park, and Bella had bought him a new Skippyjon book. We said goodbye and I felt lighter than I had all day, just from hearing my son's voice.

**BPOV**

I watched and listened as Masen talked to Edward, pacing around the kitchen, waving his free hand excitedly as he spoke. I wanted to laugh but couldn't. Truth was, I didn't like to see him like that. Sure, he was happy, but what about when the phone call ended and he was back to my sad little boy?

Edward had only been gone for three days, but it felt like so much longer. This was partly due to Masen crawling into my bed the past few nights and me waking up with his head or feet in my back. But mostly… mostly it felt like longer because he was different. Masen had woken up three days in a row looking like I'd just told him Jake, (his hermit crab, not his uncle), died.

Emmett tried everything to cheer him up that weekend. They went to the park, a movie, and even took a trip to the arcade – nothing worked. Nothing, except talking to Edward, of course.

"Here, Mama!" Masen stood in front of me holding my phone out, a huge smile on his face. He turned and skipped across the kitchen to where Emmett was standing at the stove. "Can I stir the sauce?"

I smiled as Emmett picked Masen up to let him stir but I couldn't help but wonder how long his jovial mood would last.

**EPOV**

"Good call?" Larry asked as I sat back down.

"My son," I replied, unable to keep the smile from my face.

"Really?" He set down his fork, mid-bite.

"Yeah. That's where I've been the past couple of weeks," I explained fishing around for my wallet and pulling Masen's picture out of it. "He'll be five in August, his name is Masen."

"Cute kid." He handed the photo back to me and I tucked it back into my wallet. "How 'bout his mom? Are you two…?" He gestured vaguely with his hands. "You know. Together?"

"Ah, no. We haven't been together for five years. Since I moved over here." I pushed my food around my plate. He didn't say anything for a moment.

"You do what you gotta do, Edward. Whatever that means," he said, chuckling. "You'll find a way to make it work."

After Larry gave me his advice we turned the conversation back to work and more lighthearted topics. We talked American baseball and I told him stories about my high school football days, though they were nearly as harrowing as his rugby tales. After a while we found ourselves back at the office and I sat down to answer some emails.

Before I left on my "vacation" I'd been working on a few bids for new jobs. It was part of my plan to get promoted and work my way up at Morgan & Morgan. I clicked idly on a random email, not really looking forward to sifting through the forty-plus that were currently waiting in the inbox. The one I chose, however, was not from a client. It was from Leah.

_"Ed-_

_Emmett gave me your email address. I thought you might like these. Hope to see you again. Soon._

_-Leah"_

I scrolled down the message, eager see what she sent, my heart catching in my throat as I did. As if the picture Bella had sent and the recent viewing of my sketches weren't enough to make me miss Masen a thousand times more than I already did… what Leah sent had me teetering on the edge of a breakdown in seconds.

The message held photos of the night spent with the Swan-Clearwater family before I left. Leah was amazing with candid shots, and these proved it. There was one of Charlie and Sue sitting at the dinner table, heads huddled together, grins plastered on their face. Their intense love was blatantly obvious in one picture. The other pictures included Seth and Rosalie in an intense discussion about the Redskins, and Bella and Emmett eyeing each other over a game of gin rummy. Then there were the ones of Masen, my beautiful boy. Laying on the floor with a pile of Legos, reading a story with his Pop, getting a kiss from his Nana… sitting on the couch, snuggled up to my side, smiles on both our faces. We weren't looking at each other or the camera; we were simply staring forward, content with the company surrounding us.

_What the fuck was wrong with me?_ I just walked out on an entire family… again. In five years I hadn't felt as horribly lonely as I did in that moment. I'd lost touch with everyone when I left Washington, my own parents and sister included. What had happened to me? Where were my fucking priorities? This job? I was a damn good architect. I was creative and had plenty of initiative. I could fucking work anywhere.

It took me about thirty seconds before I picked up the phone on my desk and dialed Mr. Morgan's office.

"Sir, it's Edward Cullen," I said when he answered.

"Cullen? Come to my office, I need to speak with you," he replied and hung up. I stared at the phone dumbly. _I_ was going to ask to meet with _him_. I placed the receiver back in the cradle and walked through the maze of work tables, down the long hallway to his office. I knocked once and he called me inside.

"Have a seat, son," he gestured to the armchair in front of his desk. I sat, silent and waiting. "David Pierce is incredibly impressed with your performance."

"Thanks." I nodded, wondering where he was going with that information.

"So impressed that he thinks you should be project manager," Mr. Morgan smiled and I opened my mouth to speak. "But I told him 'no'."

"Sir?" I nearly squeaked the word.

"I want you to finish this project as a designer. I've seen your work and it's amazing. This is your first building and I want you to enjoy as an architect, not an overseer," he explained. I nodded and tried to swallow.

"There are a few things coming up that I think you would enjoy being in charge of, however," he went on and my body suddenly felt very, very cold. I couldn't do that. I couldn't take anything on. This wasn't what I wanted anymore.

"I can't, sir," I mumbled.

"What's that, son?" He stared at me questioningly.

"I can't. Sir."

"Cullen… you've been with us a while now. You've earned this responsibility," Mr. Morgan replied, mistaking my rejection for nerves.

"I know I have," I replied, reaching for my wallet and Masen's picture for the second time that day. I placed the photo on the desk in front of me. My boss picked it up and smiled. "Recent events have shown me that I have… different responsibilities to tend to," I explained.

He looked up from the picture of my son with an odd, almost fatherly look on his face.

"Close the door, son. We have some things to discuss."

~*~

_Senior Year_

_"Edward, when are you going to get these applications filled out?" my father asked one night after dinner. _

_"I've already been accepted to Washington State, Dad. Why do I need to keep applying?" I asked, flipping idly through my Calculus book._

_"Because you could easily get into Stanford or Columbia, so why are you selling yourself short?" He closed the book in front of me, forcing me to meet his glare. His blue eyes were livid. _

_"I'm not selling myself short… this is what I want," I shrugged. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his thinning blonde hair. _

_"Is this about Bella?" he asked, eyes still closed, his nostrils flared._

_"What?! No, Dad. This is about me." I shook my head. It wasn't a _complete_ lie. WSU was closer to her than the other schools and Bella would join me when she graduated. Sure, we both could've gotten into any school we wished… but we wanted to stay close to home and close to our families. It was part of the future we had talked about so very often. _

_"I just don't want you to let your relationship hold you back from your potential, son," he said; he opened his eyes and met mine once more, only this time they were sad. _

_"Dad… are you sure this isn't because I don't want to go to med school?" I asked, a smile threatening to show. He laughed against his better judgment. _

_"Edward, I gave up on you being a doctor when you insisted on carrying around your Erector Sets everywhere we went." He reached across the counter and flicked the hair that had fallen into my face away. "I love Bella like she was my own daughter. I just want this to be for you," he said softly._

_"It is, Dad," I promised, again another half-truth. It had been years since I'd made a decision fully based on my own needs. _

I left work after my meeting with Mr. Morgan, my thoughts on a conversation I'd had with my father more than ten years ago. It stunned me to realize that I was more selfless at eighteen than I was now. While growing up with Emmett, Bella, and Alice I'd always done my best to make sure they were happy, especially after Renee left. If my childhood best friend had the role of 'protector' in our tight-knit group, then I would have been the 'appeaser'. I was always settling arguments and compromising with others to make things easier on everyone.

I had a feeling that was why I was so adamant when I decided to move to Australia. It was something for me and _only_ me, my dream. It was, of course, why I was so incredibly angry when Bella refused to go with me, because it wasn't in "our" plans.

EJ greeted me at the door when I arrived back at the apartment. I greeted him with a quick scratch and a scoop of food in his bowl. After grabbing myself a beer I settled against the counter in the kitchen, contemplating my next move. I thought of my father again, the most compassionate and caring man I'd ever met. He was selfless enough to take in a child that wasn't his to fulfill a strange woman's wish. I could feel the guilt bubbling in my chest and up my throat like bile. I'd always aspired to be like my father, but living thousands of miles away from my own son wouldn't help me do that. I pushed myself off the counter and pulled out my phone, dialing my father's cell and taking a long pull from my beer.

"Edward?" he asked and the sound of his voice, so similar to my recent daydream, had the guilt churning in my stomach again.

"Hey, Dad," I mumbled, ashamed that he was surprised that I'd called. Proof that I'd been far too wrapped up in me.

"It's nice to hear your voice, son," he replied. I could practically hear him smiling.

"I'm sorry – I just -" I attempted to explain.

"Edward," he said my name with a tone of finality and I stopped my stuttering. "I can't imagine what you are going through right now. I'm not angry at you, I'm simply glad you called. You're mother can only tell me so much about your situation…"

"Thanks," I said, my voice catching in my throat. I suddenly felt like that eighteen year old kid all over again.

"Well… to what do I owe this call? I hope you are going to share some information about my _grandson._" The way he said the last word sent shivers from my head to my feet. It was reverent, proud even.

"Ah, actually, no," I replied.

"No?" he asked, disappointed.

"No. I was actually calling with a real estate inquiry." I tried to keep the excitement out of my voice.

"Really? Real estate?" Now, he was confused.

"Yeah… how much would you ask for the house in Forks?"

* * *

**Leave me something :)  
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	18. Don't Look Back

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns the names, I just do fun stuff with them.**

**A/N: Thanks to killerlashes as per usual, for your work and for keeping me sane.**

**Messynachos - I love you despite your flames, h00r.**

**My Twitter girls: lie_2me, daisy, mystik, demons - you're all fabulous :)  
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Chapter 17 - Don't Look Back

BPOV

It was the quiet shuffling of tiny feet that woke me up one night in the middle of the week. I didn't make a fuss about it. I simply stayed still, pretending to be asleep as my son climbed into my bed and snuggled up to my side.

"Are you awake, Mama?" he asked softly.

"Mmmhmm." I pulled him to me and tucked his head under my chin.

"I love you," he mumbled. I squeezed him tighter as I fought the urge to cry.

"I love you," I whispered, running a hand through his bronze mop and kissing the top of his head. It wasn't the first (and I was sure that it would not be the last) night that he would sleep all night in my arms. Of course, if he was sleeping in my arms… I wasn't sleeping at all.

~*~

"You okay?" I vaguely heard Angela's voice call to me on Wednesday at lunchtime.

"Hmm?" I asked. My eyes fluttered and the staff lounge disappeared briefly.

"I asked how you were… but you look like hell, Iz," she laughed softly.

I rubbed my eyes and yawned. "When that _thing_," I pointed to her pregnant belly, "starts crawling into your bed at all hours of the night then you can talk to me." I sighed and pushed my lunch out of my way so I could lay my head down on the table.

"What's going on?" she asked softly, looking worried as she took the seat next to me. I lifted my head slightly so I could face her. I was too tired to control my face so I could only imagine my expression.

"Masen isn't sleeping… Wait, let me correct that. He is sleeping. But only in my arms, and therefore, _I'm_ not sleeping," I told her, my worlds muffled by my face resting on my arms. She patted my hand gently and I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Iz," she whispered and I nodded, squeezing my eyes tighter to hold my tears in. They leaked out anyways, spilling hot on my cheeks. I quickly sat up and brushed them away. Ang handed me a paper towel and rubbed my shoulder gently.

"I don't know why it's like this," I whispered. "I don't know why I'm so fucking sad all the time. Before, when I was pregnant, it wasn't this bad. I'm trying so hard to be strong for him. But I think he can see through it."

"Things are different now, Iz. And he's not stupid, of course he can see through it," she replied, but it didn't make me feel better. "Masen knows you and he's knows you aren't happy."

"I _am_ happy," I grumbled.

Angela laughed softly. "I don't mean with life in general. I just mean with the current situation. Both of you are hurt and confused," she said. "And you're got a right to be. Because this situation sucks."

"I hate him," I whispered and she frowned.

"No. You don't."

"I hate that I _don't_ hate him." I met her eyes and a look of understanding crossed her face.

"Oh, Bella…" she said quietly.

"I hate myself the most, though," I chuckled dryly, wiping away the remnants of my tears. "For letting myself get drawn in again. For being confused." Edward wasn't confused; maybe that's why I was angry. He had it all figured out. Asshole.

"Honey… I don't think something like what you two had will _ever _go away," she smiled and I nodded.

"I know."

I felt slightly better after talking to Angela, relieved even. The reemergence of my feelings for Edward were an enigma I wasn't ready to figure out. The thought was difficult to consider, let alone say aloud. I simply told myself it was seeing him with our son that made me feel that way. It was the leftovers of our friendship and relationship that we had both so obviously grown out of in our five years apart. But then…then there were a few times when he looked at me that I could feel a fire ignite deep in my belly, threatening to spread like wildfire. The same fire I had felt for him every day since I turned seventeen. Are you sure it's not heartburn?

_September 13__th__, 1999 _

_I sighed and looked around the crowded room again. Most of the junior class and half of the senior class were crammed in the Cullens' spacious home, spread out between the dining, living, and kitchen area. Alice had really outdone herself. Deep purple streamers hung from the ceiling and teal tablecloths covered any flat surface she could find. _

_Alice was, of course, mingling with everyone while I nervously made my way through the crowd, smiling at unfamiliar faces and waving at those I did know. I was relieved when I finally found Angela and Ben. _

_  
"She's awful, isn't she?" Angela whispered and both Ben and I stared, shocked. Angela didn't say anything mean, ever. _

"_Who?" I followed her gaze and frowned when I saw who she was speaking about. Lauren was across the living room from us, leaning against the arm of the couch and twirling a strand of her bleach blond hair around her finger. Her tank top was cut low and her deep red bra straps were hanging out on her shoulders, the look on her face was clearly lustful. And then I saw why. _

_Edward. _

_I couldn't deny that the way I looked at Edward had changed drastically in the past year or so. He'd gone from a scrawny sophomore to a lean junior the summer he joined the football team. Now he was a senior, untouchable. He was tall and muscular, though nothing like my beefy brother. His green eyes were captivating and stood out against his pale, clear skin. His auburn hair was cut short, but still unruly. I longed to run my hands through it. Just the thought of touching it made me blush. It wasn't like I was six and he was letting me play hairdresser. He was eighteen. And he was gorgeous. I felt the heat rise in my face any time he looked or spoke to me these days, or when anyone else mentioned him, actually. _

"_Yeah… she is," I muttered, looking down at my feet, then back at Edward. He was smiling and talking with Lauren, waving his hands like he was in the middle of a great story. He was an amazing storyteller, always keeping us up at night telling ghost stories or fairy tales (for Alice) when we were younger._

_My seventeenth birthday was the night that everything changed. As I watched Edward flirt with Lauren, an unknown feeling came over me. It took me a moment to realize I was _jealous._ Really fucking jealous._

"_What does he see in her?" Ben brought me out of my thoughts and I shrugged, turning my back on the two. Though Angela and Ben kept me locked in conversation, I couldn't help but shift myself in our little circle back to Edward and… _her_. They were total opposites. She was trashy; that was obvious by the clothes she wore, not to mention her reputation around school. Even standing next to each other, they clashed. Edward was dressed in a dark green polo and his old faded Levi's that he wouldn't let Esme throw out even though one of the pockets was nearly coming off. He just kept making her sew it back up so he could wear them. _

_I watched him shuffle his feet, clad in a pair of white classic Adidas, and look around the room. Just before I turned back to my friends his eyes caught mine. That was the first time I felt the fire. It was small, just an ember, but it was there. Something flashed in his deep green eyes that I thought only ever happened in movies. I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. He smiled. It was shy and coy and I felt my lips moving, too. _

_And just before he turned back to Lauren, he winked at me. _

Winked_. _

_A little giggle escaped my lips and I shook my head. His smile turned into a full-blown grin as he caught my eye once more, then he returned to the blond in front of him. _

_I didn't see much of Edward for the rest of the night. I maintained a safe distance from Mike out of respect to Jessica, who was head-over-heels for him, but that left me in the company of other junior classmen who were apparently unafraid of my big brother. I didn't mind too much. The attention was nice and helped keep my mind off of Edward and what's-her-face and wherever they'd run off to. It wasn't until Tyler Crowley grabbed my ass that I excused myself to the restroom. I climbed the stairs and headed for Alice's bathroom, knowing that the third floor was off-limits and I wouldn't find anyone doing anything dirty. Until I passed Edward's bedroom, that is. I could only see a faint blue light from under the door, but I was certain that he was in there with HER, seeing as both of them had disappeared. _

_I fought the urge to cry or scream or throw up as I finished in Alice's bathroom. I composed myself as I walked past his door again on my way back to my birthday party, but I was not prepared for the door to swing open. _

"_What are you doing up here?" Edward asked, confused. _

"_I was just going to the bathroom," I squeaked. I looked him over quickly. He was wearing a pair of gray sweats and blue t-shirt, his hair adorably mussed. _

"_Avoiding the fornicating downstairs?" He leaned against the doorframe and grinned. _

"_And upstairs…" I mumbled and he raised an eyebrow. He pushed his door open all the way so I had a clear view of his bed. His very empty bed. _

"_Lauren? Really? Do you think so little of me, Izzy?" I scrunched my nose at my nickname. "Are you too old for that now?" he asked softly. When I met his gaze, the burning was back and his question was heavy with unspoken meaning. It felt more like _"Are you too old for _me_ now?"

"_No," I whispered. "What are you watching?"_

"Goonies_." He grinned. I rolled my eyes. "What? Goonies never say die."_

"_Loser."_

"_Want to watch with me?" he asked, moving aside so I could come in. Like he even had to fucking ask. I slipped off the ballet flats Alice had let me borrow and crawled onto his Queen-sized bed, snuggling up against his pillow. _

_He frowned. "That's my side and you know it." He stood on his knees in front of me. _

_I grinned as I looked up at him. "But it's my birthday," I replied. _

_He sighed and nodded in defeat. Instead of lying next to me he pulled me up and settled himself on his pillow then smiled up at me. _

"_Hello?! It's my birthday!"_

_He laughed. It was beautiful. _

_Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me down to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and he played absently with my fingers that rested against the thin blue material of his shirt. His chin, slightly scratchy with stubble, grazed my forehead and I could feel his breath caressing my hair. The arm that was wrapped around me tightened and his thumb rubbed little circles on the exposed skin on my arm, raising goosebumps there. I shivered involuntarily. _

"_Are you cold?" he murmured. _

_I was most definitely _not_ cold. _

_But I agreed anyways. I was too afraid of what my voice would sound like, so I nodded and pressed my face into his shirt. He smelled like Tide detergent and Dove soap and delicious boy. He pulled the comforter over from the side of the bed and covered us with it, then wrapped both of his arms around me. _

_I moved my head further down to rest on his chest, a safe distance away from his face. I thought the move would be better, that it would keep me from wanting to lick the beautiful stubbly jaw that I could see out of the corner of my eye. I could tell it was clenched tight and I couldn't help but wonder why. I was startled when I settled against him and I could feel his heart beating, because it wasn't just a normal rhythm, pumping blood through his veins. It was _pounding.

"Are you okay?" I sat up and rested my hand over his heart. He bit down on his bottom lip and nodded silently. "Your heart… it's like… flying."

"_I know," he said in a hoarse whisper as he slowly sat up and faced me. Our legs were tangled together, my hand resting on his thigh. "I just – I'm nervous," he said as he ran his hand from my knee to my hip. _

"_Nervous?" I snorted. "About what?"_

"_I – you – I've never had a pretty girl in my bed before," he muttered, looking down at my hand on his leg. He gripped my hip tightly with one hand and moved his other to cover mine, squeezing it tightly. _

"_No… that's usually in the back of the Volvo, right?" I pulled my hand from his and attempted to move away. Both of his hands gripped my hips and he pulled me to him so quickly that I was practically sitting in his lap. His hands snaked around my back and he locked them together. _

"_Alice doesn't know everything, you know?" He breathed the sentence into my ear. I shivered again. "You're awfully cold tonight." He pulled away and cocked an eyebrow at me. _

"_Thin blood," I muttered, looking away from his burning gaze. "What are you doing?" _

"_What do you mean?" He rested his chin on my shoulder and his arms wrapped around my torso tighter. I fought the urge to wrap my own around him, hold him just as tight and breathing in his Edwardy-smell. _

"_I mean, what is going on with you?" I pushed him away and his green eyes were sad when they met mine._

"_I'm sorry," he said as he gently pushed me away and leaned against his headboard. He let his head fall back against he wall and closed his eyes while I sat in the middle of the bed, utterly confused by his behavior. He was my brother's best friend. He thought of me as a little sister, right? Or was I not the only one who had starting seeing things differently?_

"_Edward…" I reached for his hand but he jerked it away. Before I could say anything else he'd jumped up from the bed and started pacing the length of his room, tugging at his hair. It was times like these when you doubted his adoption; he was so like Carlisle when he was anxious. He was muttering profanities and names as he paced and I fought the urge to laugh. _

"_Charlie… fucking shoot me… Esme… disappointed… fucking hell… goddamnit Alice!" He finally stopped pacing and stood in front of me, his eyes burning into mine. "You should get back to the party," he said, his voice muted. _

"_Yeah…" I slid off the bed and put my shoes back on. "I should." _

_I didn't glance back at him as I opened the door. It took me by surprise when I'd barely cracked the door and it slammed in front of me; then I was pressed up against it, Edward's hands on either side of my face. _

"_I always fuck stuff up," he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine. I could feel my heart rate increase at the feel of his skin against mine, our noses almost touching, his lips so close… _

"_What did you fuck up?" I brought a hand to his face and he leaned into it. As he did I gave into the urge I'd had earlier and ran my hand slowly through his disobedient locks, letting it come to rest at the back of his neck. _

"_This," he groaned, pushing himself away from me. I stayed pressed against the door as I watched his lean frame kneel down to his bedside table. He pulled a small box, wrapped only in blue tissue paper, from the drawer and stood up to face me. "Happy Birthday," he said softly as the corner of his mouth turned upward. _

_I held out my hands and smiled as he placed the box in my hand. My throat tightened as I peeled the paper off, revealing a small wooden jewelry box adorned with intricately painted green vines and red flowers. I carefully opened the small metal clasp on the front and lifted the lid. My eyes widened as I looked at him. _

"_Edward," I breathed. He smiled and took the jewelry box from my hands and set it on his bed, then removed the smaller box inside; its contents were what had startled me. A dainty ring was nestled in the black velvet. He took my right hand in his and smiled as he slid the ring on. It fit perfectly. _

_I pulled my hand up to admire the ring that he had just placed there. It was a simple white gold band with a single, oval sapphire in the middle, flanked by two small diamonds. _

_"Thank you!" I threw my arms around him and felt his chest vibrate with laughter. _

"_You're welcome," he whispered, his lips against my cheek. _

"_It's beautiful." I pulled back and gazed at my ring again. When I looked back at him he was frowning, wrinkles creasing his forehead. "What?"_

"_I was just thinking," he mumbled then smiled brightly. "I'm glad you like it. Mom helped me pick it out." _

"_Really?" I asked softly._

"_Yeah… when we went to visit NYU." He shuffled his feet and tugged at his hair. "We were walking around, being all touristy," he smiled, "and there was this tiny little jewelry store between like… a porn shop and fuck, I don't even know, some Indian deli or something. Anyway, it was just there in the window and– and all I could think about was you. Then there thirty other things that made me think of you, so Mom all but threw it at my head," he chuckled quietly. _

_I couldn't do anything but stare at the beautiful ring on my finger. _ It made him think of me._ And while I rolled that around in my head something else managed to wedge itself in. _

_It was September. _

_He had gone to New York in March. _

_March. _

_Fucking March. _

"_I love it," I whispered. He nodded and swung his arms awkwardly for a moment. "I should get back though… Alice is probably going to yell at me for missing my own party."_

"_Probably," he agreed as he reopened the door for me then handed me the jewelry box. _

_I walked out, but turned back quickly. He was still standing there, leaning against the doorframe again. I made a split second decision as I walked swiftly back to him. _

_I stopped directly in front of him and stood on my toes to press a soft kiss on his jaw, the very one I wanted to lick earlier. It was quick and when I was flat on my feet again, his eyes were burning and mine were wide as he slowly leaned down and kissed my temple, then my cheek, and very, very slowly… the corner of my mouth. My eyes closed and I could feel his breath on me as his hands went to either side of my face. _

"_Happy Birthday, Bella," he whispered, pressing his lips to my forehead. He ran a hand through my hair, and then I heard the soft click of the door and he was gone. _

~*~

The rest of my day passed unbearably slowly. I was no longer in danger of falling asleep (thanks to Angela who'd made a coffee run during her free period), but saying my revelation out loud did not help in the ways I thought it would. Part of me was hoping Angela would say that I couldn't still have feelings for Edward, that I was being ridiculous. But I knew that she wouldn't, because I'd known Angela nearly as long as I'd known Edward, and Angela was no fool. On the contrary, Angela Weber-Cheney was a fucking _saint. _When I had moved back to Forks and had Masen it was Angela (along with Sue, my father's own personal "angel") who helped me to adjust. I couldn't have found a better friend than her.

I turned my small CD player on and let the country music station play softly in the background that afternoon as I prepared my class for the next day. I loved to listen to country music when I was younger but I'd always caught flack about it from Emmett, Edward, and Alice. They _never_ let me listen to what I wanted. My brother and Edward always overpowered me while Alice complained of her ears bleeding. I let them shun me. It was something Dad and I enjoyed together. That was enough for me.

I was so engrossed in the quiet melodies that I didn't know anyone was in the room until James' armed were wrapped tightly around my waist.

"Fucking hell!" I cried, dropping the Expo marker I was holding tip-down and producing a huge orange streak down the front of my white top. "Damn it," I groaned.

He laughed softly and pulled me to his chest. "Sorry, sweetheart," he kissed my cheek softly, still sniggering.

"Not funny." I playfully pushed him away. He perched himself on my desk while I finished writing the next day's assignments and gave me the rundown of his day. I listened intently, or at least pretended to. My mind was mainly focused on Masen and hoping he'd made it through his day at school. Sue had agreed to pick him up from school and take him to the small public library; it was one of their favorite things to do together.

"So what do you think?" he asked, watching me expectantly.

"About what?" I turned to him, utterly confused.

"Bella," he frowned. "Were you listening?"

"I was!" I defended myself, capping my Expo and sitting next to him. I laid my head on his shoulder and felt him sigh.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he kissed my forehead.

"I'm just tired," I mumbled, and stifled a yawn.

"I know… Angela told me. That's why I called Sue and asked if they could keep Masen tonight," he explained. My sharp intake of breath could have been taken for a surprised gasp but, in truth, I was suddenly frightened and uneasy.

"But – he – he can't! He needs to be with me!" I cried as I slid off the desk. I frantically grabbed my things as he tried to calm me. I didn't listen until his hands finally stopped me before I reached the door.

"Bella!" He pulled me around to face him and I knew what my expression showed. I was panicked; scared for my little boy and the pain he would be in. Would he think I'd abandoned him, too?

"Please, James. I can't do that to him! He's so upset right now!" I could feel the tears starting to pool in my eyes and watched his face soften.

"I know, Bella," he loosened his grip as he spoke and rubbed my forearms gently. "I told Sue we'd be by later and made sure she told him what was going on. Sweetheart, you've got to calm down."

"You don't know what it's like." I shook my head.

"I know," he mumbled, his eyes on the floor. _Shit. Shit fucking hell, motherfuck. _

"I'm sorry…" I cupped his cheek gently and his eyes closed briefly. "I'm sorry, I keep doing this to you."

"Just… stay with me tonight? Please?" His eyes were pleading. I knew that I wasn't being fair to him.

"Okay," I nodded. He smiled triumphantly and kissed me, a quick peck on the lips.

"I'll meet you at your house, alright?" he called as he opened the door. I nodded again, and then pulled out my phone to call Sue as soon as he was out of sight. Of course she agreed to keep Masen for the night and he was ecstatic as well. Apparently, I was the only one freaking out.

James and I did go by my parents' so I could see my son before we went back to his home. While James spent the time making small talk with the family, I held my little boy and whispered to him how much I loved him until he finally told me to stop.

"I love you too, Mama," he sighed and hopped down from my lap, eager to play with his Uncle Seth.

"Can I sleep in your room tonight?" he had asked Seth, eyes bright. Having a sleepover with your uncle was apparently the "best thing ever". Seth agreed, of course, bless him, and then started the tent-making process that I was sure would last for hours.

"Good luck with that, Seth." I patted him on the arm as we got ready to leave and he laughed.

"He's a kid, Iz!"

"Yep… with pointy little fingers and toes and a bony little butt and he doesn't care where he sticks them," I said and he laughed.

"We'll manage," he smiled.

"Sure, sure," I rolled my eyes, and grabbed Masen for one last hug. "I love you so much!" I held him tightly.

"Alright, Iz, let the kid breathe," my dad said as he tried to pry my son from my hands.

"Good night, Mama." Masen smiled brightly up at me and I sniffled a bit.

"Go!" Sue all but pushed me to the car, closing the door behind her, my boys safely out of view. "Isabella…" She used my whole name and I frowned.

"You know how I feel about that," I grumbled.

"Then start acting like a grown woman," she scolded. "We are going to take good care of that little boy and you know it. You need to go take care of yourself. Nothing will happen."

I nodded, still sad about leaving.

"I'll have him call you later," she said softly and I smiled.

"I love you," I hugged my mother (because I'd never really _ever_ thought to put the word _step_ in front of it) tightly.

"I know, shug. I know," she grinned and turned back inside as I climbed into James' car. He smiled and squeezed my hand, rubbing small circles on my flesh with his thumb. He grazed over my ring finger, holding my hand up as if he were admiring a picture. I watched him curiously, but he simply smiled and laced his fingers through mine.

We stopped to pick up dinner from the only Chinese place in town and took our time getting home. James lived across town (which wasn't very far considering we lived in Forks) in a modest but newly built three-bedroom house. He had an immaculately groomed lawn, for which he paid dearly, of course. His home décor was modest and masculine, mainly dark colors and bold pieces. I lounged on the dark brown leather couch after dinner, deciding against grading papers and settling on watching old _Fresh Prince_ reruns.

James brought me a large glass of red wine and settled next to me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders. It was moments like this one, sitting there, snuggled together watching nonsense shows that made me remember why I fell for James in the first place. Sure, he could be pretentious and cocky… but he could also be very sweet and thoughtful. He cared for me _and _my son despite my reluctance to escalate our relationship. Some people thought he was a snob, but in reality he was extremely intelligent and quite humble… he just didn't know any better. Social skills were not something he had ever worried about developing. He was improving though, especially around my family.

It was also in times like these I found myself comparing him to Edward. Edward had no problem making people like him; it was the same with his entire family. There was simply something about the Cullens that made people fall for them.

James was still working on being accepted by my family, Masen especially. I knew the way Masen had grown so close to Edward in such a short time had hurt James' feelings. Though he never talked about it, it was quite apparent to me. I glanced up at him as he watched the figures moving across the wide-screen TV. His blue eyes were slits framed by dark lashes, his face covered in a couple of days' stubble. He stifled a yawn and caught me watching him, smiled simply and kissed my forehead before turning back to the TV. I buried my nose in his shoulder, breathing in his scent.

I'd bought him a bottle of Ralph Lauren cologne for Valentine's Day. It was subtle, not too musky or sweet, perfect for him. That bottle was also the first I'd ever bought. Edward never wore cologne; he always, _always _smelled of Tide, Dove, and coconut shampoo. Sometimes there was shaving cream shoved in the mix, too. After we'd broken up I found a t-shirt of his in my dirty laundry so I put it on, curled up in a ball and cried for hours, maybe days.

It still smelled like him; like his fucking deodorant and body wash.

Like a sweaty boy and dryer sheets.

I didn't wash it for weeks, not that I'd ever tell anyone that… but still.

I felt James rest his head on mine and I reached up and turned his face to mine.

"Let's go to bed, huh?" I said quietly. He nodded and turned the television off as I started down the hall. I slipped into my comfy pajama pants and one of his t-shirts and crawled into bed, tucking the covers around myself. James come bounding out of the bathroom and leapt onto the bed, making me bounce and lose my grip on the blankets. I laughed and he kissed me, the taste of spearmint toothpaste filling my mouth. He pulled away, grinning, and leaned his body halfway over mine so he was looking down at me.

"What's gotten into you?" I asked.

"I don't know," he shrugged and I laughed softly.

"I like it," I told him.

"I got you something," he whispered.

"Presents?" I queried. He rolled his eyes and hopped off the bed and shuffled to his dresser. He pulled something out and came back to his position on the bed.

He set a small, black velvet box on the bed in front of me. I swallowed loudly and caught his smiling eyes with my own disbelieving ones. Slowly, I opened the box and found exactly what I'd already known to be waiting for me.

It sat there, nestled in the black velvet, sparkly and perfect, and fucking scary as hell.

"Do you want to put it on?" he asked, his voice quiet._ Did I want to put it on?_ I nodded, simply staring at the white gold band and single solitaire, full carat, princess cut diamond. It stared back. He gently removed the ring from the box and slipped it on my left hand, a small grin playing on his lips. My insides had suddenly turned to mush. I could hardly breathe. This would make it official. Really, _really_ official.

_Was I ready for that?_

I mean, fuck, I'd already said 'yes'… but a ring? A ring meant the real deal. It meant I was buying a pretty white dress and sending out invitations. It mean my daddy was going to walk me down the aisle. A ring meant I was getting married. Married to someone I didn't dream about marrying my entire life.

A ring from James meant that I wasn't going to marry Edward.

"I just… wanted to make it real, you know? I should have done it a while ago. The ring, I mean. You deserve it," he rambled and I watched, amused as his nervousness and how it didn't stop him. "I love you. And Masen… and I want to do what's right by both of you. I know Edward is going to be part of his life, and I've come to grips with that… almost, I mean kind of. Hell, Bella. I just want to marry you."

I sat up and searched his face; his smile was calm and serene, blue eyes shining. He was real and he was _here_ and no he wasn't the one I'd always dreamt about, but _fuck_ I gave up on that one years ago. So I took his face in my hands, and I kissed him fiercely while pulling him back against the pillows with me. As much as I compared him to Edward, I knew that there was really no reason to. Edward was a different time. Things were simple and we were young. I'd always love him but… James was my future. He had a stable job, his own home, and most importantly: our past was free and clear of obstacles. He loved my son. He loved me. And that was enough.

EPOV

_"Close the door, son. We have some things to discuss."_

_I did as he asked and took my seat across from his desk. He slipped his glasses off and gazed at me intently._

_"Edward, my brother and I built this company from the bottom up. It used to be the two of us working out of our parent's basement and living on their couch," he told me. I nodded. I knew this._

_"I know, sir. That's why I was interested in the internship in the first place," I replied nervously._

_"The thing is son, is that we did it together. Eventually we were both married and had the support of some amazing women. We never could have done this without our family," he watched me while he spoke, apparently knowing he was hitting a nerve. Fucking families…_

_"I'm not quite sure what you're getting at… sir." I shifted in my seat. He laughed quietly._

_"I'm not getting at anything, kid," he grinned. "I know you don't have anyone like that over here… and I think you'd rather be somewhere else right now." He looked down at Masen's photo still sitting on his desk._

_"Yes, sir," I agreed._

_"I have a friend in Seattle…"_

I smiled as I looked around the boxes that filled my apartment. EJ sniffed each one, climbing on them and batting them angrily. My parents were more than happy to get the property in Forks out of their name, and Alice was ecstatic at the chance to decorate. The grin on my face felt permanent. I couldn't get rid of it, even if I tried.

After five long years I was going back.

I was going to be able to see my son everyday. I'd watch him grow and change and tell him I loved him. Everyday.

I was going to see my best friend get married and start his own family.

And Bella… Bella was always home to me. When we were kids… at college. Wherever she was is where I needed to be.

Finally, I was going home.

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**Don't forget to click that little button.**


	19. The Prodigal Returns

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns the names. I make them do stupid things. **

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Chapter 18 – The Prodigal Returns (for real this time)

EPOV

The days after my meeting with Mr. Morgan passed excruciatingly slowly. Morgan & Morgan did have a branch office in Seattle, but I wasn't moving to Seattle. Mr. Morgan trusted me to start up an annex firm that would be stationed in Port Angeles. It was flattering that he had so much faith in me but exceedingly nerve-wracking in the same instance. Even more than that, though, I was excited. I would get to do what I loved and be with my son at the same time.

The rest of February was a blur. At work I was busy telling my replacement of last minute adjustments and preparing for the ground-breaking of the new building. In my free time (what little there was) Mr. Morgan was trying to get me ready for running the new office. Everything was going smoothly at work; home, however, was a different story. It was as if I'd never known all of the shit I'd accumulated in the five years I'd lived in my apartment. Every closet was full of just… _stuff_.

I started packing and shipping things I would need in Forks, like clothes and appliances, then I started a pile of things to donate. The less I had to ship meant the less money I had to spend, so I decided to leave my furniture. The house in Forks was fully furnished and none of my things were irreplaceable anyways.

Since I would need someone to be in Forks and open up the house for the movers, I made an uncomfortable phone call and got things straightened out.

My fingers shook as I dialed the number. I tried to steady my breathing as it began to ring.

"Chief Swan," the voice on the other end of the line answered quietly.

"Emmett? It's Edward," I said.

"Edward? Hey man, listen I can't talk right now -" he started but I cut him off.

"I'm moving back," I stated quickly.

"What the fuck did you just say?" His voice was a loud whisper.

"I'm moving back," I repeated, feeling the smile on my face. "I need someone to be at the house sometime this week when some of my things arrive. I was kind of hoping you would do it, I mean, if you don't mind?"

"Sure man, no problem… Did you tell Bella?" Emmett asked.

"Uh, well… I was actually hoping you wouldn't say anything just yet," I mumbled.

"You're kidding, right?"

"About which part?" I asked, confused.

"You want me to keep this from my sister?"

"Please, Emmett? Just for a week or so. I just want to get there first," I pleaded with my best friend, hoping he would comply. I wasn't trying to keep things from Bella and Masen; I just wanted to actually _be _there before I said anything. I didn't want either one of them to doubt that I was coming.

Emmett was silent for a long moment before he sighed softly.

"Fine," he mumbled.

"Thank you," I said fervently, hoping he knew how grateful I was.

"Well… I'm not doing it for you," he answered before ending the call.

After I spoke with Emmett I continued with my preparations for the move. I'd sold my Land Rover to some guy in marketing; he was expecting his fourth child, and I wasn't going to pay to have it shipped overseas, so it was win-win.

In the midst of all the packing, working and daily phone calls to the realtor, airport, and Masen, I also had the joy of taking EJ to the vet. In order for him to leave the country he needed to be up-to-date with all his vaccines. It would have been easier to swim back to Washington. I don't think I'd ever seen a person more relieved to watch someone leave as the vet did when EJ and I finally walked out.

It didn't surprise me that it had taken less than a month for me to decide to move back. And once I'd made the decision, I didn't think twice. There were no "maybes" about it. There was a part of me, a very small part, that couldn't believe I was giving up my dream job and going back to the shitty town I'd lived in all my life. But that part didn't matter. Because, in all honesty, living this "dream" meant shit if I didn't have someone to share it with.

Then I couldn't help but wonder… what would this mean for Bella and I? And, fuck, what did I even _want_ it to mean? She didn't want to be with me… but she did kiss me. Maybe it didn't mean anything. Who the fuck was I kidding, when did a kiss between us _not_ mean anything?

I talked to Masen every day, but the calls were short and sometimes rushed because of the time difference. I knew it would be different when I was in Forks with him and Bella.

God, I missed him.

I was nervous about how we would set up custody, visitation, and all that mess. I was fairly certain Bella would not be as happy to see me as Masen would be. She would be angry. And I would deserve it.

BPOV

I watched Masen chatter on the phone with Edward for what felt like the millionth night in a row. He had been gone for less than a month, yet the difference in my son's demeanor had changed drastically. It was scary.

They hadn't even spent that much time together, but being apart from his father made Masen very quiet and subdued most of the time. It was an off chance that spending time with my brothers excited him, but other than that…he was always very quiet. Not normal.

"Mama is making dinner for everyone," I heard Masen tell Edward. "I don't know, she says we are celebrating. What? Um… she has a pretty new ring," he mumbled and shrugged.

I dropped the glass I'd been putting in the cabinet. It shattered against the tile.

Masen turned to me, startled, his eyes wide.

"Mama?" He put the phone on the table and stood up.

"Stay there!" I saw his bare feet and held my hand up to him. He sat back down at the table and picked up the phone. A million things ran through my mind as I cleaned up the glass. Edward knew that James had asked me to marry him and now… now he would know it was really happening. I wondered if he would care or if it would even bother him at all.

"Yeah… Uncle Seth said he will help me build a fort in my room," I vaguely heard my son's voice as I emptied the glass shards into the trash can. I turned back to Masen only to find him staring at me, his eyes green slits full of accusations.

"You didn't tell me you made forts!" he cried. I could hear Edward laughing through the receiver and I could almost picture his face. Shining green eyes, crooked little smile… he same as Masen's when they felt they'd told a big secret. I had, of course, not told my son about my amazing fort building abilities. Mainly because I didn't want my entire living room being ripped apart and covered in sheets.

"Say goodbye to your dad," I said as I ruffled his already messy hair.

"Bye, Dad," Masen said.

I knew his voice, but the words sounded so foreign as they fell from his lips. I turned quickly, my hand flying to my heart. For the second time that night I imagined the look on Edward's face matching my son's perfectly. Green eyes wide with shock, though a smile was tugging at his perfect lips.

He looked just as stunned as I felt at hearing himself say it for the first time.

_Dad_.

It was so quiet in the kitchen I could hear the seconds ticking away on my watch.

Masen finally spoke and I could feel my bones thaw.

"Will you call me tomorrow?" he asked, and then waited. His winning smile was proof that Edward had agreed, as Masen knew he would. Just like everyone who came before, Edward was wrapped around Masen's little finger. "Okay, bye." He hung up and handed the phone to me, ear-to-ear grin on his perfect face, then skipped off into the living room. I stared at the phone in my hand, wanting to call Edward back myself, just to hear his voice.

What if I did? What if we just talked about our day; would that be so bad? Hell, we had a child together. It would strictly be because of that… right? No. It wouldn't be, and I knew it.

The front door slammed loudly, shocking me, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Hey," James set the grocery bags on the kitchen counter and wrapped his arms around me. I let my head rest on his shoulder and sighed. _This is how things should be_, I thought as I hugged him back.

I poured us each a glass of wine and we started to prepare dinner for my family. I boiled shells while James mixed up the cheeses and spices. We worked, stuffing shells and talking quietly about our day. It was natural to be in this setting with him while Masen played in the other room. My thoughts of Edward took a backseat to the present, as they did on most days. Always there, just quietly lingering in the back of my mind.

Everything was going as planned until James moved to put the pan of shells in the oven to bake. Masen wandered into the kitchen, his eyes trained on the Leapster in his hands (Emmett insisted buying him a video game and I wouldn't let him get any but that) and they collided. James stumbled with the pan; Masen's game went flying across the floor, collided with the refrigerator. James composed himself and placed the pan in the oven then turned to Masen with a frown on his face.

"I'm sorry," Masen whispered, his bottom lip quivering. James' expression turned soft in a matter of seconds. He placed a hand on the top of Masen's head and smiled.

"Just be careful, buddy," James said as he started buttering slices of Italian bread, too engrossed to hear Masen's sharp intake of breath and see his green eyes pooled with tears. I stepped away from the cheesecake I was mixing and quickly lifted my son into my arms and took him out of the kitchen.

He buried his face in my neck as I sat on the couch and held him tightly, not needing an explanation for the sudden onslaught of tears. It didn't matter if people had called him _buddy_ every day of his life. The past month had made the words special to him. That was what his _dad_ called him. Hearing the words from someone else's mouth, especially James', was sure to upset him.

"You okay?" I asked as he pulled back from me. His cheeks were dry but his long, dark eyelashes were wet. He nodded and played absently with a button on my blouse.

"Mama?" he asked softly. I smoothed his hair back and pulled his face up to mine. "Can we go to Australia?" He was so serious that I forced myself not to laugh. In truth, however absurd the idea seemed coming from his mouth, I sometimes thought the same thing.

"We'll see, baby." I kissed his forehead and he hugged me tightly once more before climbing out of my lap and running upstairs to his room.

"Everything alright?" James asked when I returned to the kitchen.

"Fine." I gently kissed his cheek and we resumed our dinner preparations.

James and Masen set the table just as everyone started to arrive. Rosalie joined me in the kitchen and helped me scoop fresh strawberries onto the cheesecake I'd made from scratch.

"This is weird," she said as she licked strawberry juice from a perfectly manicured nail.

"What is?" I asked stupidly. Or at least, I pretended.

"This whole… cozy little family… thing you guys have going on," she said as she watched James with Masen.

"Rose," I sighed and she turned to me. "Just be happy for me. Please?"

"Bella," she said softly, her face hurt. "I _am_. It's just… not what I pictured, that's all," she explained and then picked at an invisible spot on her crisp, white button-down.

"Me either," I murmured as l leaned against the counter, popping a strawberry into my mouth and chewing slowly.

"Does it make you sad?" she asked, her voice quiet. I stretched out my left hand and gazed at my ring before answering.

"No," I shook my head, hoping she believed me. "It's not what I pictured either. But it's happening, right?"

"Right," she agreed. "Now as your maid-of-honor I -"

"Who says you are my maid-of-honor?" I interrupted her and the glare she gave me could have killed thousands. "Never mind," I muttered and she laughed lightly.

"Of course I am." She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and we made our way into the dining room where the family was already seated. "It's only natural, you know." I had to agree. Rose was my best friend; there was no other choice.

I couldn't help but think, as I watched dishes being passed around and food being served, that were I marrying Edward, Alice would be my first choice. Alice, who had been my best friend since birth, who'd abandoned me when her brother did.

"Mama," Masen's voice broke me from my trance. "Mama, can you help me?"

"Sorry baby," I smiled and ruffled his hair before filling his plate.

"I talked to my dad today," Masen announced to the whole table once everyone was served. My fork dropped to my plate, clanging loudly. I rushed to pick it up and recover myself. As I glanced up, all eyes were on me. "He told me a really cool way to make a fort. He said that him and Mama use to make them all the time when they were kids, right Mama?" He turned his angelic face to me and I tried to smile.

"Right," I nodded and turned my attention back to pushing the food around my plate, my appetite lost. I could feel my cheeks burning and James' gaze on me. I knew this new detail of Masen and Edward's relationship would hurt him.

"Did you help them, Uncle Emmett?" Masen turned his questioning eyes to my brother, who had just shoved a large amount of food in his mouth. He nodded and tried to smile, which of course made Masen laugh.

"I did. I was the best though," he declared, and pointed a finger at his chest. "I taught your dad everything he knows." He winked at Masen. _Oh my God, just call him by his fucking name,_ I pleaded silently.

"Yeah… my dad said you'd say that." Masen took a bite from his garlic bread and chewed thoughtfully. I watched my brother's expression turn from joking to uncomfortable and frowned. He had been acting strange for a week or so after he got a phone call one night at dinner.

_Emmett's phone vibrated loudly from its spot on the table. I gave him the stink-eye and he shrugged apologetically at breaking my 'no phones at the table' rule. He glanced at the screen, then at me with a worried expression on his face. My glare went from angry to questioning, but Emmett only shook his head as he stood up from the table._

"_I have to get this, excuse me," he mumbled and left the table. I heard the front door slam and assumed it was work calling. _

_Emmett returned a few moments later, looking agitated. _

"_Everything alright?" Rosalie set a hand on his shaking knee and he calmed._

"_For now," he muttered, and she raised an eyebrow at him. When he finally met her gaze he smiled. "It's fine. I promise," he placated her and she nodded. She didn't push the issue so I felt as though I shouldn't either. _

Emmett never said anything about the phone call and never told any of us who it was. But he had been very secretive lately. I didn't like it.

He and Masen were still having their conversation about Edward and the things they did as kids. Masen had heard all of these stories before, of course, only Edward's part had always been omitted. I think Emmett was ecstatic to finally get to tell his nephew the truth. As uncomfortable as it made me… I knew they were enjoying themselves. Dad and Seth would occasionally chime in with side notes that Em had forgotten. James stayed silent, simply watching the exchange, his expression unreadable.

When I felt that I couldn't take Masen's uttering of 'dad' one more time, I excused myself and nearly ran up the stairs then slammed the bathroom door behind me. Leaning against the door, I exhaled loudly and rubbed my temples. It was too much. James, Masen, my family… Edward. He wasn't even here and he was making me crazy. Masen's newfound love of the word 'dad' was going to cause me to drink… more than usual.

It was so very difficult. Trying to encourage a father/son relationship with James and Masen while my son's affection clearly lay somewhere else.

I splashed cold water on my face and took a deep breath before exiting the bathroom. A worried looking James met me in the hallway.

"You okay?" he asked, brushing a stray hair off my face. I nodded and watched him carefully. His face was concerned, not angry at all.

"I just… it's so much," I whispered and rested my head on his chest. He gently smoothed my hair and kissed the top of my head.

"I don't want you to -" I started but he silenced me with his lips. "What was that for?"

"Don't worry about me," he smiled and silently agreed. "Can we have dessert? I'm dying for a piece of that cheesecake," he asked and I laughed.

"Of course," I took his hand and led him back downstairs where we served dessert.

My parents and Seth left after we cleaned up; Masen had fallen asleep before Seth could teach him any of his 'amazing fort building skills'. Emmett and Rose left, my brother kissing my head but avoiding my gaze and Rose promising to call the next day. James slipped on his jacket and moved to kiss me goodbye, but I moved away. I laughed when he looked surprised.

"Stay."

EPOV

Mother of God. He called me Dad. _Dad._ Holy fucking shit. I was his Dad. I mean… obviously I was his dad, but he used the _word_. And not just in random conversation. He used it in place of my name. Like, my name would never be Edward again to him. I'd be Dad from now on. Not just 'his dad' but… Dad with a capital 'D'.

It had almost made me forget the part about Bella's 'pretty new ring'. I heard something breaking on the other end of the line and assumed that Bella didn't think he would mention it to me. Even I knew that he couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it.

I wasn't sure how I felt about it yet. I knew they were engaged already, but this… this changed things. It meant I'd have to fight harder, if I fought at all. I didn't know if that was something I wanted. I was a fucking walking contradiction. I could say it over and over that it wasn't about Bella and I anymore but _fuck_… I wanted to raise my son with her. The right way.

For the first time since meeting Masen and making my decision I doubted my motives. Was I going to Washington to be with my son? Or was this all about the proverbial pissing contest I wanted to have with James? I had no idea anymore. There was one thing I did know for sure -

I was fucked.

BPOV Three days. That bastard hadn't called my son for _three days. _If I ever saw him again I would castrate him and make sure he only had one child to call. I would superglue the fucking phone to his hand to make sure he never forgot to call _the only child he'd ever know._

It was Friday afternoon and things had changed drastically since Masen and I returned home from school. Emmett, who was supposed to spend the afternoon with Masen, came storming in the house to change out of his uniform. He uttered a hasty apology before slamming out the door, leaving both Masen and I staring after him. Masen trudged silently to the living room, turned on Nickelodeon, and curled up on the couch. I called James and told him to cancel our dinner plans.

I fixed Masen a snack and joined him in the living room. He sat in front of the coffee table, engrossed in SpongeBob and crunching on apples. When he finished he crawled back on the couch and rested his head against my thigh. He didn't say anything. In fact, he hadn't said much since I'd picked him up for school, but his small sighs told me he was sad and I wished I could do something to fix it. Like invent a time machine to go back to the day I walked away from Edward in that forest. I'd even go back a few weeks before and beg him not to get on the plane. But I couldn't do that. So instead, I smoothed my baby's hair and let him veg out on mindless cartoons for a couple of hours.

Emmett didn't return for dinner.

EPOV

_Fucking finally!_ I thought when the small plane touched down in Port Angeles.

I tapped the man who had fallen asleep on my shoulder, eager to have him move. Seriously, it was a short flight; no nap was really needed. He blinked and looked around, then stretched and walked off without a word. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my carryon, the nerves that had been buried for the past two days finally making an appearance. My hands shook as I threw the duffle bag over my shoulder then made my way to get to rest of my luggage and pick up EJ. The majority of my things had already been shipped and my landlord had agreed to have the leftovers sent when I got settled.

The dull afternoon Washington sky made my heart warm with familiarity. I quickly threw my bags into the small SUV I was loaned and readied myself for the drive home. EJ was unusually quiet in the large carrier, no doubt in shock from the flight. But he was breathing, at least, and probably plotting his revenge in terrifying detail. The drive took longer than usual, as I expected it would. It was almost like being a kid on Christmas Eve, only multiplied by a thousand. Or million. My insides were twisted into knots as I maneuvered the familiar driveway, knowing what was waiting for me when I finally arrived.

The Jeep was parked directly in front of the house. My best friend stood against it, tossing something up into the air and swiping at it with his hand repeatedly. When I exited my car Emmett tossed what was in his hand my way. I grabbed it out of the air as it narrowly missed my face. My house keys.

"Thanks," I smiled and he shrugged, not meeting my gaze.

"Don't ask me to keep a secret from my sister again," he stated flatly as he opened his door and climbed into the driver seat. I just nodded. He didn't say anything else as the door slammed and the engine started. I found myself staring at the key instead of his retreating vehicle.

When I'd worked up the courage to move, I nearly ran to the front door. I unlocked it swiftly and swung the door open. It wasn't much different than when I'd lived there so many years ago: tall ceilings, pale walls and furniture.

Only the boxes were new.

Fucking boxes everywhere.

I brought in my luggage and EJ's carrier, opening it for him and trying to coax him out. He hissed at me and retreated back so I decided against grabbing him. Instead I set out his food bowl in front of him and figured he would mosey out on his own. Exhausted, I wandered the house. It was silent with the exception of the floorboards groaning quietly under my feet. The first floor was composed of the kitchen, dining room, and family room. I ran my hand over the thin layer of dust coating the piano that stood off from the family room. I hadn't played in so long.

The second floor held the master bedroom and two smaller rooms that my parents had used as their separate offices. I figured it would make the most sense to take the master bedroom for myself and forced the thought of my parents sharing it once out of my mind. I was still shuddering when I reached the third floor. There were three rooms there: my old one, Alice's, and a guest room that housed everyone who ever needed a place to stay. I leaned against the doorway of my old room. The walls had been painted a pale yellow with a matching bedspread, my Mariners poster long gone as well as the one of that chick from _Buffy_.

Alice had mentioned she wanted to come help me get settled, but that she would wait a week or so before showing up. I had a sneaking suspicion that wasn't true. Especially since a voicemail from my mother, telling me to "kiss Alice for her", was waiting for me when I finally got off the plane.

It didn't surprise me that Alice was possibly on her way to Forks. I was glad for it. She had been gone for too long. I fucked things up a lot and now I had the chance to make it right… for everyone. I finished checking out the house and deliberated on whether I just wanted to just fucking sleep or actually start unpacking. I sat down on the sofa and sleep decided for me.

BPOV

I shifted uncomfortably under Masen's weight and groaned inwardly. He had moved from laying his head in my lap to wrapping his arms around my neck and clinging to me. Then he fell asleep. After a couple of hours I finally heard the front door slam.

"Thank God," I muttered then immediately felt bad for thinking that about my son. But fuck, I had to pee.

"Hey," Emmett muttered as he stepped into the living room, his eyes on his shoes.

"Could you take him? Please?" I practically begged my brother. Emmett took Masen from my arms and I dashed upstairs to the bathroom. When I returned I had expected that Emmett would have put Masen in bed, but instead he was still standing in the exact position he was when I'd left.

"I need to tell you something," he whispered. My heart turned to stone in my chest as I braced myself for the worst.

"What?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly.

"I just… please don't be mad," my brother said softly. I could feel my eyes widen at his words. He didn't want me to be mad? Was he afraid? What in the ever-loving fuck did he do?

"I won't," I assured him.

"Izzy, I mean it. Promise me you won't be mad," he pleaded.

"I promise, Em," I said, worried again.

"I should have told you…" he mumbled and held Masen more tightly to him.

"Told me what?" I asked. I wasn't worried anymore. Now I was suspicious.

"He's back, Iz." I felt my extremities go numb as I stared at Emmett. Suddenly his choice to hold on to Masen made perfect sense.

I knew perfectly well what _he's back_ meant without Emmett trying to explain it to me.

And he knew. He fucking knew Edward was back in town and didn't tell me. Now he was using my son as a shield? I'd murder him later. I had other assholes to harm first.

"You sonofabitch," I spat, turning on my heels and heading for the door. I shoved my feet in my shoes and grabbed my jacket, the door slamming behind me. I knew where he was. Emmett didn't even have to tell me.

Of course he would go back home.

I arrived at the end of the driveway of the grand white house in an unbelievably short amount of time. The house looked the same as it always had with the exception of an unfamiliar SUV sitting in the gravel drive. I took a deep breath and steadied myself before raising my fist to the red door and pounding it loudly.

EPOV

I was going to fucking kill whoever was knocking on the door.

"I'm fucking coming!" I called as I stumbled through the boxes and followed the noise to the front door. EJ skittered back into his crate at the incessant pounding and I managed to roll my eyes before I got to the door. It swung open faster than I opened and I realized why a few seconds after it slammed again.

Bella stood, her back pressed against the door, eyes closed, cheeks a delicious shade of pink.

_Fuck me… _she was beautiful. Oh, and pissed. She was fucking pissed.

"You… asshole!" she yelled as she started towards me, her eyes livid. I tried to back up but my calves hit a box and I nearly fell over.

"How _dare _you do this to my son!" Her hands were balled into fists and I felt extremely worried for myself and quite possibly my favorite appendage.

"Bella, please lis -" I held up my hands in an attempt to calm her but it didn't work.

Her hand came from out of nowhere. It struck my face with such force that I think she surprised herself. I was sure as fuck surprised. The sound of the slap seemed to echo off the walls as she stared at me wide-eyed. My cheek stung like a motherfucker but I made no attempt to soothe my pain. I clenched my jaw and took it. I fucking deserved it.

Bella's eyes fell to her hand that she brought to cover her mouth, still obviously in shock. She gave a strangled sob as her eyes met mine once again. They were dark, the brown almost black with emotion, and slowly filling with tears.

"Oh!" she cried and threw her arms around my neck. I stood for a long moment with my arms dangling uselessly at my side until she hugged herself closer to me. My arms worked of their own accord as they slipped around her slim figure, one around her waist and the other in her hair, holding her face to my chest. A silent sob shook her body and I held her closer, breathing in the sweet smell of vanilla that came from her.

I could have held her for eternity but she pulled away much too quickly and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, knowing it would never be enough. Her soft expression had gone, replaced by the angry mask again. She nodded curtly as if to answer my inner accusation.

"He'll be glad you're here. He's missed you."

"I've missed him, too," I said and she avoided my gaze by staring at the pile of boxes.

"He's playing t-ball. There's a game tomorrow afternoon. You should probably show up," she told my box of kitchen supplies.

"Thank you," I breathed. Her eyes met mine again, but they were different. Cold, even.

"It's not for you, Edward," she whispered.

"I know," I replied. She gave the cluttered room one last glance before turning away from me and heading for the door.

"Don't do this to him again." She didn't turn around as she spoke. She opened the door and walked out with a backward glance, not even bothering to close it behind her.

Exhausted, I sank to the floor and leaned against a stack of boxes. I scrubbed my face with my hand and sighed.

It was hard, but I tried to ignore the little ray of light that was managing to shine through the clouds that surrounded the situation. I feared that if I did let that little bit of light in it would only hurt worse when everything came crashing down. It was faint, a small glimmer of hope threatening to make me something I hadn't been in a long, long time.

I almost felt… happy.

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**A/N: Sorry for the long ass wait guys. Real life and all that jazz. Thanks for your reviews last chapter, I tried to reply to all of you. **

**Welcome new readers! I'm glad you're here. Don't forget to stop and say 'hi' ;)**

**Thanks to killerlashes and messynachos for beta-ing and always prereading for me. I luff you. **


	20. Fightin' Words

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. **

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Chapter 19 - Fightin' Words

BPOV

I swore that I could quite literally feel my blood boiling as I drove back to my house. I was furious with Edward for showing up unannounced and with Emmett for keeping a secret from me. Then of course, I was pissed with myself because I shouldn't have been mad at either of them.

I should have been ecstatic that Edward was back. That he had taken the initiative and did what was best for his son. For the most part, I _was_ happy he had returned. Kind of. I suppose I was upset because he didn't tell me, even though he _knew_ I hated surprises, especially the life-altering kind.

It was as if my car drove home of its own accord; I was in my driveway before I remembered I'd left Edward's. As soon as the front door slammed Masen's arms were wrapped around my waist.

"Where did you go?" His face was pressed against my stomach, his voice muffled.

"I had to talk to someone." I smoothed his hair and kissed the top of his head. He released my waist and took my hand, smiling sweetly up at me.

"How'd it go?" Emmett leaned against the wall, an apologetic look on his face.

"My hand hurts," I said with a hint of a smile.

My brother nodded appreciatively. "That's my girl," he said softly. "I'm going to Rose's."

"Why does your hand hurt, Mama?" Masen asked me, his voice concerned. "Do you need a Band-Aid?"

"No… just a big ole kiss!" I bent down and scooped him into my arms. He giggled as I tickled and kissed him repeatedly. If I could only hear his laugh for the rest of my days they would surely be my happiest ones.

EPOV

Saturday morning dawned unusually bright. I squinted against the sunlight that flowed into the family room. I had fallen asleep there after my encounter with Bella; EJ had ended up curled up behind my knees. He jumped off the couch and slipped down the hall, mewling loudly; I groaned.

We had no food.

~*~

I checked my phone and found that my earlier suspicions were true. Alice would be arriving in Port Angeles early in the afternoon. Bella had also sent me a message with the time of Masen's game. I showered and dressed quickly, then left EJ to wander the house and made my way to the only grocery store in town.

The small store was conveniently empty except for a handful of blue-hairs and a few mothers and their children. I traveled up and down each aisle, randomly grabbing things off shelves. Since I didn't have anything, I just grabbed everything I thought I might need until it looked like I would need another cart.

"Well, shit," I mumbled, and looked around for another cart. I didn't have a chance to grab one before I came face to face with James_._

Fuck, I _really_ didn't like that guy.

"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me!" he groused, voice loud enough that a little old woman passing us gave me a very dirty look. I stared at her wide-eyed and she shook her head and kept walking.

"Listen, I don't think the middle of Kroger is the right place to do… whatever." I tried to maneuver my cart around him, but he stepped right in front of me, stopping the cart with his foot.

"Why are you here?"

"Groceries. It's a _grocery store_," I said, emphasizing the words, and he rolled his eyes. Yes, I was being a jackass. I didn't really care.

"In Forks. What are you doing here in _Forks."_ He crossed his arms. I sighed and leaned my head against the handle of the cart, then regretted that decision immediately. I'd seen kids chew on these things, for Pete's sake…

"I'm here to be in my son's life. That's all." I threw my hands up for effect, surrendering to him. "I'm not here to mess anything up for you."

"Does Bella know you're here?" he asked, his snide tone starting to piss me off.

"She came by last night," I replied, my mouth automatically curving into a smirk before I could stop it. I watched James' eyes widen as the blood crept up his face and I felt fairly satisfied with myself.

I shouldn't have.

James took a deep breath, ran his hand over his short hair, and then licked his lips. His eyes had turned colder than they were the first time we'd met.

"You know," he began, and shoved his hands in his pockets and smirked at me, "I've been meaning to ask you something…" He trailed off, waiting for me to respond.

"Yes?" I sighed.

"I know you and Bella, as much as it makes me want to puke, lost your virginities to each other, am I right?"

_Is this guy fucking serious?_ I nodded curtly in answer to his question. I mean, it was true, we had been each other's first. But really, I had no idea where he was going with his inquiries, unless… he was simply trying to piss me off.

"Well, I was wondering – I mean, she does this awesome thing with her tongue when she's -"

He probably would have gotten to finish his sentence if my fist hadn't chosen that exact moment to connect with his face.

Apparently he _was_ trying to piss me off.

After the first time my first connected with his jaw I blacked out. It was like I was sitting on top of the cereal and granola shelf watching the whole scene play out.

My initial blow knocked James into a display of cornflakes. He struggled to get up but I grabbed the front of his shirt and slammed him against the metal shelves causing boxes to fall around us. He swung out wildly, catching me just above my eyebrow but it didn't phase me. I hit him again and watched his blood make surprisingly pretty spatters on the cardboard boxes behind his head.

I don't know how many times I hit him or how he ended up a heap on the ground with his arms over his head. My vision had blurred and my knuckles ached from the multiple collisions with James' face.

I don't know why I hit him; Bella didn't belong to me, she wasn't my property. But _fuck,_ something inside me snapped when he started talking about her like that. It wasn't right and I wanted him to shut his stupid mouth.

It wasn't until I felt a pair of arms wrap around my torso, pinning my arms to my body, that I actually stopped swinging.

"Take it easy, friend," a familiar voice soothed as the body it was connected to held me to the cold tile. I could feel a knee in my back as metal rings snapped around my wrists.

When he yanked me up and turned me around I came face to face with Jasper.

"Oh, hey, Whitlock," I grinned.

He shook his head and fought a smile. "Dude…" He opened the door of his cruiser and pushed my head down like we were in the Forks version of _Cops_.

"How's it going, man?" I asked through the cage that separated us. I could see him smile in the rearview mirror but he didn't turn around.

"You know I just arrested you, right?" His voice was amused.

"Did you read me my rights?" I asked, confused.

"Um… yeah, while I had you pinned on the ground."

"Oh." I leaned against the harsh upholstery and sighed. "Well, fuck me."

"I think you just did that to yourself," he said under his breath.

I laughed because it was so utterly ridiculous… and absolutely true.

Jasper was quiet as he booked me (fingerprints and all) and ushered me into one of the two small holding cells in the Forks Police station. I sat on the grungy-looking bed and gazed around at the cement walls. I'd been here before, of course. Emmett, Bella, Alice and I used to play in these stupid cells all the time when we were kids.

Renee, before she left, would bring us up after school to visit Charlie. Well, she would drop us off and go to Port Angeles to shop or go to a movie, but it was fine with us. We liked hanging out with the Chief.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jasper's voice broke through my thoughts about the time Alice had handcuffed Emmett and I together and then lost the key.

"What?" I realized I'd been smiling like an idiot.

"I just arrested you. Do you not get that?" He sat down in the rickety rolling chair and stared at me.

I rolled my eyes, stood up and crossed the little cell. He watched me apprehensively, like he was afraid I was going to try and break out or something.

"I get it, I get it. It's just – it's kind of funny," I shrugged.

"Do you have anyone to call?" He turned to the paperwork piled on the desk and I sighed.

"Just my sis - FUCK!" I cried, slamming my hands against the bars.

"What?"

"I'm supposed to pick my sister up from the airport in Port Angeles. In--" I glanced at my watch-- "two hours." I groaned into my hands as I sat back down. I heard the quiet tapping of Jasper's pencil against the side of the desk and then his loud sigh.

"I'll send someone to pick her up," he mumbled.

"What?" I looked up, shocked.

"I'll send an officer to pick her up. I'll uh – have to check with the Chief first, though," he elaborated as he reached for the phone on the desk and stared expectantly at me. I nodded. He dialed Emmett and I stood up and paced my small cell while I listened. Jasper didn't elaborate the reason I was locked up to Emmett; in fact he didn't elaborate the conversation at all.

After hanging up, Jasper asked me for a description of Alice, then called an officer with the details of her arrival. I used my phone call to leave her a voicemail letting her know that I wouldn't be able to pick her up.

Things were quiet after that. Jasper did paperwork while I stared at the wall and occasionally glanced at the clock and wondered if time could possibly move any fucking slower.

"Honestly, Edward," Jasper burst out, tearing me away from my wall. "What the hell were you thinking?"

I stretched my legs out on the small, dirty mattress where I sat and leaned my head against the cement wall. My eyes met his and, though his were clearly amused at the situation, there was also something else in them. Something I didn't care for at all.

I didn't want his pity.

Sighing, I closed my eyes and tried to rid my retinas of the strange way Jasper looked through the thick metal bars that separated us.

"I guess I wasn't," I mumbled, running a hand over my face. "I just.. _hate_ that guy. I hate that he's in my son's life. I hate that he's with--" I stopped abruptly and pulled myself to my feet. As I paced the small cell I willed myself not to think of her. Of him. Of them. _Together._

"I'm sorry," Jasper mumbled after an awkward silence. "I can't imagine what it's like."

"Don't try to."

"Oh, trust me," he laughed softly. "I would never put myself in your shoes. Or Bella's for that matter."

"What do you mean?" I leaned against the bars again and frowned at him.

"I just mean that I can't imagine how tough it is for the two of you to be around each other and not be like you used to be," he shrugged.

I thought about what he said, but I didn't see the problem. "It's fine, you know. That's the past and, well… I mean – it's not about us anymore."

"You really think that?" He raised an eyebrow skeptically and I began to really not like this conversation.

"Yeah. I do." I paced the cell again, pulling a hand through my hair.

"Edward," he sighed, shaking his head. "Do you really think you would have just tried to beat the living fuck out of her… _fiancée_ if things weren't about the two of you anymore?"

"I just don't like that guy," I mumbled.

"Because he's_with Bella_." He said each word carefully, like I was slow or something. Fuck, maybe I was.

Maybe I'd been wrong the whole time. I loved my son; I wanted to be in his life, to be close to him. I'd pushed my feelings for Bella aside. I'd had a lot of practice, since I'd been doing that for years, but as much as I loved Masen I know that he wouldn't be able to fill the void that was there. It was a different kind of love that I was missing.

"No." I shook my head back and forth quickly, trying to rid it of the thoughts that were going through it at that moment. Bella in a white dress. Masen with a little sister. A big white house where we would raise children and make love and –

"NO."

Jasper glanced up, startled.

"I can't. I ruined it. She'll never…" I mumbled and trailed off, not daring myself to finish the last bit.

"You both screwed up. I get that," he said softly and I turned to him. He looked different than he had at the bar, the only time we'd ever interacted. He looked sincere and… wise. "But, from what Emmett's told me - everyone knew that you two were it for each other."

"It's too late," I sighed, and slumped down on the ratty mattress again. "She's with James. She's happy."

"She's comfortable," he told me. "She thinks he's safe."

"Well, maybe that's what she needs," I replied.

"You were with her for years… do you think that's what she _really_ needs? Or what she wants, for that matter?" He was leaning forward on his knees, a gleam in his eyes, like he knew _exactly_ what she wanted. What we both did.

"You're freaking me out, Dr. Phil." I tore myself away from his all-knowing eyes and he laughed.

"Please, son." He ran a hand through his shaggy blond hair. "That guy's shit comes from books. Mine comes from the heart." He tapped his chest and winked at me.

"You're a weird fucker, Whitlock," I snorted.

"Thank you," he grinned.

"I just want to see my son," I muttered.

"Maybe you'll have enough time to get to his game," Jasper said to the paperwork he'd returned to.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Maybe, once your sister gets here your arresting officer will take you to get your car from Kroger and who knows, maybe the officer will need to stop somewhere on the way," he went on, continuing to talk to his desk.

I smiled.

"Thank you, arresting officer."

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**Thanks to killerlashes for just being you. And messynachos. You girls complete me. **

**Thanks for all your reviews and recs, they all mean soooo much! :)**


	21. The One Where Things Changed

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns Twilight, I do not. Damn.**

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Chapter 20 – The One Where Things Changed

**BPOV**

"Let's _go_, people!" Emmett's voice boomed through the house, calling us to the front door.

I grabbed my bag and closed my bedroom door, ready to head downstairs, but when I descended I found the two men of the house, dressed in their light blue uniform shirts (Masen's with accompanying white pants and blue striped socks), having a face-off.

"I can't find my cleats!" Masen yelled, panicked.

"Weasel, we don't have time for you to lose stuff! This is an important day!" Emmett chastised Masen.

My son's face dropped and I was afraid he was going to cry. I, of course, should have known better.

"Oh!" he cried in surprise, and then looked up at his uncle, a huge grin on his face. "They're on my feet." Giggling madly, the smaller of the two weasels pushed Emmett out of the way and ran out the front door to his uncle's Jeep.

"Good God, Bella…" He shook his head, exasperated. "Your kid is _weird_."

"Takes one to know one!" I sang over my shoulder and grabbed a bag of little red helmets. But I loved both of them for their weirdness, or despite it. It was hard to tell sometimes.

To my relief, Masen chattered the whole way to the field, even mentioning Edward for the first time in days. He almost seemed like he was back to being his normal self. My chest tightened as I thought about Edward. Last night had not gone over well. I felt the need to apologize, but I was waiting to make sure he showed up before letting go of my anger.

We unloaded equipment as other kids and spectators began to fill the small baseball park at the center of town. Dad, Sue, and Seth sat front and center in the stands, Masen's own personal cheering section. I shook my head at my father and he grinned and waved his giant foam finger at me then pointed it to his shirt. It was a jersey the same color as Masen's. He turned around and nodded over his shoulder. Masen's number was on the back with the words "Masen's Pop" on the back. _When did my dad get so cheesy?_

James pulled up just as the game was starting and Edward was nowhere to be found in the stands. So much for letting go of my anger…

Hearing a smothered "ahem" behind me, I stepped out of the dugout where I had been preparing our stat book to meet him. What I saw stopped me dead in my tracks.

Though he wore a hat and a pair of dark sunglasses there was no mistaking the black eye and swollen lip that disfigured James's handsome face.

"Shit!" I rushed to him, placing my hands on his face and inspecting the wounds. "What the hell happened? Are you alright?" I asked concernedly.

He gently removed my hands from his face and looked over my head; following his gaze, I found it locked with my brother's, and my hands dropped to my side as Emmett's eyes met mine. I saw him sigh and hang his head before he gestured Seth into the dugout and came to meet us.

"I'm fine," James said coldly. "I don't think Edward will make it to the game, though."

"What do you mean?" I asked him, my feigned confusion easily seen through.

"Were you going to tell me he was back, Bella?" I could see his blue eyes narrow behind his sunglasses and an upsetting realization dawned on me.

"Did Edward do this to you?" I whispered, wondering how my voice managed to stay so quiet and calm when inside my emotions were heaving like a choppy sea.

"I asked you a question." He grabbed my elbow tightly and I flinched.

"Did he do this to you?" I repeated as Emmett finally approached. James dropped my elbow and took a step away.

"Yes. He did this. Happy?" James spat the words and I felt my insides grow cold.

I'd known Edward my entire life. The only fight he'd ever been in was with Emmett and he didn't even take a swing. For Edward to harm another person he would've had to have been seriously provoked.

"Not particularly." I stepped away from James and looked up at my brother for an explanation.

"He's at the jail. Jasper picked him up," Emmett said gravely.

My insides weren't cold anymore. I was on fire, furious with both James _and_ Edward now. He wasn't going to make it to the game. Masen would be crushed. I would murder him.

"This is ridiculous. Absolutely fucking ridiculous. You're fucking grown men! Can't you be in – where the hell were you?" I shoved James' shoulder, too angry to control myself.

"The grocery store," he mumbled.

"You have got to be _kidding_ me!" I yelled, grabbing my head in frustration.

"I don't know what happened, Iz, but you should calm down before the little dude hears you." Emmett placed a calming hand on my shoulder.

I dropped my hands to glare up at my brother. "When did _you_ find out?" I demanded.

He shifted uncomfortably. "Jasper called me a couple of hours ago. Listen," he started, but I shook my head.

"No." I stepped away from the two of them. "I don't care what happened. I don't fucking _care_, got it? James, go home. I can't see you right now."

"Bella, are you fucking serious?" He eyed me incredulously.

"Absolutely," I replied without meeting his eyes. "This is a big day for Masen. I don't want anything to mess it up. Seeing you like this would only upset him."

"You know -" he started, but closed his mouth quickly. "Never mind." James shook his head, turned his back to us and stalked to his car. The tires squealed as he drove away.

I rubbed my temples and sighed, then felt Emmett's hand on my shoulder again.

"Jesus Christ, Emmett," I groaned and leaned into my big brother. "What the hell is wrong with the two of them?"

"I wish I knew, kid." He hugged me tightly as we walked back to the field. Masen ran out from the gate at our third base dugout and grabbed my hand.

"Where is James going? He's not going to watch me play?" he asked, his green eyes sad under the brim of his hat, his lower lip starting to tremble.

I frowned.

I _hated_ men.

**EPOV**

My leg shook nervously, making the old mattress I sat on squeak sadly. Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me and I stopped and glanced at the clock.

Then my other leg started to twitch.

"You need to chill," Jasper remarked, turning a page of his magazine idly.

"She's going to kill me if I miss it." I stood up and leaned against the bars.

"She's going to kill you because you beat the hell out of James," he corrected, chuckling, and I rolled my eyes. He tossed the magazine on his desk and grinned, but his smile faltered as his gaze traveled to the glass doors of the station's entrance.

"Sweet fancy Moses," he whispered. For a moment I was afraid something horrible was out there: zombies, giant earthworms, James with a sawed-off, _something_ other than what it really was. "She's fucking gorgeous." He stood up, knocking over a cup full of pens and pencils in the process and completely disregarding the mess as he lunged to open the glass door for the woman at whom he had been staring.

She removed her vintage Gucci sunglasses and cast him a glance filled with loathing. "Are you going to stand there and stare or are you going to let my brother out of that cell?" Alice demanded, arms akimbo, her eyes ablaze.

Jasper looked from my sister to me, stunned at the total lack of resemblance between the two of us. She was petite, just over five feet tall, with black hair and sharp gray eyes like our father's. Her hair, which she had always worn in short spikes, had grown past her shoulders and was pulled back in a loose braid.

"You're joking right?" he asked, looking befuddled.

"God, Charlie Swan retires and the whole department goes to hell in a hand basket," Alice muttered as she pushed past him, setting her handbag on Jasper's desk. Standing in front of me, she reached her hands through the bars and took my face in her hands. "You're so goddamned stupid, Edward," she whispered, voice sad but resigned, and I placed my head against the cold metal and sighed.

"I know," I said sadly.

She took my hands and kissed them softly before turned to Jasper. "Can we please get this taken care of?" she asked, her voice much softer than it had been a few moments before. Jasper, who had watched our interaction curiously, simply nodded. Within moments my bond was paid and I was free. Alice wrapped her arms around my torso and squeezed me tightly. "You're supposed to take care of _me_, big brother," she said, resting her chin on my chest, and stared up at me, a small grin playing on her lips.

"Oh. Well, what fun would that be, huh?" I tugged at the end of her braid and she shoved me away.

"Do you have any personal effects?" Alice asked me, her eyes on Jasper. He handed me my cell and the keys to my rental car, his eyes locked with hers. "I assume you'll be taking us where we need to go?"

"Yes, ma'am." He nodded and gestured to the door, still staring. I led the way, eager to be out of their staring contest; it was creepy. That was my _sister, _dude.

I could almost understand how Emmett felt when Bella and I started seeing each other. Almost.

**BPOV**

Emmett found time during the game to explain what he knew of the situation to me. Of course, he only knew secondhand what Jasper had told him. No one knew what had really happened except Edward and James, and the chances of getting a diplomatic answer out of either one of them were slim to none.

I didn't expect Edward to show up, especially if he were in jail. I did, however, expect that my brother would be the one to bail him out eventually and for that I was glad.

Masen was having so much fun that it was hard to think about anything but him. It wasn't until he was up to bat that I noticed something off. He was distracted while on deck, looking everywhere but at the game and not practicing his swings. When it was his turn to bat he mounted himself on the wrong side of the plate, which was odd; he wasn't a southpaw and he knew it. Coach Emmett helped him out and he hit a solid grounder on his first swing. The first baseman dropped the catch so Masen kept on to second base. The ball had made its way back to the tee but he kept running. People in the crowd chuckled as he rounded second and continued to third.

His helmet and cap flew off just before he reached the base, his sweaty hair sticking to his brow. He didn't stop at third, but he didn't head for home plate either. He ran straight past the third base coach, passed the dugout, and out the gate.

He ran halfway across the field… right into his father's arms.

**EPOV**

I caught Masen just as he leapt, his arms wrapping so tight around my neck it was difficult to breathe. I didn't care; I hadn't been able to breathe since I'd left him. And now…

"I missed you so much, Daddy," he said into my neck. That word was there again. _Daddy. _My lungs filled with the air I'd been missing the past few months and I held him tighter.

"Daddy is so sorry," I told him, kissing his cheek, then his head, inhaling the scent of dirt and grass and sweaty little boy. "I love you so much."

"Don't ever leave. Please?" He pulled back and held my face between his hands. For a moment I saw that pitiful face that I'd dreamt about for months and my heart broke.

"Never," I choked, pulling him back to me.

"Promise?" His voice was muffled, his face pressed to my shoulder.

"I promise," I replied. And I meant it.

"I love you, Daddy," he whispered and I smiled.

It was good to be home.

**BPOV**

I stifled a sob and my hand flew to my mouth. As I turned to the crowd I noticed only three people had continued to watch Masen's escapade. Dad and Seth had gotten up from their seats but Sue still sat, her dark eyes trained on me.

_It will be okay,_ she mouthed.

I nodded and followed Masen's path to Edward. Then, for the second time, an unexpected sight derailed me. It wasn't the fact that they were clinging to each other, tears in their matching emerald eyes. I could scarcely make out the words they were saying; the _I'm sorry's_, _Daddy's, _and _I missed you's_ were the ones that stuck out the most. What stopped me was the person who had exited the rental SUV I had seen at the Cullen house just the day before.

She pulled her sunglasses off and I watched her wipe her eyes at the same exchange that was putting a lump in my throat. My heartbeat had accelerated so much it felt like it wasn't beating at all.

"Alice." I barely breathed her name but I swore she heard me. Her head snapped quickly from Edward and Masen to me. Then she started moving; so did I. I touched Masen's back softly as I passed them but did not take my eyes off the apparition in front of me until finally, she stood just a foot away from me.

"Hi," she said softly. I couldn't speak; only stare. And nod. So I nodded and took a deep, shaky breath. Within seconds her arms were wrapped around my neck and the tears flowed freely down my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry and I'm so mad at you," my best friend whispered into my hair. And still, I couldn't do anything but nod, because she'd taken the words right out of my mouth. I understood both emotions, because I felt the same. I was sorry I hadn't told her about Masen and I was so angry that she had deserted me. But here she was… so I laughed and squeezed her tightly before I pulled away so I could look at her and make sure she was real.

"Your hair is so long." I tugged the end of her braid.

She smiled. "You're a mom," she replied and looked over my shoulder to where Edward was still standing holding Masen. They were both smiling now, Masen's arms locked tightly around his father's neck.

"C'mon. Game's not over just yet." I put my arm around her waist and she leaned into me as we walked. Masen ran back to the game, took his place as second baseman and waved to us. Edward waved, rooted in his spot, until we joined him. Alice nudged him softly and he smiled down at her, then at me. I couldn't help the returning smile that graced my face. He slipped his arm around his sister; his fingers brushed against my arm and left goosebumps where he touched me.

We stayed like that the rest of the game.

When it was over and the teams congratulated each other Masen ran to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Did you know he was back?!" he asked, a grin spread across his perfect face.

"I wanted to surprise you." I pushed his sweaty hair off his forehead and smiled at him. He reached for Edward but stopped short when he noticed Alice was standing between us.

"Hello," he said, and looked shyly up at her. She didn't say anything; she simply fell to her knees in front of him and pulled him into her arms. Masen stood awkwardly for a moment before finally wrapping his arms around her and hugging her back.

"I'm your Aunt Alice," she said, voice sounding suspiciously emotional, and held him at arm's length as she stared at him in awe. Masen smiled up at Edward.

"She's your sister," he stated and Edward nodded. "Cool." Masen hugged Alice again then ran back to his teammates.

"He's practically perfect," she whispered as she stood up, her eyes still locked on Masen.

"In every way," Edward and I quoted in unison. Our eyes met over Alice's head and the corners of his beautiful mouth turned up into a perfect grin. My heart faltered, and I had to blink to clear my head.

"Come see Dad and Sue," I urged, pulling Alice toward the thinning crowd, and gave Edward one last look over my shoulder. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. Or the fact that he could still do that to me, no matter how mad at him I wanted to be.

Thirty minutes later we were all crammed around my hand-me-down dining room table eating pizza and drinking sodas. Alice, seated between Edward and Emmett, was regaling us with stories of traveling in Europe. The rest of the family listened with rapt attention and, though I'd missed her terribly, I couldn't keep my attention on Alice. My eyes were on my little boy, asleep in his father's arms, across from me.

Edward caught my eye and jerked his head toward the stairs then stood up. I nodded and followed him. I turned down Masen's bed and Edward laid him in gently, and then started to remove his cleats and socks. I watched from the doorway, enjoying the sight that I'd dreamt about so many times during my time with Edward. He pulled the blankets up around our son and walked to me, frowning.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, his eyes on the floor.

"I know," I assured him, tugging at the pocket of his t-shirt.

Edward shook his head and scrubbed his face with his hands. He leaned his head against the doorframe, still avoiding my eyes, and sighed. "I mean… I'm sorry about James."

"Oh!" I blinked in surprise. "Oh, that."

"He told you, right?" Edward's eyes finally met mine and I nodded. "So… yeah. I'm sorry I tried to beat the living fuck out of your fiancé."

"Did he deserve it?" I asked, and watched Edward's eyes widen.

"What?" he whispered, shocked.

"Edward." I rolled my eyes. "I've known you forever. You wouldn't hurt anyone. _Did he deserve it_?"

"Um…" he trailed off and ran a hand through his hair. The action brought to my attention to the small cut over his eye.

"You're hurt." I stepped to him and pulled his hand down from his hair. I felt the same reaction as before when our skin had touched, goosebumps traveling all the way to my toes. He yanked his arm away. I frowned and reached up to pull his face down.

"It's little, it's nothing," he said, and waved my hand away as I tried to inspect it. I rolled my eyes and grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him into the bathroom. He sighed as he sat down on the closed toilet and I busied myself with peroxide and cotton balls.

"It might sting." I stepped between his legs and dabbed his cut gently. He winced but didn't say anything. I blew on it softly to dry the liquid and watched his eyes close. "Tell me what happened." I discarded the cotton ball and slipped my hands to the side of his face, lifting his eyes to mine.

His eyes tightened with anger before he looked away. "Nothing," he muttered.

"Edward," I said softly. He turned back to me and rolled his eyes. "Tell me."

"He just… said something about you. It bothered me."

"Like what?" I frowned.

"Bella," he huffed, and grabbed my hips tightly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I just want to know what would set you off." I pushed his hair off his forehead and was briefly lost in a different time; the silky strands slid through my fingers like they simply belonged there.

Edward clenched his jaw and focused on the faucet beside us as he spoke. "He asked about… us. You know, sex stuff," a blush began to creep up his neck but he forged on. "And then – then he said something about the two of you--" his fingers tightened painfully on my hips.

"Like what?" I asked again and felt myself growing even _more_ annoyed with James. It was one thing to ask, but to tell? I was ashamed _for_ him.

Edward mumbled something unintelligible bringing me back to the conversation.

"He told you stuff… about us?" I tried to coax an answer from him. I knew my face was bright red by that point.

He continued to avoid my gaze. His eyes narrowed, bottom lip pulled between his teeth. I knew why he was upset. I wouldn't want to know anything about him and other girls either. And obviously I knew James well enough to know what his motives were.

James was jealous, _that_ was no secret. He was possessive and Edward being back had obviously rubbed him the wrong way. But still… provoking Edward wasn't the answer and he should have known that. If James and I were going to have a relationship that worked there were some things that he would have to understand.

Edward was Masen's father. He was going to be in our lives. It was that simple.

"Just, you know, stuff you do… fuck! I don't know Bella! I hit him before he could make a complete sentence, okay?!" He cried and I breathed out a laugh at his outburst.

"It's not funny," he mumbled, wrenching his face from my grasp to look up at me. "I just… can't think about you with other people."

"Why? Have you not been with other girls?" I asked, disbelief coating my voice.

He cringed.

"I thought so." I grabbed a box of Band-Aids off the counter and his grip lessened minutely.

"It's different though," he shook his head while I tried to cover his cut.

"How do you figure?" I snorted. I smoothed the bandage onto his forehead and then, out of habit more than anything, bent down to kiss his wound.

His eyes were glued to my bellybutton as he spoke.

"I didn't plan on marrying any of them," he answered softly. Edward's shoulders slumped and he leaned his head against my stomach. I rested my hand on his head and closed my eyes as his arms slipped around my waist. I could feel his breath through my t-shirt; my heart was pounding out a message with every beat.

_This is wrong. _

_This is wrong. _

_This is right. _

My hands moved themselves to the back of his neck, slipping into the short hair there. His face turned up toward mine and I found myself lost in the deep green eyes that I loved for so many different reasons.

They were my one true comfort when my mother left, always so incredibly honest and caring.

I remembered _exactly_ the way they looked when he told me he loved me for the first time.

I knew how shy and reserved they were the first time we made love.

I could also never forget how the emerald orbs turned almost black when he told me he didn't want me.

Then my son was born and I fell in love all over again.

But now, as he stared up at me in my tiny bathroom, I was that little girl, that teenager in love, the young woman with a boy who held her world and her heart in the palm of his hand.

Even more than _feeling_ like that girl, I wanted to _be_ her again.

Edward stood up slowly, his arms tightening around my waist, pulling me closer to him. My hands wound themselves deeper into his hair and he rested his forehead against mine, warm breath caressing my face. My face lifted of its own accord to meet his, our noses touching gently.

My lips parted involuntarily, eager to feel his mouth on mine. I lifted myself onto my toes and found his eyes closed, waiting. He tilted his head and his bottom lip brushed lightly against my top and -

And I wanted more. I wanted everything he had; to give him all of me and -

"No."

We broke apart so quickly that I couldn't tell whose voice had spoken the word.

"I'm sorry. I can't, Iz." Edward smoothed his hair and looked at me sadly. "I shouldn't have -"

"It's okay," I mumbled, desperately trying to avoid his burning gaze.

"It's not." His voice broke when he spoke and I knew what he was feeling. His hand cupped my cheek, forcing me to meet his gaze and there it was, in the mossy eyes I loved so much.

Sorrow. Emptiness. Regret.

I felt them all in my heart, too.

"This isn't us anymore." He repeated the words he's said to me weeks before, because they were true. There was someone so much more important than the two of us. Edward pressed his forehead to mine and I wrapped my arms around his body, holding him to me, holding myself to the earth.

"I know," I whispered and closed my eyes against the tears threatening to spill out.

"I want you to be happy, Iz. I won't stand in your way." He kissed my hair, stepped away from me and took my hand in his.

"I should go." He rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. "They're probably wondering where we are anyways." I giggled nervously and he smiled my favorite smile.

"Well, we did always have an uncanny knack for making out in awkward places." I opened the bathroom door and ushered him out.

"Because you couldn't keep your hands off of me," he smirked as we walked down the stairs.

"Whatever!" I elbowed him in the ribs and he laughed because it was absolutely true. I couldn't keep my hands off him then; I'd always wanted to be around him… that wasn't going to change.

**EPOV **

"Are you ready?" Alice tore herself away from admiring Seth's biceps and wrapped her arms around Bella's waist, her chin resting on her shoulder.

"Yeah… I kind of need some groceries," I mumbled and shifted my weight awkwardly. It was silent for a split second before Seth guffawed loudly. Everyone else chuckled politely, except Alice and Bella, who had moved to the foyer and were looking at pictures of Masen that hung in the small space.

"Let's go, Brain." I squeezed Alice's shoulder and she turned to me beaming.

"You still call each other that?" Bella asked softly and we laughed.

"Of course," Alice cried and hugged her long lost friend. _"We're Pinky, we're Pinky, we're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain…" _my sister sang, then collapsed into giggles with Bella.

"Come on." I rolled my eyes and pushed her to the door. She called goodnight to everyone and hugged Bella once more as if she would disappear in the night.

"Goodnight." I placed a hand on Bella's shoulder and kissed her forehead softly.

"We'll call you tomorrow," she smiled as she followed me out the door.

"Thanks." I gave her a small wave and got in the car.

Alice grinned at me as we pulled out of the driveway. "Where did _you_ disappear to?" She drummed her fingers on my arm and stared expectantly at me.

"Bathroom." I pushed her back to her side of the car. "Have you always been so intrusive?"

"Only since I was born, brother dear," she retorted sweetly and ruffled my hair. I tried to scowl at her, but I couldn't. Not even if I'd tried. I was too happy.

Sure, I'd spent most of the day in a small, dank jail cell for trying to beat the fuck out of James, but…

I spent the rest of the day with my son. He called me _Daddy. _He said he loved me.

I knew things were looking up, that they could only get better and -

"Is that a Strawberry Shortcake Band-Aid?"

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to messynachos for making me revise something *grumble* that obviously needed it. Thanks to killerlashes for making my words more better.**

**Thank you to everyone who has put this little old thing on alert, favorites, or has taken the time to review. You're the loves of my life. I try my best not to disappoint you.**


	22. So Emotional

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. Everything.**

* * *

Chapter 21 – So Emotional

It wasn't much longer after my parents and brother left that James showed up. I let him in, though reluctantly and only as far as the kitchen, where he took a seat nervously at the table and drummed his fingers in a slow rhythm. I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms, waiting.

"I'm sorry." He stopped his drumming and held his hands out in front of him as if trying to offer me something. I glared at the floor and rolled his words over in my head. Edward had said the same words earlier and I'd believed him. Somehow they didn't sound the same coming from James.

"I just don't get it. I don't understand where it came from," I told him quietly. I heard him sigh and then the light scraping of his chair being pushed back. His feet appeared in front of me and his hands untangled my arms then slipped his fingers through mine. He brought my left hand to his mouth and kissed it softly. I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.

"Look at me," he whispered, using our entwined hands to lift my face to his. I winced at the sight of his injuries and let out a shaky breath.

"Tell me _why_, James," I pleaded with him.

He shrugged. "I don't know. It just slipped out."

I rolled my eyes and pulled my hands out of his. "Not good enough." I tried to move away. He placed his hands on either side of my body, holding me hostage between himself and the counter.

"Do you know what it's like for me?" he asked, his blue eyes burning with anger. "What it's like to see some _asshole_ who fucking left you high and dry five years ago to just come waltzing back into your life like he is God's gift?"

"It's not like that and you know it." I pulled a frustrated hand through my hair, and he chuckled, though it wasn't a happy sound.

"Bella, your family doesn't like me. I get that. I'm not the most personable guy, but fuck, I love you. And I want to take care of you and your kid. Not a lot of men do that."

"I know that." I placed a hand on the side of his face that wasn't marred by bruises.

"But – but _he_ returns and it's like nothing's happened. Like he didn't skip town and leave you alone to raise _his_ fucking kid -"

"Stop!" I cried, pushing him away and pacing the length of the kitchen. "There is _history_ here, James. You have to understand that. The Cullens were like family_. _They _are_ family. And – and if you and I are going to be a family, then you have to understand that." I let my arms fall slack at my sides as I stopped my pacing in front of him.

He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. "You're right." He nodded and I sighed. "I'm sorry." He said it again and this time – this time I almost believed him. "I should go."

I walked him to the door and he turned to me with a small, sad smile on his face.

"I'm just jealous, that's all." I felt a rock of guilt harden in my stomach as he said the words. I wanted to tell him he shouldn't feel guilty but all I could think about was the way Edward's hands felt as they grasped my hips and how his lips parted just as mine did…

"We'll get through it," I told him as I squeezed his hand. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

He nodded and kissed me softly. "I love you," he whispered against my lips.

I nodded and closed my eyes, fighting back the tears. "Love you."

I closed the door and leaned my head against it, the emotions of the day finally hitting me full force. Edward was back. He was home. He wanted to help raise our son. And Alice. _Alice. _I loved Rosalie more than anything, but Alice was my very first best friend. She was here and she was real.

I felt like I was living in a dream world. My life had begun treading a fine line between fantasy and reality. It was hard to determine which was which.

As I reached up to rub my eyes I felt the wetness of tears from my cheeks. I hadn't even noticed I'd been crying. I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt and made my way to the kitchen to clean up. To my surprise, Emmett had already loaded the dishwasher and was in the process of putting everything

else away.

"Sit." He motioned to the empty seat in front of him. I sat, though cautiously. Any time Emmett was serious was… well, it wasn't good.

"What's going on?" I folded my hands in front of myself and stared over his head. It wasn't as if I didn't know why he wanted to talk to me. Of course I did.

"Just wondering where you and Ed ran off to… that's all." He spun a stray spoon around in a circle, refusing to meet my eyes.

Emmett was funny that way. It didn't matter that Edward and I had been together for so many years or that we had all known each other forever. It still made him uncomfortable to talk to _me_ about the relationship. I knew for a fact that he had no problem talking to Edward, though. When we were in high school Edward would sit too far away from me on the couch or not hold my hand at school out of respect for Emmett. Respect or fear; it was a tossup between the two.

"We put Masen to bed." I yanked the spoon from his hand, the rattling of it finally breaking me.

"And…?" he prompted.

"And nothing." I shrugged.

"Isabella," Emmett said sternly.

My eyes flew to his. "Don't." I pushed away from the table and made my way to the stairs.

"Iz! Come on!" Emmett called to me as I took the stairs two at a time. He finally reached me, just at the top.

"Don't call me that, Emmett. I don't like it. It reminds me of… _her,_" I said.

"It got your attention, didn't it?" he said and I shook my head bitterly.

"Emmett, pissing me off about our mother is not the right way to get my attention."

"Well, I don't know what else to do, Bella! You're running around here like a fucking teenager with your hormones all jacked up on Cullen-juice or something!"

"Okay." I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. "First of all, Cullen-juice? _Gross_, Emmett. Second… I have not!"

"Bella. C'mon."

"Emmett, I can't have this conversation with you." I stomped to my room and threw myself onto my bed, covering my face with a pillow.

I felt the mattress shift with his weight as my brother sat down on the edge of my bed. He sighed loudly and tugged the pillow away from me.

"Talk to me."

"No," I mumbled, sitting up next to him.

"Please?"

"I can't."

"Why not? I'm your big brother, Iz. You can tell me anything." Emmett nudged me with his shoulder and I felt my eyes fill with tears.

"There's nothing to tell," I sniffled, wiping my nose on my sleeve.

"Really? Edward shows up out of nowhere all ready to be the perfect father and you have no feelings about that whatsoever?"

"Nope." I shrugged and could practically hear him roll his eyes.

Emmett nudged me again. "Liar, liar, pants on fire."

"Really, Emmett. I just – I can't think about it. I can't think about him like that. It's not like it used to be. It won't ever be like that again."

"How do you know?"

"How do I know what?" I asked, finally meeting his eyes, so like my own it was surreal to look into them.

"That – that it won't be like that again?"

"How do I know that Edward and I won't ever, _ever_ be together the way we used to be?" I scoffed.

He shrugged. "Yeah. I mean… how do you know?" Emmett asked. Who knew my brother, the macho police chief, was such a romantic deep down?

I turned to him, incredulous. "In case you haven't noticed I'm a little involved with someone right now. Also, Edward _left me_ five years ago. Things are different, Em. We're not in love anymore."

Emmett snorted loudly and heaved himself off my bed. "Sure thing, Iz. Keep telling yourself that," he said, and patted my head in a patronizing way.

"What do you mean?" I grabbed his hand and pulled him back before he could leave my room.

"The guy just moved back from Australia and you want to tell me that there's _nothing going on_?"

"EMMETT!" I yelled at him, instantly regretting my outburst. I could almost hear Masen waking up. "What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that I love him? That I'll end it with James and we'll all be one, perfect, happy family?"

My brother stared at me sadly then shook his head.

"It's not going to happen." I sighed.

"Why not?"

"Because he _left_! He left me alone. And – and no matter what has happened since then, God, Emmett… he left and it kills me. Every day. Still."

"Still?" Emmett asked softly.

"Every single day," I whispered.

"Listen… I know that he left and that it sucked -" I shook my head as he spoke but he didn't stop. "He left me too, Iz. And I know it's not the same, but… he's trying, you know? Who knows what will happen?"

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side?" I grumbled, and he laughed and pulled me into a tight hug.

"I'm always on your side kid, always."

"Then why do you act like you love him more?" I asked Emmett quietly.

He dropped his arms and ran a hand through his dark hair. "I just – what happened with the two of you was hard on all of us, you know? But… he's missed a lot."

I didn't need him to elaborate on his statement. I knew exactly what Edward had missed. Of course I knew: did I not look at my son every day for the past four and a half years and wish he had a father in his life? Did I not blame myself every day?

I did.

But I blamed Edward, too. He'd walked away. He'd cut his family off from me. He didn't write or call or even _think_ about how I was doing without him.

_Did_ he? I didn't know.

So… no. There would probably be no happy ending for the two of us, but if we could get along and raise our son together, then I would gladly deal with the cost. I would put my feelings for Edward, the good and the bad, aside…for Masen.

"Mama?" I heard Masen's voice down the hall and sighed, looking to my brother.

"I know he has, Em. But so have I. And so has Masen."

"I'm sorry," my brother mumbled.

I shrugged and stepped around him. "Goodnight, Emmett." I touched his shoulder gently as I exited my own room and headed down the hall to Masen's. I crawled into his bed and pulled him to me. Masen reached up and twisted a piece of my hair in his hand, something he used to do when he was a baby.

"I'm glad Edward came back," he murmured sleepily.

I smiled into his hair and hugged him tightly. "Me too, baby. Me too."

**EPOV**

"Sweet mother, Edward, what do you _have_ in here?" Alice asked as she miraculously lifted a box of kitchen utensils three times her size onto the counter for unpacking.

"Uh… spoons?" I shrugged, and she rolled her eyes so hard I thought they'd fall out.

We hadn't made it back to the store the night before, instead spending the morning buying, loading, unloading, and stocking the fridge and cabinets. It wasn't until we decided to make breakfast did we find that there was no kitchenware unpacked.

"I'm _starving_," my sister growled.

I ripped the packing tape off of one box and grinned triumphantly. "Jackpot!"

"Puh-lease tell me you found the waffle iron!" Alice cried and laid the upper half of her body over the counter, exhausted.

"No… how about a toaster?" I held the stainless steel appliance up and she frowned.

"Fine," she sighed. "Pop-Tarts it is."

"We should have just stopped at the diner," I said a few moments later as my pastry popped up. I grabbed it in my bare hand and juggled it back and forth so it wouldn't burn.

Alice shook her head. "Such an idiot," she muttered.

I grinned around a mouthful of Pop-Tart. "You missed me."

"Fuck you."

The dirty words that fell from my sister's proper mouth caused my eyebrows to shoot up. "Admit it," I goaded her and she smiled slightly.

"Yes, Edward. I missed you. I'm glad we're going to be spending time together." She placed her own breakfast into the toaster and glowered at me. "I do, however, wish I didn't have to bail you out of jail first and be ogled by the strange officer," she huffed.

"Jasper? He's cool." I said through a mouthful of brown-sugar deliciousness. "Fuck, I love Pop-Tarts."

"Idiot."

"So, how long are you staying?" I ignored her comment.

She shrugged. "However long you need me."

I stared at the counter, mulling over her answer for a long moment.

I loved my sister. It had been a long time since we'd spent time like this together-- too long, in fact. But… did I want her here? While I was trying to build a relationship with my son? Would it interfere? Was I just being a completely selfish asshole again?

I mentally shook myself, smiling. Now was not the time to open this can of worms unless I wanted Alice to pull a Dr. Phil on me…which didn't sound like fun. "Sweet deal."

"You know, we should really go to Seattle to get some decorating ideas and-"

Her voice was cut off by the doorbell, which I ran to get.

"HEY, DAD!" Masen launched himself at me as soon as the door opened. I laughed and picked him up, hugging him tightly. Bella smiled shyly behind him, a large Tupperware container in her hands.

"I brought some muffins… I wasn't sure if you had groceries yet and I know how well the two of you can cook…" She bit her lip as her words trailed off.

"I'm fairly capable of using a toaster," I grinned, and put Masen down so I could close the door. "Alice, on the other hand…"

"I heard that!" my sister called from the kitchen.

"I know!" I yelled back. "C'mon. I'll make you some coffee. _That_ I can do." I led them to the kitchen, Masen gripping my hand tightly.

"Is this where you grew up?" he asked as I picked him up and set him on the counter next to a half-empty box of utensils.

"Yep. All my life." I poured a cup of coffee for Bella while she and Alice chatted quietly, adding just the right amount of milk and sugar without even thinking about it, then handed her the mug silently before turning back to my son.

"Will I have a bedroom here?" Masen inquired, swinging his feet excitedly. They hit the counter rhythmically,_thump-thump thump-thump_. The noise and his question caused Alice and Bella's conversation to stop abruptly. Bella's wide eyes met mine and I was momentarily sidetracked by how the sun coming in though the window caught the reddish tint in her hair.

"Uhh…" I trailed off, silently begging Bella to answer the question for me. _It's your house, idiot._

"Sure, baby, your dad and I will talk about it later. Why don't you go look around?" She helped him down from the counter and he looked between the two of us. I stared at her dumbly, unsure of what to say. Of course I wanted him to have a room here, but that meant that he would technically _live_ here. It made me feel very dad-like. It also scared the living fuck out of me.

Alice followed Masen out of the kitchen and I could hear the slight beginnings of a conversation before their voices drifted away completely.

"You look like you've seen a ghost." Bella laughed and started taking things out of one of the boxes. Cheese grater. Steak knives. Measuring spoons. My son wanted his own bedroom. Salt and pepper shakers. _Holy mother of fuck, why was I so nervous?_

"It's kind of scary, I guess," I mumbled, and starting placing the things she removed from the box in spots I liked, knowing Alice would move them later.

"Oh, trust me, I know." She laughed softly. I dropped a measuring cup causing it to clatter loudly on the floor, and she turned to me. "You'll be fine. I promise."

"I don't know how to be a dad." I gripped the counter, the reality of it all hitting me for the first time. My first thoughts of moving back were of sheer joy and excitement. Now I was completely and utterly terrified of failing at fatherhood.

"No one knows what to do at first, Edward," she said softly as she pried my fingers from the counter and laced her fingers in mine.

I didn't say anything in response to that. The truth was that, had I been around, I _would_ know how to be a father. Had she told me I had a son years ago this wouldn't be happening. And of course it all came back to the fact that I'd left… a vicious circle of never-ending guilt.

"I just don't want to screw anything up," I mumbled and she laughed.

"Edward, he's four and a half! Believe me, there is nothing you can do to screw up with him. And he adores you." She let go of my hand and touched my face softly.

"Really?" I asked, though I already knew the answer. If he felt half of what I felt for him then we would be just fine.

"Of course. It's amazing, really, how well the two of you have taken to each other. I guess I didn't expect it." She frowned, little wrinkles forming between her eyebrows. I wanted to reach up and smooth them away, but I kept my hands to myself.

"Why not?"

"I guess I just… thought you'd be too angry to love him," she muttered, blushing, and picked at an imaginary spot on the counter.

"I am – was – am angry," I said and her head snapped up, brown eyes wary. "But… more at the situation than anything else. I just feel that it could have been avoided."

Her face relaxed a bit and she nodded. "Right. The situation." Bella sighed and looked around the kitchen before choosing to speak again. "It -"

"Mama! This place is _awesome_! Alice showed me her old room and my dad's old room and all this cool stuff and a basement with a secret hiding place and the big back yard and -" Masen burst into the kitchen, excited, with Alice at his heels.

"Dude, take a breath!" I told him, and he grinned up at me.

"I'm so excited!" He ran off again and we laughed.

"He's so amazing." Alice murmured watching the place where he'd been standing, her eyes misted over.

"Where'd you just go?" I asked my sister and her gaze shifted to mine.

"Literally or figuratively?" She frowned.

"Figuratively."

"Just thinking," she shrugged, and Bella laughed.

"You two are so weird." She shook her head.

Alice smiled sadly at me. "Some things never change." My sister shrugged. "Listen, I've got to run to Port Angeles. There are some things I need that apparently Kroger doesn't carry…" She shuddered delicately, most likely thinking of how often she would have to travel back and forth if she were planning on staying a while. I could only imagine how hard going back to small-town living would be for her. "Do you want to come with me?"

"Huh? Oh, I'm going to stay and unpack some more." I told her and she turned to me, confused. "What?"

"I wasn't asking you! I was asking Bella!" She rolled her eyes and turned back to Bella.

"Sure." Bella answered quietly, a small smile on her face. "I'll just get Masen - "

"Why don't you let him stay here?" Alice interjected and both Bella and I turned to her.

"Um… O…kay?" Bella turned to me and I could feel my mouth curling into a huge grin. An entire day spent with just my son? _Yes, please. _

"Totally fine with me," I told her, then added quickly, "as long as Masen wants to."

He ambled into the kitchen just as I finished.

"What do I want?" He rested his head against Bella's side and looked up at her. She brushed his hair back and leaned down to kiss his head before answering.

"Do you want to stay here with Edward while I go somewhere with Alice?" she asked warily.

"YES!" he practically screamed and hugged her tightly before throwing himself against me.

"Well, I don't feel at all like chopped liver over here," Bella grumbled as Masen beamed at her.

"I love you too, Mama." He grinned and she rolled her eyes.

"I love you, weasel." She ruffled his hair and he buried his head in my side. "You should call Em or Seth. I'm sure they'd like to come and hang out," Bella told me as Alice ran to get her things.

"Is it okay if you drive?" she asked Bella as Masen and I escorted them to the door. "I didn't have time to get a rental what with all the drama."

"What's drama?" Masen looked up at me with questioning eyes.

"It means excitement," I explained. "Mostly girl stuff."

He made a face. "Girls are _weird_."

"Yeah, well, boys aren't exactly normal either, kiddo," Bella said, fighting a smile at my and Masen's exchange. "Be good."

"Oooookay," we both answered in unison. Masen laughed and I watched my sister's face light up, completely smitten with my son. When she met my eyes, however… her gray eyes flashed cold, and I suddenly wondered about her intentions of going somewhere alone with Bella.

"Have fun, boys!" Alice flashed a bright, white smile before I could ask her anything and climbed into Bella's car.

Masen waved as the car pulled out of the driveway then dashed inside. "Come find me!"

**BPOV**

I felt surprisingly at ease as Alice and I pulled onto the highway from Edward's home. Of course I should have known better, considering Alice had never ceased to surprise me.

"So, who is this James character? What's he do? What's he look like? What's going on?" She fired the questions at me before I could answer the first one. I felt her eyes on me and could see her hands folded calmly in her lap in the edge of my vision.

"Well…" I sighed before launching into the explanation of how I met James and how our relationship had progressed. Masen had been barely a year old when I'd started teaching at Forks High. James had been assigned as my mentor teacher. He was respectful and kind, a huge help during my first year. We became friends but it didn't go any further than that. I wasn't ready to move on or leave the intense feelings I had for Edward behind. And Masen… I couldn't imagine putting him in a position where I would be going out on dates or bringing strange men to the house.

It was a couple of years later that I finally felt a spark with James and decided to take a chance. Things were bumpy at first; he was unattached to anything but work and I had a family to take care of, but… we found a great middle ground and things progressed from there.

Alice listened attentively, asked all the right questions, and seemed to be genuinely interested in my relationship. I knew that it had to be hard on her considering how close she and Edward were, but she took it all in stride and I was impressed.

"I'm glad you're happy," she mused quietly, her gaze now focused on the road in front of us. We were nearing Port Angeles and would soon need to figure out where we were going.

"I am." I smiled as I thought of what truly made me happy, my son. "Ali?" I asked tentatively, quietly. I used her nickname knowing that it would hit a soft spot.

"Yeah?"

"Tell me about Edward."

She laughed quietly. "Iz, you know everything there is to know about Edward."

"No Ali. Tell me." I chanced a peek at her and I could see her eyebrows furrowed in thought, like she didn't want me to hear what she had to say.

"You won't like it," Alice told me, and I swallowed convulsively. Of _course_ I wouldn't like it. I didn't want to hear about his endeavors with other women, about how happy he had been half a world away while I raised our son.

"Just tell me."

"Truth is… I don't have much to tell." She shrugged.

"C'mon. He's had to have done plenty while he was in Australia."

"I don't know, Bella. We haven't had much communication."

"What?" I nearly yelled, shocked and somewhat appalled that what Alice said could be true. Edward not talk to _Alice_? What bizarre alternate dimension had I stepped into?

"After he left… he told us he was moving to Australia. He said you didn't want to come with him and – and he asked us, all of us, to keep our distance for a while."

"And you did." My eyes stung with fresh tears.

"He's my brother, Iz."

"I know," I agreed sadly, and wondered if I could have been that strong if the situation were reversed.

"Edward buried himself in his work… he's done some amazing things. But that's all we'd ever talk about. And that wasn't very often," she shrugged sadly. "We didn't know that it would be like this, I swear. Mom and Dad… they miss you guys so much." I saw her turn to me out of the corner of my eye and I nodded in agreement. I missed them, too.

"I just don't get it Ali," I told her, she sighed.

"I know. He was just so… _angry_. I've never heard him so angry before. He'd worked so hard on something for him, _finally_. It hurt him so badly when you said no."

"I – I just couldn't leave." I barely got out the words as the tears began to fall freely. Thankfully, we had arrived at the small shopping center in Port Angeles and I'd parked my SUV in the parking garage. "I've never lived anywhere else, our whole lives were here in Washington and – and we'd _planned_ it that way! We were going to get married and have kids and live close to Forks and…"

"And what?" she asked when I trailed off, my insecurities finally catching up with me.

"And he was _better_ than that. He deserved better than a crappy life in a crappy town. Edward is so talented; I wanted him to go. I wouldn't let what happened be the reason he failed," I said indignantly.

"Do you really think you would be the reason he'd have failed?" Alice asked softly. I picked at a stray string on my steering wheel, avoided her sharp eyes. Of course I wouldn't have been the reason he would have failed, because Edward would not have failed. He would have found a way to balance work, school, our relationship, our son… he would have done it all.

I wouldn't have been strong enough to leave my family or to work things out long distance, and when he told me he didn't want me, I knew the truth.

I would have failed.

"No." I finally met her eyes, sad and angry at the same time.

"Why didn't you tell him, Bella?"

"I – I couldn't."

"Bullshit!" she cried causing me to jump in my seat. "He deserved to know. I know he was wrong, Bella. We _all_ were. But… but you kept his child from him. From _all of us._"

"I was afraid." I wrung my hands together nervously.

"Of what? Of being happy? Of being together?" Alice was exasperated. I didn't blame her.

"That he wouldn't want _Masen_ either," I finally confessed.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," she replied flatly.

"It's not," I whispered.

"How can you say that? How can you think that Edward, _Edward_ of all people, wouldn't want a child with you?"

"You didn't see him that day, Alice. You don't know what he said, how he looked. He was glad to go… I wasn't going to keep him here," I explained, knowing that anything I said was worthless to her. She was right. I should have told him. I should have told him a million times but… it still hurt so badly.

I didn't want to put my son through that type of rejection. The moment I found out I was pregnant…things changed, _everything_ changed, and I wanted nothing more than to protect my child. If I had to keep him a secret to protect him from that type of pain, then I would, and I did. It had worked for longer than I'd expected, until my guilt caught up with me, of course.

I knew it wouldn't make sense to anyone else. Hell, it hardly made sense to me. But I couldn't undo the past. I could only look to the future. To mine and Edward's friendship and his relationship with our son.

"For what it's worth… I'm sorry my brother was a dick. But… you're both at fault here," Alice said softly. I could only nod. Deep down I knew she was right, thought it hurt to admit it. We had hurt each other but we'd been given this chance to fix things, to mend our broken hearts and lives. Which reminded me –

"Did Edward have some kind of surgery?" I asked, eager to change the subject of our relationship.

"No…. why?" Alice asked, confused.

"He just - he'd watched Masen one night and I kind of walked in on him without a shirt," I explained and I felt the blood rushing to my face. "Anyways, he had a weird scar or something on his chest."

"Oh." Alice frowned. "Um. No, he's fine," she mumbled and opened her car door. "Ready?"

"Yeah. Ready," I agreed, knowing that she was hiding something. I also knew that I hadn't heard the last of her thoughts on our conversation.

It was dark when we returned to Forks; only a faint glow from a lamplight lit the Cullen house as we entered. I felt myself drawn to Edward's figure seated on the dark leather couch, his baseball cap-clad head just visible over the top.

"Hey." I leaned over the back of the couch and rested my head next to his. Masen was curled up in the loveseat covered in an old quilt that had once belonged to Carlisle's mother.

"Hey," he answered, not looking up from his sketchpad. I watching his hand move across the paper, shading and tracing until I finally figured out what he was drawing. Then I giggled.

"That's a little intense, don't you think?" I removed the cap from his head and tossed it to the end of the couch.

He turned to me, a small smile on his face. "Of course not." He winked. I laughed again and ran a hand through his messy hair, resting my hand on the back of his neck. He turned back to his drawing, an elaborate design of a tree house, while I watched and played absently with the hair at the base of his neck.

"Have fun today?" I asked softly.

"Mmhm…" he hummed. "Went fishing with your dad. Played football with Seth. I think he broke my ribs." He chuckled softly and I closed my eyes at the sound of it, the feel of him under my fingertips. I fell, for a brief moment, into a world where I would come home and crawl into his arms and forget everything but our little family.

"We should go." I stood up quickly, ashamed at myself, at my head for thinking ridiculous things, and at my hands for not keeping to themselves.

"Okay," Edward said softly as he tossed his book at the end of the couch where his hat had fallen. As he bent to lift Masen into his arms I picked up the book and flipped through the pages. They were filled with Masen's face, every expression captured almost as if on film. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I closed the pad and gently placed it in its spot.

"Ready?" Edward asked quietly as Masen's arms wrapped around his neck.

"Yeah." I opened the front door and let him pass, then helped him put Masen into the backseat.

"Goodnight, Dad," Masen mumbled sleepily and I smiled.

"'Night, buddy." Edward replied and kissed his head softly. He closed the door gently and turned to me, his face alight with joy.

I threw my arms around him. He hugged me back, with less fervor, and kissed my head.

"Goodnight, Bella." He opened the car door for me and walked inside without a backward glance.

As I drove home my mind stayed with Edward. It was frightening how easy it would be to fall back into a routine with him, how easy it would be to fit Masen into it. My heart ached for it. It yearned for a different time and place, a different situation.

But… Edward was right.

This wasn't our time.

Our time had come and gone.

And, no matter how much I wished differently, I'd have to accept that.

* * *

**Thanks, as usual, to killerlashes and messynachos. I love you like I love beer. A lot. **

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**Oh, I apologize for the wait. Summer is almost hhhhheeeeerrrrrreeeee!**


	23. Disarray

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. Not mine. **

* * *

Chapter 22 - Disarray

**EPOV**

The weeks following my return moved too quickly for my liking. It wasn't that the days were horrible and _needed_ to be put behind me; it was just the opposite. Each day I got to spend with Masen was more incredible than the one before it. I felt like I was living in a fantasy world, and with each new day I wondered if that would be the day the rug would be pulled out from under me.

Though I could have probably spent every day with my son, I still had other responsibilities. Emmett drove me to Seattle one afternoon after my return to help me purchase a car, seeing as I had sold mine. (I _did_ want to live green, but I sure wasn't planning on riding a bike everywhere.)

Emmett was all for the purchase of a bright yellow Hummer or silver Mustang Cobra (which we both test-drove through five o'clock traffic). But I went for practical and safe (very dad-like) and ended up with a sleek black Tahoe hybrid. (There was my "living green" contribution.) I'd promised Masen he could be the first one to ride in it, but it turned out that by the time we got home, he'd fallen asleep on the couch waiting.

"You won't let anyone else ride in it, will you?" he asked sleepily as I put him in his bed.

"I promised," I sighed as I tucked him in. "You'll be the first one tomorrow when I take you to school."

"I love you, Dad," he mumbled into his pillow.

Bella sat on the bottom step waiting for me after I'd tucked Masen in. I took the spot next to her and nudged her with my shoulder. She shoved me back weakly and I laughed.

"We'll see you in the morning?" She yawned and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Yep," I acquiesced and felt her nod. I resisted the urge to rest my cheek against her hair, to smell her shampoo or run my fingers though the long silky locks. "I should go," I whispered and stood up holding out a hand to pull her up. Her hand slipped into mine, soft and warm, and I tugged gently until she was standing. I let go quickly and shoved my hands in my pockets. She opened the door for me and I watched my feet as I walked out.

"Goodnight, Edward." She leaned against the door and watched me walk to my car. I gave her a brief wave before climbing in. I started the engine and took in a deep breath of leather and new car smell. As I rested my head against the steering wheel I reminded myself that it would be a bad idea to go back inside the house, no matter how much I wanted to. That Bella was _engaged,_ for fuck's sake, and that maybe even _hugging_her goodbye would not be appropriate.

I didn't know what was wrong with me. Everything had happened so quickly that I couldn't help but be confused. I couldn't have been happier about being back with Masen; we had grown so much closer in the short time that I'd been home. And Bella… Bella and I spent most of our time skirting around the bigger issues that surrounded us. Like how it was myself instead of James at Sunday dinners because he refused to be in the same room as me. Like the way the small touches and glances and smiles that we shared made my heart beat a mile a minute. I was fairly certain Bella was unaware of that certain issue.

I'd spent most of my time away from Forks very, very lonely. I was in Australia to work, not meet people. And now- now I was around friends every day. Old friends, new friends, family…it was all so overwhelming and wonderful.

Except for being around Bella. Because no matter how amazing it was to be in the same room with her, to feel her hands brushing away my hair, her lips kissing my cheek, her fingertips grazing my skin gently… I knew that the feeling would always be fleeting. She wasn't mine any more.

I'd made the decision to stay away when I found out she was engaged. I would not break up a relationship, even if I wanted nothing more than to be one big, stupid, ridiculously happy family with her and my son.

If Bella was happy then I would accept it. No matter how much I fucking hated it. Masen was my priority, my reason for being now. And _he_ was where my dedication was.

xXxXx

I spent my weekdays in Port Angeles at my little satellite office of Schneider & Associates picking out furniture and ordering supplies. When I wasn't doing housekeeping, I was pouring over résumés and conducting interviews for receptionists, assistants, and architects.

Alice had taken the job of decorating the house while I was busy setting up my new office. I gave her free rein over just about everything, because I knew she wouldn't do anything too extravagant. Of course, when she was finished, the house looked like the love child of Pottery Barn and IKEA.

I took Masen to Seattle one weekend and let him pick out his own bedroom furniture and linens. It was the first day we'd spent all alone with each other out of the house and out of Forks.

It was incredible.

We left semi-early on Saturday so I'd figured he would have fallen asleep on the car ride. I couldn't have been more wrong. In between singing every song on the radio he kept me locked in conversation about anything and everything. From his new favorite book _Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus_ ("I mean, who would let a _pigeon_drive _a bus_?") to playing football with his uncles and fishing with Charlie, to his shoelaces. It was an extremely entertaining drive and I couldn't help but wonder where in the hell his voice came from. Neither Bella nor I were ever ones to strike up a conversation with strangers or talk incessantly, unless it was with each other. We were both always too shy to do so. Our son, apparently, was not. Maybe he was blessed with a watered-down version of his uncle Emmett's boisterous friendliness.

We stopped at a small diner just outside of Seattle for a late breakfast. I ordered myself a coffee and Masen a glass of chocolate milk from the pretty redheaded waitress and watched him stare at the menu.

"Puh – puh – puh – puh," he muttered to himself, eyes squinted in concentration. "P says 'puh'."

"'P says 'puh'?" I asked and he looked up with a frustrated sigh.

"I can't find pancakes!" he cried. I chuckled and leaned over to him pulling the menu from his hands and setting it on the table in front of him. I took his hand and guided it over the menu until we finally found 'pancakes'. We both ordered pancakes and continued to read the menu while we waited for our breakfast. He pointed out words and letters that he knew and I beamed with pride. My kid could read. It was _awesome_.

"Here you go, boys." Maggie (that was what her nametag said) set two plates in front of us and smiled.

"Thank you," Masen and I both responded. Maggie laughed.

"I bet your wife has her hands full with the two of you, huh?" she asked jokingly.

"Mama and Daddy aren't married," Masen told her as I cut up his pancakes. My hand slipped at his remark and I nearly spilled my coffee. "Well, Mama is getting married, just not to my dad."

"Masen!" I attempted to scold him, but found it impossible to be angry at his hilarious lack of filter.

"I'm sorry." Maggie blushed. "I just assumed…"

"It's not big deal," I laughed and waved my hand.

"Let me know if you boys need anything." She touched my shoulder softly and I raised an eyebrow as I watched her walk away, her hips swinging differently than before.

"These are _so_ good!" Masen said through a mouth full of pancakes. I smiled and agreed. Maggie came by to check on us a few moments later and a few moments after that… and then three more times until Masen had finally finished his milk and she actually had a reason to come over.

"She's really nice," he said as I tried to wipe his face with one of those little wet-naps they leave on your table.

"Uh huh," I agreed, wondering how in the living _fuck_ this kid managed to get so much syrup everywhere_but_ his mouth.

"Have a great day, guys," I heard Maggie say as she placed the check on our table. I glanced up briefly and smiled.

"Thanks, you too." I tossed down the wet-nap in defeat; he still smelled like pancakes. I reached for my wallet and flipped over the check and nearly laughed out loud. I took Masen's hand as we exited the diner, leaving some cash, and Maggie's phone number, on the table behind us.

We spent most of the day in Pottery Barn Kids trying out different beds and ignoring the weird looks we got.

"Do you like this one?" I asked for every setup we saw.

"Which one do you like?" he would counter.

"It's _your_ choice, buddy," I'd explain and he would run off to another one. We finally settled on a set of light wood bunk beds and furniture, striped bedding, and superhero sheets. After I'd paid for everything and sorted everything out for the delivery we made a quick stop at the mall for one of those giant slices of pizza.

"That can't be good for you." With dubious eyes, I watched Masen lift the entire piece of pizza almost over his head so he could take a bite of the soggy, greasy dough.

"It _tastes_ good for me." He grinned through a mouthful of cheese.

"Your mom is going to kill me," I muttered. He simply shrugged and continued to eat. After he was finally finished we browsed the mall. I don't know what kind of little-boy magic Masen worked on my wallet, but I found myself leaving the mall with a Wii, the entire Rock Band setup, three new Mo Willems books, and a very sleepy little boy.

It was just after dark when we finally returned to Forks; Masen was fast asleep in the back. The porch light came on as soon as I pulled into the driveway. Bella opened the door as I carried Masen up the walk.

She smiled in greeting and gently touched Masen's cheek as I walked by. "Hey."

"Hi Mama," he muttered.

I found Bella in the kitchen after Masen had fallen back to sleep.

"Big day, huh?" She handed me an opened beer and leaned against the counter.

"It was amazing." In the dining room I noticed the table had been set for two and I felt the sudden urge to vomit. "Ah… I see you have plans. I should go." I set my still full bottle on the counter and headed for the door.

"They were cancelled, actually," she said after I'd taken about three steps. "James' TA had some sort of crisis with grading papers or something… I don't know. He had to go to Port Angeles."

"Oh. Um… sorry?" I shrugged and she shook her head.

"No big deal." She smiled. "Want to finish that beer?"

"I should get home." I watched her face fall as she nodded and felt a familiar ache in my chest. I wanted so badly to stay and talk to her about our day. I wanted to tell her how amazing our son was and share little stories about him. But…then my eye caught the table setting in the dining room again and I remembered that I would be her second choice of company for the night.

I sighed and retraced my steps until I was standing in front of her again. My hand cupped the side of her face and I gently kissed her forehead. "Goodnight," I said against her skin. She let out a shaky breath and I turned, not meeting her eyes; if I did I knew my resolve would crumble.

I drove home with my mind, as always, in another place. I was so distracted that I didn't notice the ancient Ford Bronco in the driveway, nor the fact that someone else was in my house.

"Alice?" I called as I tossed my keys down. I heard muffled voices in the kitchen and made my way to them.

"Hey!" my sister cried breathily as she smoothed her hair.

"You okay?" I asked as I stepped into the kitchen. She nodded and her eyes darted across from her, then I noticed why and groaned softly. Jasper stood across the kitchen from her with an empty wine glass in his hand and Alice's lipstick on his face.

"I'm fine." She bit her lip as her face turned red.

I nodded to Jasper as I walked passed him to the fridge. I opened a beer with the hem of my shirt and leaned next to him.

"That's a nice color for you, you know." I said, my gaze set on my sister. I saw him wipe his face out of the corner of my eye and I smiled. Alice watched me worriedly. "I'll be in my office… you kids stay out of trouble. Be sure to respect Alice's curfew."

"Yes, sir." Jasper mock saluted me and I punched him in the shoulder. I ruffled Alice's hair as I walked by and she beamed at me, whispering "Thanks, Pinky".

Upstairs, I finished up my supply order and prepared bids for prospective clients, leaving my sister and Jasper alone to get to know each other. Just as I sent an email reminding my new receptionist to show up on Monday there was a knock on my office door.

"Come in," I called and Jasper's head poked through the door. I laughed to myself and for a moment imagined that I knew how my father must have felt like, sitting here poring over his medical books while Alice or I timidly poked our faces in, just to talk to him.

I greeted him with a nod, and he took a seat in the leather chair on the other side of my desk.

"Listen," he began, diving right into his speech, "I just came looking for you and the boy. I thought you would've wanted to hang out. I didn't know she was going to be here. Nothing happened, man, I swear-"

"Jasper!" I finally interrupted him. "It's no big deal."

"Really?" he asked, arching a skeptical eyebrow as he leaned back in the chair, a little more relaxed than he had been.

"Sure." I grabbed a pencil and flipped open a sketch pad. "Ali's a big girl. She can do what she wants."

"It doesn't bother you? At all?" I almost laughed again at his refusal to believe that I wasn't upset. I let my fingers think for themselves as they moved across the paper, lines and shadows appearing and taking form.

"Do… you, uh, want it to bother me?" I inquired. "I mean, I can pull an Emmett and react like an angry bear if you really want…"

"No! I mean… she's _really_ cool," he mumbled as his face turned red. This time I really did laugh.

"That's sweet, dude." I tossed my pad down on the desk and leaned toward him. "Like I said, Ali's a big girl. You're a nice guy. And you know, if anything every goes wrong I'll fucking kill you with my bare hands."

He nodded emphatically. "Of course."

"Emmett will help."

"Can't be any worse than when I hit on Bella." He laughed and then stopped abruptly, seeing my raised eyebrow. "I mean, not that I _hit_ on her, I just– um… I asked her out before I knew she was his sister."

I laughed. "Emmett hit me when he found out I was dating Bella," I said, and Jasper relaxed a bit.

"Really? I thought he'd be happy for you two."

"He was, _is_, really protective of her. I mean, I guess he should have been..."

"Ah, you can't think like that, son," Jasper reassured me and I shrugged.

"Nothing I can do about it now," I smiled.

He stood up and walked to the door. "I think you're doing fine," he told me as he walked out.

I saw a lot more of Jasper after that night. He and Alice took their relationship slowly and for that I was grateful. He came to dinner a few nights a week and family dinners at Charlie and Sue's place. I jokingly asked Alice to at least not have sleepovers while I was at home. She in turn, blushed furiously and stumbled out the door on a breakfast date with Jasper.

xXxXx

Emmett was having trouble balancing work and coaching Masen's T-Ball team with his and Rosalie's wedding fast approaching. He asked me to take over and I gladly accepted, thoroughly excited at the opportunity to spend even more time with my son. Seth graciously agreed to be my assistant coach, considering that, as a first time father, I was going to have trouble with more than just my own kid.

Coaching was fun, though I had more trouble with the single moms than I did the kids. They were like vultures. It was frightening. Phone numbers would come in the small hands of shy kids, then collect themselves in the center console of my car.

"Dad?" Masen asked as we loaded the equipment into the back of my Tahoe one day.

"Yes, sir?" I tossed the helmets into the truck and turned to him.

He laughed before asking his question, always amused when formalities were used for him. "Why do those kids keep giving you notes? I don't like it." He frowned as I helped him into the car.

"What do you mean 'you don't like it'?" I asked as I buckled him in.

He thought about it for a moment before speaking again. I watched him in the rearview mirror but his eyes were trained out the window. "Because you're _my_ dad," my son grumbled and I held back a laugh. He was right. I threw the numbers away.

I hadn't thought much about more than the immediate future until that day. Usually I was worried about our weekend plans since Masen had started spending Fridays and Saturdays with me. I was constantly thinking of things to do, desperately afraid that he would get bored with me and want to go home. That surprisingly never happened. I discovered a ton of old toys and games in the attic one day, only because Alice _swore_ that our mother had left a pair of vintage Ferragamo heels up there, and she was dying to wear them. As it turned out, there were no shoes, but there _were_ boxes and boxes of _stuff_. Games, Legos, pictures and old clothes. Alice and I brought a few of the boxes down and went through them one weeknight. When Jasper came over he began digging out the games and making sure they had all the pieces and set them on a shelf in Masen's room. I was _really_starting to like him.

Jasper had shrugged when I asked him why he was making such an effort. "He's a cool kid." I had to agree, though it also made me a little sad knowing that Jasper had been in Masen's life longer than I had.

I'd struggled with jealously more times in the months since I'd returned than I had in my entire life. Everyone knew Masen's little quirks and I was still trying to learn them. Like how he only ate grape jelly because he didn't like the seeds in the strawberry. There was a small scar on the back of his head where he slipped and busted it open earning himself a nice amount of stitches. He could sit for hours drawing and loved to tell jokes and give hugs… but, like any only child, he was pretty spoiled and demanded attention from everyone most of the time.

Everyone except Bella. Masen's attitude changed completely when he was around Bella. He _worshipped_ her and she was the same way with him. I'd only gotten to see bits and pieces of their relationship my first time in Forks but now…it was amazing.

I wanted that, too.

Slowly, my relationship with my son began to develop in a similar way. When Masen started staying weekends with me he began to understand that I would be every bit as strict as his mother. Just because I was new at the "dad" stuff didn't mean I was outright stupid. Bella and I had numerous conversations before he stayed the first time. We talked about the foods he ate, when he went to bed, everything down to the type of toothpaste he liked. I also made sure to stock up on first aid supplies (and boy Band-Aids, thank you very much) and snack foods.

I was amazed at how much a kid actually _needed,_ and eternally grateful that I didn't have to figure it out alone.

It was odd the way everyone got along, but I shouldn't have been surprised. We weren't kids anymore and, well, the only actual "kid" involved was the most important one. Alice and Rosalie had become fast friends and Alice immersed herself in the finishing touches of Rosalie's wedding planning. I was glad that Alice and Bella had seemed to mend things; I knew how devastated they had both been and I knew it was my fault. Alice had been like me for the past five years, immersed in working and not having much of a social life. Well, unless you counted the fashion industry that she was tangled in, but there were no friends like Bella. Also, having Alice around seemed to make Rosalie hate me less. A little bit, at least. I saw proof one night after T-ball practice when I took Masen home.

"Hi, Mama!" Masen cried as he threw open the door. He kicked off his little cleats and dropped his hat on top of them before running into the dining room where Bella, Alice, and Rosalie were sitting.

"Hey, baby." She kissed his sweaty face and tried to smooth down his mop of hair, though we both knew it was pointless. "How was practice?" she asked me over his head, laughing as he tried to burrow out of her too-snug embrace.

"Good. Really good." Masen removed himself from her grip and proceeded to hug Rosalie, then Alice, earning huge smiles from both of them before he headed back to the kitchen.

"Get any more, uh… notes?" she asked slyly.

I simply shook my head and ignored the scoffing sound Rosalie made. "These your dresses?" I leaned over Bella and pulled a magazine with a marked page toward me.

"Gross!" She put her hands on my chest and shoved me away from her. "You smell awful!"

"I've been chasing sixteen kids around, what did you expect?" I tried to wrap her in a headlock but she jumped up and pushed the chair between us.

"Stop it right now, Edward Cullen!" she pointed at me and I held up my hands in defeat.

"What's going on?" Masen asked as he ambled back into the room with a Capri Sun dangling out of his mouth.

"Your dad smells." Bella wrinkled her nose and he shrugged. Masen took a few steps toward me and buried his face in my shirt, breathing deeply. He stepped away and pulled the straw out of his mouth before lifting up his own arm and smelling himself.

"He's not so bad." Masen shrugged again and strolled out of the room.

Bella snorted before taking her seat again, and I simply shook my head.

"Such a weirdo," Alice and Rosalie muttered at the same time.

"Hey! He's quirky." Bella defended our son.

"Back to business," Rosalie said with a small laugh. "I think these would be great if you're planning on November. The colors are great for fall."

"You just like it because you'll look great in them," Bella chuckled and Rosalie tugged her hair affectionately. "Anyways…" She went on to say something else about the dresses and it didn't take me long to realize that they were not, in fact talking about Rosalie and Emmett's wedding.

They were talking about Bella's.

I stood and listened for a moment before clearing my throat. It had become incredibly tight all of a sudden and I wanted to make sure they knew I was still in the room.

All three pairs of eyes turned to me but I only met Bella's.

"I'm going to give the kid a bath and put him to bed," I told her softly.

"Okay," she replied quickly before turning back to the table. I watched her for a moment, talking with Alice before I tore my gaze away from her. As I looked up my eyes caught Rosalie's and I was stunned by what I saw. She wasn't glaring at me like she normally did. This look was different and I wasn't sure I liked it. Her blue eyes were soft as she watched me with a small, sad smile on her face. I knew why she didn't like me and I didn't blame her for that. But in that moment it was as if she knew what I felt, like she could see the war that was raging between my head and my heart. I nodded curtly and gave her a tight-lipped smile before turning my back on the wedding plans.

I had no desire to be a part of that.

I started a bath for Masen and went downstairs to find him but ran into Rosalie just outside the bathroom.

"I'm sorry." She gently touched my arm.

I smiled and moved to let her in the bathroom. "No big deal."

"I mean about-" she started but I cut her off.

"I know." I nodded and she smiled again. "Not a big deal."

"Edward…"

"Thank you, Rose. I mean that." I squeezed her shoulder softly and turned away, eager to find my son.

Eager to find my only solace in the world.

* * *

**Eternal thanks to killerlashes and messynachos and especially to all of you who have rec'd, reviewed, added to favorites or alerts. I don't always reply to reviews but I love each and every one. Thank you all _so _much. **

**The adorable Edward/Masen time is dedicated to oscar519. I less than three you, h00r. **

**The rest of you on Twitter and ADF (you know who you are), you're all amazing.**

**Follow me on Twitter if you're feeling bored. It's always a good time. /IdPattThat**


	24. Let it Go

**Disclaimer: Steph owns the names and things and well... you know.**

* * *

Chapter 23 – Let it Go

EPOV

Once Bella and I finally settled into a routine with Masen, things started running much more smoothly. He spent Friday and Saturday nights with me and I saw him at T-Ball two nights out of the week. She never talked about her wedding plans or even mentioned if they had actually set a date, but after that night around the table, Rosalie had become a little less cold toward me.

Being a part of the Swan/Clearwater family meant you had to take a turn cooking dinner or cleaning up. When my turn came to cook, Rosalie insisted on helping me chop up vegetables and sauté meat for fajitas. She even helped to usher a wary Charlie out of the kitchen each time he poked his head around the corner.

"That man." She said with a laugh. "He's worse than Emmett. So set in his ways."

"You've seen that too, huh?" I scooped up the green peppers she had cut up and tossed them into the pan.

"Oh my goodness, you should have seen it when they moved out of the house!" She continued chopping vegetables as I stirred them around. "Sue and Bella had to practically pack up in the middle of the night and throw things away so neither one of them would try to save them."

"When we were ten, Emmett had a Band-Aid collection. A _used_ Band-Aid collection." I told her and she pretended to gag.

"That is disgusting!" She turned to me and I grinned.

"He kept it under his bed so Charlie wouldn't find it." I explained.

"Charlie probably would have tried to frame it!" Rosalie replied. I shook my head, part of me feeling like she was absolutely right. A comfortable silence fell over the kitchen as we continued to work together to finish dinner.

"Where did you learn to cook?" Rosalie asked as we set the table.

"Five years living alone." I laughed dryly.

"No hot little tarts to cook for you?" Rosalie asked and I nearly dropped the handful of silverware I had.

"Uh… no." I began setting out knives and forks, eager for a change of subject. When I looked up again she hadn't moved from her spot, a stack of plates still in her hands.

"Really?" She asked incredulously as she slowly set down one of the dishes.

"Really." I mumbled.

"Hm."

"What?" I asked as I made my way around the table carefully setting out utensils.

"Nothing." She busied herself with the plates finally and moved away from me.

"Tell me what you were going to say." I said quietly.

"I just – it would be easier to hate you if I knew you were over there _gallivanting_ with other women, that's all."

"Gallivanting? Really Rose. Who even says that?" I teased her and she huffed and glared at me.

"Listen -" she started but I held up a hand to silence her.

"I didn't go to Australia because I didn't love Bella. I've been in love with her since I was seventeen." I told her, hoping she would understand.

"Dinner almost ready?" Bella asked as she passed through the dining room.

"Yeah." Rosalie whispered her eyes trained on me. "Almost."

"You okay, Rosie?" Bella's question pulled Rosalie from her trance. She turned and smiled reassuringly.

"I'm good B." She nodded and Bella looked at me questioningly. I simply shrugged and took the plates from Rosalie to finish the table. "Thanks." She said softly and I nodded.

"Want to fill the cups with ice?" I asked as she turned towards the kitchen. She stopped a few feet away and turned back slowly.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I asked warily.

"Did you mean that you…?"

"Yeah."

"I thought so."

We finished setting the table and called everyone to join us. Masen kept everyone entertained by glaring at Jasper in what was supposed to be a menacing way. Apparently he was having trouble with their relationship, it was hilarious.

"Dude, what gives?" Jasper finally threw his hands up. Masen finally broke his eye contact and shrugged. His eyes were trained on his plate but I could see a small smile on his face.

I was going to tease him but the doorbell rang and he practically jumped out of his seat.

"I'll get it!" He yelled as he ran. I followed after him, grabbing him around the waist and throwing him over my shoulder.

"Stranger danger, kid." I patted his backside as he giggled uncontrollably and wrapped his arms around my middle. He dug his tiny fingers into my ribs just as I flung open the door and I swear I nearly dropped him, but not because of the tickling, because James was standing on the other side of the door.

"Hey." I gave him a brief nod in greeting and righted Masen in my arms. He nearly clawed himself out of my grip and ran back to the dining room.

"Cullen." James refused to make eye contact as he stepped through the door.

"What's going -" I heard Bella's voice before I saw her being pulled by our son into the foyer. "What are you doing here?" She asked her voice quiet.

"Family dinner right?" James said with a small smile. I watched as Bella's eyes filled with tears before she stepped forward and hugged him tightly.

"Come on weasel," I muttered ushering Masen back to dinner. They joined us moments later, entering the room hand in hand. Everyone greeted him before turning back to their own conversations. Alice reached under the table and patted my leg softly; I smiled at her, grateful that she was here with me.

Jasper and James volunteered for cleanup while the rest of us scattered around the house or yard. Seth and I let Emmett relive his glory days by tossing around the football in the backyard. Rosalie and Bella watched from the back porch, Masen snuggled in between them. I watched the three of them and found myself happy that my best friend had found someone like Rosalie. She was a tough as nails, no nonsense, woman and that was good for him.

Of course all my thinking got me was laid out by Seth as he jumped to catch a pass.

"You okay?" He asked through gasps of breath because he was laughing so hard.

"Fuck… you." I managed to wheeze as I righted myself. I all but crawled to the porch and took a seat next to Rosalie. She nudged me softly with her shoulder and I smiled to myself. Dammit, I liked her.

"You okay, Dad?" Masen moved from his spot between the two girls and buried his face in my neck.

"Daddy's too old for this stuff," I laughed and held him tightly.

"You're not old." He yawned.

"You're tired."

"You're tired." He mumbled against my chest. I laughed again, constantly amazed by his sense of humor.

"Alright. I'm tired. Let's get going." We stood up and he hugged Bella tightly and kissed her cheek.

"See you in the morning, Mama." He said before holding his hand out to me, a smile on his face.

"Goodnight baby," she whispered as we walked away. I didn't look to see her face. I knew things changed tonight when James showed up. He was making an effort to be a part of the family and they all saw that.

Even me.

xXxXxXx

It wasn't too long after I put Masen in his bed that he stumbled downstairs, his face sheen with sweat, dark circles under his eyes. I jumped off the couch and ran to him as his little body swayed on the bottom steps.

"Daddy, I don't feel good." He mumbled. I placed my hands on either side of his face, his skin was on fire.

"Shit. Shitshitshit." I picked him up and carried him into the kitchen, setting him on the counter. I scrambled around opening cabinets until I found the children's Tylenol I'd purchased. "Alright, kid. You'll be fine." I muttered more to myself than to him.

I measured out the right dosage and tipped it into his mouth then fixed a glass of cold water for him. Before I could even hand him the glass he vomited. Tears were rolling down his face as I lifted him off the counter, puke and all, with one hand and the water in the other. I carried him upstairs and stripped him out of his pajamas, putting a clean pair of boxer shorts on him and grabbing some towels from the bathroom. I settled him in bed with a garbage can next to him.

It was the longest night of my life.

Masen was up, dry heaving, every thirty minutes with fretful doses of sleep in between. I sat on the floor in his room with my head against the bed, too afraid to lie down or close my eyes.

At one point I changed my own clothes and threw our dirty ones along with a few towels in the wash. When the sun started to come up, my son began to stir again.

"I'm hungry." He said pitifully. I carried him downstairs where we had dry toast and ginger ale for breakfast. His fever had subsided, thankfully, but the loss of sleep had finally caught up to both of us as we sat on the couch, wrapped in an old blanket, and fell asleep.

I awoke a few hours to my phone buzzing on the coffee table beside me. Cartoons played quietly on the television and Masen was sleeping on my chest.

"Hello?" I whispered.

"Edward?" Bella's voice was irritated. "Where the hell are you? You were supposed to have him back at ten!"

I glanced at the clock and groaned. It was after eleven already.

"I'm sorry. He was up all night puking. He's finally sleeping." I explained.

"Why didn't you call me?" She cried, angry now.

"What do you mean, 'why didn't I call you'?" I asked, trying to keep my voice quiet.

"My son is sick and you can't even pick up the fucking phone, Edward?"

"In case you've forgotten, he's my son, too. And I'm perfectly capable of taking care of him."

"I'm coming to get him." She said with a tone of finality.

"He's sleeping. He needs to rest."

"Edward -" she started to argue with me but I stopped her.

"Bella. He was up _all night_. His fever is down; he's eaten something and has plenty of fluids. He _needs to rest._" I told her as sternly as I could without raising my voice and waking him up.

"Fine. Call me when he wakes up." And then she hung up on me. I tossed the phone on the rug and smoothed down Masen's hair.

It suddenly dawned on me what it felt like to be a divorced parent. I wasn't too fond of it.

Bella was cordial enough when she came to pick him up a few hours later, but still seemed angry that I didn't call her.

"Look." I said to her after I'd put Masen in the back seat. She turned to me, her hand still on the door handle. "He's my son, Bella. You have to give me a chance to prove that I know what I'm doing."

"I know that Edward, I just -"

"You just get all worked up when you're not in control." I finished for her. I mean, I knew that's not what she was going to say, but that's what came out of _my _mouth.

"Don't be an asshole."

"I'm not. I'm being honest." I turned from her and stalked back into the house.

The tension between us didn't die down and it seemed like everyone noticed, especially Masen. Of course, a lot of the strain on Bella and my relationship had to do with James being around… a lot.

He had thankfully dropped the charges of our grocery store fiasco but had taken to annoy me in other ways.

Showing up at games and family dinners; picking up Masen from practice and having beers with my best friend. Not to mention he was spending almost every night at Bella's. I hated that guy.

I could have shown my ass and demanded that my son not be put in the situation where a strange guy was waking up at his house everyday, but I didn't. Again, if I were being honest with myself, James _had_ been in the picture longer than I had been.

I saw too much of him for the next couple of weeks, it was tiring to try and be civil to him all the time when I really just wanted to rip his throat out for, well, having everything I wanted.

Thankfully, by the time Emmett and Rosalie's wedding weekend rolled around I was granted a break. We'd all taken Friday and Monday off, preparing for celebrating and of course recovery from the wedding, which would take place in Seattle. Rosalie's parents had money, and lots of it, so they'd set us up with rooms at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel in Seattle. The ceremony would be held in one of the ballrooms and the reception in a large hall in the same venue. Emmett and Rosalie had been there all week, with Sue and Alice in tow, to help with the final preparations.

Emmett joked that half the town would be gone, but he was partially right. Many of our friends from high school would be joining the festivities, just proof of how well loved their Chief of Police was.

Bella and James had decided to ride together and I would be taking Jasper and Masen. Charlie and Seth had gone up already to visit Leah at WSU and look around the campus. Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. When I arrived at Bella's on Friday morning, her and Masen's bags were sitting on the front porch, Masen leaning up against them.

"What's wrong weasel?" I took a seat next to him. He left his post against the bags and wrapped his arms around my forearm and stared up at me with sad green eyes.

"Mama's yelling." He sighed. I looked back toward the open door and frowned.

"I'll be back." I untangled myself and headed inside, wondering with who and why she was yelling. I found her staring out the back door.

"Months!" She cried, raising her hands. "You've known about this for months, James!"

She was silent, listening to his explanation.

"I don't fucking care if you're at school! That's the point! I asked you three months ago to take the day off!"

I watched as she pressed her face to the window pane of the door and shook her head.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter." Were the last words she spoke before snapping her phone closed and turning around. "Oh!" Her hand flew to her throat.

"Sorry." I muttered. "I didn't mean to scare you." She nodded and bit her lip and my heart ached as I watched tears pool in her eyes.

"It's okay." She sniffed and bowed her head. It took me all of three seconds to cross the room and wrap my arms around her, my animosity toward her flying out the figurative window.

"I'm sorry." I whispered into her hair.

"It's fine. God, I'm so stupid." She pulled away and wiped her eyes.

"Why would you say that?" I grabbed her hands and forced her to look at me.

"I don't know." She muttered. "Just so much is going on right now and I really expected him to be there."

"He should be." I said softly. Her eyes met mine and I felt that _'you're in way over your head, Cullen'_ burn deep in my chest and I smiled.

Because I was in over my head.

Because I wanted to make her feel better in ways that should be outlawed.

And because, of course, she was with _him._

"So." She cleared her throat. "I'll just ride with you boys?"

"Yeah." I nodded and headed out the front door.

"Edward?" She called just as I reached the foyer.

"Yes?" I stopped but didn't turn.

"Thank you." Came her reply. I simply nodded and stepped outside where Masen and Jasper were waiting.

"Let's go kids." I grabbed the luggage off the steps and made my way to the car. They all followed and piled into my Tahoe and we headed to Seattle.

After about an hour on the highway, Emmett called Bella and told her something that thoroughly upset her, though we only heard her side.

"When did _this_ happen?" She asked her voice tight with emotion. The other things that fell from her lips were mumbled, "Were you going to tell me? I can't believe you, Emmett!"

She hung up abruptly and stared silently out the window. Neither Jasper nor I said anything from the front seat.

"Mama?" Masen's voice filled the uncomfortable silence. "Mama, why are you crying?"

"I'm fine baby." She reached over and smoothed his hair and touched his face lightly.

"But you're sad." His little voice was full of sorrow for her.

"You don't worry your pretty little face, okay?"

"I don't have a pretty face!" He cried, offended.

"You do so! You have the prettiest face I've ever seen!" She tickled him and the sound of his laughter filled the car.

"Boys can't be pretty, Mama!"

"Aw, sure we can kid," Jasper piped in from his seat.

"Only you." I shook my head and Bella laughed quietly.

"See?" She tweaked Masen's nose and placed a hand on Jasper's shoulder. He squeezed her hand and smiled.

"You going to tell me what that was about?" He asked.

Bella sat back against the seat and sighed, her eyes focused on the passing scenery.

"Nope."

"Iz…" he said softly.

"Nosy…" she muttered in a singsong voice and he laughed.

"Please?" He pleaded. Her eyes flickered to the back of his head then to the rearview mirror. I met her gaze for a brief moment and saw the pain reflected in them.

"Renee."

_July 1989_

"_Daddy!" Isabella yelled out the back door. "Daddy, Emmett won't let me play Duck Hunt!" _

_Charlie tore himself away from the lawnmower he was trying to fix and wiped his greasy hands on his faded jeans. _

"_Emmett Swan!" _

"_Aw, c'mon Dad! Me and Edward are playing a game! There aren't enough controllers!" Emmett defended himself. The Swans had recently purchased a brand new Nintendo and the kids were allowed extra time on Saturdays to play with it._

"_But Alice and I want to play, too!" Isabella stomped her foot and Alice nodded in agreement. _

"_Boys," Charlie sighed and gave us an exasperated look. Emmett and I knew that the girls always won, especially with Charlie. _

"_Why don't we play something else, huh?" I shrugged, always the peacemaker. Plus, Alice would tell on me if she didn't get her way. Charlie ruffled my hair, smiled, and went back outside._

"_Fine." Emmett sighed. "Hide-n-Seek, Isabella's 'it'!" He cried as he ran off. She glared at him as he made his way up the stairs then hid her face in the side of the couch. I turned as she started counting and promptly tripped over a large red suitcase. Renee took no notice of me sprawled out on the linoleum of the kitchen. Her eyes were trained on Isabella's small frame leaning against the old couch counting loudly. _

"_23… 24… 25…" Her voice came soft and muffled. _

"_Isabella." Renee spoke quietly and she turned quickly. "Go get your father." Isabella went, her brown eyes wide, something in Renee's voice frightening her. It was at that moment that she realized I was still on the floor beside her. _

"_Up you go, Edward." She smiled a tight smile as she helped me up. I stared at her, her behavior and the suitcase worried me. _

"_Renee?" Charlie wiped his hands on a rag and stepped into the kitchen. Renee made no attempt to move to him, instead she stayed rooted in her spot and grabbed the handle of the very suitcase I'd tripped over. "What's going on, baby?"_

"_I have to go Charlie." She spoke the words and we all looked on, confused. I saw my best friend come down the stairs, no doubt wondering what was taking his sister so long. _

"_Go where?" _

"_I don't know Charlie. I have to get out of this house, out of this town." She shrugged and looked around as if daring him to find something to make her stay. Isabella's hand slipped into Charlie's and I saw, at eight years old, the strength of a man who would become a second father to me. _

"_You do what you need to do, Renee. These kids stay here with me." His voice was firm. Emmett moved to his father's side and I locked eyes with my own sister standing behind the three. Tears pooled in her too wise for her age gray eyes. I stood silently beside Renee, waiting for her reply and praying that she would not take my two best friends away. _

"_Of course." Renee replied curtly as if she were insulted that Charlie would even think she wanted to take them with her. She let go of her suitcase and held out her arms to Emmett. He went, though unwillingly and hugged her. _

"_I love you." She whispered and he merely nodded. "Isabella?" She looked to her daughter, but the little girl didn't budge. _

"_Tell your mother goodbye." Charlie tried to relinquish her grip but she stood strong. _

"_No." Isabella said quietly. _

"_Isabella, come here." Renee demanded. _

"_No!" Isabella yelled as she finally let go of Charlie's hand. She ran passed Renee and I and out the front door. I followed after her and found her under a tree in the corner of the yard. Her face was buried in her knees but she looked up when I approached; tears stained her cheeks. _

"_Isabella -" I said as I sat down next to her. _

"_Don't call me that!" She yelled and pounded a tiny fist into my chest. I caught it, though I wasn't much bigger than she was at the time and pulled her to me, hugging her tightly. "It's a stupid name. She gave me such a stupid name." The little girl in my arms sobbed and I tried not to cry. Boys weren't supposed to cry. Boys were supposed to be tough. Instead I patted her head and let her ruin my favorite Mariners t-shirt. _

_I heard Renee's car start and watched it drive down the street with Isabella's face still buried in my shirt. _

_She didn't come back. _

_And Isabella wasn't 'Isabella' after that day. _

I watched her for a moment, her eyes dry but sad, staring out the window before I put my gaze back on the road. No one pressed the issue, unsure of what to say, so we let it drop. I would talk to her about it later. If Renee was coming to the wedding, there would no doubt be a ton of tension and awkwardness. I had a feeling this weekend was going to call for a lot of alcohol.

xXxXxXx

BPOV

I didn't care that much that my mother was coming to the wedding. What made me so angry is that Emmett had been in contact with her without telling me. Renee had been absent most of our childhood. We got the yearly birthday and Christmas cards, but that was it. I hadn't seen her in person since my high school graduation. When I found out I was pregnant with Masen my dad insisted I call and tell her. He had eternal hope that Renee would be happy about her first grandchild. Sadly, he was wrong.

Renee insisted that I had plenty of options and offered to pay for anything I chose to do with the baby. After all, having a baby so young would surely ruin a person's life… like having my brother and I ruined hers. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to her since, so the prospect of seeing her at Emmett's wedding hadn't even crossed my mind.

According to Emmett, she had called the station and asked for Chief Swan, hoping to speak to Dad. Of course, the only Chief Swan these days is Emmett. He told her about Rosalie and Masen and said she seemed enthused and apologetic. I didn't really give a shit _how_ she seemed. I didn't want to see her.

When we'd finally arrived at the hotel, Edward pulled in front. We unloaded ourselves and bags, then he went to park. I grabbed my suitcase and Masen's hand as Jasper took hold of everything else and we made our way to the front desk.

"Hi, I have a reservation for Bella Swan; it's part of the Hale-Swan wedding." I told the clerk at the desk. She pulled up my room and prepared everything for me while Masen wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my shirt.

"I'm hungry, Mama." He whined as the woman handed me our room key.

"I know baby, as soon as your dad gets back -" I started to explain to him but when I turned around I was stopped, absolutely dead in my tracks.

Wide hazel eyes met mine and everything blurred quite suddenly. I blinked away the tears that had formed but they just kept coming as two arms enveloped me and the soft scent of lavender filled my senses.

"My beautiful, beautiful Bella." The voice whispered in my ear. I could only nod and force my arms to surround this woman, hugging her with all I had and hoping it would be enough and that she would take it as an apology for everything that had ever gone wrong.

She pulled away and looked at me, caramel colored hair framed her flawless porcelain skin and Esme smiled.

"I'm sorry." I choked out, so overcome with the fact that she was _here. _Esme Cullen was a living, breathing, standing-in-front-of-me person and I was not hallucinating. I was fairly aware of the tugging on my blouse, but I didn't dare take my eyes off her for fear that she would disappear.

"Oh. My." The words were spoken softly as her eyes moved to my side. I stayed frozen as she bent down to be eye level with the reason I'm sure she was here in the first place.

"Look at you." She whispered to Masen. He looked up at me and I gave him a watery smile. I forced myself to look away from their meeting and was met with Edward's anxious gaze.

"What are you doing here?" He asked with a muted voice. Esme straightened herself and turned to him, tears in her eyes.

"There you are." She touched his cheek softly and he smiled, his body relaxing. "I've missed you, silly boy."

"And I, you." He said as he kissed his mother's cheek. "I'm assuming a little birdie told you we'd be here and that the good doctor is around also."

"You know I hate to miss a good party." A voice said from behind me, chuckling.

I froze, afraid to turn around at the risk of waking up from this wonderful and nerve-wracking dream. I did turn, though slowly and was met with dark blue gray, the same shade as Alice's, crinkled slightly at the sides because of the huge grin on the doctor's face.

"Carlisle." I breathed before launching myself at him. He laughed as he hugged me and I could feel myself grinning.

"Still the same, Izzy." He held me at arm's length to exam me. He looked the same as I'd seen him last, impossibly handsome and young, just like his wife.

"Of course." I whispered and he smiled.

"Mama? Dad's here, can we _please_ get something to eat?" Masen's voice pulled me from my Carlisle induced trance and I turned to see him, already situated in Edward's arms.

"I think lunch sounds perfect." Esme said, her eyes trained on Masen's face.

"I like you." He said to her. She beamed while Edward laughed.

"I like you too, Masen Charles." She tapped his nose lightly and he frowned.

"How do you know my name? How does she know my name?" He asked the first question to Esme, the second to Edward.

"She's my mom. She knows all about you." Edward explained. I admired his ability to simply tell it like it was.

"And that's your dad?" He pointed to Carlisle, who was still standing beside me.

"Yes. That's right." I watched Edward's eyes moved to Carlisle and saw the silent exchange between them. Carlisle took a deep breath to steady himself, his eyes shining like the pride he was feeling would quite literally set him on fire from the inside out.

"So… they're like Nana and Pop?"

"Your grandparents, yes."

"And I'm dating your daughter. So, what's for lunch?" Jasper's outburst caused us all to turn to him where he was standing outside our little circle. Edward and I laughed while Jasper awkwardly introduced himself, clearly wishing Alice were there to help him.

After Edward checked in and we took our things to our rooms, we met in the hotel restaurant for lunch. It was quiet, though mainly because Edward's parents spent most of the meal talking to Masen instead of the rest of us.

It was strange how comfortable it felt to sit and talk and eat with the Cullens, though I shouldn't have been surprised. I had, after all, known them my entire life. Masen sat between Esme and Carlisle, completely smitten with Esme's short stories about Edward as a child and Carlisle's infamous magic tricks.

I watched Edward as his eyes were trained on our son, a breathtaking smile on his face. I didn't feel joy that everyone else felt, only sadness and guilt; guilt for robbing my son of having these amazing people in his life.

"Excuse me." I mumbled as I left the table and made my way to the ladies room before the tears that were in my eyes threatened to spill. I hadn't been in the bathroom very long when the door opened and Esme entered.

"I'm sorry." I told her as my tears fell.

"For what?" She asked softly as she smoothed my hair.

"You know what for." I whispered.

"The only thing I know is that I have a beautiful, healthy, _happy_ grandson. I'm a grandmother for Pete's sake!" She threw her arms up and smiled. I tried to return the smile but the effort was fruitless.

"Listen to me." She took my face in her hands and commanded my attention. "Mistakes were made. It's time to move on. For everyone's sake."

"I know." I nodded as she dropped her hands.

Esme was right. The only way to get through the guilt and the pain was to move on. We rejoined the boys moments later, dry-eyed and fully composed.

"Look Mama!" Masen bounced excitedly in his seat and pointed to something on the table. "Dad made if for me! It's a swan." He carefully held up a cloth napkin that had been origami folded into a swan. "A swan like me and you. Get it?"

I watched him, so excited over a folded up piece of cloth and felt what I saw on Edward's face earlier. What I'd forgotten in the past few months of having everything Edward and I'd put each other through drawn out again. I felt the absolute joy of seeing my son smile and I knew my reason for forgiving.

* * *

**HUGE thanks to sah4004 for substitute beta-ing for me while the loverly killerlashes is off gallivanting in NYC.**

**And to messynachos of course, for just being you.**

**Thanks to all of you who are reading, favoriting, adding to alerts, and reviewing. **

**If you're in the USA have great Forth of July! Anywhere else, well... enjoy your weekend :)**


	25. Debauchery Ensues

**Dislcaimer: I don't own Twilight or "Total Eclipse of the Heart". Just so you know.**

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Chapter 24 – Debauchery Ensues

EPOV

Lunch with my parents was interesting, to say the least. Bella was preoccupied the whole time, refusing to make eye contact with anyone except Jasper. She seemed better after my mother followed her to the bathroom, though she was still distant.

Our rooms were all on the same floor, so hopefully we wouldn't disturb anyone if and when the wedding festivities got out of hand. Bella and Jasper took my mom to help decorate while the rest of us joined Charlie, Seth and an already three-sheets-to-the-wind Emmett at the pool area.

"Nice to see you, Dr. Cullen," Charlie greeted my dad with a rough pat on the back and handed him a beer. Dad smiled and nodded as he leaned against the bar next to Charlie, knowing that was about as much emotion he was going to get out of him.

While Seth tried to convince the cute bartender that he was twenty-one, I watched Masen sit on the edge of the pool. Emmett sat beside me and pointed out women he thought were "doable".

"Emmett, you're being disgusting." I had to laugh after he pointed out a woman in her forties who clearly should not have been wearing a two-piece.

"What? I'm just trying to get my best friend some quality time with a pretty lady. Rose's cousin will be here for the rehearsal, you know… maybe you can get her to call you 'Daddy' -"

"Emmett! CAN IT!" I yelled so loudly it startled him into spilling his drink down the front of his t-shirt.

"Dude. I'm just saying. Bella's always flaunting her relationship in front of you; maybe you should do the same. Make her jealous and see what happens."

"I have no reason to make Bella jealous," I grumbled and he barked a laugh.

"Dude. I'm not slow; I know what's going on. I see the way you two are around each other."

"I really don't want to discuss this with you."

"Well, are you going to discuss it with her? _Before_ she makes a huge mistake?" He set down his drink and looked me square in the eye, serious now.

"I can't – it's not that simple." I turned away from him, my eyes back on Masen, who had kicked up enough water on himself that he was soaked from the waist down.

"I know it's not. I just… worry about the two of you."

"Just worry about me for right now, because I think she might kill me when she sees _that_." I pointed to Masen as he walked toward us with a huge grin on his face: he was soaked, neck to toes. Emmett laughed as I picked up my son and his shoes, nodded to the others, and carried him inside. Masen smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck, his wet clothes soaking my shirt.

"You know, you should only swim in a bathing suit," I told him as we made our way through the hotel.

"Or naked," he quipped. "That's what Uncle Emmett says."

"Don't always listen to your Uncle Emmett; he'll get you into trouble," I muttered and he nodded seriously as if he knew what I meant. I finally found the reception hall where the girls were busy decorating. I set Masen down and he promptly ran to Bella and threw his arms around her.

"You're all wet!" she laughed as she bent down and kissed his face. "Silly boy, you know weasels can't swim without their suits."

"I didn't swim; I just sat on the edge." He smiled up at me and I shook my head.

"It must've been those crazy dolphins in the pool that splashed you, huh?" I teased him.

"Daddy, you know there aren't dolphins in the pool." He rolled his eyes and everyone laughed. "It was the sharks. They're mean."

"If there are sharks then I'm not sure I want to take you swimming…" I trailed off and put on my best scared face.

"Oh! Did I say sharks? I meant… um… seals. Yeah, seals. They're not mean." He stood in front of me now, hands gripping my half-soaked t-shirt.

"Ask your mom," I said quietly. He turned to her with pleading eyes.

"Of course, baby." Bella smiled and handed me the key to her room.

"Thanks Mama!" Masen cried as he jumped up and down in circles around me.

"Don't forget -"

"- sunscreen!" I finished for her as I scooped Masen up and set him on my shoulders. "I got it." I winked at her and waved to everyone else before heading out.

BPOV

I watched Edward walk away and felt my face burn. He _winked_ at me, the fucker. When we were in high school he would wink at me from the football field. He said it was our "secret code", though everyone knew. Well, they either knew what it meant or thought he had a nervous twitch, one or the other.

Edward winking at me only reminded me of him being eighteen, sweaty, dirty, and absolutely delicious in a blue and gold uniform. How when he'd hugged me he'd smelled like dirt, grass, and sweat, and his kisses were warm and salty…

"Bella?" Leah's voice broke me from my thoughts. I turned to see them all staring at me, though Alice's smirk earned her a dirty look. She merely shrugged and went back to tying dark pink ribbons on the chairs with Jasper.

"Hmm? Were you saying something?" I asked my stepsister and tried to busy myself with the name cards I was supposed to be placing.

"I was just wondering where James was," she said softly.

I met her dark eyes and frowned. "He's working. He'll be here later," I mumbled, and adjusted the same place card I'd been "placing" since Edward left.

"I'm sorry," she muttered and looked away.

"It's fine. He just forgot to take the day off. He'll be here… maybe tonight," I said, though my hands thought otherwise as they unknowingly crumpled the card I'd been holding. Oops. Alice had worked so hard on writing them all.

"No big deal." Rosalie tried to reassure me. "Who was it?" she asked and I looked down, and then snorted.

"Lauren Mallory?" I scoffed and crumpled the card up even more. I tossed it into a pile of trash we collected and Esme smiled and shook her head. "Stupid Emmett, he must've wanted bloodshed at his wedding."

"What?" Rosalie asked through a laugh. I grimaced, not really interested in reliving the stories.

"Lauren spent the better part of high school making Bella's life miserable… and trying to get her trashy claws into my brother," Alice said from across the room. I smiled at her, grateful that she took the initiative.

"But my baby boy only had eyes for Bella," Esme spoke softly. I turned to her and she gazed back with knowing eyes.

"Please…" I snorted, trying to ease from the seriousness of the conversation. _I can't do this._

"It's true, you know," Sue added.

"Really?" Rosalie asked, though her tone was incredulous as much as it was inquisitive. She wanted to know more about Edward.

"Oh yes," Esme grinned as she arranged the flowers in the middle of the table, "since he was about sixteen. It was the summer Bella got her braces off. Do you remember that?"

"Of course I do! He didn't speak to me all summer!" I said, resentful.

"He was so nervous around you," Alice laughed at the memory. "I don't think he _could _speak."

"He never told me that," I said softly. I sat down and picked at a spot on my jeans. So his feelings had started that early… well, mine had too. "I remember that… that was the summer he joined the football team and he walked around with his shirt off _all -"_

"_-The time!" _Alice and Esme chorused with me.

"He was so adorable… and so afraid of what his feelings meant," Esme said quietly.

"He was beautiful._ Is _beautiful," I mumbled the last part.

Leah patted my knee from the spot she'd taken on the floor. She smiled slyly. "He's still very pretty, yes." I shoved her head playfully.

"So? How long did it take you to get together?" Jasper's voice cut through the air, startling me. I'd forgotten he was even here. I turned to find him sitting backwards in one of the chairs, his chin resting on the back of it, eyes curious. Alice playfully slapped him in the back of the head and he momentarily looked shocked, and then grinned.

"What? It's a good story!" he defended himself.

"With a shitty ending…" I muttered.

"You don't know that." Rosalie spoke for the first time in the few moments since the conversation had started.

"Rose, please," I sighed, and she shrugged.

"I'm just saying, Bella… I wouldn't give up that easily if I were you."

"I'm _engaged,_ in case you've forgotten."

"I didn't forget. But maybe you should… talk to him."

"Who? James? We talk all the time." I got up from my seat and continued my job of placing names.

"No. Edward." She rolled her eyes.

"We talk all the time, too," I reminded her.

"You talk about Masen and work and _the weather,_ for crying out loud."

"Well, I mean, isn't that what we're supposed to talk about?" I asked her.

"Maybe you should talk about how when you walk into a room he can't keep the smile off his face or how you turn bright red any time he touches you."

"Rose…"

"Or how you look at him when he's with your son and how he suffers through family dinners with _James_ just to be with you and Masen or how he's still in -"

"That's enough, Rosalie." And it wasn't me that spoke. Sue placed a calming hand on Rose's shoulder. "Bella's a grown woman. She makes her own decisions. The past is the past, so let's keep it there. This is a happy weekend, so get happy, dammit," my stepmother said with a tone of finality. Rosalie smiled and nodded before she kissed Sue's cheek softly.

"I think this day calls for cocktails, agreed? Jasper, come and help." Esme flitted out of the room, very Alice-like, and Jasper followed with a nervous look.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Rosalie spoke softly, giving me a sidelong glance and a half-smile.

"Don't be. You're right." I tried to smile, though my insides were suddenly fighting a war. My head was pitting itself against my heart, and I knew no matter who won, the outcome would be bloody.

xXxXxXx

EPOV

_Damn._ My kid had _energy_. I was thoroughly exhausted after chasing him around the pool area for two hours. He really was a little _too_ friendly to everyone, especially half dressed women. I swear he had more of Emmett in his personality than he had of Bella and I combined. But that was a good thing. (Most of the time.)

After I finally convinced Masen that if we didn't go upstairs we'd miss the party that night, I snuck off to my room for a nap. When I woke up I showered and dressed for the rehearsal dinner. I wasn't in the wedding, but Emmett had informed me that I was part of the family and _had_ to go…which was fine with me. I threw on a pair of jeans and a white button-up, black belt and black shoes – Alice would be proud – and headed to Bella's room to see if she needed help with Masen, knocking quietly on the door.

It opened, just a crack, and one big brown eye looked out at me. "Oh, thank _God_ someone is here," Bella sighed, opening the door enough to let me in before closing it quickly behind me. "We fell asleep and we're running super-late. Can you dress your son? He's being… _difficult_." She whispered the last word and it took me a moment to respond because my brain was still trying to process her appearance.

Her hair fell past her shoulders, curled and shiny and, though she didn't need it, her face was accented with just the right amount of makeup. Longer lashes, fuller lips, rosy cheeks. And she was only wearing a towel… _Jesus hell. _

"Is that okay?" she asked again.

I blinked and tried to turn my focus away from her. "Um… uh, yeah. Where are his clothes?" I nearly stuttered the words. She pointed to the sofa in the small living area of the room. Masen's clothes and shoes were sitting on the arm of the couch and he was laying smack in the middle. His tiny feet were at the top of the couch and his head dangled off the edge, tired eyes focused on the television. He was clad only in a white undershirt and a pair of boxer shorts. Yup, he _definitely _had a lot of Emmett in him.

"What's going on, kid?" I took a seat next to him and tickled his bare feet.

He didn't flinch. "Nothing." He addressed the television screen, not turning his head to talk to me.

"Come on." I pulled him up by his arms and settled him in my lap. "Tell your dad what's wrong."

"I'm tired," he whined, and I rolled my eyes.

"You took a nap, you shouldn't be tired."

"Mommy woke me up too early." He poked out his lower lip and I frowned. _Mommy?_ That wasn't like him.

In a last-ditch effort to make him laugh I lifted him in the air and blew a raspberry on his exposed stomach. He giggled quietly and wrapped his arms around my neck when I brought him down.

"I'm scared about being in front of all those people," he whispered. "What if I mess up and they laugh at me?"

Ah, so there was the problem. I rubbed his back in soothing circles, fully understanding his attitude and refusal to get dressed. "You'll be great. And I'll be out there watching you."

"What if I mess up?" He pulled back to look at me.

"Are you kidding me? You're going to look so awesome no one will even notice if you mess up!"

Masen frowned while he thought about that, and then shrugged. "Okay." He crawled out of my lap and started to pull on his clothes. He nearly fell off the couch as he tried to pull on his seersucker pants while lying down.

"You're so goofy." I chuckled as I stood him up in front of me to help him.

"I know." He grinned as I pulled a white polo over his head. He tucked it in while I smoothed his hair then sat on the coffee table in front of us so I could put on his little Sperry Top-Siders. He looked like he'd just stepped out of the Crewcuts catalog (_not _"J. Crew for midgets", Alice had informed me, which is what I'd called it until then).

"Perfect." I kissed his head and he sprung from the floor and into my arms. We fell back against the couch cushions and I held him as tightly as I could without accidentally suffocating him. He _was_ absolutely perfect. I couldn't ask for anything better than him, nor would I ever even dream of it.

"Ready?" Bella stepped out of the bedroom in a fitted black cocktail dress that hugged her body and stopped just above the knees. I watched her walk in those sexy as fuck black heels to the television and turn it off. "Well? Are we ready?" she asked again, hands on her hips and a smile on her face.

Masen untangled himself from my arms and stood at the end of the couch, his knees resting on the arm. "You're so pretty, Mama," he whispered.

She smiled as she took his face in her hands and smoothed his hair then kissed his forehead. Her eyes met mine over his head and I suddenly found it hard to breathe.

_Perfect._

"Thank you, baby," she whispered softly after tearing herself from my gaze. "Let's go." Bella held out her hand to Masen and he gleefully jumped off the couch. I followed, still feeling a little starstruck.

We rode the elevator down in silence while Bella and Masen pretended to dance to the horrid music playing around us.

BPOV

I twirled Masen around the elevator and laughed, the sound of it echoing through the small space.

He grinned up at me as the doors dinged open. "You're a good dancer, Mama."

"You're a good partner." I took his hand and glanced back at Edward as we exited. He smiled at me, and my heart, which hadn't stopped its rapid beating since we left the room, faltered a little and then sped up again. It was pounding double-time now. I couldn't shake the feelings I'd gotten from the look he gave me. He'd sat on that stupid couch, just looking at me with that stupid smile… that amazingly perfect, _gorgeous_ smile.

The one where only the corner of his mouth lifted up but his eyes shone like a kid on Christmas morning.

Yeah, that one.

It was a smile like that that made me wonder if what Rosalie said had any value to it… I planned on continuing my thoughts until we reached the hall where the wedding would take place and my fluttering heart stopped altogether. _She's here._ _Renee is here. _I started to panic but Edward's hand found the back of my neck and he rubbed soothing circles with his fingers. I was amazed at how calm his touch made me… still. I fought the urge to smooth away the frown lines that had marred his handsome face.

I watched as he lifted Masen into his arms then took my hand in his free one. I glanced down as our fingers laced themselves together and watched as he lifted our hands and gently kissed mine.

"Ready?" he said softly against my skin.

I nodded slowly as he lowered our hands and took the lead, moving us forward to the small crowd.

Renee stood beside Emmett, her hand on his arm, a smile on her face. I couldn't remember the last time I saw my mother smile. I knew it was in the days before she left, but that's all. She looked exactly like the last time I saw her, at my own high school graduation, beautiful and poised with wavy hair and bright eyes.

Emmett finally caught my gaze, or rather, glare, and he smiled tentatively at me. Edward set Masen down without letting go of my hand and bent down to his level.

"Go find Carlisle; he _always_ has candy in his pockets," Edward whispered with a smile. Masen nodded and ran off through the few people that were separating him and his newly discovered grandfather.

"Now or never, kid." Edward said softly into my hair. I met his eyes and smiled, something in them giving me the courage to make my feet move.

Edward gripped my hand tightly as we approached them and Renee's focus turned away from Emmett to me.

"Isabella," she whispered and I cringed internally.

My voice was scratchy as I greeted her with a forced smile. "Renee."

"Can I get a hug from my baby girl?" she asked softly. I stepped forward and she wrapped her arms around me, though awkwardly because of Edward's death grip on my left hand.

"Edward Cullen." She breathed his name and eyed him up and down. Edward shifted uncomfortably and I stifled a laugh and squeezed his hand back. "Well. You certainly grew up, didn't you?" She smiled at him and Edward chuckled and ran his free hand through his obnoxious hair.

"Yeah. I guess I did." He smirked and held out his hand to shake hers. She shook it, then glanced between us at our joined hands and raised an eyebrow.

"And that poor kid, looks just like him." Emmett said, meaning to tease about Masen. I watched something tighten in Renee's eyes and my insides grew cold.

"Is he here?" she whispered, her eyes flashing from Edward's to mine.

"Of course he's here." I wished I could find my voice. I knew what I sounded like to her at that moment. I sounded like I had when I called to tell her I was pregnant, nervous and scared, anxious for the approval of my absentee mother.

"Can I… I'd like to meet him." Renee squared her shoulders, like she was preparing for a fight, but I was overcome with something else. The woman that had fought _so hard_ to get me to change my mind about having my baby wanted to _meet him_? I was confused.

"I don't – I mean… what?" I stuttered, finally finding my voice.

"My grandson. I'd like to meet him."

"I heard you. I'm just... I don't understand." I felt Edward's hand grip mine and I knew he was trying to remind me that this was neither the place nor the time.

"Isabella, I know what I said when you first told me you were pregnant… and I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You're practically gone my entire _life_ and when I need your support the most you tell me to _kill my baby_. And now you're sorry?"

"Isabella, please - "

"_Don't_ call me Isabella." I relinquished myself from Edward's grip and stalked off, not interested in what she had to say anymore.

I found Masen sitting with Carlisle and joined them. Masen held a peppermint to me. I took it and smiled at him. "Thanks, baby." I kissed his nose and popped the peppermint in my mouth.

Masen scooted off his chair and wandered through the guests again. I watched him for a while until I lost him amongst the legs.

"No matter how hard we plan them, things just don't always go the way we wanted, do they?" Carlisle moved to the seat Masen left and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

I leaned into him and closed my eyes. "You've got that right, Doc," I said softly, and he chuckled.

"Sometimes they turn out even better," he whispered. I glanced at his face and then followed his gaze. Masen was standing next to Sue, both of his hands gripping hers as he stared up at her, completely entranced. "Renee may have left you, but she provided the opportunity for someone with a kind heart and a wise soul to enter your life, didn't she?"

I nodded against his shoulder and felt tears prick my eyes.

"And him," Carlisle nodded toward Masen. "Don't even get me started on him."

I laughed and wiped my eyes. Carlisle removed his arm from around me and kissed my head.

"He's going to unite our families in ways we never even dreamed possible."

I didn't have a chance to ask Carlisle what he meant because Rosalie ushered me away to rehearse our procession. Leah and I were joined by Rose's cousin Tanya as bridesmaids while Dad, Jasper and Seth stood up next to Emmett. Dad was serving as best man, though I knew Emmett would have loved having Edward stand up next to him on his big day. Dad had even tried to step down, nervous about having to prepare a speech and whatnot, but Emmett had stubbornly refused to let him, insisting that his relationship with Edward wasn't "there" yet.

I fought back the tears as I watched my brother's face when Rose came down the aisle; I'd never seen him so happy. It occurred to me then, why he may have wanted Renee there. He wanted her to know he was happy. I could understand that in so many ways. I turned my focus to Masen as I listened to the minister going over the procedures with Emmett and Rosalie. He leaned against my dad's legs, his eyes focused on something in the small crowd of people. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he was staring at Edward. I could tell just by the smile on his face and the silly expressions he was making.

Only once did his focus turn to his Uncle and soon-to-be Aunt.

"…Until death do us part." Emmett's voice repeated after the minister. Masen's eyes widened and quickly shot toward his uncle.

"Who's dying?" He said, a little _too_ loudly. "What are you talking about? Are you going to die?" By the time he'd finished yelling he was standing between Emmett and Rosalie clinging to Emmett's shirt. Emmett looked at me to calm my son but Edward quickly stepped up and grabbed him, settling him in his lap for the remainder of the rehearsal.

The words Emmett and Rosalie were saying paired with the sight of Edward and Masen speaking softly with each other forced an entirely different type of image into my head. Edward and I together… saying these words to each other… married…

No.

I switched my focus back to Emmett and Rosalie and caught my dad's eye in the process. He smiled at me, his eyes misty, and I didn't fight the tears anymore.

We transitioned from rehearsal to dinner in a private dining room, and dinner soon turned into a casual party. I avoided my mother as much as possible, still too angry to speak with her. Of course, from time to time I caught her watching Masen, who had become glued to his father's side, with great intent.

Rose's words from earlier came back, practically yelling inside my head as I watched Edward and Masen together. The ring on my left hand suddenly felt very, _very_ heavy.

xXxXxXx

EPOV

"Which one is your favorite?" I asked Masen as we picked over a plate of dessert I'd made for us. We were sitting on the lanai attached to the dining room as the amount of intoxicated _older_ people had increased rapidly in the past hour or so.

"This one." He pointed to a tiny sliver of cheesecake covered in some sort of strawberry sauce.

"Oooh, me too." I popped the last piece in my mouth.

"Hey!" He frowned and I laughed.

"Is this seat taken?" Renee's voice caused me to stop abruptly.

"Um… go ahead." I gestured to the empty chair. "Mase, why don't you go see if Pop has any more of that cake." He nodded and jumped out of his chair, taking the plate from my hand.

"Do you want me to bring you some?" he asked sweetly.

"No, I'm good, buddy. Thanks though."

"Oh. Okay. More for me!" He cackled as he ran off. I simply shook my head and turned back to Renee.

"He's gorgeous." Her voice was a whisper, her eyes still trained to the doorway he disappeared into.

"He's a handful." I leaned back in my chair.

Her eyes fell to her lap and she fidgeted with her hands. "I've made quite a mess of things, haven't I?" she asked softly.

I sighed and leaned forward on the table, unsure of what to say. "I just… I know what it was like for them. I know what it did to Bella when you left."

"I've spent years wishing I could take it back," Renee whispered to the tabletop. "Well, a little over two years, to be exact." She pulled her eyes away from the table to meet mine.

"I came back." She took a deep breath and continued when I still didn't respond. "A couple of years ago I had a cancer scare." She held up her hand to me when I opened my mouth to speak. "I'm fine, no worries. Like I said, a scare. But I did come back. My second marriage had failed miserably and I just needed my family. I parked my car across the street from our old home and waited for them to come home. Emmett first, then Isabella. And I was afraid when I didn't see a baby with her; I thought she'd listened to me. But he showed up eventually." She stopped and smiled, a wistful look on her face.

"He was with Charlie, of course. You know, when I married Charlie he would look at me like I hung the moon… until Emmett was born. And it was the same with Isabella. The way he was with that little boy just reminded me of what I'd missed all those years. Love. Happiness. But I was so selfish, Edward. So selfish. In truth, I didn't deserve to have my family back. They were so happy when I saw them, especially with Sue and the kids… I was jealous, but I left them alone."

"I'm not heartless, Edward. I was just so confused," she finished, and we sat silently while my thoughts ran together in my head, chasing each other's tails. I understood all too well how she felt. After all, I'd come home to an engaged Bella and a son who had no idea I existed.

"Here, Daddy." Masen placed our dessert plate on the table and climbed into my lap. "Pop said 'You snooze, you lose' about that white and red cake…" He frowned for a moment then grinned up at me. "…So Nana gave me his chocolate covered strawberries!" He laughed gleefully before shoving one in his mouth.

I laughed and let him lean back against my chest. "And what did he say to that?" I asked as I watched Renee, a small smile on her face.

"I dunno, I ran away," he said through a mouthful of strawberry. I rested my chin on the top of his head and we sat quietly for a moment. Renee didn't say anything else; she just sat and watched him.

"There you are." Bella smiled at us as she leaned against the door to the lanai. "It's bedtime, monkeyface."

"_You_ have a monkeyface," Masen mumbled just loud enough for Bella to hear him, and then laughed quietly to himself. She shook her head as she stepped forward, then stopped abruptly at seeing Renee across the table from us.

"Hi," Bella said softly. Renee tore her eyes from Masen's face and met Bella's anxious gaze. I watched them converse silently and I knew it was the same with Renee as it had been with my own parents. No matter how hard she had tried to change Bella's mind she _knew_ how special our son was.

"C'mon kid, let's get to bed." I lifted Masen off my lap and set him on the ground.

"Goodnight, lady," he smiled at Renee and then hugged Bella tightly. "I love you, Mama."

"I love you too, baby." She bent down and kissed him before turning to me. "Just take him to my parents' room. Em wants to have everyone down here in half an hour." I gave her a quizzical look and she rolled her eyes. "Apparently we all get a night on the town."

"Okay," I laughed, and took Masen's hand in mine. "You'll be okay?" I touched her arm softly and she smiled.

"Yeah, I'll see you in a bit." Bella's hand softly touched my cheek in a silent thank you.

I took Masen up to Charlie and Sue's room, where they were already getting ready for bed, and helped him change into his pajamas. I waited for him to brush his teeth before I tucked him into one of the twin beds in the suite. Seth was already propped up in the other one with his iPod on and a book in his hand. Masen buried himself in covers and pillows and I sat on the edge of the bed, adjusting blankets and making sure he was comfortable.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked as he caught my hand in his and started playing with my fingers, bending and spreading them, and then placed his palm against mine.

I smiled and squeezed his hand then kissed it. "Of course. I'm going to be really nervous, you're going to have to make sure I don't do anything stupid."

"Da-ad!" He laughed and turned himself into his pillows, smiling.

"I mean it!"

"Okay, fine." He turned back to me and held out his arms.

I hugged him tightly and kissed him before I stood up to leave. "Good night, kids," I smiled, then chuckled quietly when Seth flipped me the bird.

"You guys don't stay out too late," Sue chided me as she walked me to the door. "You've got a big day tomorrow."

"Yes ma'am." I kissed her cheek and she playfully pushed me away.

"You stop trying to charm me, Edward Cullen."

I laughed as I bid her goodnight and shut the door behind me. I made my way to the lobby and couldn't help but be grateful that Sue had come into Emmett and Bella's life. I partly understood what Renee had told me about why she left, but not really. When I'd found out about Masen… leaving had been the hardest thing I _ever_ had to do, including when I'd left Forks the first time.

Everyone was already gathered in the lobby, ready for our night out. I slipped my arm around Bella's waist and pulled her to me, needing to know how her talk with Renee had gone.

"I'm fine," she said before I even asked her.

"You're sure?" She nodded and gave me a quick hug before moving from my grasp to join Leah and Rosalie's cousin, Tanya.

Rosalie hung back as we exited the hotel and linked her arm with mine. "Hi." She smiled, nearly eye level with me. I glanced down to her feet and raised an eyebrow at the heels that made her almost as tall as me. "It gives me an excuse to make Emmett rub my feet later," she shrugged, and I agreed. "I had a nice talk with Bella today," she whispered as we followed the group down the street.

"Rose -" I started to chastise her but she frowned.

"Don't worry, I didn't say much. Sue yelled at me." She made a face and I laughed.

"She's good at that." I patted Rosalie's hand that rested on my arm. "Thanks."

"I just… I see a difference in Emmett since you've been back. I wanted to thank you for that." Her voice had suddenly gone shy.

"You can just say 'thank you'." I nudged her softly.

"Well, what fun is it if I can't get you laid?" she whispered before running off to the others. I followed, trying to compose myself.

"Get in." Emmett stood in front of everyone pointing to a vehicle next to the curb. We stared as the doors opened and Emmett started ushering people in.

"What the hell is this?" I asked when I stepped up to him.

"Party bus." My best friend grinned. "Sending off the single life in style and, you know, without a DUI."

"Smart, Mister Police Chief." I patted him on the shoulder and hopped up the steps. There were leather seats and dark tinted windows. Alice turned the lights down as Jasper fiddled with the radio. I took a seat next to Leah and she handed me a beer and winked at me.

Let the games begin.

BPOV

I made small talk with Tanya as the bus that Emmett had dubbed the "Wedding Wagon" carried us through the streets of Seattle. We were going to spend most of the night driving, hanging out and talking, which was fine with me. My brother was getting married, and while I was extraordinarily happy for him and Rose, I was sad that things were changing.

I caught Edward's eye from across the bus, where he sat in deep conversation with Leah. He winked at me before turning back to her, and I couldn't help the way my body reacted. He had been so supportive with Renee and during the dinner that I had to keep reminding myself it was because we were friends. Friends and nothing more. If he winked at me then he was just being friendly, not giving me a secret "let's make out under the bleachers" code.

"Is he single?" Tanya leaned in close and tried to whisper in my ear.

"Who?" I asked looking around. The only men on the bus with us were Edward, Emmett, Jasper and two of Emmett's deputies. She was, of course, staring at Edward.

"Oh, Edward? Yeah. Yeah, he's single," I mumbled and peeled the label on my beer bottle.

"Edward? Oh! Oh shit." She covered her mouth with her hand and stared at me wide-eyed. "I'm sorry! I didn't put two and two together." Tanya touched my arm softly and I smiled.

"It's okay. It's true. He's very single." I glanced at Edward again, the soft neon lighting of the bus doing strange things to his features. Strange in an incredibly good way. His skin, which had lost some of its tan since he'd been back in Forks, was almost glowing under the lights but his hair and eyes were oddly dark. He really _was_ very pretty. Again, I couldn't help but think of Rose's words and what else she would have said if Sue hadn't stopped her. She was right on most of the points she made. He suffered through dinners for us and I really couldn't help the way I felt when I saw him with our son. I'd imagined it for years, even before I had Masen; there was no way it wouldn't touch me in such away.

But… was he in love with me?

That was something that utterly confused me. Edward was the one who'd insisted that everything we did would be about our son, so how was I supposed to think he still had feelings for _me_? I shook my head to rid the thoughts of the previous months or even at the rehearsal or dinner. How he'd so innocently touched my neck to calm me, his hand in my hand, his lips on my skin… I tried to ignore the way my insides felt while I relived those moments.

I reminded myself that I did, in fact, _love_ James. Even though he wasn't my favorite person in the world at the moment, we'd made a commitment to each other and I was determined to see it through. Even if Edward did have those feelings… I wasn't sure if I did or even could for that matter.

Edward stayed close to Leah all night and she didn't seem to mind. Leah was beautiful and smart… and with Charlie being absent and Emmett preoccupied with Rose, the deputies, Mark and Tom, had no trouble ogling her. Edward was protective of her and it made my heart and body warm in ways that should have been illegal.

The bus stopped a few moments later and we all clambered out, stretching and adjusting.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Edward cried.

I turned to him then followed his gaze to the building we'd stopped in front of. I laughed. I laughed and I couldn't stop. "Did you do this?" He glared at me and I shook my head.

"No!" I gasped and clutched my stomach. "I swear!" I yelled when he wouldn't stop staring.

"What's the problem?" Emmett called from the door of the bar.

"Nothing," Edward mumbled as he grabbed me around the waist and pressed his lips to my ear. "No funny business in here, Swan. Understand?"

"Of course," I whispered because I'd suddenly lost my voice—for a completely different reason this time. His breath on my ear nearly sent my body into shock and goosebumps covered almost all of my skin.

"Wait a second," Alice said as we found a few tables at the back of Doc's, a small karaoke bar downtown. Edward glared at his sister like he knew what she was going to say. "Didn't you…" She pointed to him and her eyes fell on me. I couldn't stop the smile and nod that came from me. "OH MY GOD," she said so loudly all the eyes at our joined tables turned to her.

"Hey, Ed. Isn't this the place Bella made you serenade her after you got into that huge fight her freshman year?" Emmett yelled over the noise. I watched Edward's mouth drop open, then close tightly as his face flushed. He was so damn adorable.

"I didn't _make_ him do anything. He offered." I smiled politely at him and he smirked at me. It was hard to remember that we were surrounded by people.

"Never again." He shook his head, though he was still smiling. We ordered drinks and listened and watched people perform. Some were amazingly talented and some were just… ridiculous.

"Why does every girl have to sing 'I Will Survive'?" Jasper pretended to clean out his ears when a group of college girls finished their awful rendition, complete with grinding and dry humping each other on the stage.

"It's very empowering," Alice said as she ruffled his hair. He rolled his eyes but kissed her anyways.

I felt my phone buzz from my bag, which was shoved behind me in my chair.

Three new text messages, all from James.

_I'm here._

_Where are you?_

_What room are we in?_

I sighed as I typed back my reply and informed him that a key was waiting for him at the front desk, just in case.

_See you soon. Love you._

My heart ached at his response, and even more than that the guilt seemed to double. I was having such a great time without him…with my friends and family and _Edward_.

_Me too._ I typed with shaking fingers.

I put my phone away and glanced at Edward. Tanya had captured his attention soon after we'd sat down. I'd have to say she was very pretty, not quite as beautiful as Rosalie, but they shared some of the same features. Tanya's hair had a slight strawberry blond tint and her eyes weren't quite as blue as Rose's. He smiled as he talked to her and she touched his arm innocently. It kind of made me want to rip her arm off.

Leah rejoined the table and I briefly wondered where she'd gone and how I didn't notice she'd left. I felt a little ashamed and figured I should stop being such a creep and staring at Edward and Tanya. She caught my eye and winked at me, a devilish spark there in her eyes.

"Can we have Edward up to the stage? Edward? You've been requested," the voice from the stage said after we'd heard what was hopefully the last mangled version of "Don't Stop Believing".

Edward pulled himself away from Tanya to glare at me, green eyes glinting through their slits.

"I didn't do anything!" I held my hands up innocently.

He shoved away from the table and stomped to the stage while everyone at the table catcalled and hollered to him. As the man on stage handed him a small piece of paper, Edward shook his head and turned his eyes to the ceiling. I saw him mouth one word. _Why?_

Then as the music started I covered my mouth to hide the smile. He took a deep breath and started to sing, shaky at first, but as the song progressed he sang it quite perfectly. I laughed as he stepped down from the stage and pulled Leah from her seat, finally having discovered it was her who requested the song. He wrapped his arms around her and swayed with her to the music as she fought him and laughed; he continued singing with an exuberant smile on his face.

"_And I need you now tonight  
And I need you more than ever  
And if you'll only hold me tight  
We'll be holding on forever  
And we'll only be making it right  
Cause we'll never be wrong together  
We can take it to the end of the line  
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time  
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark  
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks  
I really need you tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight"_

Edward spun Leah around quickly before pulling him back against him. He smiled as she fought his grip, but he continued to sing.

"_Once upon a time I was falling in love__  
__But now I'm only falling apart__  
__There's nothing I can do__  
__A total eclipse of the heart__  
__Once upon a time there was light in my life__  
__But now there's only love in the dark__  
__Nothing I can say__  
__A total eclipse of the heart."_

He let her go and she sat down quickly, a blush spread across her dark skin. Edward gave her a look that clearly meant "you're dead to me" and she shrugged, unconcerned.

Like the good sport that he was, Edward finished his song and grinned as everyone in the small bar applauded for him.

"It's even better the second time around," I said as he took a seat across from me.

"The first time had more feeling." He sipped the beer that Leah had slid in front of him. A peace offering.

"You _had_ been quite the jerk that day." I laughed at the memory at one of our first fights.

"Well… you should've agreed to marry me," he deadpanned, and the table fell silent.

"Edward…" I said softly as a small, sad smile crossed his face.

"Excuse me." I watched him walk down the hall where the bathrooms were located and quickly followed him.

"Edward!" I called after him but he didn't turn to me; he kept walking until he disappeared into the men's restroom. I followed him inside and found him leaning against the sink, his head down. The door opened then shut quickly behind me and I turned to lock it so no one else would come in.

"What are you doing, Bella?" His voice was low as he faced me.

"I just… I need to know what's going on with you." I leaned against the wall, my head spinning. The looks, the touching, the song… it was all too much.

"You've known me all my life. You _know_ what's going on with me." He took a step toward me and my chest tightened. I fought to keep myself from his blazing gaze, knowing that it'd be a lost cause if I were to meet his eyes. Instead I focused on the buttons on his shirt, small and white and round. They got slightly bigger as he stepped closer to me.

"Rosalie said some things today but – but I can't believe her, Edward. I can't," I whispered to the buttons. His fingers found my forehead and tried smooth my furrowed brow. I lost the fight with my eyes and they involuntarily moved to his face. His hair hung on his forehead like he'd been raking his hands through it for hours. I balled my hands into fists and placed them behind my back, resisting the urge to brush it away. His eyes were so sad it made my stomach hurt - it was like looking at Masen - a sad, scared little boy.

"Rose is fairly smart… extremely intrusive, but smart, nonetheless." His fingers trailed down the bridge of my nose; his sad eyes crinkling at the sides.

"Please don't." I closed my eyes, desperate to keep my composure.

"Leaving you was the biggest mistake I ever made. I'll never forgive myself for what I put you through," he whispered into my hair as he placed one hand on my hip and the other on the wall beside my head. My hands itched to touch him; my fingers were digging into my palms.

"I lied to you." I studied his buttons again and his hand tightened on my hip. "I was angry at you. You said you didn't want me, so I didn't think you'd want our baby either. And – and I didn't want you to hurt him like you hurt me. So I didn't tell you."

He pulled back to look at me with confused emerald eyes.

"Did you really think I didn't want you?" His voice was louder now, not afraid.

"You said it yourself." I held his gaze, daring him to contradict me.

"And you believed me." He pressed his forehead to mine. My heart stuttered and his thumb rubbed small circles on my hip. It felt like my entire body was on fire.

"How could I not?" I asked as one of my defiant hands touched the top button on his shirt. He moved into my touch, his hand moving from the wall to my face.

"You're all I've _ever_ wanted, Bella." His grip on my hip was now painful.

"You were just so straightforward, so blunt, that I couldn't move beyond that…I was so crushed by what you said that I couldn't even _think_ about it, let alone about whether maybe you really felt differently. When I found out about the baby… I didn't want to put him through that."

"I know," he whispered and pressed his lips to my forehead. "I know."

"But I was wrong, Edward. I should have known that you would love him. I should have known how your whole family would react. I'd known them my entire life, how did I not know?" I asked, almost to myself.

"You didn't -" he pulled back to look at me again as if trying to reassure me that what I did was the right thing, but I knew better now.

"No, Edward. I did know. I let my anger get the best of me and I robbed my child of his family. What you feel – or _think_ you feel – I don't deserve it." I shook my head and tried to remove myself from between his body and the wall, but Edward held me tightly.

"I don't _think_ I feel anything, Bella. I _know_. I've always known." He took my chin between his fingers and pulled my face to his.

"Edward, please…" My heart was racing as his face inched toward mine. "Please don't do this." He brushed his thumb under my bottom lip and frowned.

"I won't." He dropped his hands and stepped away slightly. I could still feel his warm breath on my face.

"I love him, you know." I wrung my hands in front of me and forced out the words that I knew would hurt him.

"I know." He smiled sadly. "He's safe to you, Bella. But he's not what you really want."

"You don't – that's not what -" I stuttered and he chuckled at my loss of speech.

"You think I don't know you?" He crowded into me again, pinning me against the wall, his body closer than before. "You think I don't notice how different you are around him? That everybody doesn't?"

"Don't." I tried to push him away.

"He's _safe_, Bella."

"He's good to me. To my son."

"_Our_ son," he corrected me. I closed my eyes and fought back the tears that were beginning to form.

"I love him," I repeated and his smile was back, small and cynical.

"Sometimes that's not enough." Edward pushed himself off the wall and leaned against the counter.

"It's enough for me," I whispered, still pressed to the wall.

"I won't come between the two of you," he said to his feet. Of course he wouldn't.

"I know." I stepped to him, stopping to stand between his feet. I put my hands on either side of his face and pulled him to me. I looked for a long time, unsure of what I was actually looking for. "I forgive you," I said softly. "I told you to go and I blamed you for so long…" He closed his eyes and leaned into me, wrapping his arms around my waist and letting his shoulders drop.

"I won't stop feeling this way," he said into the skin of my neck. I placed my hand at the base of his neck and let my fingers get lost in his hair.

"I know." I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. I knew he wouldn't stop, because neither would I.

"So… what the fuck are we supposed to do?" he asked and I laughed, though there was no humor behind it.

"I don't know," I told him truthfully. We couldn't pretend that we didn't care for each other, but we couldn't act on it. It was too complicated, too much to handle, and there was far too much pain in our hearts. It was just _too much_, and I didn't think I could handle it.

"I want you to be happy." He lifted his head from my shoulder and pulled me against his chest.

I ran my hands through his hair then down the side of his face. "I am."

Then I leaned down and kissed him, so softly it might not have happened at all.

He closed his eyes and let his arms drop from my sides. I turned from him and unlocked the bathroom door, knowing that our party was surely wondering where we'd gone.

"Iz?" he said, so quietly I thought I imagined it.

"Yeah?"

"I'll be here. When he fucks up. You know that, right?"

"I know." I smiled and resisted the urge to tell him I would do the same for him.

Though I would. In a heartbeat.

I rejoined the party and Edward followed a few moments after. No one mentioned our absence though our respective siblings didn't try to hide their concern. We left soon after and returned to the hotel, bid our goodnights and trudged off to our rooms.

James didn't wake as I changed and prepared for bed. He only stirred when I crawled beneath the sheets and pressed my body against his.

"Hey," he mumbled as his arms wrapped around me.

"Hi," I whispered, kissing his stubbly jaw.

"I'm sorry."

"I know." I snuggled against him and closed my eyes. He fell asleep, his soft snores the only sound in the room.

The sounds in my head were a different story. All I heard was Edward's voice.

"_He's safe. But he's not what you really want."_

I hated when Edward was right.

* * *

**Messynachos deemed this readable, killerlashes made it better. **

**All of you give me warm fuzzies in fun places. **

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**Scattered by oscar519**

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**It's Just Lunch by tampagirl81**

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	26. Something Borrowed

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. **

**I'll see you at the bottom.**

* * *

Chapter 25 – Something Borrowed

EPOV

"I want some waffles," I heard through the drilling that was going on in my brain.

"Waaaaaffflllllleeeees!" the voice said again, before a pillow smacked me in the face.

"What the fuck?" I cried, sitting up in my bed, completely disoriented. It took a moment for me to realize that I was in my hotel room in Seattle and a few seconds more to turn and see my best friend in the next bed.

"Dude… enough." I fell back onto the pillows and yanked the covers over my head.

"I'm getting married today." Emmett's voice was muffled. I turned back to him and found him turned on his side, clutching a pillow and staring at me with wide eyes.

"Yeah you are." I smiled an encouraging smile.

Emmett only closed his eyes and shook his head. "Oh. My. GOD. What was I thinking? Married? I don't want to get married!" he moaned as he covered his face with his hand.

I sat up again, concerned now. "What – Em, of course you want to get married!" _And I don't want to face the Wrath of Rose if _she _hears you._

"Of course I want to get married, you asshole!" he yelled and another pillow came flying at my head. I dodged it neatly and set my feet on the floor and pushed myself out of bed; I realized I was still in the same clothes I'd worn the night before and that I'd slept on top of the covers.

After the karaoke bar we'd circled back to the hotel, but not before a round (or three) of shots in the bus. When we finally got back Rosalie refused to let Emmett in their room, not for any old-fashioned superstitions, but because she (in her words) "didn't want to do the peepee dance for half an hour tomorrow morning while he uses up all the hot water". He'd stumbled down the hall with me, his arm around my neck as I practically held him up. I heard him rambling on about something but I couldn't reply. All I'd been able to think about was being in that disgusting bathroom with Bella.

"So where did you and Iz go after your heartwarming rendition of 'Total Eclipse'?" Emmett asked as if he were reading my mind.

"Ah… we just talked a little." I stared at my hands and picked at my fingernails, refusing to look at him.

"About?" he pried.

I looked over at him but he wasn't staring at me, which was fine with me. "Stuff." I shrugged and he snorted.

"Nice." He stretched and rolled over, burying his face in the pillows. I opened my mouth to speak, to tell him that I'd pretty much spilled my guts to his sister last night – but I was interrupted by knocking at the door.

I stood; the room spun a little, but I made my way to the door without face-planting. I couldn't keep the surprised look off my face when it opened. James was standing at the door, a garment bag in one hand and Masen's hand clutched in the other. Masen smiled brightly up at me, and my surprise was quickly taken over by the smile that always came when I saw him.

"Hi, Daddy!" Masen grinned and then looked up at James. "Bye, James." He gave James a fleeting hug before attaching himself to my leg.

James smiled at my kid in that way that made me extremely jealous that he'd known Masen longer. "Uh, Bella wanted me to give you this. She said he needs to be downstairs by one o'clock." His smile disappeared as he handed me the garment bag and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Oh. Okay. Did he have breakfast?" I asked James but looked at Masen.

"No. We just got up," James explained.

"Go wake up Uncle Emmett. He wants waffles." I mussed his hair and gently pushed him in the direction of Emmett. "Thanks, man." James nodded curtly before walking away. I tried really hard not to hate the guy who the girl I was in love with went to bed with the night before. God, my fucking thoughts didn't even make sense anymore.

I shut the door and followed Masen's laughter back to the room, where he was jumping in circles on the bed around Emmett, who was swiping lazily at him. He finally caught Masen's legs and he fell onto the mattress in a fit of giggles.

"C'mon!" Masen yelled as he climbed on top of his uncle. "Waffles! I'm _starving_!"

"Well, if you're _starving_!" Emmett lifted Masen off and sat up while I pulled a clean shirt out of my suitcase. "Tell your dad to hurry up and make himself pretty and we'll go."

"Hurry up and put your makeup on, Dad!" Masen yelled as I entered the bathroom.

"Ha, ha." I rolled my eyes at them and proceeded to brush my teeth. Yup. Masen was _definitely _blood kin with Emmett. "Keep that up and no waffles for either one of you." I waved my hand dismissively before pulling on my clean shirt.

"Daa-aad!" they chorused in unison, and then laughed.

"Let's go." I stood by the bed and Masen all but climbed me and situated himself on my back.

"You smell funny. You both do," he said, wrinkling his nose as he buried his face in the back of my neck.

"It's called 'desperation'. You'll learn about it when you're older," Emmett chuckled as we made our way to the elevator.

BPOV

"Leah, I can't do your makeup if you don't take off the damn sunglasses," Alice growled, menacingly brandishing a fluffy blush brush and looking daggers at my stepsister.

Leah flipped her off and set her head on the table. "The light hurts my eyes," Leah moaned into her arms.

Alice sighed. "No one ordered you to drink so much," Alice quipped and patted her gently on the head.

"You drank just as much as I did!" Leah accused as she lifted her head and removed her glasses, squinting at the light. "And you're practically a midget!"

I covered my laugh with a cough but Rose snorted unabashedly.

"I'm perfectly proportioned for my height, thank you very much," Alice huffed as she steered Leah to a chair in front of a mirror. "Now. Sit up straight."

I laughed and went back to setting Rosalie's hair in hot rollers. We were in a small room off the banquet hall that was set up just for weddings. There were vanity mirrors and plush chairs and long tables for spreading out the massive amount of _things_ it took to get ready for a wedding.

The only weddings I'd been a part of had been relatively small compared to this one. Dad and Sue were married at the courthouse, and Angela and Ben had a very small ceremony at the church we all grew up in. Jessica and Mike eloped.

I ran my hands through Rosalie's hair and thought about my own wedding. When I was younger I had a perfect picture of what I wanted. There was a garden next to the church in Forks that was always in bloom, but was especially colorful in the springtime. I'd already dreamt up my perfect dress, simple and white A-line. And I'd walk barefoot, of course.

"_You can't wear shoes for an outside wedding," I used to tell Alice when she would argue with me._

"_Well, what if your husband wants to wear shoes?" she'd counter and I'd roll my eyes. _

"_If he loves me enough he won't care."_

I laughed quietly as I wrapped Rosalie's long hair around a roller.

"What's funny?" she asked and looked at me in the mirror.

I frowned as I met her eyes. "Just thinking."

"About?" She gave me a look that clearly meant she knew me better. And she did.

"My wedding," I muttered so Alice wouldn't hear me.

"To James?" Rosalie whispered. I shook my head minutely. "_Him_?"

"Yes."

"Were you… did you ever talk about it?"

"All the time." I focused on Rosalie's hair while she frowned at me.

"What did he mean last night?"

"We got into a fight because he wanted to get married… soon. I had just started college and I wasn't ready. I loved him but… I wasn't there yet. That's it."

"Bella, what do _you_ want?" she asked, her voice almost exasperated.

"I don't know. What if it's not the same as it used to be? What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if we go for it and we never really forgive each other and end up hating each other when we're forty or fifty?" I rambled on and didn't notice how loud my voice had gotten. Alice and Leah stared. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"Tell us how you really feel, Bella," Leah said with a hint of a smile.

I rolled my eyes. "You all know how I feel, Rose pointed it out yesterday. But, the truth is that I really do _love _James. And as much as I care about Edward… I just – I don't want to end something good for something that could possibly end in disaster. Does that make sense?"

"No," the three of them chorused instantly, then laughed. I groaned.

"We get it," Alice nodded. "We do."

"Kind of." That was Leah.

"Great. So. Enough about it. This is about you, my darling." I smiled down at Rosalie while the other two went back to makeup. Tanya showed up not too long after, followed by Sue and Esme, who had practically become joined at the hip.

"Does Masen have his tux?" Sue asked as she opened the garment bags that lined the wall so we could prepare to dress.

"Edward has it, yes," I replied.

"Where are my boys today, Bella?" Esme asked as she examined the bridesmaid's dresses.

"Oh. Um… James dropped Masen off with Edward this morning so he could go help Dad pick up flowers. They should be here around one," I said as all eyes turned to me. They looked surprised, but _shit_, that's how these things worked.

"James is here?" Sue asked as she moved to help Leah into her dress.

"Yeah. Late last night." I shrugged and finished pinning one of Rosalie's platinum curls to her head. "Done." I smiled at my handiwork and finally let her look in the mirror.

"Oh. I love it." She smiled, looking every inch the radiant, blushing bride, and squeezed the hand I rested on her shoulder.

"Alright, Rose – after I finish Bella's makeup I'll get yours, okay?" Alice said as she put the finishing touches on Tanya's flawless face.

"You're amazing at this, Alice, what do you do again?" Tanya asked as she examined her face. Really, it was perfect.

"I'm trying to start up my own design label, actually. High end looks for a reasonable price, you know? I've been meeting with some smaller retailers so we'll see -"

Alice stopped abruptly and looked toward the door. I turned and followed her gaze, only to find Renee standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"I don't want to intrude," she said with a small smile. "But I have a gift for you, Rosalie."

"Oh… really?" Rosalie didn't try to hide the surprise in her voice. Renee laughed softly, obviously not offended.

"Strange. I know," she said as she came toward us. I gave her a small smile, remembering our conversation from the night before. "These actually belonged to Charlie's mother." She held out a small box. Rosalie took it and opened it slowly, and then smiled up at my mother.

"They're beautiful, Renee," she whispered, and removed the dangly sapphire earrings from the box. She took off her own diamond studs and replaced them with the sparkly blue ones and smiled. "Thank you."

"Consider it your 'something blue'." Renee smiled.

Rose nodded. "And borrowed," she added, but Renee shook her head. "Keep them. This is your family now," Renee said, and though she meant it to be encouraging, the sadness in her voice was not masked. "I should go."

"Stay," I said before I could stop myself. She stopped at the door and smiled at me, grateful.

"It's okay. I think I saw some old friends out there," she said before closing the door behind her.

I watched the door for a moment, hoping she would come back and wanting her to experience this with us.

"Do you want me to go and get her?" Sue touched my cheek softly and I felt my frown melt away.

"No. She knows what's best," I said softly as I smiled at Sue. "You're a good woman, Sue Swan."

"Eh, that's what your dad keeps telling me." She shrugged. "C'mon. Let me make my girls more beautiful than they already are, alright?"

"Fine." I sighed and held out my hands for my dress.

Carlisle was right. Renee may have left, but Sue was my family's saving grace.

EPOV

"Why do you do that?" Masen asked as he climbed up onto the sink in my hotel bathroom.

"Shave? Because I have to." I took another swipe at my face and rinsed the razor under the water.

"Can I shave?" he asked as he watched me.

"Not yet, buddy." I laughed quietly, trying not to move for fear of nicking myself.

"Can I help _you_ shave?" He was hopeful and I eyed him carefully.

"All right." I lifted him up so he was standing on the toilet and eye level with me. I put the razor carefully in his hand and guided it to my face, watching in the mirror the whole time. He bit his lip in concentration as I helped him shave a few lines down my face.

"That's not so hard." Masen smiled triumphantly and I couldn't help but grin back.

"Good job." I helped him down and finished shaving. "Go put your black pants on and I'll help you with your shirt," I told him as I rinsed my face.

"Okay." He ran out of the bathroom and grabbed his clothes. "How come you're not wearing a 'xedo?" he asked, concerned, as he took in my dark gray slacks and undershirt.

"Because I'm not in the wedding, remember? We talked about this yesterday. I'll be sitting right in front of you in case you get nervous."

"Right." He nodded as I buttoned his little white shirt. It was hard to believe they made stuff so_ small._ I helped him with his belt and shiny black shoes before I took him back into the bathroom and set him on the counter, frowning. "What's wrong, Dad?"

"Your Mama's going to want something done to this hair," I said as I ran my fingers though it. "You certainly got that from me."

"She always just says it's 'floatless'. But I don't know what that means." He shrugged and I laughed.

"I think you mean 'hopeless'. And we'll see about that," I said as I grabbed a tube of gel and a comb from my travel bag. I squirted the gel in my hands and ran them through his hair then parted it on the side and combed it flat.

"Not bad." I admired my handiwork at making sure my son didn't look like he just rolled out of bed. "What do you think?"

"It's okay." He shrugged in a noncommittal sort of way. "What about yours?"

"Well, it's only fair that you do mine, right?" I asked and he grinned and held out his hands.

Twenty minutes later, my light blue oxford was buttoned and covered with a thin black tie, my shoes were on and my hair matched Masen's perfectly. I grabbed our jackets off the bed and led him out the door, too afraid to carry him and wrinkle his suit. As we walked through the lobby we earned ourselves a few curious looks, which was normal considering how alike we looked.

We walked past the hall where the ceremony would take place and down a small hallway to the room Bella had told me she would be in. I knocked and Masen smiled up at me. God, I loved him.

"Who is it?" a voice asked from the other side.

"It's Masen Charles Swan and his dad Edward," Masen answered with a grin.

"Well, why didn't you say so?" The door swung open and Leah stood in front of us. Her short, dark hair was in soft, finger-curls around her face and pinned back at the sides. The dark pink of the bridesmaid dress was beautiful against her dark skin.

"You look… wow," I said and she smirked. _Of course._

"Not too bad yourself, Cullen." She flicked my tie and opened the door all the way to let us in.

"There's my handsome boy," I heard and turned around to make some sort of ridiculous comment to my mother but she had already pulled Masen into her arms.

"It seems I've been replaced." I mock-glared at my mother but she only smiled.

"A newer, updated version of you is available. Like the iPhone, only better," Alice quipped as she smoothed my tie. I playfully swatted her hands away and she laughed. "I don't think you've ever combed your hair." She eyed my head appreciatively.

"I have… once or twice." I shrugged.

"It was never any use when you did." Bella came from around a small corner where she'd been dressing. "It was hopeless," she said and Masen looked at me and smiled.

"We've tamed it today." I nodded to Masen and Bella followed my gaze.

"You match," she said with a playful smile.

"It was only fair." I shrugged.

"Daddy let me fix his hair. And I helped him shave," Masen said as Bella pulled him to her. She knelt in front of him and re-tucked parts of his shirt that had come undone while I took in her appearance.

The dark pink of the dress she, Leah, and Tanya wore was a stark contrast against her pale skin, the complete opposite of Leah.

The dress was short, stopping at the knees and the chiffon flowed around her body in a way that should have been illegal. Intricate beading covered the straps and the neckline plunged to reveal just the right amount of cleavage.

I didn't realize I was staring until Leah smacked my shoulder.

"What?" I muttered innocently.

"Pervert." She shook her head but smiled anyways.

"All right, kid, I gotta go." I took a step toward Bella and Masen as she straightened herself. _Don't look at the boobs; don't look at the boobs…_

Masen held his hands out and I lifted him into my arms. He tucked his head into my neck and rested his hand on my chest.

"What's wrong, baby?" Bella asked softly as she smoothed his hair. She was close enough that I could see every freckle on her nose. I wanted to touch them.

"I'm scared," Masen muttered.

"I thought we talked about this yesterday." I sighed and he wrapped his arms around my neck and rested his chin on my shoulder facing away from Bella. She frowned.

"So?" he shrugged.

"You did great last night. And if you get scared you can sit with Daddy." She rubbed his back gently and he pulled back to look at me. It took me a moment to respond because my eyes were glued to Bella's soft gaze. Her usual term when speaking about me was "your dad", and it stunned me that she didn't put the "your" in front of it. I don't know what made it different, more personal, but it was… and I liked it.

"Yeah. Yeah, you can sit with me. I'll be right up front, just like last night."

"Promise?" he whispered. I smiled and placed my hand on his back, forgetting Bella's was already there. I simply placed my hand over hers and gave it a small squeeze.

"Yeah. I promise." I kissed his cheek and set him down before I gave a quick glance around the room. Everyone was finishing dressing and fixing makeup and hair, oblivious to our little exchange.

"Listen, I'm sorry about last night." I placed a hand on Bella's hip and pulled her to me gently. She looked down at Masen before looking at me, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.

"You have nothing to apologize for." Her voice was quiet.

"Bella, c'mon."

"Edward." She breathed my name as she shook her head. "Stop apologizing." Bella looked quickly around the room again. "I'll be right back," she said to Masen before grabbing my hand that was on her waist and pulling me out the door. She dragged me around the corner from the room and pushed me against the wall.

"I can't do this today, Edward." She placed both hands on my chest and rested her forehead against my chin.

"I'm sorry…" I muttered and she laughed before slipping her arms around my body and moving her head to my chest. I willed my arms to stay away from her but they didn't listen, traitorous bastards.

"Stop it, please."

"I don't know what you want me to say." I rested my cheek against her hair, gently enough so as not to muss it.

"Nothing. I don't want you to say anything. I just want us to be normal again." She sighed and it was my turn to laugh.

"Were we ever normal?" I asked and she pushed herself away from me, just enough so I could see her face.

"No," she admitted with a small smile. "I just - I want to start over. No more guilt and anger. No more apologizing."

"Bella, we can't just – _I_ can't just… do that." I tried to run a hand through my hair but remembered the gel Masen had lathered in it.

"Can we try?" she pleaded with me, her brown eyes wide.

"Yeah." I nodded and kissed her forehead. I wanted to try. I wanted to be free of the guilt and the anger because all it did was fuck up all the happiness I felt when I was with my son.

"Okay." She hugged me again and placed a chaste kiss on my jaw. "He did a good job." She smirked as she turned and headed back to the room where the girls were.

I made my way back to the hall where the actual wedding service would take place and found a seat in the front row reserved for family. Emmett and the rest of the guys emerged a few moments later (I gave him a thumbs-up; he flashed me the finger guns and winked) as people began taking their seats and soft music started playing.

All eyes turned to the back of the room as Tanya stepped gracefully into the aisle, followed by Leah with Masen at her side. She held her bouquet in one hand and grasped his hand in the other. He smiled shyly at the crowd, a little white pillow perched in his free hand, two gold rings on top of it. They reached the end and stepped in front of Tanya and he gave me a thumbs-up before turning back to the aisle. A smile lit his face, and it was so reverent and beatific that I couldn't stop my own from forming.

I followed my son's gaze to Bella and watched her walk down the aisle, the same coy smile on her face that Masen had worn. Her eyes met mine briefly and my breath caught in my throat as I imagined her walking down the aisle in a different dress while I waited at the end.

Bella took her place by Leah and reached for Masen's hand, which he gladly surrendered. She bent and whispered to him quickly and he kissed her cheek before they both straightened up. As everyone stood I glanced quickly at my best friend, mainly to make sure he was still standing there. Of course, I needn't have worried about him; his face told me that. His eyes were glued to Rosalie's as she made her way down the aisle on her father's arm.

She was stunning and classy in her white strapless gown, her hair piled into soft curls on her head. Emmett took her hand when she finally reached him and it was if no one else in the room was there. Their vows were simple, traditional, though there was nothing simple about the couple who said them.

They were perfectly matched in every way. I couldn't have been happier for my best friend. After they were pronounced man and wife, Emmett swept Rosalie in for a passionate kiss, dipping her backwards and pressing his lips to hers. He straightened them then kissed her again, softer this time, before they faced the cheering crowd and walked down the aisle.

As they walked, Masen tugged himself away from Bella and ran to me. I lifted him up and kissed his cheek.

"How'd I do?" he asked with shining eyes.

"Uh-ma-zing." I drew out each syllable of the word to let him know how proud I was.

"Really?" he asked as he held my face between his hands.

"Really." He gave me a winning smile before wrapping his arms around my neck tightly.

We moved to the reception where all the usual wedding traditions were upheld. There was the first dance and cutting the cake, the tossing of the garter and bouquet (which went to Seth and Tanya, respectively). The only snag was when it was time for the mother/son dance. Sue stepped graciously out of Emmett's grasp to let him dance with Renee. I stopped her before she could get back to her seat.

"You know, I'd really like to know the Chief's secret," I said as I wrapped an arm around her waist and took her hand in mine.

"Secret to what?" She pretended to be confused.

"To marrying someone like you," I whispered and she laughed loudly.

"He got very, very lucky." She pinched my cheek and then rubbed it softly. "You'll know it when you got it."

"Ha," I said, laughing a little hollowly, and she shook her head.

"Things will work out the way they're supposed to. You know that, right?" She squeezed me a little bit tighter and I let my eyes travel around the room. I'd spent most of the time catching up with old high school friends and avoiding Bella and James. When Masen wasn't eating, dancing with anyone that would have him, or torturing his Uncle Seth, he was attached to my side.

It was James who caught my eye as I ended my dance with Sue. Masen was in his arms, fast asleep, and Bella was leaning up to kiss him. She touched his cheek softly then did the same to Masen before leaving the banquet hall with Charlie following close behind.

"Where are they going?" I took Bella's elbow and turned her to me. Her eyes were devoid of any emotion as she looked up at me.

"Dad's taking Masen to bed. James is leaving." She grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing tray and tipped it up.

"What do you mean? Where's he going?" I asked as she walked away from me. I followed her across the crowded dance floor until she finally stopped at the bar.

"Can I get a shot of tequila? Make that two. And I don't know, I assume he's going home." She ordered a drink and then turned to me, frowning.

"Why?" I asked, genuinely curious as to why he was leaving in the middle of his soon-to-be brother-in-law's wedding reception.

"I don't fucking know." She shrugged and downed her two shots then signaled the bartender for another.

"I'll have the same." I told the bartender and he raised an eyebrow at me but poured me a shot… then two more. _Why the hell not?_ I put my hand over Bella's as she reached for her drink. "Take it easy, Tiger." I chuckled. She glared. It was cute.

"I don't know why he left. He said he had work to do. It's the goddamned weekend, you know? My brother's only going to get married one _fucking_ time. Anytime we're around my family he fucking bails." She paused long enough to drain her third shot and then order a rum and Coke, though it just looked like rum with a splash of Coke. "And then there's you and you just… you're here."

"I'm sorry," I said and she broke into a huge grin.

"I thought we said no more apologizing!" Bella pushed me playfully and nearly fell down. "Damn shoes," she muttered and reached down to rip them off. She set the pink strappy heels on the bar, grabbed her drink and my hand and pulled me to the dance floor.

"Didn't we dance this to at Prom?" I asked as I took her drink from her hand and set it on a random table. Boyz II Men played in the background and she shook her head as we swayed.

"It was homecoming. Before everyone knew we were dating," she explained.

"Right. If I recall, there wasn't much dancing at Prom, was there?" I asked and she giggled and buried her head in my shirt. I chuckled lightly and she pulled away.

"God – that was fun," she mused as the song ended. We turned back to the bar to retrieve her shoes and another drink, though neither one of us really needed it and were sidelined by Rosalie.

"Iz! Can you get my stuff together? Em and I have to take some more pictures, but a car is coming to take us to the airport in an hour."

"Yeah. Sure." Bella took off toward the room the girls used to dress earlier.

"You. Grabby McGrabby Hands. Watch it." Rosalie poked my chest. Hard.

"I thought this was what you wanted?" I pretended to be shocked.

"Be classy. Do it the right way, Cullen," she said as she stalked away. It wasn't long after Rose left that Emmett showed up at my side.

"Have you seen Bella?" Emmett asked as he glanced around.

"Um, I think she went to find Rosalie's bag?" I told him, unsure if I'd actually heard the conversation correctly.

"Can you find her please? I want to say goodbye to my baby sister," my best friend pleaded with me.

I wandered the hallway of the hotel looking for the room the girls were in earlier, though in my drunken stupor it was difficult to remember. Luckily, I stumbled into an open door and accidentally found Bella. She was there in her dark pink chiffon dress that stopped just above the knee, showing off her gorgeous legs. With the slim collarbone under the thin straps of fabric and pale milky skin that called my name.

"There you are," I said, as loudly as possible, though my voice still came out a little too quiet for my liking.

"Shit!" she cried and spun around, her hand over her heart, her chest heaving. "You scared me!"

"Sorry." I chuckled and took a step toward her. "Em is looking for you."

"Oh, are they leaving already?" she asked, and her face fell.

"I'm not sure. He just asked me to come and find you." I stepped just close enough to brush a stray hair away from her face, my fingers lingering on her soft skin. She bit her lip as a blush crept up her neck and looked away.

"I can't believe he's married," she whispered. I almost laughed at her seriousness until a single tear fell down her cheek.

"Izzy," I said softly and pulled her to me. She buried her face in my shirt and rested her hand on my chest. Her fingers ghosted over my tie before she wrapped her arms around my neck and sighed.

"Why are you sad?" I asked as I placed my hand on the back of her neck. A few stray tendrils of her hair brushed against my fingers as they trailed lightly over her skin. She shuddered under my fingers and I suppressed a smile. My drunkenness had emboldened me and I let my other arm wrap itself securely around her waist. Bella didn't seem to mind as she pressed her body closer to mine and lifted her face to answer me.

"I'm not," she sniffled, and I laughed. She closed her eyes and pulled her arms tighter around my neck, her head on my shoulder, breasts pushed against my chest. "I'm happy for him."

"Hmmm…" I hummed into her hair and she sighed, her body relaxing against mine. I could hear the music from the reception hall and I swayed to it slowly, still holding her in my arms. She fit there so perfectly, like she always had, and I didn't want to move. I didn't want the song to end, because when it did we'd go back to the hall with our family and friends. We'd go back to our separate rooms… and back to our separate lives.

The music changed but we didn't move. With every shift of our bodies our arms wound more tightly around each other, our heads shifted closer together, our hearts beat faster. Her head rested on my shoulder, though it was so close I could feel her breath on the exposed skin of my neck. I slipped my arm from her neck and let my fingers travel up her arm to grasp her hand. Slowly, I pulled her hand from behind my neck and clasped it in my own, then rested against my pounding heart.

"I know," she whispered, voice sounding choked and anguished. I pulled away from her, desperate to see her face, to know that she was feeling the same thing. That she wanted it, too. When her eyes met mine I knew.

As I lost myself in her gaze I saw everything. Everything I wanted with her and Masen was there and I knew it. I knew that I had been lying to myself for months, years even. It didn't matter if I was in Sydney or in Forks. _Bella_ was where I belonged. She was my home.

I don't know how long we stood like that, seconds, minutes, days - I could have watched her forever.

But I was tired of watching. I wanted to _do_ something.

So I kissed her.

It wasn't gentle. It definitely wasn't sweet. It kissed her hard, my arm tight around her waist and the other holding her palm over my heart.

To my surprise, she didn't pull away. She wrenched her hand out of my grasp and both of her hands went to the back of my neck, holding me in place. _As if I'd ever leave._

When her fingers tangled themselves in my hair a deep groan came from my chest and I tried desperately to hold her tighter.

I grasped her hips and pressed her against me and her mouth parted with a tiny gasp. We broke apart and she bit her lip and looked away, suddenly shy. I wanted her and she knew it. I mean, she could_ feel _it and well, fuck, it wasn't like she hadn't felt it before.

"You're beautiful," I whispered against her cheek as I brought my hand back to her neck.

"You're drunk." She turned to me and captured my lips with hers again.

"_And_?" I countered, my hands traveling down her arms and back to her waist.

"I like it," she breathed as her ass hit one of the tables the girls had been using to get ready. I lifted her onto it and leaned down to place a kiss on her collarbone. She sighed and ran her hands down my chest. Her hands settled at the top of my slacks and she tugged gently, bringing me nearly on top of her. Soft hands were back on my chest, undoing my tie. I was faintly aware of buttons being undone, of fingers drawing light circles in my chest hair. I was even _more_ aware of the way her tongue was moving against mine and how she took in my bottom lip with her teeth.

My hands rested on her knees as she placed open-mouthed kisses on my chin, jaw, and neck. When she brought her mouth back to mine and fisted her hands in my hair my hands traveled up. They moved slowly and gently under the soft fabric of her dress; her skin felt like fire under my fingertips, but I couldn't pull my hands from the flame.

She hooked her legs around the back of my thighs and pulled me closer, if that was even possible. Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered that this was incredibly, incredibly wrong. But the more prominent part was thinking about my hands being up Bella's dress.

I felt like a teenager on Prom night.

As my mouth trailed soft kisses down her neck, and my thumbs met the lace she was wearing underneath her dress, my conscience deserted me. I didn't care that she was with James or that we were at her brother's wedding. It didn't matter that everyone we knew was in the reception hall or that we were in a random room in an unfamiliar hotel. I _wanted_ her.

"What?" She breathed the word, her hands moving methodically through my hair. I could only imagine what it looked like.

"I didn't say anything," I murmured and moved to kiss her but she pulled away.

"Yes, you did." Her fingers softly touched my lips and I rested my forehead against hers. I gripped her hips beneath her dress and sighed.

"I want you," I whispered, my filter completely gone in my drunken haze. I did want her. I'd always wanted her. _Would _always want her.

"Edward, I -" she started to reply but we were suddenly surrounded by light.

"There you are! OH MY GOD." Leah's voice filled the room and Bella and I broke apart quickly, though my hands were pissed at having to leave their refuge under Bella's dress.

"Uh… what's up?" I asked, not quite as smoothly as I'd hoped for. Leah had turned her back and was leaning against the half open door, chanting, "Ew, ew, ew."

"Emmett and Rose are leaving," she called over her shoulder, not daring to turn around. Behind me Bella straightened her dress and wiped the smudged gloss from her lips. I attempted to button my shirt but couldn't keep my hands from shaking.

"I'm coming!" Bella called to her sister as she slapped my hands away from my shirt and started buttoning it for me.

"Ew. God, Bella. I didn't need to hear that!" Leah responded. Bella's eyes widened as she glared toward the door and Leah grinned at me over her shoulder.

I winked at Leah and she laughed. Bella turned back to me, an incredulous look on her face.

"What?" I shrugged as she finished my buttons and smoothed my shirt, her fingers lingering on the fabric.

"You're disgusting." She shook her head but a smile played on her lips. She turned to the door and took a few steps before looking back at me. "And you wrinkled my dress."

"You liked it," I muttered as my hands moved to fix my tie. She whipped around again and the look in her eyes told me what I already knew. She wanted me, too.

"Wait. Where the fuck is my tie?" I asked just as the door shut. I sat in the dark and contemplated what had just happened—not just _this, _but everything that'd happened over the past two days.

I was fucked.

BPOV

I watched the car was carrying my brother and his _wife_ (his _wife!)_ to the airport drive away and felt a little hole in my heart. When they got back he would move out, and Masen and I would be alone in the house. After James had left, I'd decided to tell him I needed some time to sort things out. He obviously had problems being around my family and sorting out his priorities.

And then I got drunk.

And kissed Edward.

A _lot._

I was seriously fucked.

I found my shoes by the bar and wondered how they got there. The bartender wiped down the counter and smirked at me, the jerk. When the elevator reached our floor I contemplated going to Charlie and Sue's room and curling up in bed with Masen. My feet had other plans.

They took me to the door and I knew it was wrong. I knew I should have turned around and gone to my own room… but I didn't. I couldn't. I needed to see him.

I knocked and looked around; hoping no one else would be coming up at this exact moment. He opened the door just a few seconds after my initial knock and squinted at me, still in his dress shirt and slacks. His shirt was halfway unbuttoned but the sleepy look in his eye made me think he'd fallen asleep while undressing.

"What are you doing?" Edward ran a hand though his hair and leaned against the door. I bit my lip as I followed his hand, remembering that not long ago my hands were running themselves through his bronze locks.

"I needed to see you," I whispered, and he closed his eyes and shook his head slowly.

"Bella, please - " he began, but I placed a hand on his bare chest and pushed my way through the doorway. The door closed behind us and I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head against his chest. His heart was pounding. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and pushed me away.

"I'll get you something to sleep in," he said softly. I followed him to the room where he pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of boxers for me to change into. I entered the bathroom silently and removed my dress and confining strapless bra, replacing them with the soft cotton of his Sydney Swans tee and worn-out Gap boxers. After I washed off my makeup, I removed the pins from my hair and let it fall in spiral curls around my shoulders. Turning off the bathroom light, I padded hesitantly into the bedroom. The only light in the came from the Seattle skyline and I could just make out Edward's form in one of the beds.

I was aware that there was another bed… but I wanted to feel him. Edward had shed his shirt and pants, leaving on his boxers from what I could see that wasn't covered by the thin sheet. He lay on his stomach, facing the right and looking out the window. It was dark but I could still make out his broad shoulders and muscular back, the same one I'd ogled for years, and in my brother's bedroom just months before. I crawled in and his eyes watched me move up toward him. I could see the city lights reflected in the green pools.

"What are you doing?" he asked again.

"Million dollar question tonight, isn't it?" I whispered and settled my head on his pillow. He chuckled softly and turned on his back, his arms behind his head. "I just wanted to see you."

"Bella – I told you I wouldn't do anything to come between the two of you," he said to the ceiling while I watched the outline of his face. "I meant it. What happened tonight… it was an accident."

"Okay Edward," I snorted and rolled to my back, glaring at the ceiling with him.

"I mean - fuck. I don't know what I mean anymore," he mumbled.

"I understand. It's just… a lot to handle." I turned back to him and he stretched his arm out to me. I went willingly, resting my head on his chest and wrapping my arm around his neck.

"You can say that again."

"It's a lot to handle," I said with a smile, and he laughed and wrapped his other arm around me.

"Go to sleep, crazy girl." I felt his lips brush my hair and I closed my eyes. My hand drifted from around his neck to his chest, directly over his heart. Fingers ghosted over the skin there and his body froze, knowing what I was wondering.

"It's a tattoo. It's white ink." Edward said softly.

"When did you get a tattoo?" I leaned up on my elbow and attempted to make out his face in the dark.

"The New Year's after I left," he muttered and I felt his fingertips on my cheeks. "Go to sleep."

"What is it?" I asked as I lay my head back on his shoulder.

"What's what?"

"Your tattoo." I rolled my eyes in the dark.

"Just some words." He muttered.

"What kind of words?" I questioned.

"It says _deus est meus sacramentum_." His voice was soft, the words falling from his lips like the language he was speaking was completely natural to him.

"What is that? Italian?"

"It's Latin. It means 'God is my oath'," he explained. I didn't get it, but I let my fingers move over the place I'd seen the white ink and where I'd committed it to my memory.

"Oh," I said as I moved my hand to my side and curled into him.

It was like being seventeen again and Edward had snuck in through my window so we could talk, touch, kiss and cuddle.

"Do you ever wish we could be kids again? That it could be that simple?" His voice broke the silence as he fingers trailed up and down my arm.

"No." I said with a shaky breath.

"Really?" he asked, turning his face to mine.

"We'd miss out on the best part of everything. The best part of me and you." I whispered and I saw him smile in the dark.

"That's true." He settled back into the pillow and closed his eyes.

"I still miss it though. All of it. You know?" I placed a soft kiss on his neck and he swallowed hard.

"Yeah. I know." He said softly.

We were silent for a while, only the sounds of our breathing filled the room.

"You know we have to talk about this, right?" This time he was the one posing the question.

"Yeah. I know." I sighed into his shoulder. "But let's wait until tomorrow, okay? Just…" I tried to stifle what sounded suspiciously like a sniffle. "Let's just pretend it still _is _that simple, Edward. At least for tonight."

"At least for tonight." He repeated.

Because I wasn't sure _what_ the next day would bring.

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**A/N: Thanks to killerlashes for being so amazingly speedy so I could get this chapter out before I leave the country. That's right, I'm fleeing to Costa Rica for a week. **

**Thanks to all of YOU for putting SL&FT's reviews OVER 1000. You're all so amazing and I'm constantly overwhelmed by you. **

**Come find me on Twitter /IdPattThat. **


	27. Surprise, Surprise

**Disclaimer: Steph still owns everything. **

**Thanks to killerlashes and messynachos. **

**And to lie_2me and oscar519, you know why.**

**Thanks to all of you for reading, reviewing, reccing, tweeting, whatever it is - w****e're getting close to the end so thanks for sticking around.**

* * *

Chapter 26 – Surprise, Surprise

As the light filled my hotel room the scent of vanilla filled my senses. The body resting beside mine was warm and soft, with tender hands that ghosted over my skin with just the slightest pressure. From the way her fingers moved across my chest and her light breathing I knew Bella was awake. I wanted to look at her, to see her sleepy eyes and rumpled hair. I wanted to kiss her pretty pink mouth and touch her body, to make her mine again.

Bella was in my bed.

We kissed last night.

She wanted to pretend things were simple.

I could see the surface with no chance of ever reaching it.

I was _so _in over my head.

I gently grabbed her hand to still it and held it tightly to my chest, over my tattoo and over my heart. She placed a small kiss on my shoulder and I felt a shudder roll through my body as it refused to obey my mind.

_No. _

I rolled over smoothly so that she was beneath me and pressed into the mattress, our legs tangled together as I rested part of my body weight on her.

"Hi," she said quietly, shyly. Her sleepy brown eyes were tinged slightly red around the corners and it reminded me of all the mornings I'd woken up to them. All the mornings we'd been a tangled mess of naked limbs, reeking of sweat and sex and love. That image and her pulling her bottom lip between her teeth caused my body to react in a way that made me really, _really_ uncomfortable… in a really, _really_ good way. I could feel the heat course through my body as I steeled my will to keep my mouth off hers, to keep my hands planted firmly on the mattress and _nowhere_ else.

I dropped my head and made to lift myself from her but her arms were around my neck in a flash, holding me to her.

"Stay," she whispered, her warm breath against my cheek making my problem impossibly… _harder._

"I can't," I replied, breaking both of our hearts with two small words. "You can't either."

"I know." She sighed as she held me tighter. I placed a soft kiss under her ear and pressed my forehead to hers. We stared until my vision went blurry and I was almost positive I'd gone cross-eyed. She laughed softly.

"What?" I asked.

"Your breath smells." She touched one finger to my bottom lip and I broke. Completely and utterly broke as I pressed my mouth to hers one quick, hard time.

I pulled away and hoisted myself off the bed, not bothering to meet her eyes as I jogged to the bathroom. I made use of the facilities and washed my hands, splashing some cold water on my face and trying to calm myself down. We had to talk. I needed all the blood in my _thinking_ brain.

I dried myself and exited the bathroom to find Bella sitting in the middle of the bed with the comforter draped over her head and shoulders so only her face was visible. A soft laugh fell from my lips as I crawled onto the bed to join her. She opened the blankets willingly and covered me the same way. A wave of nostalgia crashed over me as I remembered that we used to spend summer nights like this as children. The four of us piled onto my bed, telling ghost stories or talking about growing up and how we'd always be together.

"So…" I said as my fingers traced a pattern of freckles on the side of her knee.

"Yep," she whispered back. I could feel her eyes on my face but I knew if I looked at her... everything would be shot to hell.

"I'm at a loss here, Iz."

"I know." Her voice was soft as she stopped my tracing fingers and laced her fingers with mine.

"Tell me what I'm supposed to do, please? How am I supposed to feel?" I pleaded.

"I can't, Edward," she said and I finally met her eyes.

I groaned and slipped my hand from hers so I could pull her into my lap, her legs on either side of my body. She snaked her arms around my torso and up to my shoulders, pressing herself against me, her head on my chest. I dropped my chin to the top of her head and sighed.

"You're supposed to know everything," I said softly. We were quiet for a long moment, just the sound our breathing and the traffic below filling the room.

"I'm going to tell James I need some time. I need to think about some things." She finally broke the silence and I felt my heart stop. _What did that mean for us?_

"Bella – I told you. Don't do this because of me. Because of what happened last night," I said, though it broke my heart to do so. Of course I wanted her to.

"Contrary to popular belief, Edward, not everything is about you," she said coolly as she pulled away and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Well, that's news to me." I shrugged nonchalantly. I had to. I couldn't let her see the hope that had bubbled inside of me. I didn't want it to burst.

"You're an ass, you know that?" She shook her head and gazed out the window.

"Yes," I replied and she laughed, soft and sweet.

"It's just… it's not about what happened last night. It's what's been going on for months." She turned back to me and slipped her arms to my neck and pulling my face to hers. "It's about us and our son and how I feel… how you feel."

I nodded and swallowed (though both things were difficult to do) then pressed my forehead to hers.

"I need to think about… everything."

"I know." I tightened my arms around her and she rested her head on my shoulder, her heart beating wildly against my chest. "Take your time," I whispered into her hair. I felt her nod, then the unmistakable warmth of tears falling onto my bare skin. Gently, I pushed her body away from mine and cupped her face in my hands, then kissed her tear-stained cheeks.

"Why is this so easy for you?" Her fingers made soft circles on my skin.

I thought for a moment, our eyes locked the whole time. She was right, I had the right to hate her, to be angry but… I just didn't care.

"Bella… you gave me the most precious thing I could ever ask for. And, as girly as it sounds, Masen makes everything better. He – he makes my world complete, you know?"

"Yeah," Bella agreed and tried to break from my gaze. I held strong though.

"I wish I could be angry. I do. But he's perfect. I've already missed so much time and… and being mad just takes away from what I feel when I'm with him."

"I hate this. I hate this so much," she whispered and pressed her forehead to mine. "I should have gone with you."

"We did what we did. It's like you said last night – it's time to move on."

Bella nodded and kissed me softly, slowly. I could feel it building when her mouth parted slightly so I gave her a gentle push away from me.

"Not like this."

BPOV

Edward was gentle as he pushed me away, but it didn't soften the blow to my ego. I felt blood rush to my cheeks as I extracted myself from his arms.

"Bella." He said my name softly as I crawled off the side of the bed, eager to leave.

"Bella, please." I heard him again as I entered the bathroom and closed the door to change back into my dress. I folded his clothes and brushed my teeth with his toothbrush. (After all, his tongue had been in my mouth a few hours earlier, so it didn't seem like that big of a deal.) When I opened the bathroom door I found him, fully dressed and sitting on the bed waiting.

"Come here," Edward said softly, and I complied. He wrapped his arms around my waist and gazed up at me with sad mossy eyes. "I want you. More than you could imagine. But Bella, I _won't_ do anything while you're with him. I won't try anything… again." He smiled sheepishly. I kissed his forehead and smoothed his hair. "And I'll support you whatever you choose." _Whoever you choose. _

Edward's support should have made me feel better, but it didn't. As I left his room and traveled the few steps back to my own, the potential consequences of my actions settled in the pit of my stomach. They sat there, leaden and immobile, while I showered. They grew while I dressed and boiled as I made my way to my parent's room to pick up my son.

I'd cheated.

I was engaged, and I'd kissed another man, then slept in his arms.

No matter what the situation with James was, I knew that I'd had no right to act the way I did.

"Hi, Mama." Masen smiled brightly from the couch when I entered the room.

"Hey baby." I pulled him into my arms, breathing in his little boy scent and reveling in his warmth. "Did you sleep well?"

"I missed you." He nuzzled my neck and wrapped a lock of my hair around his finger.

"I missed you, too." I kissed his head.

"Daddy said he'll take me to get pancakes. Do you want to come?" He looked up at me with the same mossy eyes as Edward. I nodded and smiled as Edward came from Charlie and Sue's suite, carrying Masen's backpack.

"I packed his stuff. I figured we could leave after breakfast. I haven't talked to Jasper but he'll probably ride with Alice so it will be us three, that okay?"

"Fine," I replied as I watched him slip Masen's backpack over his outstretched arms. When Masen turned to smile at his father, I felt my heart stutter violently at the look of pure adoration on both of their faces. We said goodbye to my parents, Seth, and Leah (who promised Masen she'd be home for the summer in a few short weeks) and headed downstairs to load our luggage and have breakfast.

We'd just received our orders (Edward and Masen both with giant stacks of fluffy chocolate chip pancakes) when Alice and Jasper walked in, hand-in-hand. They sat and placed their orders, giant smiles on their faces. I watched Edward as he eyed his sister warily and felt his knee bobbing up and down against mine, causing the table to shake slightly. I gave his knee a quick squeeze and he turned to me, jaw tight and eyes wide.

"What's wrong with you?" I mumbled and he just shook his head.

I didn't have to wait long to discover what was bothering him. As Alice turned to ask Masen a question about his breakfast she brushed a strand of hair out of her face with her left hand.

A silver ring that had not been there the previous day glittered on her slender finger.

Edward dropped his coffee cup.

"Edward?" Alice turned to him, a concerned look on her lovely face. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"What the fuck, Alice?" He stood up quickly and Masen gasped quietly having never heard Edward swear or yell for that matter.

"Edward!" I whispered loudly. His eyes flashed from Alice's to mine and back. Alice glared at her brother for a moment before he finally sat down, defeated.

"You could have warned me," he said after he'd whispered a quiet apology to Masen for scaring him.

"It wasn't exactly planned." Jasper grinned sheepishly, looking utterly fuck-stupid in love as he held up his left hand to display a ring that was the twin of Alice's.

"When did this even _happen_?" I asked, as I racked my brain trying to remember the reception. I didn't even remember seeing the two of them there.

"Sometime after the cutting of the cake," Alice said as she smiled up at Jasper. Edward was still silent beside me, so tense he was practically vibrating. "There's a little chapel down on Third Avenue- I saw it when Rose and I came for some last minute preparations. I mentioned it to Jas last night and… well, you know."

"What are you _talking_ about?" Masen asked, exasperated.

"Aunt Alice and Jasper got married last night. Just like Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rose," I explained to him, and smiled at my best friend. Edward remained quiet, the vicious stabbing of his pancakes the only noise he made.

"Ed, listen," Jasper started, but Edward held up a hand to silence him.

"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted that way." He smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. Alice pretended not to notice and he continued. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you." Edward stood up and kissed her head. "I love you," he whispered, tossing some singles on the table before picking Masen up and turning to me. "Ready?"

I nodded, hugged both Alice and Jasper and followed Edward out of the restaurant. I nearly had to run to catch up with him and he had Masen almost completely buckled before I finally reached the car. He opened my door for me but left me to close it and slammed his own once he was in the car.

Edward started the car but made no move to leave. Instead he leaned his head against the leather seats and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands. I pulled his hands from his face and he looked at me with sad green eyes. I was tired of seeing sad eyes.

"Are you alright?" I asked, quietly enough that Masen couldn't hear me. As if he were reading my mind, he glanced into the rearview mirror at Masen.

"I'm just… surprised, that's all," he muttered and I frowned. He wasn't surprised. He was _hurt_.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I rubbed my thumb over his knuckles.

"Yeah… thanks." He gave me a small smile and threw the car into reverse.

"He's a good guy. She's lucky to have found him."

"I know, Bella." Edward sighed. "It's just that – I thought things were better between us. I thought she would tell me."

"Maybe they really did have no idea. They haven't been together _that_ long, you know. And Alice has always been impulsive."

"I know." His eyes focused on the midmorning traffic, and I didn't push the issue. It had been years since I'd been in the middle of an Edward/Alice fight, and I wasn't quite sure how I should handle one of this magnitude.

The rest of the ride was quiet, conversations with Masen filling most of the time. He was sad his Uncle Emmett would be moving out when he and Rose got back from their Alaskan cruise. He wondered if his new Uncle Jasper would move into Daddy's house with Aunt Alice (Edward blanched at that one). He was nervous about his preschool graduation, but Edward only had to remind him of how well he did in the wedding to calm his nerves.

"We should take a day off to visit kindergarten classes next week; will you be able to do that?" I asked as we entered Forks' city limits.

"Yeah, I can probably do Friday afternoon. I have some client meetings that morning," he replied; his voice was indifferent but I could see the excitement in his face. I suppressed a smile, glad _something_ could make him happy today.

We finally pulled into my driveway and my palms started to sweat. I knew there were things I had to do today. Things that would hurt and I didn't want to do them. Edward brought my bags in and Masen ran upstairs to check on Jake while I stood helplessly in the middle of the kitchen.

"I'm gonna get going, okay?" Edward stuck his head into the kitchen. I nodded and he turned.

"Wait!" I nearly yelled at him.

"Yeah?" he asked warily.

"Can you – can you take Masen tonight? I um… I have to do some things," I said in a rush, hoping he would understand.

"Oh. Oh, yeah. No problem." He shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet anxiously. "Uh… good luck?"

"Thanks." I laughed quietly, though there was no humor behind it. He smiled and stood at the foot of the stairs.

"Weasel!" he called up to our son.

"Yeah?" I heard Masen's voice from the top.

"Come downstairs, you're going to stay with me tonight."

Masen hopped down the stairs and flung himself at Edward, excitement all over his face. He _loved_ sleepovers with his dad. He quickly extracted himself from Edward's arms and hugged me tightly.

"I love you, Mama." He gave me a quick hug and I kissed him softly.

"I love you." I told him before he ran out the door and across the yard to Edward's car. "You boys have fun." I smiled weakly at Edward.

"We will." Edward returned my smile and kissed my head, then followed the path Masen had taken. I closed the door once they'd driven out of sight and leaned my forehead against the cool windowpane, trying to summon the courage to do what had been inevitable since the moment Edward had returned to Forks.

EPOV

"Do you think Mama is pretty?" Masen looked up from his drawing and stared at me with curious eyes. I kept my eyes on the plans I'd been going over and thought about how I was _supposed_ to answer that question.

"Um… yeah, buddy. I do." I smiled and he nodded, apparently happy with my answer, and went back to his drawing.

"Is she pretty enough that you would kiss her?" he asked a few minutes later. "Uncle Emmett says you should only kiss _really_ pretty girls."

"Yes, she's pretty enough to kiss." I rolled my eyes.

"Then why don't you kiss her?" He had set his crayons down and was staring at me again.

"I have, you know, a long time ago," I mumbled.

"Kiss her now!" he cried.

"I can't, Masen." I stood up and walked to the refrigerator to grab two juice boxes. I sat back down and handed him one, which he gratefully accepted.

"Why not? If you think she's pretty then you should kiss her. One day, I'm going to kiss Haley Newton. She's _really_ pretty."

"I just – it's not – who's Haley Newton?" I tried to change the subject, as I was really not interested in arguing romantic politics with a four-and-a-half year old.

"She's Miss Jessica's daughter." He shrugged and went back to his drawing. _Success._

"I still think you should kiss Mama."

Damn it.

BPOV

I gave a gentle knock on James' front door and stood back to wait. His expression was blank as he opened the door and stood back to let me in.

"Why didn't you use your key?" he asked as he took my hand and pulled me to him. He kissed me softly as his arms wrapped around my body. The gesture didn't make me feel safe and warm. It only aggravated and annoyed me, especially after he'd walked out on my brother's wedding.

"Why did you leave last night?" I said after he'd released me. He ran a hand through his sandy blond hair and gestured to the kitchen. I led the way, taking a seat on one of the leather-topped barstools at the island and waited. James poured us both a glass of red wine and took the seat across from me, his blue eyes glued to his glass.

"Things have been really busy lately, you know? I'm under a lot of pressure at the college with midterms coming up. I just felt like… I had other things to do than sit around and watch a bunch of people get drunk and then lose another day driving home."

"It was my brother's wedding, James. My _brother_." I took a long sip of my wine and appreciated the warmth that I felt from it. _Liquid courage it is. _

"I'm well aware of that, babe. This is my career and you knew that when we got involved."

"I didn't think you would bail on such a huge family event! The rehearsal was one thing, but the reception too?" I stood up from my seat and paced the length of the kitchen finally settling against the counter. "James, it's like you aren't even trying anymore."

"What the fuck, Bella? Of course I'm trying! You walk around acting like it's totally normal to treat Edward like he's a fucking _god_ and you have the nerve to tell _me_ that I'm not trying?"

"Jesus Christ, James. Is it that fucking hard to spend a few extra hours with my family instead of working _all the time_? What about Masen? What about if we decide to have kids? Will it _always_ be like that?"

"I don't fucking know." He threw his hands up in the air. We were silent for a long moment, our eyes locked in a silent staring contest until I finally looked away.

"I kissed Edward," I blurted out and closed my eyes, waiting for his wrath.

"When?" he asked with muted voice, not sounding surprised at all.

"Last night. After you left," I told him as the guilt made its way to the surface.

"So… I leave and you throw yourself at him? Is that how things work with the two of you?"

"What? No! Of course not!" I cried, angry at his accusations. "I've never – _we've_ never – it wasn't like that."

"Then tell me 'what it was like', Bella." He made little air quotes and it angered me more.

"I was upset. It just happened," I muttered as my face flushed. It didn't just happen; _that_ was a lousy fucking excuse. He knew it, too.

James laughed loudly.

"That shit doesn't just fucking happen and you know it. He's probably been planning this, been fucking waiting for it or something."

"He hasn't! He wouldn't."

"He wouldn't what? Kiss another man's fiancée? Well, he did," James scoffed and I felt tears spill onto my cheeks. "God, Bella. I feel like I'm in fucking high school or something."

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I'm sorry you're hurt but I don't know what you expect me to do when you're constantly running off doing God knows what and - "

"I'm _working_ Bella!"

"I don't care! I don't care because this is my family and they're supposed to be _your_ family, too. I support your career wholeheartedly but when it comes to _anything_ like this, for me, you disappear!"

"Why should I make time for people who don't give a shit?" He threw his hands up and I scoffed loudly.

"Because it's important to _me_. You should care what I think." I told him. He glared at me and crossed his arms tightly over his chest, his silence telling me he knew I was right.

"I need some time. I need to think about some things," I said as I choked down the lump in my throat and looked away.

"Fine," James answered curtly.

"Fine?" My gaze was back on his, his face indifferent.

"Fine." He repeated himself with a shrug. Blue eyes burned into mine and I blinked away fresh tears.

"I'll call you." I turned around and walked hastily to the door, grabbing my purse and keys on the way out.

As the door closed behind me, I heard the unmistakable sound of shattering glass.

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	28. This is the Sound

Chapter 27 – This is the Sound

"_This is the sound of a broken heart beating"_

_-The Last Goodnight_

My day with Masen was busy as usual. We had lunch, drew pictures, and played endless rounds of golf on the Wii fit. After we worked up an appetite again, I got to explain to my son why it wasn't polite to throw freshly cooked pasta at your dad. Then we got a lesson in cleaning floors.

After dinner it was: bath, books, bed. All the while trying to not contact Bella. It was up to her to do whatever it was she needed to do. I was trying very hard not to get my hopes up, so I spent my time occupying my thoughts with my little boy, my ultimate distraction. That is, until he fell asleep.

I closed the book we'd been reading and sighed. It had been a fucking long day. I reached for my phone and texted Bella 'goodnight' before I lifted Masen into my arms so I could put him in his bed. Just as my foot hit the bottom step there was a soft knock on the door.

"Shit." I groaned and glanced down at my son. His mouth was slightly open and he was snoring softly. I stifled a laugh and decided he was asleep enough that I could answer the door. I balanced him in one arm and opened the door with the other, silently cursing whoever it was on the other side and then wondering when I got so damn old.

"Oh, come _on_." I muttered when I found my new _brother-in-law_ standing on the front porch.

"Uh… sorry to come by so late." Jasper shuffled his feet and I rolled my eyes.

"Come in." I sighed and turned back to the stairs. I heard the door close and his footsteps behind me as I took Masen up two flights of stairs to his bedroom.

"You sure you don't want to hold him while you talk to me?" Jasper joked lamely. I laid Masen in his bed and tucked his covers around him before I turned to Jasper. He recoiled slightly, like he was afraid I was going to hit him. It was a little funny.

"You alright?" I asked and patted him roughly on the shoulder.

"I just – I know you're angry…" He started, but trailed off as I walked past him and out Masen's room. He followed me down the stairs and into the kitchen where I'd pulled two beers out of the fridge. I handed him one and he stared at me, confused.

"Just fucking drink it, Whitlock." I thrust the bottle into his hand. He opened it with the hem of his shirt and took a small sip. "So, how'd you end up here?" I took a long pull from my beer while he thought.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, why are _you_ here talking to me instead of your _wife_?" I made a face at the word. Not that it really bothered me. It was just… weird. Everyone was fucking married now.

"We flipped a coin." Jasper shrugged and picked at the label on the bottle. I laughed and he looked up alarmed.

"You know it's a fake quarter, right?" I asked and saw the realization cross his face like a blind man seeing for the first time.

"Fuck. No wonder I always lose." He shook his head and I laughed again.

"She's had it since she was eight. Never flip a coin with Alice. Rule number one." I explained.

"I have a lot of things to learn." He muttered and I nodded. "I love her?"

"I figured." I tried to smile.

"She's really upset. She thinks you're mad at her."

"She knows better." I muttered and tried to shake the guilt that he'd just inadvertently put on me.

"Maybe you should tell her that yourself." Jasper suggested.

"I will." I gazed at the refrigerator, refusing to meet his glare.

"We're not moving in here." He reassured me and I laughed loudly.

"Oh, I know." I said and my sister's _husband_ finally cracked a smile.

"Daddy?" Masen stumbled sleepily into the kitchen and I rushed to him remembering the last time he looked like this. I pulled him into my arms and pressed a hand to his forehead to check his temperature. No fever.

"What's wrong? Do you feel sick?" I asked as I tried to keep the panic at bay. He rested his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my neck.

"I had a bad dream and you weren't in your bed." He yawned. I patted his back absently and turned to Jasper.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going." He clapped me on the back and gently ruffled Masen's hair. "Call your sister."

"Sure thing." I muttered as I heard the door close and I headed back upstairs.

"Can't I sleep in your bed?" Masen asked, refusing to let go of my neck. "Just for tonight?"

"Just for tonight." I agreed and carried him back to my room. He scrambled out of my arms the minute I reached the bed and was curled up under the covers in no time.

"Move over." I nudged him softly as I climbed in. He rested his head next to mine on my pillow and kissed my cheek.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, kid."

"How far?" He yawned and wrapped a little arm around my neck.

"All the way to the moon." I whispered

"I love you to Pluto. That's farther." Masen mumbled and chuckled and kissed his head.

"Go to sleep." I told him as he hugged me tighter.

BPOV

I heard the door slam but didn't move from my spot at the dining table. I hadn't moved for forty-five minutes. Well, unless you count when I went to open another bottle of wine. The tapping against the hardwood floors stopped and Alice leaned against the door frame between the kitchen and dining room.

"Drinking when you're upset really isn't healthy, you know." She said with a small smile on her angelic face.

"Fuck off." I muttered and took another sip. Alice sighed and disappeared only to return with her own glass. Her ring sparkled as she poured herself a glass.

"Well, it's good to know you aren't knocked up." I quipped as she downed half a glass in one gulp.

"Is that what you all think?" Alice's ice cold glare made me recoil slightly in my seat.

"No…" I fingered the stem of my wine glass.

"You're a mean drunk, Bella Swan." She refilled her glass but I could see her smiling. "So, how was making out with my brother?"

"Wha -? I did no -! What the hell?" I stuttered and Alice laughed.

"Leah was practically exploding. She and secrets don't mix."

"Funny. She's kept others." I said softly. Alice frowned.

"Talk to me." Alice reached across the table and took my hand away from my wine glass.

"I can't." I whispered.

"Yes you can, Bella. I'm your best friend."

"But he's your brother, Alice. He's your brother and the father of my kid and just… _fuck_ I miss him so much." I gripped her hand and closed my eyes.

"So do something about it." She said with her stupid soothing Alice-will-make-it-better voice.

"I told James I needed some time to think about things." I pulled my hand away from hers and emptied the bottle of wine into my glass. "But I don't… not really."

Alice's sharp intake of breath was the only sound in the room.

"So… you _really _enjoyed making out with Edward?" She asked nonchalantly and I knew she was trying to rid the room of its awkwardness. I wanted to hug her. Or throw something at her.

"You're disgusting." I rolled my eyes and she laughed.

"I'm here for you, you know. You don't have to think about these things alone." Alice squeezed my hand again. I flipped hers over and held it up so she could see her silver band.

"Yeah, same for you." I gazed pointedly at her. Alice pulled her hand away and sighed.

"I'm sorry. It really did just happen. We got caught up in the romance of the night… and the alcohol." She smiled.

"Do you regret it?" I asked quietly.

"Absolutely not!" She cried indignantly. "It's not what I planned, but it was fairly perfect."

"I'm glad." I smiled and clinked my glass with hers.

"Is he very upset with me?" She asked after a moment, her eyes glued to the table.

"No." I told her. Her gaze moved to mine and she looked relieved. "He's hurt, Ali." Her face dropped as tears filled her eyes.

"I figured he would be." She sniffed. "What should I do?"

"He really likes those cinnamon crunch bagels from the little breakfast shop by Masen's school." I said and she wiped her eyes.

"With cream cheese?"

"And hazelnut coffee." I told her. Alice nodded and then smiled the kind of smile that scared me. It was like she was up to something.

"I like that you know these things." Her gray eyes glinted mischievously and I felt my face heat up.

"Yeah, me too."

EPOV

I loved my son. I mean, really and truly loved him. I did not particularly like the little mouth-breather in the morning when his face was right next to my ear and his bony little arm was slung across my face.

I stifled a groan and gently removed his arm so I could sneak out from under him and make breakfast and pack his lunch. It was his last week of preschool and he was getting a little down about it so I wanted to pack him something special and write him a note. My mom always did it for me and I figured it would only make him happy.

I heard Alice before I saw her as I walked downstairs.

"Hi." My sister greeted me quietly.

"What's this?" I gestured to the dining room table which was covered with an assortment of bagels, cream cheeses and two large cups of coffee.

"I just… wanted to apologize." She smiled tentatively and I frowned. I crossed the few steps that were between us and pulled her into a tight hug.

"You don't have to apologize, Brain." I kissed her hair and she squeezed me tightly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." She sniffled as I released her. Alice took a seat at the table and I joined her, pulling two bagels toward us and spreading them with copious amounts of cream cheese.

"Are you happy?" I asked.

"Extremely," she smiled, though her face was streaked with tears.

"Then it's fine."

"Promise?"

"I mean, I'm a little upset I didn't get to have that scary big brother talk with Jasper, but I guess I'll survive." I said through a mouth full of cinnamon crunchy deliciousness. Alice laughed. "Don't be afraid to tell me things, Ali. I know things are different - "

"Shut up." She clamped her hand over my mouth. "Things aren't different, Pinky. I love you just the same as always."

"Promise?" My voice was muffled by her hand and the bagel that was still in my mouth.

"Of course." She removed her hand and grimaced while I laughed quietly at her. "You're so disgusting."

"Morning." Masen sauntered into the dining room scratching his belly over his Transformers pajamas. He climbed into my lap and reached for the bottom half of my bagel then started licking off the cream cheese.

"Would you just like a spoon and a tub of it?" Alice asked while she watched him with wide eyes.

"Can I?" His sleepy eyes lit up and it took all I had not to roll mine.

"No, dude." I stood and set him in my chair so I could fix him a glass of milk and fix myself another bagel since he'd decided to claim mine in the name of sneaky little boys everywhere.

We finished breakfast and I helped him dress for school while Alice cleaned up the dining room.

"Shmanks for the shmagels!" Masen wrapped his arms tightly around Alice's waist before running out the front door.

She watched him, her mouth hanging open slightly. I shook my head and kissed her cheek.

"I don't know where he comes up with this stuff." I shrugged. She snorted softly.

"Says the boy who wore his bathrobe and pretended to be the Karate Kid for an entire summer." I chuckled and mussed her hair before grabbing my things.

"Tell Jasper I said… 'Watch your back' or something really macho like that." I winked and closed the door. Masen was chasing a dragonfly around the car, his backpack tossed haphazardly into the bushes around the porch. I picked it up with my free hand and unlocked the doors.

"Get in, kid." He took his bag from my hands and climbed in, buckling himself, grinning the whole time. Sometimes I was jealous of him. Of his ability to _always_ be happy and see the good in something. I guess that was the perk of being a kid.

BPOV

The week after my conversation with James could be described with a number of words. I think _hellacious_ was the best one though. He was cordial enough at school, though thankfully, we didn't have to see each other much. I did catch him whispering with the PE coach in the teacher's longue one day. I simply smiled politely as I refilled my coffee cup and James attempted to make small talk.

There were no more incidents after that.

I left school early Friday to pick up Masen and meet Edward at Forks' Elementary. I filled out registration paperwork while Edward talked to the office personnel with Masen swinging from his forearm. When he got tired of swinging Edward lifted him up onto the counter and wrapped his arms securely around our son. The words on the form went blurry as I tried to focus on them. _One more page_, I told myself. I turned the papers in with all of our identification and copies of legal documents required. The registrar returned with our things to give back, a concerned look on her face.

"Everything alright?" Edward asked her as he tucked his license back into his wallet.

The older woman brushed a piece of gray hair away from her face and sighed.

"I just need to know what name to put in the computer when I go to place him, dear." She handed the paper back to me.

"It's what I wrote. Right there." I pointed and held the paper up so she could see it. She shook her heard.

"I know what you wrote, honey. But it doesn't match the birth certificate." The woman explained. I flipped through the pages again to see what I'd written and stunned myself.

She was right. I'd written the wrong name _on every page. _

Every blank for the student's name said the exact same thing.

_Masen Charles Cullen. _

Cullen.

Not Swan.

"Just change it Iz, it's fine. It's his name." Edward touched my hand softly. I risked a glance at him, hoping I wouldn't see sad eyes. To my surprise they weren't sad at all. Something different glinted in them. He was _happy_. He liked my mistake. And, if I were being honest with myself, I did too.

"But…" I trailed off, my eyes on Masen who was now rearranging his father's wallet. "Okay." I began correcting my mistake and wondered how I even did it on seven damn pages without noticing. I finished and handed it back, embarrassed that I forgot my own son's name.

"Let's have a look around, shall we?" She stepped from around the counter as Edward set Masen on the ground. He took mine and Edward's hand and led us out of the office after the registrar. She walked us around the school and showed us different classrooms and where different classes and grades were.

Masen was in awe, gripping both of our hands tightly unless he was asking Edward to hold him up so he could see in the window. We left shortly after a tour of the cafeteria (which amazed him) and soon found ourselves saying an awkward goodbye in the parking lot. It had become normal on Fridays for Edward to pick Masen up and for me to have dinner with James.

"What are you boys going to do?" I asked as Masen swung between our arms.

"We're going to the cardware store and then for pizza." Masen said as Edward threw him over his shoulder.

"The _hardware_ store. And then for pizza." He corrected him with a smile.

"Hardware store?"

"For my treehouse, Mama!" Masen cried as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

"Silly me! How could I forget?" I tickled him after Edward put him in the car.

"I don't know." He rolled his eyes. "I still love you though."

"Good." I kissed his face. "I love you."

"Have a good night." Edward said as he opened my car door for me. I kissed his cheek quickly before getting in.

"Be good."

"Of course." He grinned and closed my door. I sat in the parking lot and waited for him to drive away before I made my way home. After a quick shower and sweep through the house picking up random toys and books, I opened a bottle of wine (though I was running low) and prepared dinner.

James showed up promptly at eight o'clock, as usual. We talked while we ate, mostly about work. He informed me of an opportunity at the community college teaching over the summer and I told him I'd look into it.

"So, how is your thinking going?" James asked as he swirled his wine glass. I sighed and picked at an imaginary spot on the table.

"It's going." I told him softly. I saw him nod from my peripheral but neither one of us said anything.

"I understand you have a lot going on Bella, I do." He drained the remnants of his glass and set it down loudly on the table. "But I… I won't wait around forever."

"I know." I whispered. "I know."

He left after that, placing a quick kiss on the top of my head and closing the front door quietly. I sat for a long while, just thinking. Thinking of how stupid I'd been, how easy my choice should have been.

Thinking of how I was going to make everything right again.

The weekend passed quickly enough and I didn't speak to James again. Rose and Emmett returned from their honeymoon but I didn't have the nerve to tell either one of them what was going on. I didn't want to jump into their spotlight and I was quite sure that once the news of Alice and Jasper's wedding got to them, there would be enough drama.

If my conversation with James hadn't steeled my decision, my Sunday afternoon encounter with Edward would have. I drove to pick Masen up, planning on having dinner with my parents (and hopefully a long talk with Sue afterward).

The front door was open so I let myself in and realized that, apparently, I hadn't been inside Edward's home in quite some time. It wasn't much different from when we were children, expensive furniture, classic art, and high tech appliances and toys, of course. That was one of the things I'd always loved so much about Carlisle and Esme. They were noticeably high class but never acted like it and if you walked into their home you would only see that a happy, albeit spoiled, family lived there.

I felt the same thing I always had when I walked into the Cullen house. I was welcomed here. I _belonged_ here.

I found the boys in the backyard, Masen drawing quietly on the back porch and Edward working out in the yard.

With power tools.

Be still my beating ovaries… er, heart.

I stood and watched him (perved on him) for a bit, marveling at how much he had changed in the past five years. Physically he was the same, though his handsome face was starting to show slight lines around his eyes and mouth. His lean body was not as toned, but by no means was that a bad thing. He was still the same shy and reserved boy that I'd fallen in love with, only more aware of himself and his affect on others.

As I watched him work, sawing and sanding and preparing pieces for the tree house, I thought about how different things would have been had he _not_ gone to Australia or if I'd gone with him. We would never know for sure if the decisions we'd made were the so-called "right" ones, but we'd also never be able to change the choices that we'd made.

Edward wiped his sweaty brow with the back of his arm and glanced up toward the porch, his face breaking into a perfect smile.

"Hey!" He called and Masen looked up from his drawing, finally noticing me standing behind him.

"Hi Mama." He looked up, his smile just as perfect as his father's. I kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly.

"I missed you."

"I was only gone for two days!" He giggled and struggled from my grasp. Edward laughed as he came up the steps and took a long sip from a water bottle. He was covered in sawdust and his t-shirt clung to his body, his hair damp across his forehead.

"Are you going to your parents?" He asked as he sat down and began to take off his sneakers and socks.

"Yeah." I started cleaning up Masen's mess.

"Do you want…" He trailed off and I looked up, meeting anxious eyes. "I mean – is he?"

"Probably not." I answered his unspoken question quietly. He nodded. "Emmett and Rose will be there. You should come, too."

"Oh. Oh yeah. I'll be there." He stuffed his dirty socks in his shoes and set them by the sliding glass door that led inside.

"Good." I smiled. He returned my smile and reached for Masen.

"I'll see you later." He took Masen's face between his hands and kissed his head. Masen's arms reached out but Edward laughed and stepped back. "I'm dirty buddy."

"But I want to hug you." Masen pouted adorably. Edward rolled his eyes but pulled our son into his arms anyways. "You smell like a tree."

"Thanks, kid. Thanks." He laughed again and sighed before kissing Masen's hair and setting him down. Edward took a step toward me, placing a hand on the side of my face and kissing my cheek softly.

"I _told_ you she was pretty enough to kiss." Masen said from my side.

"You're always right." He winked at Masen and mussed his hair while I laughed. It was loud and genuine, bubbling from deep inside and pouring out before I could stop it. Edward shook his head but kissed me again on the head before opened the door for us.

"We'll see you in a bit." I called as I led Masen out of the house. He was quiet as we drove the short way to my parents and didn't speak until we'd pulled into the driveway.

"Mama, are you still gonna marry James?" He asked as I helped him out of the backseat.

"I don't know, baby." I took his hand and led him to the house.

"Because I know that Daddy likes to kiss you and if you like to kiss Daddy then maybe you should marry him."

"What is all of this talk about kissing lately?" I pulled him into a tight hug when we'd reached the front door. Instead of going in I sat on the porch swing and held him to me.

"I don't know. It just looks like fun." He shrugged and looked up at me with puckered lips. I kissed him and he smiled.

"It is fun. But you shouldn't kiss anyone until you're… thirty." I grinned and he frowned.

"But you aren't thirty and neither is Daddy and he kissed you today!" Masen protested while I chuckled softly.

"Okay, maybe not thirty. We'll talk about it when you're old enough to have a girlfriend." I set him on the porch and stood up.

Masen took my hand and gazed into the yard with a thoughtful expression.

"Mama, you know Haley is my girlfriend." He sighed and shook his head, like he couldn't believe I'd forgotten.

"Let's just get inside and you can talk to Uncle Seth about all of this."

"Yeah. Uncle Seth kisses a lot of girls. I've seen him." My son told my step-brother's secret as I ushered him to the kitchen to greet his grandmother.

"I don't even want to know." I said to a shocked Seth.

"Weasel! I can't believe you told my secrets!" Seth pretended to be angry and Masen simply shrugged.

"Sorry." He took a huge bite of a chocolate chip cookie Sue handed him.

"He'll spoil his dinner!" I protested.

"He's a growing boy!" Sue tapped me on the head with a wooden spoon and I winced, and rubbed the spot softly. Leah arrived soon after I did and ordered Dad and Seth to bring in her bags (which they willingly obliged to do) and stole Masen away from Sue and I so she could cuddle him on the couch.

We started cooking as soon as Emmett and Rosalie showed up and showered us all with gifts from their honeymoon.

"Is James coming tonight, baby?" My dad ruffled my hair as he walked through the kitchen and kissed Sue's cheek.

"No, not tonight." I said softly, not taking my eyes from the boiling pasta in front of me.

"Everything okay?" Sue asked as she patted my dad's cheek and ushered him out of the room.

"Everything's fine." I absently stirred the pot in front of me as I tried to keep my tears from falling.

"Did he do something? Are you fighting?" Sue pulled me away from the stove and pushed me into a chair.

"No." I sniffed and wiped my eyes. She frowned down at me and I looked down at my hands. The ring still shone there but it no longer held any meaning to me. It didn't show my love for James anymore, only the remnants of a relationship that was no more than a substitute for what I'd always wanted. What I'd been too afraid and too stubborn to seek and reclaim.

"Then what in God's holy name is wrong with you?"

"It's over." I mumbled. "With James. It's over."

"What happened?" Sue sat across from me and took my hands in hers. Her skin was a stark contrast against mine but still so incredibly comforting.

I told Sue everything. From the kiss at the airport to the encounter in the bathroom the weekend Edward returned. I told her about James' disappearing acts and how he'd become more and more estranged as the months wore on.

"He's sure to feel uncomfortable with Edward around so much, sweetie."

"I don't know, Sue. There is just so much wrong. So much that I don't understand."

She was quiet again as she thought while her thumbs rubbed little circles on my palms.

"I kissed Edward." I blurted out. Her dark eyes met mine and her eyebrows seemed to disappear into her hair.

"At the airport, right? You told me."

"No. After the wedding." I pulled my hands from hers and rubbed my face with the heels of my hands.

"Isabella." She scolded me and I groaned and let my head drop to the table.

"I know." I moaned.

"Stop playing with that boy's head." Sue tapped the table loudly as she stood up. I sat up, shocked.

"I'm not playing with James; I told him I needed time -"

"I'm not talking about James, Isabella." I cringed at the harshness in her voice and followed her gaze out the kitchen window. Edward stood in the middle of the yard staring up at the house. He bounced slightly on his feet before taking a deep breath and walking toward the front door.

I glanced briefly at Sue and watched the anger fade from her face and transform into a small smile. She rolled her eyes and gestured towards the door as if giving me permission to meet him outside. I felt giddy as I stepped out the door and met him on the bottom step.

"Hey." Edward smiled. My insides fluttered as my arms acted of their own accord and wrapped themselves around his neck. He hugged me back just as tightly and I pressed a gentle kiss under his ear.

"I'm glad you're here." I whispered to his shoulder. He released my body and took my hand, leading me inside. Masen met us at the door and Edward lifted him up and kissed him. And, like every time I saw them together, my heart warmed and my head filled with silly thoughts of a white dress and more babies with pretty green eyes.

But now the thoughts weren't so silly and my stomach fluttered wildly with hope. Until, that is, I remembered that I still had to tie up my loose ends. Only my 'loose ends' were attached to a man who I'd spent over a year in a monogamous relationship with.

Sue was right. I wasn't being fair to Edward or James.

xXxXxXx

The final week of school passed painfully slow. James and I hardly spoke at work, though he still called me each evening to tell me goodnight. Edward and I attended Masen's graduation together on a dreary Friday morning. He grasped my hand tightly as our son beamed and waved from the stage and it was right and there and _perfect._ We treated Masen to ice cream before Edward and I both had to return to work and he went back to daycare for the rest of the day. We parted ways and I returned to school to my class full of eleventh-almost-twelfth-graders who kept me entertained by telling me who had broken up with who for the summer and where they were planning on vacationing.

As the bell rang after my final class of the year and they filed out of my room, Angela pushed her way in looking flushed and worried.

"Ang? What's wrong?" I rushed to her and her eyes filled with tears.

"I think I'm in labor. Contractions. Ten minutes apart." She glanced at her watch and gripped my hand as I grimaced in pain. "Make that seven."

"Okay. Oh, _shit_. Okay, you have a bag?" I asked and she nodded. "Where's Ben?"

"Portland!" She wailed as she gripped my hand again.

"Not a big deal. We'll call him on the way." I grabbed my purse and placed my keys in her hand. "Get your things; I'll meet you at the car." I ran from the room and down the hall to James' class. He looked up, hopeful as I flung the door open but my eyes met his briefly then scanned the room for Seth.

"Clearwater!" James called through the room.

"Sir?" Seth's voice cracked as he looked up.

"Miss Swan needs you." He said and Seth's eyes traveled to the door. He stood quickly and bolted to me, his expression wary.

"What's wrong?"

"Ang is in labor. I need you to pick up Masen, please?"

"Of course. Drive carefully." He nodded quickly and I remembered how lucky my family was to have met the Clearwaters. I loved that stubborn, cocky kid.

"Thank you." I hugged him quickly and glanced at James who gave me a swift nod before turning his back to me. I didn't have time to explain, I'd call him on the way. I ran quickly to the office to inform them of what was going on before I met Angela in the parking lot, one hand gripping her overnight bag and the other resting on her swollen belly.

"Are you ready?" I asked, as I helped her into the car.

"Do I have a choice?" She said through gritted teeth. I laughed as I shut the car door.

Angela's doctor was in Port Angeles, so I drove as quickly and carefully as possible while trying to hold her hand, call her doctor, call her husband, and call Edward at the same time. Most of the calls were necessary. I called Edward because truth be told, I was fucking nervous and I needed someone to be there with me in case Ben didn't make it.

Edward met us at the entrance to the ER. Even in the midst of the chaos I couldn't help but take a moment to enjoy the sight of him in his crisp oxford, dress slacks, and striped tie. Professional Edward was delicious.

"Bella!" Angela gripped my hand again and I clenched my teeth together to keep from crying out.

"Let me." Edward pried my hand from Angela's grasp and replaced it with his own while I went to check her in.

For the next three hours Edward and I alternated between holding Ang's hand, fetching her ice chips, and calling Ben to see where he was. By the time he finally arrived the baby was crowning and Edward had mysteriously slipped out of the room. I let Ben have my place at Angela's side and I joined Edward in the hall outside of her room. He was leaning against the wall, his phone in his hands. Edward looked up when I stepped out and shoved his phone back in his pocket and smiled. I walked to him quickly and wrapped my arms around his middle burying my face in his chest.

"Thank you." I told him holding him tightly.

"You're welcome." I felt him kiss my hair and wrap his arms around my shoulders.

"She's here!" Ben cried from behind us and Edward and I jumped apart. "She's here. She's perfect. Beautiful. Looks just like her mother. I'm a father – can you believe that?" He prattled on excitedly while Edward and I grinned. I hugged the new dad and Edward shook his hand while we voiced our congratulations. An hour later we were permitted to see Angela, who was tired-looking but managed to smile ridiculously, especially when the nurses brought in a tiny pink bundle.

"Hello, Hannah." Angela cooed while Ben looked over her shoulder. I found myself jealous at their family display, knowing I missed out on it with Edward - and knowing that it was my fault. "Hannah _Marie_." Angela looked at me and my eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, Angie…" I hugged her gently and kissed her head then touched the baby's cheek softly. Her wide eyes were light brown and I could make out a mess of dark hair under her hat.

"Do you want to hold her?"

"Of course!" I answered and greedily held my hands out. Angela gently placed the baby in my arms as Edward moved from his spot by the door to my side.

"She's gorgeous." I lifted her face to mine and kissed her tiny peach-fuzz covered cheek.

"Was he that small?" Edward's eyes were mesmerized as he watched Hannah in my arms and I felt the lump that I'd been fighting off take form in my throat.

"Yeah. A bit smaller, because he was so early." I whispered, not taking my eyes off Hannah's face.

"May I?" He asked Angela and she gave him a small, tired nod. I placed Hannah in Edward's arms carefully, though I discovered that he didn't need any baby holding advice. His able hands cradled her perfectly and the smile he gave her nearly melted my heart.

"You are going to be so much trouble." He murmured as she grasped his finger.

"I think she likes you." I rested my head against his shoulder and gazed down at her.

"I like her, too." Edward smiled and then shifted Hannah in his arms so he could hand her back to me. "But, I have to get back to work." He kissed my head and then Angela's.

"Congratulations guys, really, she's beautiful."

"Sorry about your hand." She said sheepishly then yawned. Edward chuckled and shook his head.

"No harm, no foul." He shook Ben's hand and gave him a quick hug before exiting the room, leaving me speechless. I spent a little while longer with the new parents until their family began to show up and I started to feel in the way. I whispered a quiet goodbye to Angela and Ben and slipped out of the room, out of the hospital, and into my car.

As soon as I turned my phone on a text message from James came through.

_Computer crashed and lost my midterm. Have to cancel dinner. Will be at PACC all night. _

I sat in the parking lot and thought about the mess I'd gotten myself in. How I'd let Edward walk away and started a relationship with James knowing that I would never love him enough. I thought about my mother and how, after all these years, she wanted to be a part of her family's life. I felt sorry for her but at the same time I knew how she felt in trying to make something right. I was trying to make my relationship with Edward _right_, only I was most definitely doing it _wrong_. Edward and I were only right if we were together and apparently I was the only one who couldn't see that.

I wasn't meant to be with James. My family's reluctance to accept him and his estranged relationship with Masen should have been enough proof for me. Edward's words from that dingy bar bathroom constantly haunted me: _He's safe. He's not what you want._

Edward was right. With James there was never the risk of him leaving or me having my heart completely and utterly broken again. Because I would never feel for him what I'd felt for Edward. Never.

I drove, knowing in my head where I needed to go, but my heart took me somewhere else. Well, first it took me to a little coffee shop and then I ended up on the second floor of an office building off of Main Street.

Edward was bent sitting in a tall chair bent over a table, his hands moving quickly across the paper in front of him. I could have stood there and watched him work for hours. The way he tugged at his hair and how he frowned while he erased things with the tip of his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth. After a minute or two I spoke.

"Hi." I said softly, so as not to startle him.

"Hey." He looked up, his tired eyes crinkling around the corners as he smiled.

"I brought you some coffee." I held up the cup and he groaned softly wheeled the chair he was sitting in around the desk and stopped in front of me. I handed him the cup but he set it on the desk beside us and pulled me between his legs.

"That was amazing today. Thank you for calling me." He said as his arms slipped around my waist. I rested my hands on either side of his face and searched his eyes for something, for anything that would let me know that _this_, this moment with him was the one I was supposed to be living.

"I want that." I let my thumbs rub his cheeks, enjoying the feel of him beneath my fingers. I didn't have to explain what I meant because he knew, he knew and _I knew_. This was our moment, this life was our moment and it was time to start living in it.

"Just tell me when." His arms tightened around me and I pressed my forehead to his briefly and slipped my hands from his face to the back of his neck. Our lips met softly as he held me closer and I silently begged him not to let go. Innocent kisses turned quickly to tongues and teeth and gasps for air before he was gently pushing me away and laughing quietly. "I have work to do."

"I know." I sighed and he kissed me again. "Soon." I whispered and he nodded and used his long legs to push himself back to the table he'd been working at, leaving me standing in the middle of the room.

"Thanks for the coffee." He said as I walked towards the door.

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella."

I walked out of the building with a smile on my face, though it disappeared as soon as I started the car because I had to see James. I had to tell him the truth and end this once and for all. My stomach flipped as I pulled into the nearly empty parking lot of the building where James' office was. I greeted the janitorial staff as I walked the quiet halls that led to the broom closet they gave him as an office. I felt strange as I neared the door, knowing that it would probably be the last time I'd walk these halls to visit him. I knew things wouldn't end well and fuck, I didn't expect him to take this easily.

I also didn't expect to find him in his office…

…with a woman.

No, with a _girl_.

A shirtless girl with pale skin and a hot pink bra.

A redheaded girl with a high pitched laughed and a nose ring that I saw when he kissed her neck and she threw her head back.

A girl who looked a little too comfortable sitting on top of a desk with my fiancé between her legs like she'd been there before. Many, many times.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!" I threw the door open and it slammed into the wall knocking the framed diplomas down. They broke apart at the sound and James' eyes flew to mine.

"What the –?"

"I think I get to ask that, don't you?" James didn't say anything while the girl scrambled around and tugged her shirt back on. She pushed past me in the doorway and ran down the hall.

"Bella -" He began but I held my hand up.

"How long has this been going on?" I asked my voice muted, trying to hide my anger. He didn't answer. "How long?" I demanded again.

"A few months." He mumbled.

"Months? _Months_? Are you kidding me? I kiss Edward two times and you get pissed -"

"_Two_ times?" He interrupted me and I threw my hands up.

"Are you _serious_? Are you fucking serious? Yes, I kissed him twice. How many times have you fucked the youngest Weasley? _God_! How could I have been that stupid? All those times you left – I'm such an idiot!"

"You didn't notice; you were too wrapped up in _him_ and your fucking kid!"

"Don't you dare talk about my son like that!" I fought to keep my hands clenched at my side as he glared at me. I took a deep breath and broke his glare, still trying to wrap my head around everything that was happening.

"It just happened." His words caused my eyes to snap to his cold blue ones. I'd given the same excuse when I'd kissed Edward after the wedding and he'd scoffed at it, the asshole. Months. He'd been screwing around for months. Edward was wrong, James wasn't safe.

"Oh. Right. Well, let's make sure it doesn't 'just happen' again, how's that?" I slipped off my ring and placed it on the edge of his desk.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Sounds about right." I turned away from him, my eyes raking around the room as I racked my brain thinking of something to say. I had nothing. Nothing that mattered to me or would matter to him.

"Goodbye, James." I walked to the door and didn't look back as it closed behind me. He wasn't safe. He wasn't what I wanted. And he just gave me the easiest out I could ever imagine. I should have been angry that he was cheating, that he was with another woman for months while I struggled with my feelings for both him and Edward.

But I wasn't.

I was _relieved_.

I was relieved as I got into my car. I was ecstatic as I drove back to Edward's office. Of course, I was disappointed when I realized that his car was gone. I sat in the empty parking lot trying to calm myself and comprehend everything that had happened in the few hours since I'd rushed out of school.

Sue had told me to stop playing with Edward's head. I knew it was wrong, but I loved being around him so much that it was hard not to act… normal. Well, normal for us anyway. Edward never said anything though. He was always supportive and did everything, _everything_, right. I could have thrown myself at him a million times and he wouldn't have even batted an eye. And here I was anxious and even giddy to get to him and share this wonderful news. That James had been cheating on me for months and what did I expect? That he would welcome me with open arms? That we'd start living happily ever after and that'd be the end of it?

I really needed to get a grip on reality. So, instead of dreaming up ridiculous fantasies of Edward and I on the drive back home, I thought of how I would approach the situation. How I would explain to him what had happened. And I hoped with all my heart that he would listen with an open heart and open mind and consider giving me, us, anything, another chance.

I drove cautiously from Port Angeles, my heart pounding in my chest the entire time, until I reached Edward's driveway and it stopped altogether. He wasn't there. I rested my head on the steering wheel and sighed before turning off the car and making my way to the front porch. I wrapped my arms around my knees and waited for Edward to come home.

Thankfully I didn't have to wait long. I stood and brushed my pants off as he pulled into the drive and got out of his Tahoe.

"Hey." He jogged up the steps and passed me to open the front door. I followed him inside wringing my hands nervously and watching his every move. He loosened his tie and kicked off his shoes by the door, then untucked his shirt and made his way to the kitchen. I stood in the foyer, too nervous to move.

"You okay?" He raised an eyebrow at me when he came back from the kitchen with two beers in his hands. He handed me one and gestured to the living room but I didn't move.

"Sure. Fine." I held the bottle in my hand but didn't bring it to my lips.

"What's going on, Bella?" He took the beverage from me and set it on the small side table by the door. I shook my head, my eyes stinging with tears, and looked away from him. His hands found my face and I melted into him, wrapping my arms around his body and burying my face in his chest.

Edward's hands moved and gripped my shoulders then gently pushed me away before they were on my face again, holding my gaze to his.

"Tell me." He breathed the words and I couldn't fight it any longer.

"I just want this so much and I don't know if you want it too. I think you do but I have no right to ask you. You were right all along, James wasn't what I wanted and it doesn't matter anyways because I wasn't what _he_ wanted and -"

I stopped my rant. Edward's hands had fallen from my face and he raked one through his hair before shoving them both in his pockets.

"Is this the part where you tell me 'when'?" He asked softly.

"What?" I looked at him through blurry eyes.

"I said, is this the part where you tell me 'when'?" Edward asked again, a small smile playing on his perfect mouth.

"Yes." I managed to choke the word before I was in his arms and his lips were on mine.

"Say it." He murmured while his fingers danced beneath my shirt.

"When." I whispered and his mouth covered mine once more.

"Again." Edward pulled away, just enough that I could see the grin on his face.

"When. When. When." I repeated the word and covered him with kisses because I didn't have to ask if he wanted this, I _knew_. I knew because I knew Edward. I loved Edward. And as we moved, slowly but deliberately up the stairs I knew that this was right. That Edward and I would make it work, no matter what.

"_This is where we are, _

_This is where we've been, _

_This is how I fall in love with you again."_

* * *

**Sah4004 beta'd, messynachos preread. **

**Thank you again and again and again for reading. I am continuously overwhelmed. We're almost at the end. Thanks for sticking with me. I love you all, really and truly. **

**If you want to know about updates or teasers or just random, boring stuff from my life, follow me on Twitter. /IdPattThat**

**XOXO**


	29. The Last Train Home

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns it all. **

**Killerlashes beta'd and I edited, any mistakes are mine. **

**Messynachos is my life twin and cheerleader. **

**This chapter scares me. **

**You are all wonderful.**

* * *

Chapter 28 – The Last Train Home

"_And if you wait for me,__  
__I'll be the light in the dark if you lose your way.__  
__And if you wait for me,__  
__I'll be your voice when you don't know what to say.__  
__I'll be your shelter,__  
__I'll be your fate.__  
__I'll be forever,__  
__wait for me.__  
__I'll be the last train,__  
__I'll be the last train home."_

_-Ryan Star, "The Last Train Home"_

Waking up the next morning was like something from a dream. A really odd dream, since I was greeted by two huge blue eyes and a paw to the face.

"Good morning, EJ," I muttered and scratched the top of his head. He purred, bit me, and then walked over me to get off the bed. He was like a miniature Masen, only slightly ruder and not quite as messy.

Edward's bed was big and warm, with fluffy pillows and a soft down comforter. Of course, when Edward wasn't in the bed it wasn't as nice. That was how I'd woken up: with cold sheets next to me and a slip of paper on the nightstand.

_B-_

_Had to go to the office._

_Meet me for lunch. _

_My office at noon._

_-E_

I smiled into Edward's pillow and tried to wrap my head around the previous night's events.

Beautiful little Hannah.

James and some… _girl_. I'd assumed the girl was a student of the college and I was pretty sure whatever he was doing (besides cheating on me) was going to call for some kind of action taken. I didn't want to be malicious but, at the same time, I didn't want to compromise the school rules. I had plenty of time to worry about James though.

Because then there was Edward.

Edward's hands and lips and how they felt against my skin. The words he'd said to me and how it felt to sleep in his arms, knowing that there would be more nights I would get to spend tangled up with him.

_Edward moved us slowly up the stairs with soft touches and gentle kisses as I tried to keep the smile off my face. The fabric of his shirt was smooth beneath my fingers and the buttons were undone easily. When we'd reach the top of the stairs he slipped his hand behind my neck and pulled my mouth to his, kissing me hard. I grasped the open sides of his shirt, nearly yanking him the final steps into his bedroom, and didn't stop pulling until my legs hit the edge of his bed. _

_Edward's hands lifted me onto the bed and then his body followed, his lips capturing mine again. I slipped his shirt off his shoulders and laughed when he, Masenlike, fell headfirst onto the mattress trying to take it off. He smirked down at me and rested his elbows on either side of my head, then kissed me very gently. _

"_Do you want to do this?" he whispered against my lips. _

"_I want this. You. All of it." I ran my fingers through his hair. _

"_I know. I do too. I just… don't want to ruin it by moving too fast." Edward's body betrayed his words when I kissed him again. My hands fisted in his hair as I tried to hold him impossibly closer. One of Edward's hands ghosted over the skin that was exposed between my shirt and jeans, his hips moving with mine until I was gasping for air. _

"_Why do I feel like I'm sixteen again?" I murmured against his cheek when he rested his face next to mine. _

"_Seventeen. You were seventeen." His breath tickled my ear and I shivered. I ran my hands over his arms and hugged him to me. _

"_I want to wait. I want to do this right," I whispered. His body relaxed on top of mine, and I struggled to breathe until he lifted himself off, laying down on his side and pulling my body against his, our legs tangled together, our noses touching softly. _

"_Can I kiss you all night?" His voice was quiet, smile small. _

"_I'd be mad if you didn't." I gently brushed my lips against his. _

"_Are we going to talk about it?" He pushed a stray lock of hair off my face and I frowned. _

"_I thought you wanted to kiss me." I sighed and rested my head on his outstretched arm. _

"_I do. I need a shower first." He kissed my forehead. "A cold one. And then we'll talk." _

_I laughed as he untangled himself from me and slipped into the bathroom. I waited until I heard the water running before slipping off my own clothes and replacing them with the shirt he'd shed and a pair of boxers, which he still kept in his top drawer. Edward was so predictable. I laughed again when I pulled back the covers and found a little stuffed otter in the middle of the bed. The pillows and blankets melted to fit me as I sunk into the mattress, and my eyes closed the moment my head hit the pillow. _

_It wasn't long after I'd fallen asleep that I felt the bed shift as Edward's body joined mine. He pulled me to him and slipped an arm under my head. I went willingly, pressing my face against his bare chest, warm and clean, and let my arm slip around his neck. My fingers found his damp hair; my cold toes his warm ones. We didn't speak for a long moment. _

"_I was going to see him – to end things with him." I traced random patterns on the back of Edward's neck. I spoke to his chest, knowing that if I were to see his face there would be no talking and nothing resolved. _

_His arms tightened around me until our bodies were flush against each other, his chin resting against my forehead. _

"_Why?" he asked quietly. _

"_It was over a long time ago. I just…was pretending it wasn't." _

"_Why?" Edward asked again. _

"_I guess I was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt. Of you leaving again. Afraid that if we were together again, it would be because of Masen and not because of how we felt." _

"_That's stupid." He pressed his lips to my forehead. _

"_I know. Part of me wanted to make it work with him to prove that… I don't know, that I wasn't still hung up on you? That I could function without you, does that make sense?"_

"_Are you?" He pulled back and lifted my chin toward his face. _

"_Am I what?"_

"_Still hung up on me?" Edward asked as a smile began to spread across his handsome face._

"_Don't be an ass." _

"_Answer the question, then," he breathed into my ear. I shivered and placed a kiss on his neck. _

"_More than you know. I'm sorry I treated you the way I did." _

"_No, I mean… we didn't behave the best toward each other, did we?" He brushed my hair away from my face, his eyes set on mine. I nodded my head in agreement. "We're too old to act like that. We should have known better." _

"_Should've, would've, could've," I muttered, and he laughed softly. _

"_Truth is Bella – I _get it. _I get that you were scared, I was too. That's part of the reason I never told you about the internship. I was scared that you wouldn't come with me." _

"_And I didn't," I said sadly. _

"_No, but I didn't really give you a chance to think about it. If I would have told you in advance maybe something different would have happened, maybe not. Point is -"_

"_There's a point?" I interrupted him and he rolled his eyes. _

"_Hush, you," Edward said before kissing me breathless._

"_Point?" I whispered with what little voice he hadn't stolen from me with his devilishly talented lips. _

"_I don't care. It's over and done with. It doesn't matter." _

"_What _does_ matter, then? What's next?" _

"_Whatever you want," he answered. _

"_Edward, you can't. You can't put all of this on me. I don't deserve all of that power." I wrestled myself from his grasp and leaned on my elbow so I could see him better. _

"_Bella, you already have my heart so you already _have_ the power." He mirrored my stance and I felt myself frown. _

"_But I've made such a mess of everything…" I let my eyes drop to the sheets and traced a pattern in them with my finger. _

"_We made it together. We'll fix it together. As fast or as slow as you want." Edward brushed a stray strand of hair out of my face and I laughed softly. _

"_This seems pretty fast, doesn't it?" I met his eyes and his smile made me feel lighter. _

"_A little, yes." He chuckled and wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me against him. "You've been single for what," he checked an imaginary watch and then looked back at me, "three hours?"_

"_If that. You waste no time, do you, Cullen?" I joked and he nipped at my earlobe. _

"You_ crawled into _my_ bed, remember?" Edward's breath was warm against my skin and my body melted against his. I slipped my arm under his head and the other under his arm and pressed my face to his chest again. He hummed softly, some old song Esme used to sing to us, and ran his fingers through my hair. _

"_He was with someone else. For months. I can't believe how stupid I was," I said into the darkness and Edward's movements stilled. "I was going to end it, Edward, I was – and that's when I found them. She's like, one of his students. Or the damn TA he's always running to. I just… I don't even know. " _

"_If that's what made you end up here, then I won't say I'm sorry that it happened." He pulled away to look at me, his eyes blazing. _

"_No, that's not what made me end up here._ You_ made me end up here." I rested a hand on his cheek and simply enjoyed the fact that he was there with me, in my arms, under my fingertips. "I'm just… sorry it took so long." _

"_I would have waited forever," he murmured against my lips. _

_His lips were slow and gentle, lazy even. He kissed me until my eyes didn't open again and my lips no longer cooperated, until my breathing was shallow and our heartbeats matched. Then Edward pulled me onto his chest and hummed that same old song until he fell asleep, too. _

I made my way downstairs and found a pot of coffee still warming and a half-eaten piece of toast on the counter. I poured myself a cup and cleaned up Edward's mess, then went upstairs to shower. Thankfully, Alice hadn't moved all of her stuff out so I used her bathroom, slipped on my own jeans and donned a frilly peasant top I found in her closet. She would have been proud of me.

As I made my way to Port Angeles I called Sue to let her know I'd be by later to pick up Masen. She laughed and told me it was no rush, and I smiled at his laughter in the background. I drove the streets nervously; it was only a little after ten in the morning and Edward had said to meet him at noon. I stopped at a little shopping strip by the pier and bought Masen a couple of new books and myself a cup of coffee that only made me more jittery.

By the time noon rolled around I was slightly nauseous and shaking out of my own skin as I sat in the tiny waiting room of Edward's office building. Anne, a pretty brunette I'd met a few times before, informed me that "Mr. Cullen" was in with a client and should be with me shortly. I thanked her and tried not to vibrate out of my chair while I waited.

Thankfully the door to Edward's office (separate from the work stations scattered throughout the room) opened soon, and he walked out with a leggy blond behind him. Make that strawberry blond. _Tanya. _

"Bella!" She rushed forward to hug me tightly. I returned her embrace, a bit confused, and looked to Edward for understanding. He merely shrugged and shoved his hands in the pocket of his khakis. Tanya finally relinquished her grip on me and then hugged Edward and kissed his cheek before leaving in a blur of hair and long legs exposed by the flowing silk of her minidress. One she'd left, he took my hand and pulled me to his office, closing the door and collapsing into his big leather chair.

"I thought you were working," I said when I finally got to take in his appearance. He was wearing a light blue polo and khaki shorts, leather sandals adorning his feet, but I noticed the golf shoes and clubs that were propped up in the corner.

"I was." He shrugged and stretched his arms over his head. "C'mere." Edward beckoned me with his head.

"No." I spoke softly, even though I really wanted to.

"Please?"

"I can't," I whispered, and his eyebrows rose, threatening to disappear into his hair.

"Fine," Edward huffed and made his way to me quickly. His arms wrapped around me but I kept mine crossed in front of my chest. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice worried and his lips at my temple. I felt awful.

"Nothing," I muttered and untangled my arms so I could hug him back.

"Izzy." He breathed my name into my ear and tilted my chin up so he could see my face. "Are you jealous?"

"No!" I tried to scoff, but his eyes were accusing and so very accurate. "She's really beautiful."

"Who? Tanya? I suppose. I'm not really her type though." He kissed my nose and I dodged an attempt at my mouth.

"You're everyone's type, Edward," I snorted and he rolled his eyes.

"Not if they don't like guys." He kissed my cheek and released me, leaving me standing alone to process what he just said.

"Really?" I asked incredulously as Edward took his seat again.

"Really." He laughed and this time curled a long finger in my direction. I went willingly, though somewhat sheepishly, and allowed him to engulf me in his embrace, my legs draped over his and my head resting on his shoulder.

"I missed you this morning." I rested my hand at the base of his neck and gave a soft kiss under his ear.

"Me too." Edward's hand ran softly up and down my thigh, sending fire through my veins where he touched me. "Duty calls." He gestured to his golf clubs and I laughed.

"Sure. Golf and meetings with beautiful women. What am I getting myself into?" I wrapped both of my arms around his neck but pulled back so I could see his face. His eyes were soft, no doubt impacted by my words, and I couldn't look away.

"They don't stand a chance," he whispered, and I couldn't resist his mouth any longer. I met his lips with gentle caution as his hand slid up my back, tangled in my hair, and held me closer.

"Good to know." I nipped at his chin when he finally released me.

"Bella, I need…" Edward's voice was quiet again as I stared into his deep green eyes.

"Yes?" I swallowed nervously.

"Food. I need food. I haven't eaten anything but a slice of toast and I'm dying."

"Okay." I laughed and kissed his nose before sliding off his lap. I smoothed his collar and he grabbed my hand, kissing it softly before lacing his fingers though mine and led me out of his office.

"Anne, I'm waiting for a fax – just stick on my desk when it comes in, please. You can lock up as soon as it's here." Edward told her as we made our way to the door. She glanced at our entwined hands and smiled softly.

"No problem, Mr. Cullen, have a great day. Goodbye, Ms. Swan." I gave her a little wave as Edward led me out the door and to his car. He opened the door for me and kissed me before he let me close it.

Edward drove us down to the pier where we found a little Italian place with a view of the bay. I ate most of Edward's alfredo and he drank my wine. We split dessert and called it even.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked when we reached the end of the pier. I leaned against the wood railing and Edward stepped behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Fine, I guess. And you?" I laughed at his choice of small talk and pressed myself back into him.

"I don't know I was watching you." Edward's lips brushed against the exposed skin of my neck.

"You weirdo," I whispered and turned my face to his so I could kiss him. "Am I going to wake up at home one night and find you climbing through my window so you can watch me sleep?"

"I know. I just didn't want you to disappear." He rested his chin back on my shoulder and I sighed.

"I won't."

"It just feels, I don't know… not real?" Edward's voice was quiet and his arms tightened around me as he spoke. I fought back the tears that were threatening to spill. He was right, it didn't feel real. Maybe I was dreaming. But I knew I wasn't because his arms were tight around me and his breath warm against my skim.

"It is, though, right?" I turned slowly in his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and meeting his soft green gaze.

"Yeah. Of course." He kissed me softly and ran his fingers through my hair. "I just don't think we really got a lot discussed last night."

"I know." I buried my face in his neck and hugged him tightly. "I just want to be with you."

"Like, I mean – can I date you?" he blurted out, and I laughed against his skin.

"Are you asking me out, Edward?" I pulled back and he looked at me through dark, impossibly long lashes.

"Well, yeah. I want to date you. And you know…then we can decide what we want," he muttered as an adorable blush crept up his cheeks.

"I want you. Always," I whispered before I kissed him again.

"It's been a while since we dated, you might change your mind." He smirked and I rolled my eyes.

"I think we'll be fine. You should worry more about my family than me." I untangled myself from his arms and took his hand so we could begin our trek back to the car.

"Oh, I think they'll be fine." He let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"My dad used to be a cop, you know. And I have two _really_ big brothers," I warned him, and he laughed so loud and deep that people turned to look at us as we talked. Some of them kept staring after we'd passed and I didn't blame them. Edward with the sun shining through his brilliant bronze hair and an exuberant smile was nearly breathtaking. I stuck my hand in his back pocket for good measure as we passed a group of young women. Yes, he was gorgeous. And he wanted to date me.

"So, was this our first date?" I asked when we'd finally reached the car. He opened the door for me again and rested his hands on the car and leaned inside to kiss me.

"I guess so." He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair.

"Really? I mean, you can't even take me somewhere I get to dress up?" I gestured to my jeans and borrowed top. He sighed and dropped his shoulders in mock sadness.

"You want to go somewhere fancy?" He raised an eyebrow and I giggled.

"You can take me to McDonald's and mini-golfing and I'd be happy, Edward."

"Sounds like our _first_ first date!" He laughed as he shut the door. I wracked my brain and tried to remember our actual first date before he got into the car.

"Edward, what _did_ we do on our first date?" I asked when he got into the car.

"You don't remember?" He took my hand in his as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"No, I don't. But I guess I don't really know what you count as the first date either."

"We came to Port Angeles to see a movie." His thumb rubbing circles over the top of my hand made me forget what we were talking about. Good grief, I could hardly imagine what it would be like when the rest of him was touching me.

"Uh… _Sleepy_ _Hollow_?" I asked and he nodded. "Em had such a thing for Christina Ricci. Ever since _Now and Then_. He's such a perv." My thoughts ran away with me as I thought about that night. We did, in fact, go to McDonald's and then to a movie with Alice, Emmett, and a few of our friends.

"You held my hand." Edward's voice broke into my thoughts and I noticed that we were sitting in the parking lot of his office, parked next to my car.

"What?" I turned to him and he smiled.

"You got scared during the movie. Then you reached over and grabbed my hand. It was the first time I'd touched you since your birthday, since I'd given you the ring." Edward recounted the moment with a far off look in his eyes. "I noticed you weren't wearing the ring and I was devastated. Later, after we'd gotten back to the house, I ran into you in the hall and I saw that you'd put it on the chain from your dad and Sue."

"I was worried I was going to lose it when I was working at Newton's," I whispered and fingered the thin gold chain I was wearing, trying to remember. I hadn't thought about Edward's ring in a very long time, a little more than five years to be exact. It didn't fit well when I was pregnant with Masen, so I'd slipped it off one day and shoved it in a box along with all the birthday cards from my mother. Out of sight, out of mind.

"I can't believe you remember that," I whispered and he leaned over and kissed my cheek before opening his door.

"Of course I do." Edward's playful smile was back when he opened the door and held out a hand to me. I took it gratefully and slid to the ground. I stared at him for a moment before throwing my arms around his neck with such force that he stumbled back a step.

"I'm very lucky," I whispered and his lips met mine softly.

"Me too."

**EPOV**

I smiled as I watched Bella's SUV drive away. I didn't really know what was going on with us, but I kind of liked it. When Bella showed up the night before, I didn't know what I expected to happen. I knew that things were different after our night together in Seattle, that things between her and James were strained. But I'd promised Bella (and myself) that I wouldn't come between them. For the most part I'd meant what I said. I would have never done anything to intentionally sabotage their relationship. Of course, if he fucked up all on his own… well, I'd always be on the sidelines.

Jasper and Emmett both had tried to convince me to date. It wasn't as if I didn't find other women attractive or want to fill _that_ particular void in my life but truth be told, I was busy. With starting up the office, coaching t-ball, and weekends with my son… dating wasn't really an option. I know they felt like I was pining for Bella, but I really wasn't. I loved her; that was true. But Bella was the first (and only) girl I'd _ever_ loved. She was the mother of my son and when it came down to it…I just wanted her to be happy.

If happy meant that she was with me, well that was all right, too.

Knowing James had cheated infuriated me because that meant he'd not only fucked with Bella's emotions, but Masen's too. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone hurting my son, even though it made me feel a bit hypocritical, considering the damage I'd done when I'd gone back to Australia for a few short weeks.

As I pulled out of the parking lot I felt the familiar ache in my chest I got when I was away from Masen. I called Sue as I drove.

"I swear it's like you and Bella are sharing a brain." Sue chuckled when I told her I was coming to pick him up.

"Oh? Did she call, too? She didn't say -" I cut myself off, knowing I'd just shoved my foot in my mouth. _Shit. _

"She didn't say what? Were the two of you together?" Sue grilled me and I could practically see her sharp eyes glaring at me, her mouth set in a thin line.

"Uh… we had lunch together?" My statement came out as a question and I wished I wasn't driving so I could slap myself in the head.

"And breakfast, I'm assuming," she said dryly and I nearly laughed.

"No." Well, it wasn't a _complete_ lie.

"Get your butt here, Edward Anthony. The two of you have some explaining to do," Sue said before she hung up on me. Why did I suddenly feel like Lucy, caught mid-shenanigans by an irate Desi?

"Yes, ma'am," I muttered to the dead line.

I pulled into Charlie and Sue's yard and Masen ran out to greet me. I lifted him up and kissed him while he wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Nana is mad at you." He frowned as I carried him inside. "And Mama. Did you do something wrong?"

"No, buddy. We didn't do anything wrong," I explained when I stepped through the front door. Bella greeted me and I set Masen down so I could kiss her. Masen smiled up at us but Sue cleared her throat from the hallway.

"Kitchen," she stated. Bella and I followed with dragging feet. "Go find your Uncle Seth. You forgot you were playing hide-n-seek." She ushered our son out of the kitchen and he gave us a sympathetic look, the little weasel.

"He thinks I should just give you a time out." She smiled as she watched him walk away and her face turned sober when she turned back to us. "I have other plans."

Bella sent me a sidelong glance and I shrugged.

"Oh, just sit down, will you? I just want to know what in the world is going on. And preferably before your father gets home so I know what to tell him!" she exclaimed as we all took a seat at the kitchen table.

"We don't know, Sue. I mean… we're going to… maybe just… help me out here?" Bella stuttered a bit before gripping my hand tightly.

"I want to date Bella," I said simply, and both women turned to me with amused looks.

"Date her? Like, pick her up and take her places and that's it?"

"Well, I mean – for now, yeah."

"You want to date the mother of your child." Sue stated rather than asked it, and I swallowed loudly. Bella laughed and try to cover it up with a cough.

"It sounds stupid when _you_ say it."

"It is stupid, boy!" Sue slammed her hand down on the table.

"It isn't stupid! Well, it's a little bit stupid. Look, we don't want to mess anything up and we want to do it right." I reached across the table to take Bella's hand and she smiled softly at me.

"You've already got the kid, what are you waiting for?" Sue muttered as she walked out of the kitchen.

"What was that?" Bella called to her as she tried not to laugh.

"I said you get to tell your father!" Sue yelled, then called Seth and Masen in for dinner. The five of us ate quietly, occasionally talking about the last week of school or the weather, always sidestepping the thing that was so obviously on Sue and Seth's minds. As Masen curled up on the couch with a movie, Seth and I washed dishes while Bella and Sue sat outside.

"So, what in the hell is going on?" Seth asked and I just shrugged. He was a kid. I couldn't talk to him about this. He was Bella's brother, too. It would be like talking to Emmett and that was just fucking weird.

"I don't know, dude. We're just… dating."

"Dating? Riiiight." He snorted and started to put the dishes away.

"Seriously!" I defended our new status. "She broke up with James like, yesterday."

"Oh, please, Cullen. She broke up with him the minute you moved back to Forks. Figuratively speaking, of course."

I eyed him for a moment before he finally turned to look at me.

"What?"

"I'm just surprised you know what that means." I shrugged.

"Fuck you, Cullen. I've got a 3.9 GPA."

"Language!" Sue entered the kitchen and smacked Seth across the back of the head, and I laughed.

"You're very angry tonight, Nana," Masen observed as he ambled into the kitchen and pressed his face against my side.

"I'm frustrated, there's a difference." She mussed his hair and mine before leaving the kitchen again.

"Can we go home, Daddy? I'm sleepy." I smiled down at Masen and saw Bella sitting at the table from the corner of my eye.

"Yeah, we can go." I lifted him up and Sue handed Bella his things and gave us both a once-over with a raised eyebrow. We walked to the car in silence and Bella buckled Masen in his seat so she could kiss him goodnight.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Bella reached up to hug me but I grabbed her hands and pulled her against me.

"Come over," I whispered before kissing her softly.

"I – I shouldn't," she replied against my lips.

"You should. He'd like it." I jerked my head in Masen's direction.

"What will he think?" Her eyes were trained on the back door of my car though we both knew he couldn't see us.

"He'll be happy," I said as I kissed her again. She sighed and relaxed against me.

"Okay," she agreed and I could feel myself smiling widely.

"See you soon." She nodded and waved before running up the stairs and back into the house. "How do you feel about a sleepover with your mom?" I turned to Masen and he grinned.

"Yes!" he cried, actually doing a fist-pump, and I laughed. This part of the relationship was going to be easy.

Masen and I were both in our pajamas and curled up in my bed by the time Bella arrived. I heard the door open and lock and then her footsteps on the stairs. Masen's eyes were drooping and he was cuddled up with his stuffed otter, his head on my chest. EJ was lounging at my feet. Bella smiled when she walked in my bedroom and dropped her small duffel in a chair sitting by the door. She took out what I assumed were her pajamas our and walked over to the bed. She kissed Masen's head and then me, her fingers trailing along my jaw, before going into the bathroom to change.

When she was finished Bella climbed into the empty side of my bed and pulled Masen to her. He went willingly and buried his head under her neck.

"Who's this?" Bella tugged the otter out of his arms and he reached for it.

"That's Ralph," Masen mumbled, and covered the stuffed animal protectively. "Daddy gave him to me. From Australia."

"Really?" Her eyes met mine over his head and I nodded. It was one of those random things I picked up before I left. I didn't want to come home empty-handed. I had nearly forgotten about it until I finished unpacking everything.

"He's a very nice cat," Bella said softly.

"Maa-maa! He's an otter!" Masen giggled and hugged Ralph tighter.

"How could I have been so silly?" She laughed and kissed our son before reaching an arm over him and holding out her hand to me. I turned off the lamp and took her hand in mine, kissing it softly before wrapping my arm around both of them.

"This is nice," Masen whispered and Bella and I laughed.

"Very nice," I agreed, and leaned over Masen so I could kiss Bella softly.

We stayed that way all night, wrapped up together. Our little family. I fell asleep hoping that things would finally be as they should.

For the next couple of weeks things went about the same way. Bella and I eventually talked to Charlie and our siblings and friends. Everyone was very supportive and not at all surprised, though Emmett when on a bit of a rampage when he found out about James.

Of course, he probably didn't feel quite the rage that I did. I'd tried so hard to be nice to the guy and the whole time he was dicking around. I would have been much less noble had I known all of that.

But, then again, I didn't have to think about him anymore. I didn't have to think about how he would put my kid to bed and kiss my girl. Truth be told, I was grateful for the douche bag. I knew Bella was having a hard time, though. She thought it was too easy, no doubt felt that the bottom would fall out sooner rather than later and we would be left with nothing – again.

"So, the whole time I'm trying to be nice to the guy and he's fucking around on my sister?" Emmett said a little too loudly during lunch with Charlie and Seth.

"I guess, I mean – dude, I don't know." I rubbed my hand over my face and glanced around the diner hoping that not too many people heard his outburst.

"So, is Bella okay? Is she pissed?" Emmett asked and Seth snorted into his drink.

"Bella's fine." He said as he smirked at me. I kicked him under the table.

"What do you mean?" Charlie, who'd been immersed in the menu (though he always ordered the same thing), finally looked up at his stepson with a confused look.

"I_ mean_ that Edward is taking perfect care of Iz. She'll be fine." Seth explained and I gripped the edge of the table.

"_What_?" Emmett and Charlie both turned to me, wide-eyed.

"Well – not like _that._ We're just… uh… that's why I wanted to hang out with you guys?" I questioned my own logic while they both stared at me. It was uncomfortable. I hated Seth.

"To tell us that you're banging my sister again?" Emmett cried. Dude seriously needed to learn some volume control.

"No! I'm not yet! I mean – _shit_." I glanced at Charlie and noticed his face was not the angry red that was normal when he was upset. Instead, he was smiling. "We're going to date and see what happens."

"Date. You're going to date." Emmett stated rather than questioned.

"Yes. Date." I rolled my eyes.

"You realize that this is completely backwards, right?"

"Emmett, if he wants to date your sister he can." Charlie spoke from behind his menu again. "Hell, I'm surprised it took him this long to get his shit together."

"Thanks Chief." I gawked at him while Seth shook with laughter.

"No problem. I think I'll have a tuna melt." He mused. Some things never changed.

We tried hard to work through those things in the first couple weeks of our relationship. It was easier when we were alone, just the three of us. Bella would bring Masen to visit me at work and the three of us would go to lunch. We'd spend our nights curled up together watching movies or I would work and listen to Bella read to Masen.

It was only if we went out that things got uncomfortable.

Forks was a small town – people talked.

A lot.

Masen liked the attention, loved people coming up to talk to us. It wasn't too bad, mostly people being nosy. It bothered Bella that people knew every aspect of her relationship with James and how it ended. She suspected Charlie was to blame for that, considering the man would talk the splinters off a wooden post.

"I mean, _really_?" Bella cried as we left the diner one Friday a week or so before my birthday. "Did she honestly _need_ to ask you if you were really off the market?" She huffed as the opened the car door for Masen.

"You're very cute when you're angry." I opened her door and kissed her cheek. She grumbled and pushed me away, but smiled as she did.

That was the first night since our reconciliation that we slept in the same bed together sans adorable but intrusive son.

"What do you want to do?" I pulled her against me and kissed her softly.

"Kiss you until you can't breathe," she murmured against my mouth.

I obliged, gladly. What was a few hours' missed sleep when this was the trade-off?

xXx

"Nana! Pop! I'm heee-eeere!" Masen yelled as soon as we stepped foot inside Charlie and Sue's house. He ran through the front door, Bella and I laughing behind him as we followed suit.

Then we stopped dead in our tracks.

"Seth, take Masen outside." Charlie's voice was stiff as we entered the kitchen. Bella's smile disappeared as we watched Seth usher our son out of the room. Masen cast a look back at us; scared green eyes haunted me.

"Dad? What's wrong?" she asked, her voice worried. It was then that we saw Emmett sitting at the table, Rose at his side. Emmett's head was in his hands, Rose's arm around his shoulders. Tears were shining in her eyes.

"What's going on? Where's Leah?" I looked around the kitchen and noticed she was the only one not present.

"She's at the store. This isn't about Leah." Sue wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulder and guided her to the table and I stood, paralyzed, in the kitchen.

"Daddy?" Bella's voice was pleading as she sat down across from her brother. Charlie ran a hand over his lined face and knelt in front of her, the usual twinkle gone from his eyes. Bella reached out and touched her father's face softly. "What's wrong?"

"It's your mom." He said quietly.

"Renee?" Bella asked looking up at Sue and across to Emmett. He lifted his head and I felt my heart clench at his face. Never had I seen Emmett like that, not even on the day that Renee left. His eyes, Bella's eyes, Charlie's eyes… all clouded with pain and confusion.

"She was – there was… She's gone, Bella."

"Gone?" Her voice was hardly a whisper. I watched Sue's hand tighten on Bella's shoulders and felt my own eyes burn. I couldn't see these people hurt that much.

"She was at the bank on her lunch break." Rosalie's voice cut through the silence, clear but soft, always the rock. "It was a robbery, Bella. They just – opened fire – on everyone." Rosalie's last comment was cut off by a sob and in the same instant Bella was off of the chair and in my arms. I held her as tightly as I could and my tears fell unashamedly with hers as I tried to soothe her, knowing nothing would make her feel differently.

No matter what Renee had done or said, she was still the reason Emmett and Bella walked the earth. We would all mourn the loss of her in different ways. Emmett and Bella for the loss of a mother who maybe, one day, they'd get a chance to know again. For our children that would never know one of their grandparents.

"I never told her I forgave her." Bella whispered into my shirt, her hands clutching at me desperately. I held her face in my hands and fought the urge to kiss her, to make her feel anything but sad.

I did that for a solid week. I comforted Bella and put on a strong front for the family that I loved so very, very much.

We had people over to my house after the memorial, the urn holding Renee's ashes sat above the mantel. The atmosphere was subdued as people ate and talked, milled around giving condolences. I stayed with Bella, my hand in hers the whole time as we anchored each other to the ground.

BPOV

Edward tried to comfort me, but I was adamant about my self loathing. One thing I knew for certain was that I loved him, more and more each day.

The memorial was brief but heartfelt and the amount of people that attended surprised me. Food was served at Edward's and he didn't leave my side. Always there, holding my hand, rubbing my shoulders… anything to keep me calm.

When everyone left it was him who remained, ever my anchor in the storm of my life. He had given everything through the week and I still selfishly craved so much more.

As the last person exited through the front door I fell onto the couch. Edward closed the door and joined me, pulling me against his chest as his fingers drew lazy circles on my skin.

"Are you tired?" He murmured into my hair. I loved Edward for his subtleness. He knew I was tired. I'd spent every night in his bed crying while he graciously gave me the space I needed without actually giving me space.

"A little." I let my hand rest over his heart and felt tears prick my eyes as the week finally started to catch up with me. "Is it weird that I miss her?"

"You're allowed to miss her, Bella." He held me tighter to him.

"She was gone for so long and now… I really thought things might have started to change after the wedding."

"They did. They were going to." Edward reassured my hopes. "Things just… happen."

"Why? Why is my son never going to know one of his grandparents? Why will she never get to see Rose and Em's kids? Or ours? Why?"

"I don't know. I don't know _why_ things happen."

"Why did I waste so much time not forgiving her?"

"You were a kid, Iz. She knew she was wrong. Renee understood."

"How do you know?" I asked as my tears fell onto his shirt.

"We talked a little bit. At the wedding." I pulled away too look at him. He smiled and brushed my tears away before kissing me softly.

"Really?" I asked and he laughed quietly.

"Yes. She wouldn't hold anything against you. She loved you."

"Thank you. For telling me that. For everything you've done this week." I whispered.

"Of course." He touched my face softly. My body reacted in a way it shouldn't have. As I sat there with Edward and felt his hands and heard his voice I wanted nothing more than _him_ - all of him.

I moved myself to his lap and pressed my lips to his. I wasn't gentle with my kiss or my body and hoped that he got my point.

Of course he did.

Edward sighed and kissed me, though reserved and gentle, before pushing me off of him and taking my hand to lead me upstairs to his bedroom. He turned on the light and stepped around me to grab a t-shirt and pants so he could change for bed. It took a moment for his actions to register in my exhausted brain.

He was going to sleep in the guest room.

He brushed my hair away from my face and kissed my cheek softly.

"I'll just be down the hall." Edward's voice was so quiet it was like he had simply breathed the words instead of said them. I didn't reply; just let him walk out of the bedroom. I could feel him slipping away. Already the strain in our relationship was there, though it was all on me. Edward had been nothing but supportive. I shouldn't have thrown myself at him. We were being patient with each other, with our relationship; but Edward so much more than I.

I sighed and undressed, slipping into a comfortable chemise and washing my face. I shook my hair out of the tight bun I'd wound it in and crawled into Edward's bed very much alone.

An hour or so later I was still awake. Noises downstairs let me know that Edward was also still up. I threw the covers off me and quickly padded downstairs.

I found Edward in the kitchen, his back to me. He was dressed in a pair of cotton sleep pants, facing the window, a bottle of wine on the counter in front of him.

"Hi," I whispered. He turned quickly.

"Did I wake you?" Edward's voice was worried as he crossed the kitchen and came to a stop in front of me.

"No. I couldn't sleep." I reached for him and he let me wrap myself up in him, in his warmth and soap and aftershave. I could feel his heart beating steadily under my cheek and it soothed me. It calmed me to know that someone as good and caring as Edward was there for me.

And it bothered me to know that I had pushed him away when he only wanted to help me.

"Want some wine?" Edward's fingers touched my cheek and I gave him a small smile.

"One glass."

"One glass," he agreed and filled the glass he'd been drinking and handed it to me, then led me into the dining room where he sat and pulled me into his lap. I sipped the wine, letting the warmth spread through me and felt myself relax as Edward's lips pressed against my shoulder. "You should try to get some sleep," he murmured against my skin. "It's been a long day."

"I just need to shut my brain off."

"Impossible." He laughed softly, his breath tickling me.

"Ha. Ha." I nudged him softly and set my glass down. "Have I told you how grateful I am lately?"

"You don't - "

"I do. I can't thank you enough."

"Izzy…" His nose trailed along my jaw and I suppressed a shudder that was forcing its way through my body. "I'd do anything for you."

"Anything?" I asked, my voice low, my heart in my throat.

"Anything." Edward's lips pressed gently under my ear, and this time I couldn't stop the movements of my body. Setting the glass down, I turned to him, one hand on the back of his neck the other on the side of his face, holding him in place.

"Make me forget," I said when our faces were centimeters apart.

"What?" he asked, his eyes focused on my mouth.

"Please, Edward. I can't – I can't think anymore. I need to forget." My fingers tightened in his hair as our lips met roughly.

"Bella." He groaned and buried his face in my neck. His grip was tight on my hip, breath hot on my skin.

"Please?" I said again as his head lifted. Green eyes met mine and I could swear they had been set on fire. I could practically feel my skin burning from his gaze. He shifted me off his lap and we both stood. Edward's hand slowly drifted down my arm until our fingers were linked together and he was pulling me across the kitchen in the same moment. With the lights switched off, our feet hit the stairs and my heart pounded in chest. We were halfway up the stairs before I was pressed into the wall with Edward's hands on either side of my head, his nose touching mine.

"You're sure?" he asked quietly.

"Very. Completely," I replied before kissing his chin. He captured my lips with his before taking my hand again and pulling me up the rest of the stairs and into his bedroom. I heard the door close but all I could really register were Edward's hands on my face and his lips on mine. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him to me, needing to feel his body against me.

Part of me knew that we should wait, that it shouldn't be a reaction to my mother's death that made me want this so badly. But the rest of me didn't care because I needed him so very much.

His fingers were gentle on my neck and chest, trailing fire across my collarbone, and then they were gone. When they were on my skin again it was at my thighs to fist in the soft cotton of my chemise and lift it over my head. It took a moment in the dark for him to realize that I wasn't wearing anything underneath the flimsy piece of cotton but when he did my body was pressed against him again. I could feel his warmth and hardness all the way into my bones and before I knew what was happening my back was pressed into the mattress and Edward was hovering over me.

"You're beautiful," he whispered before his lips met my skin. His mouth was everywhere and nowhere I needed it to be. His hands were on places that hadn't been touched in too, too long. The only noises in the room were my ragged breathing and his soft murmurings as he passed by scars and freckles during his worship of my body.

"Kiss me," I whispered and he complied. His lean body rested on mine and I wrapped him in my arms. They traveled across his shoulders and down his arms until they reached the band of his cotton pants. He helped me remove the final barrier between us and entered me in the same moment, leaving me gasping for air and clinging to him tightly.

His mouth was hot against mine as we moved together. One hand tangled in his hair, the other clutched the small of his back, desperately trying to bring him closer. When his lips left mine it was only so they could find refuge on some other part of my body, leaving my mouth free to whisper his name over and over.

I cried out as he pushed deeper, sending me so close to the edge each time but refusing to let me fall. My heels dug into him as I brought his face to mine. His eyes told me what his mouth was afraid to say and I could only hope that mine did the same. He gripped my hand beside my head and I kissed him again, desperate for release. His free hand was tight on my hip and his lips were at my ear whispering things that I couldn't comprehend because I was falling so quickly that I was sure to tip over the edge at any second.

"Please…" I managed to choke out, though my plea was different than before. I needed this. Him. All of him. I needed to forget everything _except _us. I felt Edward's lips on my neck, under my ear, trailing down my jaw, and then I felt nothing and everything at the same time. His name was on my lips and then it was replaced with his own lips and in that brief moment _nothing_ else existed. When both of his arms slipped under me to hold me to him I knew he was finally at the same point as I was. He stilled, panting into my neck as my hands stroked his hair, his face. His lips were on mine, soft and sure, and then he was pulling us on our sides, still a tangled mess of limbs.

I didn't care about moving or cleaning up. I needed to be in his arms, under his fingers, against his lips. Our movements were lazy, our voices hoarse from our rough whispers and heavy breathing. I couldn't help the smile that had formed on my face.

Edward kissed me again before pulling me onto his chest and wrapping the comforter around us. When he smiled down at me I knew we'd made the right decision. Our reunion was never meant to be perfect. Perfect wasn't _us. _He gently pressed his lips to my forehead and tightened his arms around me.

"Get some sleep," he murmured. I nodded against his chest and wrapped an arm around his neck.

"Edward?" I whispered after a few minutes. His breathing had slowed and become shallow, it was hard to tell if he was still awake.

"Hmm?" he hummed softly. I took a deep breath and buried myself further in his arms.

"Thank you."

He laughed sleepily. "Glad to be of service, ma'am."

I smiled into the darkness, knowing that whatever happened next, we would face it together.

"_Hold on to love,_

_and wait for me._

_I'll be the last train, _

_I'll be the last train home."_

_

* * *

_**This song wouldn't leave my head while I wrote:**

**www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=2HoDRbZvOcM**


	30. You Jump, I Jump

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to killerlashes for everything you do, especially for encouraging me to post this. I love you!**

**And you messynachos. And you.**

* * *

Chapter 29 – You Jump, I Jump

If the sun had not decided to shine through Edward's bedroom window we probably would have stayed in bed all day. Wrapped up in each other in a warm cocoon of blankets was pretty close to perfection, as far as I was concerned.

I forced my eyes open and turned in Edward's arms, waking him.

"Hey." His voice was thick with sleep as he pulled me against him, slipping one leg between mine and burying his face in my neck. I could feel my skin heat up at the realization that we were both still incredibly naked.

"Hi," I whispered and rested my cheek against his forehead. I combed my hands through his messy hair and let my mind wander as Edward's fingers trailed lightly up and down my back.

"Your heart is pounding." Edward's lips pressed gently against my skin, and my whole body sighed, pressing further against him. His hand gripped my hip and our eyes met for the first time since the night before.

"Hi," I said again as my eyes focused on his face. The deep green eyes that had told me so many things last night and the lips that drove me completely over the edge. Edward moved his hand from my hip and set fire to the rest of me as his fingers made their way up my body. They lost themselves in my hair as he pulled my face to his. Our lips met softly at first until I slipped my arms around Edward's body and pulled him over me. My leg rested over his hip as I brought him closer to where I needed him.

He wasted no time in filling me, whispering his sweet words and leaving me gasping for breath. No matter how long it had been or how many times we'd been together… I would never get enough.

We moved together languidly, still consumed with sleep but needing each other too much to care. He turned us deftly until I hovered over him, giving him better access to my body. The way Edward looked at me was surprising and flattering at the same time. I could have caught fire from his blazing eyes.

I leaned down to kiss him and he gripped my hips tightly in his able hands. My movements were slow. I savored him, the feeling of him inside, his hands on my skin. He brushed my hair from my shoulders and his fingers lightly touched my breasts. I covered his hands with my own and brought them against my skin. He smiled at my assertiveness and pushed upward, settling himself deeper while his hands continued their assault at my breasts, teasing so wonderfully.

"Oh…" I breathed as his hands slipped down my body, holding me tightly and guiding my movements. My own hands involuntarily tugged at my hair as I felt the beginning of my undoing.

"Bella." He whispered my name and my eyes met his. In one movement he was sitting with both hands behind me, pulling me closer. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him as we continued moving, deeper and more meaningful than before.

"I love you," Edward said once his lips were free. I smiled against his mouth and fought the urge to laugh. The moment was too perfect to ruin it with my snorting. Only Edward would choose the opportune moment to say _that_ at a time when he was buried deep inside of me and on the brink of blissful oblivion.

I didn't say anything; I simply kissed him again, then pressed my face into his neck as I fell with my lips pressed to his skin and my hands tangled in his hair. He gripped my shoulders as a low groan escaped from deep in his chest and we were still, reveling in the moment or too afraid to look at one another.

"That could have been handled differently," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Probably." I pushed his hair off his face and kissed his nose. Edward captured my lips with his, his hands in my hair holding me to him.

"I meant it."

"I know," I replied, completely breathless. "You know how I feel." I touched his lips gently before kissing him again. I couldn't say it, I was afraid to say it. He knew I felt it, I had always loved him and that would never change. Edward wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulder in silent surrender. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the stillness around us. After the week we had it was refreshing to just be there wrapped up with him, completely selfish and oblivious.

"Take a shower," he said abruptly, before smacking me lightly on the ass and slipping out from underneath me. He hopped off the bed, and I giggled watching him search for his underwear and sleep pants.

"Where are you going?" I flopped myself back onto the pillow.

"To make breakfast." He brushed my hair from my face and kissed me. "I told Sue to bring Masen back at ten."

"Okay. I'll be down in a few." I watched him walk out of the bedroom before I made my way into the spacious bathroom. I showered quickly and slipped into a comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt that I'd left at Edward's during the weeks we'd been "dating". I could hardly remember the last time I slept in my own bed at my own home. It seemed as though Edward and I were moving faster than we'd planned.

The idea didn't make me nervous, it made me giddy.

I pulled my damp hair into a ponytail and followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen. A cup sat on the counter waiting for me.

_I could get used to this._

I stole a piece of bacon and crunched on it while I watched Edward scramble eggs and scoop them onto two plates. I buttered some toast and grabbed the grape jam out of the refrigerator. Edward brought our plates to the table, the bottle of wine and glass from the night before removed.

"You should move in," he blurted out before we even started eating. I stared at him with wide eyes. Two earth-shattering truths in one morning. Perhaps he was going for a record.

"Okay," I said simply.

"Okay?" Edward asked his eyebrows rose suspiciously.

"Okay." I leaned over and kissed him before sipping my coffee.

"Uh… should we talk about it?" he questioned as I shoveled scrambled eggs into my mouth.

"You want us to move in, I want us to move in, Masen will be thrilled, so what's to talk about?"

"Well, for starters, what will you do with your house?"

"Keep it for when I get mad at you or get tired of living with you and your mini-me."

"Hilarious." He threw a chunk of his crust at me and I neatly swatted it away.

"We'll sell it, Edward. Sell it and put the money toward Masen's college fund and pay off some college loans."

"It's like you thought about this already." He smiled and I couldn't help but do the same.

I shrugged. "I actually haven't, but – it's not that hard to decide what to do. This will be good for us." Edward nodded in agreement and went back to his breakfast. We ate in comfortable silence, then cleared our dishes and stood side by side at the sink washing them.

"I need to ask you something. It's kind of serious."

"Serious? Coming from you?" I nudged him with my hip and he chuckled.

"I'm not with it this morning, am I?" he asked as he dried his hands and pulled me to him. He rested his chin on top of my head and I felt him sigh.

"You are. Just tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours." I placed a kiss on his bare chest and patted his ass lightly.

He raked a hand through his hair nervously and took a step away from me.

"Listen – I mean… about last night."

"And this morning?" I laughed and leaned against the counter, pulling him with me.

"Yes. Both of them. I love our son, I really do, but…"

"But?"

"We just, ah – you know – we weren't very, er... responsible?"

"Oh!" I cried and put my hand to my face in realization. "I have an IUD. I just – I didn't think about saying anything last night… or this morning." I felt my face heat up. "You know… mood killer."

"Right." His eyes were thoughtful as he searched my face. Sometimes I wondered where he went when he looked like that. What really did go on inside his pretty little head? His fingers trailed down my jaw and captured my chin so he could pull my face to his. "Mood killer," he murmured before kissing me softly. His lips were gently but his body pressed against mine told me his real intentions.

"Edward…" I whispered his name and he laughed.

"I need a cold shower." He kissed me again and I shoved him away.

"Go. Masen will be here soon." I smiled as he sauntered away, pouting like a horny teenager.

I changed the sheets on Edward's bed while he showered and started a load of laundry with EJ following me and nipping at my heels the whole time.

"Oh, for the love of Pete - EJ! Leave me alone!" I finally cried when he jumped out from behind the couch and I nearly broke my neck trying to get away from his claws.

"He's just a cat, Mama. He doesn't know any better." Masen's voice startled me and I heard the front door slam. Sue laughed from behind my son and dropped his bag in the foyer before coming forward to hug me.

"How are you doin', baby?" she asked as she held me tightly.

"I'm good," I whispered and blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall. "Thanks for keeping the monster."

"I'm not a monster." Masen frowned up at me from the spot he'd taken on the floor. EJ was sprawled out in front of him letting Masen rub his belly. I could hear him purring from ten feet away.

"Devil-cat," I muttered, throwing the feline in question a dirty look, just as Edward came down the stairs in clean jeans and a tee, his hair wet from his shower and sticking up everywhere.

"Hey, Dad!" Masen jumped up from the floor and practically flew into Edward's arms.

That time _I _frowned.

He barely even spoke to me.

"All right, kids. Your dad is waiting on me to get back before he leaves to go fishing."

"That's nice of him," Edward said as he tried to wrestle Masen out of his arms.

"Please – he needs me to pack his lunch!" She hugged me again and I laughed quietly and walked her to the door. "Be good." Sue winked at me before walking out.

She _winked_. Good Lord, it was contagious.

Edward and Masen had finally stopped their wrestling and settled onto the couch with morning cartoons. I sat between them and Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders but Masen scooted all to the opposite end of the couch.

"What is going on with you, buster?" I grabbed his legs and pulled him toward me.

"Nothing," he mumbled, not taking his eyes from the television.

"What's wrong, kid?" Edward pulled him across me and into his lap.

"I just don't want to make Mama sad, that's all." Masen whispered to his father.

Edward's eyes met mine and I felt my tears well up and spill out before I could stop them.

"Come here, baby." I pulled him into my arms and tucked his head under my chin. "You could never, ever make me sad. You are the reason that I'm happy."

"But you haven't been very happy." Masen's little fingers played absently with hem of my shirt.

"I know. I'm sorry. Some things made me very sad. But I'm getting better."

"Because your mama died?" He looked up at me with curious green eyes.

"Yeah." I kissed his head and met Edward's gaze over him. He nodded slightly to let me know that he was the one who told Masen about Renee. I sighed and hugged my little boy closer to me. "But it's okay because I have you and Daddy to help make me less sad."

"You're very lucky," he said softly, and I had to laugh. It was contagious and soon enough the three of us were gasping for air because of our giggles. We spent the rest of the day like that, wrapped up in each other, watching movies, and cuddling. Being with my boys helped heal the gaping hole that was still in my heart.

EPOV

"Should I take him to bed?" I nodded to Masen who had fallen asleep at the end of the couch. His feet were in Bella's lap but his head and nearly half of his body was teetering dangerously at the edge of the couch.

"Yeah." She turned to me and kissed my jaw. "You do that and I'll get some drinks. Beer or wine?"

"Beer. You have wine. I like what it does to you." I winked and then chuckled as she stumbled to the kitchen throwing me a dirty look in the process. Masen was like a wet noodle as I tried to change him into his pajamas. I eventually gave up and decided to let him sleep in his underwear, mostly because he flailed around until he was face-down with his butt in the air and I couldn't stop laughing long enough to dress him. I tucked his covers around him just as EJ slunk into the room and curled up on his pillow. I gave him a quick scratch and flipped off the light as I exited his room.

"He's out." I took my seat back on the couch and Bella handed me a beer and settled against my side. She'd turned the stereo on to some easy listening station, turned off the lights, and lit a couple of candles. "Are you trying to seduce me?" I cocked my head to the side so I could see her better.

"Are you seduce-able?" She sipped her wine and I laughed.

"You obviously need to get to know me again."

"I think we did that last night," Bella said and I could see her face heat up even in the dark room.

"And this morning," I murmured as I took her glass from her and set it on the coffee table.

"Right," she whispered. I slid my hand down her arm and rested it against her hip then pulled her into my lap with her legs on either side of my body. Her face was above mine, her arms rested on the couch behind me.

"We should go to bed." I pulled her down so I could kiss her. "I'm too old for this staying up all hours of the night," I teased as she blew out the candles and turned off the music.

"You're only twenty-seven, don't be silly." She wrapped her arms around me from behind and I started toward the stairs.

"Twenty-eight," I corrected her, and she stopped dead, yanking me with her.

"Oh. Shit," she muttered into my shirt. "Oh, Edward."

"It's not a big deal." I held her hands tightly against my chest.

"It is! Baby, I forgot your birthday!" Laughing, I turned quickly and pulled her against my chest.

"You had a lot on your mind. We all did." I leaned down to kiss her softly. "And you just called me 'baby'."

"I did?" She looked up at me, confused. "I didn't notice."

"I liked it. I missed that."

"You're weird." She took my hand and led me upstairs. I didn't have a comeback. It was true.

"How quiet can you be?" I asked when we finally reached the bedroom. I bent down and kissed her neck as she fumbled with the door knob.

"We'll just have to see."

BPOV

Edward was showered and dressed before Masen and I were even roused from our sleep. At some point in the night Masen had slipped into bed with Edward and I. Thankfully, we'd remembered to dress in the middle of the night.

"I'm going to work." Edward whispered so as not to wake Masen. "I'll call you later." He kissed me softly and I nodded and snuggled closer to Masen.

"Miss you."

"I haven't left yet." He laughed softly and I felt his lips press against my temple.

"Miss you already?" I smiled.

"Daa-aaad. Go to work." Masen reached a hand up and pushed Edward's face away. Edward laughed again and kissed Masen loudly before leaving us alone. We got up a little while after Edward left and dressed for our day.

I had some serious making up to do.

"Can we get him a giant cookie?" Masen pressed his face to the glass case inside the Buttercup Bakery in Port Angeles. I resisted the urge to pull him away and wipe the drool off of the glass.

"How about a big cupcake?" I pointed to something that looked like it had a pound of icing on top of it.

"We should probably get three." He nodded solemnly.

"Of course. I'm sure your dad will love all of them," I teased him.

"I meant for us!" Masen stuck his hands on his hips and glared at me.

"I know, you silly goose." I kissed the top of his head and ordered our cupcakes. I let Masen carry the bag with our goodies while we walked the small shopping strip so I could find a gift for Edward. We didn't find anything but enjoyed trying on silly hats in an expensive boutique and looking through old books at the used bookstore. I had nearly given up until we left the bookstore and the perfect thing caught my eye in the window. I dragged Masen back inside and yanked the book out of the display.

It was perfect: a hardcover copy of "The Count of Monte Cristo" in pristine condition. All I could think about was our first Valentine's Day together and what I'd written inside the book. It was my way of telling Edward how I felt.

I took out my pen as soon as we go in the car so I could inscribe Edward's gift. We didn't have time to buy wrapping paper, but I knew he wouldn't care. I quickly wrote what I needed to say, three words. That's all I wrote.

Masen and I made it to Edward's office right at noon. There were a few people leaving the office as Masen and I walked though the doors. He greeted each of them by their first name as he walked by. Like a little friggin' Rain Man.

"Hi, guys. Mr. Cullen is on a conference call right now, do you mind waiting?" Anne asked when we finally passed the people.

"Aw, I wanna give my dad his cupcake!" Masen groaned and Anne laughed.

"He's talking to someone from Australia, it's very important." She handed Masen a paper airplane from behind her desk. "He made this for you."

"How did he know we were coming? Did you tell him?" Masen looked up at me and I smiled. I hadn't actually told Edward but I was sure that he had more than just a paper airplane stuck behind Anne's desk just in case Masen stopped by.

"He's very smart, your dad." Anne smiled and ruffled Masen's hair. Masen hugged Anne just as Edward's door swung open. His tie was loosened and his face looked incredibly weary.

"Anne – hold my calls for the rest of the day, plea – hey!" He tried to smile when he saw us but I could see through the façade.

"We brought you cupcakes!" Masen cried as he threw himself at his father. A genuine smile crossed Edward's face as he scooped Masen up and kissed him.

"Cupcakes, huh?"

"Yeah. Since Mama forgot your birthday." My son glared at me and I rolled my eyes. The little traitor.

"It was an accident." I kissed Edward's cheek and handed him the box of cupcakes. His face softened as he looked at the box.

"Cream cheese frosting?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course," I teased him. Edward smiled as he pulled me back into his office. He sat with Masen in his lap and I perched myself next to them on the edge of his desk. He opened the box and we each took a cupcake and quietly munched on them.

"Did you get any in your mouth?" I joked and held Masen's face up so I could see the pink icing that was smeared all over him.

"A little bit." He smiled up at me.

"Hold on," I said as he started to try and clean his face. I took my phone from my bag and leaned back a bit. "Let me take yours and Daddy's picture to send to Grammy." I took their picture and sent it to Esme then looked at it again. Something was off. Edward was hiding something; I could see it in his eyes.

"So, what do you think?" His voice broke through my contemplating.

"What?" I put my phone away and tried to compose myself.

"Do you want to go out tonight? For dinner?" he asked again while he helped Masen clean his face off.

"Oh. No, I thought I'd cook something special for you." I removed myself from the desk and gathered up our trash.

"Okay." He shrugged and kissed Masen's hair. "I've got to get back to work," Edward explained with a frown.

"Happy Birthday, Daddy." Masen smiled up at Edward and my worries melted away. Edward's face was sad as he bent down to kiss our son again.

"Thanks buddy," he whispered.

"We got you this. You can open it later." I handed him the bag from the bookstore since I had no time to wrap it.

"Thank you." He kissed me softly and let his fingers trail down my jaw. I hugged him tightly, breathing him in and placing a kiss under his ear before he led us out of the office. "I'll see you at home."

_Home._

Yeah. I could definitely get used to that.

Masen and I went "home" and lounged around for a while (I loved summer vacations with my baby boy), made homemade birthday cards for Edward, and then prepared dinner.

It was nearly seven o'clock when Edward got home. Masen had finally crashed on the couch from his sugar high earlier. He watched _Beauty and the Beast_ with heavy eyelids and I sipped a glass of white wine. When I finally heard Edward's car I rushed to greet him.

He never came inside.

When I finally opened the door Edward was there, sitting on the porch steps with his head bowed and his elbows resting on his knees. I closed the door quietly and took a seat beside him, nudging him softly with my shoulder.

"Hey." I said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and resting my chin on his shoulder.

"Hey," Edward replied though he didn't lift his head.

"Talk to me," I whispered. I could feel the tears stinging in my eyes. We'd been through too much for something to stand between us now. I needed to know.

"I can't. I can't tell you. I don't know how."

"What do you mean? Edward, you have to tell me. No more secrets. Please." I ran my fingers through his hair and turned his face toward mine. I felt the tears spill from my eyes when I saw the anguished look on his handsome face.

"They want me to come back," he said with a clear voice.

"Who does?" I asked softly.

"Morgan and Morgan. They need me to help finish up a project. One that I was working on before I left -"

"You can't!" I cut him off and jumped to my feet. "You can't leave us," I said as my chest tightened. It was getting harder to breathe by the second.

"I know, baby. I know." His arms were around me, comforting me and keeping me from falling apart.

"How long?"

"What?" He said into my hair, his lips so close to my ear.

"How long do they want you? Did you tell them you had to come back? That it wouldn't be permanent?"

"I told them I had to talk to you first." He pulled back and looked down at me a hint of a smile on his face now.

"Then we're going with you." I crossed my arms in front of him, determined to have my way.

"What? Bella – they want me there in two weeks. That's not enough time to get passports or -"

"We have passports. We don't have school. How long do they want you?"

"A month. Maybe two."

"We'll stay until school starts. I have some savings…" I said, the truth of my words finally hitting me head-on. Could we go with him? Did he want us there?

"They'll pay for housing," Edward explained, and we watched each other for a long time. "Is this what you want?" he finally asked.

"I want you. _We_ want _you._" I put my hands to his face and he kissed me. "You can't get rid of us that easily."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Two weeks, huh?" I asked as I pulled him up the stairs and through the front door.

"Two weeks. I'm beginning to think that this whole 'dating' thing is moving kind of fast." He glanced at Masen fast asleep on the couch and wrapped an arm around my waist.

"It was a stupid idea anyways." I laughed and pushed him into a chair at the dining table.

"Hey, you said you liked it!" he called as I grabbed a bottle of wine and glasses I'd already set out.

"I was just trying to get in your pants." I shrugged.

"I knew it." He shook his hand and pulled me into his lap and kissed my neck. "The book was perfect, by the way."

"I thought so, too." I buried my face in his neck and held myself to him.

"So. Two weeks," he said again as he rubbed small circles on my skin. "Can we get you moved in within two weeks?"

"What do you think I have those oversized brothers for?" I asked him and I felt him chuckle.

"I want to do this. Me, you, and Masen. I don't want to wait any more." He moved so we were eye to eye.

"Then we'll do it," I said and his eyes widened. "You pervert," I whispered once I caught the meaning of his expression.

"You said it." He laughed and I smacked his shoulder lightly.

"I meant it." I cocked an eyebrow at him and he smiled widely. "You know, in all meanings of the phrase. So, let's get to work?"

"Can we eat first? And put the kid to bed?"

"Edward! You know what I meant!" I stood up and shoved his hands away from me, laughing the whole time. "I don't want to wait either."

"We won't then." He stood and pulled me against his chest.

"I'll talk to Emmett and Seth tomorrow." I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I'll call a realtor and book our flight," he told me with his lips close to mine.

"I love you."

"I know."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who are reading/reccing/reviewing. I'm looking at one more chapter and an epilogue.**

**HAPPY NATIONAL CAPSLOCK DAY.**


	31. All In

**Disclaimer: Steph still owns everything.**

**Thanks KL & MN. ILY.**

* * *

Chapter 30 – All In

If someone had told me six months before that I'd spend two weeks of my life moving in with my girlfriend, and the same two weeks preparing to move my family to Australia, I'd probably laugh. Or punch them.

I'd given Anne all my flight information the next day and had her purchase our tickets. The look on her face when she handed me back my American Express was priceless. It wasn't going to be cheap; Bella and I both knew that. Surprisingly, she didn't argue about the cost of anything. Once we got to Sydney we would most likely share expenses though Morgan and Morgan had agreed to pay for a two-bedroom apartment and utilities for the six weeks they decided it would take to finish the project – the children's hospital I'd been helping design when I left.

Alice stopped by the office just as I was setting up a meeting with the realtor for later that night. The market was tough, especially for an older house, but the realtor assured me that the recent renovations made would be helpful in the sale. Alice's eyes were wide as she sat and listened to my conversation.

"Take me to lunch." She stood up as I set the phone back in its cradle.

"Ali, I have a ton of work to do." I rubbed a hand over my face.

"You have some things to tell me. Let's go." She strode to the door quickly and tapped her foot.

"Alright, alright." I threw my hands up in mock frustration and let her lead me out the door. She made small talk as we drove to a little sushi restaurant on the bay and once we ordered started bombarding me with questions.

"What in the world is going on, Edward? Why aren't you telling me anything?"

"What? Ali, come on. We've both been busy…" I said, concentrating on ripping my napkin into tiny pieces. She might be tiny, but Alice could be scary when she was mad.

But it was true. Between our jobs, her traveling and meeting with bigwigs for her new line, Jasper and Bella, and everything else that came with real life – Alice and I hadn't had much time together.

"I know, Pinky. So, take your time in telling me everything." She sat back and smiled widely. God, my sister was crazy. I loved her.

"I don't know Alice, we're just… tired of waiting, you know?"

"Well, it's about time." She smirked.

"That seems to be the consensus, yes." I laughed. "We're taking a little trip in a couple of weeks," I told her nervously as our food arrived.

"Really? That's awesome," she said as she popped a California roll into her mouth.

"We're going to Australia," I said casually. Alice choked. I patted her lightly on the back until she swallowed.

"What?" she asked loudly and wiped away the moisture from her streaming eyes.

"They need me to finish some work on a children's hospital. Bella and Masen are coming with me."

"It's that simple?"

"And they're moving in," I added.

"Jesus hell, Edward! Give a girl some notice before you drop all these bombs!"

"You said to tell you everything!"

"Okay. So, within two weeks you are moving in together and then going to Australia. With a four-and-a-half year old."

"He's almost five." I shrugged and poked at my sushi. "He'll be fine. He'll love it."

"I'm sure he's not the only one." She sighed and smiled.

"I'm pretty excited actually." I laughed. It was true. I couldn't wait to have Bella and Masen in Sydney. There was so much to see and do. I wanted to share that part of my life with them. It was going to be amazing.

"I'm so happy for you." She squeezed my hand across the table and her gray eyes glittered with tears.

"Don't you dare cry on me in public, Alice Cullen," I joked lamely.

"You silly boy. You know it's Whitlock now."

"Yeah, yeah. It's still weird to me. My baby sister – all grown up."

"I'm not that much younger than you." She sniffed.

"Still. Weird. How is my brother-in-law, by the way?"

"Wonderful," she said dreamily, and I repressed a shudder. "Stop that."

"Sorry. What's the plan? Any little Jaspers in the picture anytime soon?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "Maybe. We'd like to adopt actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Jasper… Jasper didn't have a perfect childhood, you know? And I know _our_ lives wouldn't be the same without adoption." My sister smiled and I understood exactly what she meant. Any child would be lucky to end up with Alice and Jasper as parents.

"Let me know what I can do. Recommendations, money, whatever it is."

"Thanks, Pinky. So, when do you leave?"

"July 6th. I thought we could do something for the Fourth. A little going away party. I haven't talked to Bella about it yet. We are meeting with the realtor tonight and then having dinner with Charlie and Sue to tell them."

"Good luck with that," Alice snorted and I sighed.

"It's not going to be easy for them."

"It's not going to be easy for any of us," she grumbled.

"We'll be gone six weeks at the most. It will be good for _us._" I emphasized the word, hoping she would understand what I meant.

"I know. Just don't come back married or pregnant, got it?"

"You're one to talk," I muttered and she slapped my arm.

"I apologized for that!" she cried, and I chuckled.

"I know."

"I'm happy for you. That you are putting your family back together." Alice squeezed my hand again and this time my own eyes got a little watery.

"Thank you."

xXx

I picked Masen and Bella up on my way into town and we stopped off at a little park before meeting the realtor. We had talked briefly about how we would tell Masen about the move and the trip and decided that a head-on, straight up discussion would be the best possible way. He had been through so many changes that we were afraid it would overwhelm him. We were, as usual when it came to Masen's reaction to things, incredibly wrong.

"Hey, buddy, can you come down here for a second?" I called into the plastic slide I which he was laying upside down in. He pushed off with his feet and slid down head first then grinned up at me.

"Hi, Dad."

"Hey, kid, c'mere." I picked him up and threw him over my shoulder, then carried him to a picnic table where Bella was sitting. His little fingers were buried in my ribcage and I nearly dropped him on the table.

"You're no fun, Dad." He frowned and sat cross-legged in the middle of the table between Bella and I.

"Listen, your mom and I have something serious to talk to you about. Can you be serious?" I asked him honestly.

He saluted me. I was pretty sure that was the best I was going to get.

"What do you think of going to live with your dad for good?" Bella asked as she tried not to laugh.

"What?" he cried, turning to her quickly. "What about you? Where will you live?" Masen crawled down from the table at lightening speed and buried himself in her arms. She looked at me for help. I got up and moved to sit next to them, my arms around them both.

"Your mom meant that both of you will come and live at my house. We'll bring all your stuff over – but we will have to sell the house that you live in now," I explained while he watched me with wary eyes.

"Oh. Well, that sounds okay. Will Mama get her own bedroom?"

"Uh… if she wants?" I asked. That time it was me looking at her for help. She simply laughed and shook her head.

"I'll share a room with Daddy," she explained.

"Are you gonna get married?" he asked.

"One day," Bella said and kissed his head. He hugged her tightly and she looked at me nervously.

"One day," I echoed before I kissed her.

"Can Jake come too?" Masen questioned.

"Who? Oh, the crab. Yeah. We'll keep him on a shelf. Away from EJ."

"Devil-cat," Bella muttered and Masen and I laughed.

"I think he just doesn't like girls, Mama," he told her.

"Well, that doesn't make me feel any better!" she cried and he laughed. "Daddy and I have something else to tell you."

Masen's eyes were wary again as he looked back and forth between us.

"Am I gonna have a new baby brother?" he asked quietly.

"No!" we cried together.

"Okay. Because Miss Jessica had a new baby and Haley wasn't happy. And Miss Angela just had a baby and I don't really know if I want one," he explained matter-of-factly.

"No. Not any time soon. Nothing to worry about," I reassured him and he nodded solemnly.

"Okay. Just make sure you ask me before you get another baby, okay, guys?" I stifled a snort and Bella covered up her giggle with a cough as we nodded our agreement.

"No new babies. But…we're going to go away for a while. The three of us."

"Like a vacation?" Masen asked excitedly. I glanced at Bella and she nodded for me to continue.

"Kind of… we're going to Australia so I can work, but you and Mama are going to come with me."

"For a long time?" His voice was small as he asked, no doubt thinking of all he would leave behind.

"It will be for a while, yes." I pulled him from Bella's lap to the table in front of me so I could see him better.

"What about Nana and Pop?" he asked with tears in his eyes.

"We can call them anytime you want. And Uncle Emmett, Uncle Seth, Aunt Leah – all of them. We can get a camera for the computer so we can talk to them _and_ see them. But I have to go to work there and I don't want to leave you."

"I don't want you to leave me either," he whispered and wrapped his arms around my neck. "I'll miss them a lot."

"I know, buddy. We'll all miss them. But we'll be back before you know it."

"Before my birthday?" Masen pulled away and took my face in his hands.

"Definitely."

"That sounds okay then." He patted my cheek and held his hand out to Bella. She kissed his little fingers and rested her head on my shoulder.

"It will be a great adventure," she whispered and he smiled.

"The best ever!"

Great. Two down… the rest of the family to go.

xXx

"Did you feed him candy all day? That kid is nuts!" Charlie sat as he flopped himself into a dining room chair. Bella and Sue brought out dinner and I poured everyone drinks while Masen ran through the kitchen and back to the living room five times.

"He's just excited, Dad," Bella said as we sat down with him.

"Sugar-britches! Come in here and tell Nana what you're so excited about," Sue called as she pulled out the chair next to her. Masen came in laughing, loving how Sue used nicknames from his favorite book to refer to him. Bella and I sat frozen, knowing we were going to be outed by a four-year-old.

"My Mama and me are moving into my Daddy's house," he said as he sat down and pulled his plate toward him. Sue and Charlie looked from Bella to me with wide eyes.

"Really?" Charlie asked with his eyes on Masen.

"Yes. And we're going to Australia."

"What?" Charlie's eyes were on me that time and he was half raised out of his seat.

"Um – uh… there's this – this project I was working on before I left and they need me there to finish it up. Bella and Masen were going to come with me." I tried not to stumble over my words but his gaze was so hard that it terrified me.

"For how long?" Sue asked softly, her eyes shifting from me to Masen, who was sitting next to her, oblivious to any tension.

"Six weeks at the most."

"And you'll come back, right?" Her eyes were soft, but not worried.

"Of course. You're all here. Everything is here," Bella said quietly. "We just…"

"We don't want to be apart. We're tired of waiting and we need to do this. For us. All of us." I finished Bella's sentence and looked pointedly at Masen.

"That's fine, boy, as long as you bring them back," Charlie said gruffly and he nodded at me, then Bella.

"I will."

"Well, then, that's settled for now. Let's have dinner." Sue began doling out vegetables and the conversation turned casual soon enough.

I sincerely hoped that our family knew we would be returning, all three of us. I had no plans of staying in Australia. It was just as Emmett had said to me and Bella had recently echoed: everything was _here_. Our family, friends (minus my parents who could visit whenever they wanted), Masen's school, and now both of our jobs were all in Forks or the surrounding area.

We weren't going anywhere.

xXx

As we prepared for our trip we also prepared for Bella and Masen's move. We did a little at a time, moving what they needed into the house and unpacking it immediately, then putting the rest in storage. By the weekend we had half of the house moved in, boxes thrown away and more shit than we knew what do with.

"We can have a yard sale?" Bella suggested one night as we ate pizza around the coffee table since the dining room was covered in all of Bella's dishes and appliances.

"Mama! You can't sell the yard!" Masen cried, then laughed at his own joke.

"You're so goofy." Bella laughed. "I'm sure we'll figure out something to do with all of our stuff."

"We can give it away." Masen shrugged and took a huge bite of his pizza.

"Really? Give all of your toys away?" I asked with raised eyebrows.

"Well, not _all_ of them." He rolled his eyes and I chuckled. He was so predictable.

We cleaned up dinner and piled onto our bed for a movie. Masen was out quickly, snuggled between us with EJ at his feet. It really was amazing how things were beginning to fall into place, how comfortable our relationship was.

The weekend passed fast enough, and soon our bedroom floor was filled with two giant suitcases, another one in Masen's room. Bella made sure we all had enough warm clothes, clean underwear, socks and shoes. She packed our coats and scarves and made sure that everything was organized just so.

Bella really was an excellent mother. Well, mother to Masen and… whatever she was to me. It felt weird calling her my girlfriend. Sometimes I called her my "baby mama" just to see her get pissed. But in all honesty, she was everything to me.

Friend, lover, girlfriend, confidante – all those things. One day she _would_ be my wife. I just didn't know how soon it was going to be. Though something told me our trip would be the turning point.

By the Fourth Bella's house was empty; everything was either in storage or at my place – _our_ place. The transition was easy, like breathing. Waking up to the two of them every morning made me realize that my life had become pretty much perfect.

I wasn't even waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We had a barbeque at our house with our family and a few friends; Angela and Ben, Mike and Jessica, and prepared for the weeks when it would be just the three of us. Haley and Masen ran around with sparklers while Mikey played in a pack-n-play on the back porch. The girls took turns cooing over baby Hannah while the guys watched Emmett and Seth nearly set themselves on fire.

Masen eventually passed out on the couch, and when our tearful goodbyes were said and everyone had left I carried him to his bed. Bella followed me up the stairs and waited for me to put him to bed.

Then I carried her to bed.

xXx

Charlie and Sue drove us to Seattle the next day. Our flight was leaving early and we'd decided on staying in a hotel the night before, rather than having an airport shuttle pick us up. We took Masen to the aquarium and had lunch before they dropped us off at our hotel.

"You be good, you hear me?" Sue knelt in front of Masen with tears in her dark eyes.

"I will. Will you take good care of EJ for me? And Jake? But remember that they can't be in the same room."

"You know I will." She smiled.

"I love you, Nana." He hugged her tightly and she let out a deep, shuddering breath.

"I love you too, baby." She kissed his cheek and then held Bella for a long time whispering things to her. Bella only nodded and let her tears flow freely.

"You be sure you see lots of stuff and tell you old Pop about all of it when you get back, okay? Take a picture of a kangaroo or something." Charlie had picked Masen up and was holding him against his chest.

"And a crocodile?" Masen whispered into Charlie's shirt.

"You better. I love you, kiddo." Charlie kissed Masen's hair and set him down. "I'm trusting you with them, Edward." He stood in front of me.

"I know, sir."

"Good. I'm glad that's clear. Now, don't pull any funny business while you're over there, understand?"

"Yes, sir." I swallowed loudly. He smiled and stepped toward me then embraced me in a tight hug. I hadn't hugged Charlie since I was a kid.

"I love you, kid. You've grown into a good man," he whispered before he released me. I couldn't respond to him because soon Sue was telling me the same thing, only that I needed to take care of Bella and Masen. Before we knew it there was just the three of us, standing alone in the hotel lobby with crying eyes and breaking hearts.

We spent the rest of the night in the hotel going over checklists and making sure we had everything we needed. Bella and Masen were soon curled up in the middle of the king sized bed while I finished sending a few emails.

"Come to bed, baby," Bella whispered, her voice thick with sleep.

"I will. One more minute," I told her. I tried to be quiet with my typing but soon her arms were wrapped around me from behind and her lips were pressed to the back of my neck.

"C'mon. Tomorrow's a big day." I turned my face to the side and she met my lips softly.

"Thank you. For coming with me." I ran a hand through her hair and kissed her again.

"Where else would I be?" she whispered against my mouth.

"Let's go to bed." I let her lead me across the room where we crawled in on opposite sides. I slipped my arm over Masen's head and Bella lay over it, pulling our son closer.

"Love you," Bella said into the darkness.

I smiled. "I love you."

We were up before the sun the next morning, dressing while still half asleep, dragging luggage, and carrying a sleepy boy. Thankfully we didn't have to wait too long to board our flight, and even better than that – Masen slept for the first three hours of the flight. Of course, he was cranky when he woke up but, that was nothing a snack and a video game couldn't fix. Bella had pulled out all the stops when it came to packing entertainment for Masen. Coloring books, DVDs, video games, snacks – hopefully it kept him entertained for the twenty hour flight.

He did surprisingly well, napping on and off and with minimal whining. Our only layover was in LA and we enjoyed stretching our legs for the brief time we were on the ground. Bella had fallen asleep just as we were coming into Sydney and I decided against waking her up. I figured she would see everything eventually and she looked so peaceful with Masen leaning against her that I didn't have the heart to wake her.

"We're here," I whispered as the plane started to descend. She stirred slightly, then sat up straight, smiling at me. Bella looked out the window and I heard her sigh.

"It's so beautiful."

"Can you see Nemo?" Masen asked sleepily.

xXx

A rental car was waiting for us and I drove to the apartment Mr. Morgan had promised us just outside the business district of Sydney. Showers and naps were the first thing on our agenda, then shopping. I had the next day off as well and planned to show Bella a few things I knew she and Masen would enjoy doing while I was working. I didn't want them to be stuck inside the apartment the entire time we were there.

Bella and I decided that she would use the car and I would take the train to work. It would be safer for her and Masen to drive around rather than to wander around the town aimlessly. We took a little tour of the city the next day all bundled up for the cool weather. We visited Martin Place and some of the more historical sights that surrounded the area. I promised Masen a trip to the Royal Botanic Gardens in a few weeks.

I pointed out all of the different architecture and watched my family pretend to be enthusiastic. They really were kind of perfect.

After lunch I drove them by the hospital I had been working on. The progress they'd made was amazing, with only a few minor details and snags to work out. Since I had been the main architect on the design they needed me to fill in while David (the project manager) was out sick. He had apparently had a mild heart attack.

"Daddy, why is there a hospital just for kids?" Masen asked that night at dinner. I looked at Bella and she shrugged.

"Well, sometimes kids get sick, too. And – it's better if they are around other kids who are sick so they don't get too sad about it."

"Do they get better?"

"Sometimes," I told him.

"What if they don't get better?" he asked, completely innocent and curious.

"Well then, uh…" I silently pled with Bella to help me out.

"Then they stay there until they do," she explained. "Finish your dinner and we'll have ice cream."

"Can I go with you to work one day?" He ignored Bella's instructions and turned to me with big, hopeful eyes.

"Maybe, buddy," I told him, hoping that he would forget one day. I didn't want him anywhere near the hospital. There are some things that children should never, ever have to witness.

xXx

"This is where you used to work?" Masen asked as we rode the elevator to the floor where my office was located.

"Yes." I smiled down at him but he frowned.

"It's a lot bigger than where you work now."

"Well, they are a little more important here than I am." I laughed.

"I think you're important." He grinned up at me and grabbed my hand in his. Bella was quiet as she listened to our exchange, no doubt thinking what I was. This was the place that had taken me away in the first place. I kissed her cheek softly just as the doors opened on our floor and she smiled and took Masen's free hand.

Gianna, the front desk secretary stared wide-eyed as we walk past her. I gave her a small wave and groaned inwardly. Surely not everyone would react by staring like she did. As usual, I was wrong. I could feel everyone's gaze as I made my way through the maze of desks and work tables until I finally reached my old one.

"Look what the cat dragged in." I heard the familiar voice of my work-neighbor and grinned.

"How you doing, old man?" I hugged Larry and grinned.

"Good, good. Not that same without you, that's for sure. How long you here for?"

"A few weeks. I'm helping to cover the children's hospital," I explained to him and he nodded then looked at my side where Masen was clinging to my leg.

"Well, I'll be stuffed." He knelt down in front of Masen who looked warily up at me.

"Hello," Masen whispered into my pant leg.

"You've got a little doppelganger, eh?"

"This is Masen. And Bella." I gestured to both of them and Larry grinned widely.

"It's nice to meet you both. You've got a good man here." He shook Bella's hand and she smiled.

"I think so, too." She let go of his hand and slipped her arm around my waist. I felt myself blush as the two of them continued to make small talk about our flight and things that we'd seen so far. Masen tugged on my pant leg impatiently.

"I have to go potty," he whispered not so quietly.

"I'll take him." Bella held out her hand to him and I pointed her toward the restroom.

"Nice looking family you've got there, son." Larry patted me on the shoulder and I felt myself grin.

"I think so." I nodded and told him I'd see him around as I made my way through the rest of the people.

"Edward?" The familiar voice made me cringe. This was _so_ not the time to run into an ex-girlfriend.

"Hey, Kate." I smiled politely and she hugged me tightly (and a bit inappropriately).

"I heard you were coming back. I was devastated when you left, you know?"

"I'm sorry. I had some things to take care of in Washington."

"Well, are you back for good?" she asked with an unusual gleam in her eyes.

"Er, no. Just covering for David," I explained and she frowned and brushed her hair away from her face. I noticed that her engagement ring was gone.

"How's Garrett?" I asked and she rolled her eyes.

"He can't figure out what he wants," she said as she touched my arm softly. I shuddered, mostly from disgust at the look on her face.

"Daddy, there are no paper towels in the bathroom and that dryer thing was loud and scary." Masen chose that moment to wipe his soaking wet hands on the side of my pants. I silently thanked God for intrusive little boys everywhere.

"Holy shit!" Kate exclaimed. Masen stopped wiping his hands on my pants and looked up at her with wide eyes.

"You said a bad word," he admonished her, and I fought the urge to laugh. "Mama sometimes says that Uncle Seth should have his mouth washed out with soap when he says bad words," he told Kate solemnly as she watched him with her mouth slightly open.

"Uhh…" Kate looked from me to Masen and back a few times before focusing on something over my shoulder. Bella walked swiftly to us, her cheeks flushed pink, making her incredibly beautiful.

"There you are you, little weasel." She bent down with a handful of paper towels and then frowned up at me. "I see you've already dried your hands." I laughed softly and lifted Masen into my arms, then turned back to Kate.

"Oh, how rude of me! I'm Bella and this is Masen, you must be a friend of Edward's…" Bella turned on a smile and held her hand out to Kate. Damn, she was smart.

"Kate. It's nice to meet you." Kate shook Bella's hand and glanced at me with a raised eyebrow. "Yes, I know Edward _very_ well." Kate smiled and I felt my face heat up. If my hands were free I would have probably attempted to strangle her or at least cover her mouth to shut her up.

Bella simply laughed politely and leaned into my side.

"Is your dad free?" I asked eager to break the tension.

"He's in his office." Kate sniffed, gave Bella the once over and stalked away.

"She's nice." Bella smiled up at me and I rolled my eyes.

Introductions with Mr. Morgan went much smoother than they did with Kate. He was very taken with both Bella and Masen and made sure to tell them about all the things there were to see during our stay.

I started work and fell quickly back into the routine I'd left behind. Only at the end of the day I got to go home to my girl and my son.

We Skyped weekly with the family; sometimes all of them would cram behind the computer at the same time, others we would call them individually. Emmett informed us during the third week of our trip that a bid had been made on their house. He'd also said that he and Rosalie were going to start 'practicing making a baby'. Bella and I spent thirty minutes explaining that one to our son after the call.

My work was coming along smoothly; we were almost ahead of schedule. It was going to take exactly six weeks to finish the hospital. I still had not let Masen nor Bella come to visit the site. On days I spent at the office we would have lunch and they would pick me up afterwards. I didn't want them, either of them, to have to witness the sadness or sick children.

On the day the project wrapped I asked Larry if he and his wife would watch Masen so I could celebrate with Bella. Masen was ecstatic, having met and enjoyed spending time with Larry during his visits to my office. He gave us a casual wave as he ran inside Larry's house, and the old man simply laughed and bid us goodnight.

Bella and I had dinner then took a ferry around the Sydney Harbour. The Sydney Opera House was lit up and Bella watched in awe as we went past it. She leaned against the railing of the boat wrapped up in her coat with a smile on her face. As I watched her I couldn't help thinking how amazing the past few weeks had been. We missed our family terribly but enjoyed our time alone so very much.

"It's so beautiful." Her whisper drew me back to the present.

"Yeah," I replied not taking my eyes off of her.

"You're so corny." She snorted and moved toward me. I pulled her back against me and rested my head on her shoulder. The cold wind whipped through our hair and we held each other close.

"You love it," I whispered and pressed my lips to her cheek.

"I do. So much," she returned. We were quiet for a long moment until she spoke again, her words startling me. "I want to change Masen's name."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. He should have your name." I felt her nod against me.

"Okay. First thing when we get back." I agreed and rested my chin on the top of her head. I felt her take a deep, shuddery breath and I held her closer hoping she wasn't too cold.

"I want to change my name, too," she said so low I might have imagined it.

"What?" I breathed the word and she turned in my arms.

"Marry me, Edward. Today, tomorrow, yesterday, next week. I don't care. Marry me. Let's make our family official. Rings, last names, everything." She looked up at me with big, happy eyes and there was no way I could resist.

"I – you stole my job!" I accused her with my arms wrapped tightly around her. She laughed loudly and threw her arms around my neck. I kissed her softly and lifted her off the ground briefly.

"I'm sorry!" she cried and I set her down and stuck my hand in my pocket.

"I found something, in one of your boxes," I explained as I pulled my hand out and took hers in mine. "I wanted to get you something before we left but I didn't have time so… so I brought this." I held out what was in my hand while I continued to hold hers. Her eyes filled with tears as she focused on the item between my fingers. She nodded an answer to my unspoken question because she knew what I wanted, she'd already asked me.

I slipped the ring on her finger, diamonds and sapphires wrapped in pale white gold. The first gift I'd even given her, the first token of my feelings. Her arms were around my neck again and her lips were pressed to mine.

"Is that a yes?" I asked as she pulled away.

"Did you ask a question?" she said slyly.

"Marry me, Bella? Be my wife. Make more babies with me. Let me drive you crazy. Let me make love to you every day. Let me love you for as long as I live." I took her face between my hands and watched her laugh through her tears. No, my proposal wasn't perfect and neither was hers. But what did that matter?

"Yes." Her answer resounded in my head as I kissed her again, over and over until we were breathless and leaning against the railing of the boat. People around us applauded and we laughed quietly with each other. It didn't matter to us who saw. We were happy and while it didn't happen perfectly, we didn't care.

Life wasn't perfect, that we knew for sure. It had taken us years to get to where we were, hurt and anger consuming us for so long that we embraced any bit of happiness that came our way. At that moment, wrapped up in each other's arms as we finally tied our future together, happiness was all we knew.

We had overcome our insecurities and worked through the secrets and lies that had kept us apart for so long. Bella and I focused on the one thing that we'd done right, and in turn we'd been able to do everything right. Masen brought our family together; he brought me home and, through his innocence and love, he healed wounds that we thought had been too deep to ever disappear.

I kissed Bella again, then brought her left hand to my lips and kissed the ring I'd just placed there. Things weren't going to be easy, but we would be okay.

We had our family.

We had Masen.

And we had each other.

We'd be tied together - through thick and thin, rich or poor, in sickness or in health.

We would always have each other.

And that was how it had always been meant to be.


	32. Epilogue: The Ties That Bind

**Disclaimer: Steph owns. **

**A/N: This is it guys. I can't thank you all enough for reading, reccing, reviewing. Even if it was a little tweet or smiley face. I never in a million years thought that people would actually like a little idea that came from my crazy head. I love these characters and it's hard to let them go.**

**I plan on doing some outtakes so you can put me on Author Alert if you are interested. I can't let them go completely. **

**Thank you so much to killerlashes for, first and foremost, introducing me to the Twilight Saga. Thank you to messynachos for introducing me to fanfic. I can't tell you how much I love and appreciate everything the two of you have done over the past year. **

**Until next time.**

**XOXO**

**Ash**

* * *

Epilogue – The Ties That Bind

Six inches of snow covered the ground at the old church on a cold day in December. The sun was peeking out from behind the clouds, a good omen, Sue had said.

"Breathe, baby." Sue set her hands on my shoulders as I sat in front of a small vanity mirror at the church.

"I'm breathing. Aren't I?" I asked worriedly.

"Well, you're rambling so that means you're breathing." Rosalie smirked down at me. "Now, hold still." She said as she twisted a braid on my head and pinned it in place. I put a hand on the little bump under her dress and gently pushed her.

"Get that thing outta my face," I teased.

"Don't talk to your niece that way," Rosalie said with a smile. Ever since they'd found out they were having a girl Emmett had been in full-on freak out mode. He was a guy, he knew guy stuff. He was scared to death. What Emmett didn't realize was that he had always been the best big brother to me and I knew for a fact that he would be an excellent father to a little girl. I'd already been giving her lessons on how to wrap him around her little finger.

"Sorry, Little Bella," I whispered to the bump and Rose laughed.

"Don't tell Emmett that. He's very set on his choice of names."

"Rose, I don't care how much he loves Harry Potter, you can't let him name the baby Hermione. It's just wrong." Leah strode into the room, looking stunning in her gold dress.

"He's your brother," Rose snorted and placed my final braid up before situating my veil on my head.

"Not by blood, thank _God_." Leah rolled her eyes and picked up my bouquet. "Now, are you ready to become _Mrs. Cullen_?"

"Since I was 17." I smiled and Leah rolled her eyes.

"Well, it took you long enough to get here." She handed me my flowers and smirked.

"Hush you," I teased her, expecting another smart remark from her. But when I looked into her dark eyes all I saw were tears. "Lee-Lee," I whispered and she shook her head. I set my flowers down and pulled her to me.

"I'm just so happy for you," she sniffed as she hugged me.

"Thank you," I said as my eyes began to prick with hot tears.

"Stop crying, you'll mess up your makeup!" Rosalie cried and we broke apart and turned to her. Tears were streaming down her face and Sue had a comforting arm wrapped around her shoulders. The four us of laughed and hugged each other until Alice came in.

"Are you ready – Oh! Did I miss the crying? Dammit!" she yelled and stomped her foot. "That's what I get for being the stupid groom's sister," she grumbled and we laughed again. Alice had graciously taken the job of wedding planner and Rosalie was going to stand beside me as my Matron of Honor.

"Let's get this show on the road; I've been waiting a long time for this." Esme's voice filled the small room where we were all gathered. "You're going to knock him off his feet, my beautiful girl."

"That's the plan." I smiled at my future mother-in-law.

"Shall we?" Sue held the door open and we walked out, Alice and Leah holding the train to my dress up so I wouldn't trip, the white ballet flats on my feet showing from beneath it. My dad and brothers stood waiting just outside the door; all of their faces broke into grins when I walked out.

"You're beautiful, Izzy." Seth kissed my cheek. "I've gotta go make sure the groom didn't run away." He winked and I smacked him lightly in the shoulder.

"Congrats, baby girl," Emmett whispered and kissed my cheek before walking away. I rolled my eyes, knowing that he was happy for me but also that he didn't want to ruin his tough-guy rep by crying.

"Okay, we need to get into place," Alice said as she positioned everyone in line. Esme left and returned quickly with Masen in tow, looking adorable in his tuxedo.

"Wow," he whispered when he saw me. I carefully knelt down, pulling my silk gown up so as not to wrinkle it.

"How do I look?"

"Beautiful, Mama." He kissed my cheek and I straightened his tie.

"Let's go get married, then." I stood and took his hand as my dad handed me my flowers. I let go of Masen once it was Leah's turn to walk down the aisle and linked my arm through my father's.

"We can always sneak out the back door," my dad whispered and I laughed quietly.

"Thanks, Dad. I think I'm okay though."

"Just let me know if you change your mind." He squeezed my hand as the music started and everyone in the church stood.

"Too late now." I grinned at him as we took our first step into the sanctuary. I could feel their eyes on me but I couldn't register any of their faces. I could only see Edward.

There, at the end of the aisle, he stood looking breathtakingly handsome in his classic black tux. I could hardly register the faces that stood behind him – Emmett, Jasper, Seth. It was the one that stood in front that stole my heart. Both of my boys stood there waiting for me. By the time I reached Edward my tears were flowing freely. He held out his hand, and my dad placed mine in Edward's, squeezing them both softly before he took his place beside Sue.

I could hardly register the words that the minister said, the words that Edward and I both echoed so willingly. Tears filled his emerald eyes as he said the words that tied us together forever.

"I do."

I could hardly choke out my response before his hands were on my face and the minister pronounced us husband and wife.

"I love you." His words were soft against my lips.

"I love you," I whispered before pressing my lips to his. Behind us my brother cleared his throat and the church erupted into applause when we broke apart. Edward pulled Masen into his arms and I leaned over and kissed his cheek and wrapped my arms around them.

I didn't think it was possible to feel so much happiness.

xXx

"Edward!" I cried, swatting at his hands.

"Stop fighting me, woman!" he yelled as I took off toward the front steps of our home. The concrete was cold and slippery beneath my bare feet and my coat slipped off my shoulders exposing my skin and the thin silk of my dress. I stood on the steps and watched as the limo drove away and my husband stalked toward me.

_My husband._

"Bella. It's tradition, dammit." He held his hands out and I went to him willingly.

"Fine," I said, giving in with good grace as I slipped my arms around his neck. He slipped one arm behind my back and the other lifted my feet off the ground. I placed a kiss beneath his ear as he opened our front door and then carried me over the threshold, then up the stairs and to our bedroom. Candles had been lit and champagne poured. Edward set me on my feet and took only my hand as we took in our surroundings. A beautiful white down comforter and white sheets covered our bed. Thankfully, there were no rose petals.

"Champagne?" Edward asked as he slipped off my coat and kissed my neck.

"Yes, please." I kissed the palm of his hand before he handed me a glass.

"To you, Mrs. Cullen." Edward touched his glass to mine. I sipped from mine, then took both of ours and set them back on the table.

My hands slipped over Edward's crisp, white shirt, then up to his shoulders, and he helped me remove his jacket before he kissed me softly. I undid the tie at his neck that had been loosened hours earlier and worked my way down the buttons while his hands roved up and down my body, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Edward kissed me again while he slid down the zipper on my dress. He slipped it from my shoulders until the silk puddled in a pool at my feet.

"Since when do you not wear underwear?" he asked as his hands cupped my ass and pulled me against him.

"No lines," I gasped and tangled my hands in his hair. I pulled his mouth to mine and then continued to undress him, slipping off his shirt and then undoing his belt and pants until they joined my dress on the floor.

"We should probably hang that up." He gestured to my dress and ran my hands down his chest.

"Later," I said as I pulled his undershirt over his head. He agreed and gently slipped his arms under me, lifting me into his arms and setting me down on our bed. I pulled him on top of me, bringing him between my legs and wrapping my arms around him. His lips covered my skin in hot, wet kisses while his fingers explored my body. They moved over my breasts, down my side, across my hips… I arched against him and brought his mouth to mine when his fingers found me.

My hips rocked with his movements until I was gasping for breath and tugging at his hair. He stood and I helped him removed his boxers then I placed a kiss on the words tattooed over his heart before pulling him back to me.

"_What does that mean again?" I asked as he toweled himself off. _

"_D__eus est meus sacramentum." The words fell from his lips and I wanted to push him back into the shower and up against the tile wall… again. _

"_But what does _that_ mean?"_

"_God is my oath. Don't you listen, woman?"he teased and dug his fingers into my rib cage. _

"_Of course I do, I'm just confused as to why exactly you have those words tattooed on your skin for all eternity, sweetheart." I patted his cheek and he rolled his eyes. _

"_Isabella," he said and I frowned slightly. _

"_What?" I asked, giving him a confused look._

"Isabella," _he said again and looked at me with the look he sometimes gave Masen when he was trying to explain something. _

"_What the hell, Edward? Just tell me!" I threw my hands up in the air, causing my towel to fall down. He stared at me for a moment before taking my hand and placing it over the words, over his heart. _

"_D__eus est meus sacramentum translated into English means 'God is my oath' which, in turn is the meaning of the word _Isabella_, which, if I'm correct – is your name." _

_I stared at him with big, sappy eyes until I pulled him to me and kissed him hard. _

_We didn't make it back into the shower._

"I love you, husband," I whispered as he filled me completely and rested his forehead against mine.

"I love you more, wife." His breath was warm on my face, eyes glinting with love and lust and everything that we were feeling.

"Impossible," I breathed as he moved inside of me.

He kissed me then and soon the argument was forgotten as we clung to each other in the darkness of our bedroom, the only sounds our breathing and our skin as we moved together. We collapsed together, exhausted from the long day, and dreamt of the exotic place we'd soon be visiting.

xXx

One Year Later

"Anybody home?" I called as I closed the front door behind me.

"In here!" a little voice answered. I smiled and followed it into the dining room.

"Hey guys." I kissed Masen's head and ruffled Haley's blond curls before setting my stuff down on the table. "What's going on?"

"Math homework," Haley grumbled.

"It's not so bad." Masen shrugged and continued working on his paper.

"It's boring. Daddy always just uses a calculator." She pulled at a stray strand of hair and I laughed. That sounded like Mike.

"Calculators are helpful." I glanced at the paper and tried not to roll my eyes. Two digit addition. First grade was easy. "Where's your mom?" I asked as I grabbed a snack for the kids.

"She's upstairs staring at stuff." Masen answered, taking a handful of Goldfish.

"Staring at stuff?" I asked him and they both looked up at me, exasperated.

"She kept saying 'Where will I put it'," Haley explained as if it were the simplest thing ever.

"Put what?" I questioned.

"I don't know, Mr. Edward." The little girl shrugged and I tried not to be frustrated with them. Friggin' six year olds.

"Fine. Finish your homework and you guys can help make dinner," I told them before heading upstairs looking for my wife. "Izzy?" I called when reached the second floor.

"Up here." Her voice was quiet. It sounded like she'd been crying. When I reached the landing on the third floor I found her sitting on the floor against Masen's bedroom door doing exactly as he said. She was staring at things, mainly the door to the guest room.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I took a seat beside her.

"Thinking." She frowned and turned to me. I was right. Tears were rolling freely down her cheeks.

"About?"

"Stuff," she said as her eyes raked over my face and hair.

"Care to elaborate?" I tried not to laugh. She reached out and touched my lips softly and then kissed me.

"I just need to know where I'm going to put it," she whispered as she pulled away and leaned against the door again.

"Put what? You're freaking me out, Iz." I took her face in my hands and pulled her to me, forcing her to look at me.

"What?" she asked, startled.

"What do you need to put somewhere?" I brushed her tears away with my thumbs and kissed her forehead, surreptitiously checking to see if she had a fever. Maybe she was delusional.

"The baby, silly. I need to know where to put the baby. When it gets here of course. There's really no use in making a decision now, it is _way_ too early to even be talking about it and..." She rambled on, not catching my confused look, but _fuck,_ was I confused.

"What… what baby?" I asked and her eyes finally focused on mine. They crinkled at the corners as a huge smile spread across her tearstained face.

"_Our_ baby."

"He's downstairs. He has a room," I whispered though I knew full well what she meant. Maybe I was wrong, though. I didn't want to be wrong. I wanted to be right. We weren't trying but… we kind of were.

Bella removed one of my hands from her face and guided it to her stomach, flat and smooth, nothing there.

Except that – there was.

"This baby, you silly boy."

"This baby?" I asked and lifted her shirt up so I could see her stomach. "This little, tiny thing?" I drew a little heart on her skin.

"Yes." She giggled under my cold hands.

"Right here." I kissed a spot below her belly button and she ran a hand through my hair.

"Uh huh," Bella whispered and then I was on my knees in front of her.

"Here?" I asked before pressed my mouth to her skin again, but instead of kissing her I blew a raspberry on her exposed stomach.

"Yes!" She shrieked with laughter until I pulled her into my lap and kissed her.

"I put a baby in there?"

"_We_ put a baby in there," she said against my mouth.

"I did most of the work."

"It's my egg!"

"I fertilized it." I grinned and she buried her head in my shoulder.

"Gross, Edward. I'm the one who has to grow it."

"You grow good babies," I whispered into her ear.

"You make good babies," she whispered back.

"_We_ make good babies," I corrected her.

"Yeah, we do. Speaking of which…" She looked at me meaningfully. "We should probably tell that baby downstairs about this baby in here."

I grinned. "Especially since we didn't ask his permission first."

xXx

"Are you sure this is it?" Edward asked for what felt like the seventeenth time.

"Have you ever had a baby, Edward?" I nearly yelled as I gripped his hand tightly.

"Well, no but – I just want to -"

"Take me to the hospital!" That time I did yell, but my husband finally complied. It was just after three on a cold November morning. I didn't remember much after that because there were complications and I was rushed to emergency surgery. Edward was with me the whole time, whispering words by my ear and keeping my forehead cool. He kissed my face and held my hand and when tears streamed from his eyes I knew our little girl had finally made her entrance.

He kissed me quickly and then disappeared. I reached for him, needing to know about my daughter, needing him by my side. I wanted her in my arms, to see her face and argue with Edward about who she looked like. My husband, of course, granted me my demands. I smiled as he walked toward me, a tiny bundle in his arms. He laid her on my chest and rested his head next to mine. Big brown eyes stared up at me and I knew at once that I would always win the argument. Thick brown curls covered her head and her little pink lips opened and closed like a little fish. We laughed as we watched her, and then we cried. We cried for the moments we'd lost with Masen, for the people who couldn't be here to witness this joyous day. We cried out of pure, unadulterated love for the baby girl in my arms.

"Welcome to the world, Elizabeth Renee," I whispered and pressed my lips to the top of her head.

"Welcome home, Libby." Edward's hand gently touched our daughter's face before he kissed me softly. "Thank you."

"I love you so much." I ran my hand over his face and he rested his forehead against mine.

Once I was moved to my recovery room our family came to greet us and meet Libby, but my eyes were only for my little boy. He walked tentatively to me, almost scared. I held my hand out to him and he took it, standing silently at the edge of my bed.

"Hi, my beautiful boy." I pulled him a little closer.

"Are you okay?" Masen whispered with his face close to mine.

"I'm perfect, baby. Don't worry about me. Did you meet your sister?" I brushed his hair away and he smiled so like his father.

"She's pretty. She looks like you."

"Don't tell your dad that," I whispered and he laughed.

"I heard that," Edward joked accusingly as he sat down on the edge of my bed with Libby in his arms. I smiled at my husband as I pulled my son closer to me and basked in the glow of my little family.

xXx

"Edward, this place is gorgeous!" I sighed as my husband led me up another flight of stairs of the house we were visiting. It truly was a remarkable home. And brand new, just on the outskirts of Seattle where his new firm would be.

Making the move to Seattle was a tough decision, but Edward's firm would thrive better in a big city. I'd applied for a position at WSU and was waiting patiently for an answer. It wasn't a problem if I didn't get it; I would be more than happy to stay home with Libby. Edward had still encouraged me to take the job though, knowing that I would probably go stir-crazy not teaching.

"You like it?" he asked, his green eyes sparkling. I was momentarily rendered speechless by the way the light that came through the bare windows caught the bronze in his hair. And, of course, by the way he expertly held our daughter in his arms. Her head of curly brown hair rested against his shoulder, a chubby hand in her mouth. She had grown so much in the six months since her birth; she was alert and observant and already itching to play with her cousins.

"I do, but there were so many great ones already…" I trailed off. This house was beautiful, but it was so big and so, _so_ expensive.

"Mom!" Masen came skidding to a stop on the landing in front of us. "This house is awesome! Can we move in like, tomorrow?"

"I know you like it baby, but… Daddy and I have to talk about it," I told him and he frowned up at his father.

"But you worked really hard -" Masen started to say before Edward pulled him to his side, and clapping a hand over his mouth to muffle Masen's voice. "DAD!"

"Masen," Edward said softly but stern enough that Masen knew not to argue, "Why don't you go look at the bedrooms on the second floor. Pick your favorite, okay?" Masen nodded and went without another word.

"Why would you tell him that?" I asked, almost exasperated. "Edward, this is something serious we need to discuss together. You shouldn't get his hopes up like that!" I would have finished by smacking him on the shoulder, but Libby had fallen asleep and I didn't dare disturb her.

"Come with me," he shifted the baby and took my hand. I followed reluctantly into the most beautiful master bedroom I'd ever seen. It took up nearly the entire back of the house with floor to ceiling windows and a balcony that spanned the entire length of the room.

It was so beautiful I forgot I was angry. I dropped his hand and stepped to open the French doors. The view of the backyard was beautiful, there was already a wooden swing set and patio furniture set up there.

"Can we afford this?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.

"Izzy," his whispered and pulled me to his side. I melted into him, smoothing Libby's unruly curls as she drooled and snored softly into her father's t-shirt. I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined us just a short time ago, skirting around our feelings and keeping things from each other. Edward's warm lips on my forehead brought me back to the beautiful room in the beautiful house we were standing in.

"No we can't afford it…" he said and I sighed sadly. It really was perfect. "But - I mean… There's really no reason to buy it twice, is there?"

"You already bought it?" I rested my chin on his shoulder, daring myself not to smile.

"Well, not really." He shifted uncomfortably away from me; the hand that was wrapped about my waist went to rub Libby's back softly.

"Mom," Masen leaned against the door, an exasperated look on his face. "Don't you get it?"

"What are you talking about?" I glared between the two of them. My evil, evil boys. "What's the secret I don't know about?"

"I -" Edward started, but Masen interrupted.

"He built it, can't you tell?" my son cried, throwing his hands up in the air.

"You – you built this?" I gasped and put my hand to the wall. Dirty thoughts of my sweaty, filthy husband wearing a tool belt filled my mind before I came to terms with the actual way Edward 'built' things. And then so many things made sense. There were the quiet, whispered conversations from his office that I'd overhead. The late nights and working on weekends. Everything fell into place in my brain and I stared at him, speechless again.

"This is… yours?" I asked tentatively.

"Technically, it's ours," he smiled slightly. I crossed the few feet between us and placed my hands on either side of his face then kissed him fiercely.

"You are a brilliant, beautiful man," I whispered against his lips. He laughed and kissed me again, an exuberant smile on his face.

"Does that mean we get to move in finally?" Masen asked loudly, still perched against the door.

"Of course!" I picked him up and spun him around planting messy kisses on his adorable face. "I can't believe you kept this a secret!"

"You wouldn't believe what that cost me." Edward rolled his eyes and Masen laughed loudly.

I lived for the days like this, where life seemed to good to be true.

xXx

Five Years Later

"Ow! Dammit!" There was a crash and then my son's voice.

"Masen Charles!" I yelled from the hallway.

"Sorry, Dad," he muttered. "I dropped the table."

"Just… don't let your mother hear." I tried not to laugh as I helped him carry the folding table to our backyard.

"She's upstairs with Josh anyways, she can't hear me over his screaming." He grinned and I ruffled his hair as I went back inside. I nearly tripped over a ball of fur laid up on the rug in the kitchen. EJ may be old but he was still trouble.

Joshua wasn't _completely_ an accident, though with Masen in middle school and Libby getting ready to start kindergarten we weren't exactly planning on another baby.

While Masen was turning into a fairly responsibly pre-teen, Libby was slowly coming out of her 'princess' stage; growing up with Masen as a big brother had spoiled her greatly. Being a big sister had helped bring her away from her diva ways.

Joshua was probably the most difficult of our children. His light brown curls and big green eyes got him nearly everything he wanted, from his grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. Being the baby of the entire family didn't help much either.

Hardly a year after Emmett and Rosalie's daughter Emma (Rose blatantly refused Emmett's first choice of names and he settled on naming his daughter after the _actress_ who played Hermione) was born they were bringing Harrison home from the hospital. How Emmett talked Rosalie into naming their son that was beyond me. That woman was a saint.

Alice and Jasper went through with their adoption plans and welcomed a little boy named Logan into their home. He was nearly a year old when he came to them, all blond curls and big gray eyes. You could hardly tell he wasn't their blood. Two months later Alice discovered she was pregnant. If someone had told me that my sister would be the mother of two dirty little boys I would have had them committed. But she was, and Logan and Aiden quickly because my sister's heart and soul. She camped and fished with them all while maintaining her clothing line of high end designs for low end prices.

We were still waiting on Seth and Leah to bring someone home who we deemed worthy. Leah was undoubtedly married to her career and Seth was having too much fun at Stanford to commit to anything but football and his studies.

Soon they would all be at our home in Seattle to celebrate Charlie and Sue's anniversary. Life had nearly have to a screeching halt a year or so after Libby was born. I got the call and rushed from a work site to pull Bella out of a lecture. Charlie had had a heart attack. It was mild but worried us all, to say the least. He agreed to take things slower, to enjoy life at a different pace. It was, no doubt, the many grandchildren that surrounded him that changed his mind.

Masen was the first, but definitely not the last to steal his heart and Charlie decided he should keep his heart a bit healthier if he wanted to watch them grow up. He and Sue loved and cared for Alice and Jasper's boys like they were there own; Christmas and birthday gifts, any little thing was showered upon them just as it was the others.

So, that's how we found the entire family at our house to celebrate them. My parents had moved back to the states shortly after Libby was born. My father decided it was time to retire and spend more time with his wife. Mom agreed wholeheartedly and had taken to dragging him all over Washington to different flea markets and antique shops. I'd never seen him happier.

Three blond heads followed by flowing brown curls nearly knocked me down as Emma, Logan, and Aiden ran by me. I pulled the last one into my arms, my sweet little girl, and kissed her loudly.

"Daddy!" she giggled and tried to worm herself out of my arms. "Let me go!"

"Never!" I cried and hugged her tighter.

"You hafta! Masen is hiding and the first one to find him gets five dollars! And I know where he is!" She put her hands on my face and I laughed. Of course she knew where he was. Libby knew her big brother like the back of her hand.

"Will you split it with me?" I asked her seriously.

"Only if you put me down," she frowned. I quickly obliged and she ran off behind the others. Emmett came up behind me with Harrison following him like a little shadow, brown curls hung over his face and his dimples seemingly stuck permanently on his face.

"Uncle Edward? When can we have cake?" Harrison asked from beside me as he rubbed his belly. Emmett and I laughed. He couldn't be more like his father.

"After Pop and Nana get here," I explained to him as Bella joined us outside. Joshua's head rested on her shoulder, his little lips moving his pacifier in and out of his mouth. I held my arms out and he came to me, wrapping his arms around my neck and burying his face in my shirt. I kissed his hair and he gave a little shudder, an after effect from his crying.

Bella bit her lip as she watched him. Though I hadn't been there when Masen was a baby I knew that he had not been this difficult. Libby was nearly perfect. Joshua was a challenge for both of us.

"He'll be fine, Iz," Emmett reassured her. "Harry was the same way."

"What was I?" Harrison looked up at his father.

"A big crybaby," Emmett explained and Harrison stuck his tongue out at him.

"Harrison Edward Swan!" Rosalie's voice came from behind us and Harrison's eyes widened.

"Full name, buddy. You better go." Emmett nodded to the back yard and Harrison took off running.

"Stop teaching my son such things!" Rose slapped Emmett's shoulder. He winced and then wrapped an arm around her.

"I can't help it, babe. I'm an idiot," he said and she laughed.

"So true," Jasper said as he and Alice joined us outside with a tray full of drinks. We all nodded in agreement.

"Have you seen Masen? We can't find him _anywhere._" Emma came up the steps, blond hair bouncing around her shoulders.

"Nope. Sorry guys," I told them as I shifted Joshua in my arms and took Bella's hand. I knew exactly where he was. I pulled my wife through the house and out the front door and took a seat on the old wooden swing we'd hung. She cocked an eyebrow at me but didn't argue when I tugged her down next to me. "Look." I nodded across the street and she followed my gaze then her face broke into a smile.

Our son sat under a big oak tree in front of a light blue house, with a book in his hand. But that wasn't the thing she was smiling at. Next to him was a young girl with long brown hair listening with rapt attention to whatever he was reading to her.

"Look familiar?" Bella asked as she laid her head on my shoulder and laced her fingers through mine. I kissed her head and smiled as we watched them.

Once upon a time I was that kid, under that tree with a little brown haired girl who'd someday become my wife. She was the mother of my children, the keeper of my heart and soul. She was the one who tied me to the earth when everything went wrong, that kept me grounded when I felt upside-down.

Watching our children grow, learn, and most importantly love was the greatest thing that could have ever happened to us. Each day brought us something new and each moment we grew more madly in love with each other. We knew the decisions that we had made had not always been the best ones, but they'd eventually brought us back to each other.

In the end, that was all that really mattered.


End file.
